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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27208504">Rings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/impatientseamstress/pseuds/impatientseamstress'>impatientseamstress</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Of course I can! It's Vegas! [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Megamind (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alien Cultural Differences, Angst, Damsels in Distress, Eloping, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Himbo Metro Man, I can and will add more tropes as and when they appeal to me, Las Vegas Wedding, Living Together, Married Life, Megamind Month, Mutual Pining, OR IS IT, Roxanne has no idea she's in love with him, Sharing a Bed, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, Tentacle Sex, Undercover as Married, Unresolved Sexual Tension, You and me against the world, all the feelings, damsel is a profession, fic by committee, for now, insurance plays a surprising role in this story, not quite crackfic but close, pining of the loins, sleep migration, snuggles, soft idiots and their stupid hearts, the whole city ships them, this idea kidnapped me and flew me to vegas and married me to this fic, what are they supposed to do about this?, why do all my fics start with Roxanne challenging Megamind?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:41:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>99,988</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27208504</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/impatientseamstress/pseuds/impatientseamstress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxanne Ritchi just wanted her shoes replaced.<br/>Marrying her Supervillain in a surprise Vegas elopement was not part of the plan. It wasn't part of Megamind's plan either... Unfortunately, all of Metro City is way too excited to finally see them together for them to admit the truth. But they can solve this...somehow</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Megamind/Roxanne Ritchi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Of course I can! It's Vegas! [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>345</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Marry You - Bruno Mars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/displacerghost/gifts">displacerghost</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/dalniente/gifts">dalniente</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic was inspired by a discussion on tumblr between myself and dalniente about damsel insurance...then displacerghost said too many nice things and I had to start writing this and frankly things just spiralled from there...this one's for you lovelies</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roxanne Ritchi is really, really bad at being a damsel. She isn't formally endorsed by the Defenders Council, she's not dating the hero, and while the city does subsidise her apartment (nobody wants a supervillain showing up and kidnapping the wrong housemate, there are penalties for that kind of thing) she can't even get damsel insurance for such reasons as:</p><p>a) Damsels must be in some form of relationship with their Hero, which she is not (she and Wayne tried fake dating for a year but it was just too weird) </p><p>b) Damsels cannot publish or report any stories about the hero without approval from the Defenders Council (you can imagine how well that went down for investigative journalist Roxanne Ritchi)</p><p>And c) Damsels cannot form an attachment with the villain </p><p>That last one isn't even relevant thankfully. She and Megamind just have this game of seeing who can get the other to corpse first during the kidnappings which is hugely entertaining and probably why she's stuck with it so long despite the constant wear and tear on her wardrobe.</p><p>There is a very complicated points system.</p><p>But the city seems to like her, and are apparently happy to keep her on even in an unofficial capacity. Its always a trial when a new damsel has to get introduced. There's screaming at the wrong time and no one really knows anyone's schedules yet. Its all just a bit of a mess for about six months so most newbies looking to cash in on the damsel benefits tend to steer clear of Metro City.</p><p>Roxanne has been crowned (unofficial) longest damsel standing for the last three years. Really she doesn't even think of herself as a damsel so much as a frequent kidnapee (Megamind gave her a card once. Eventually he had to call the whole kidnapping off because she kept having giggling fits. Its also the reason he has a twelve hundred point lead in the corpsing game).</p><p>She also has to spend a lot of money on replacing her shoes.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
"I have something for you," Roxanne says the next time she wakes up with a bag on her head.</p><p>Megamind, the incredibly handsome evil genius supervillain, about to launch into his latest villainous monologue, halts his frantic pacing and blinks at her, "You - what?"</p><p>"In my purse, the white envelope." She jerks her head in the direction of the table where Minion leaves her bag each time.</p><p>He folds his arms, "If this is another attempt at softening me up with cat memes to win this week's round Miss Ritchi," he raises an eyebrow "I'll have to remind you that's cheating."</p><p>"Its not."</p><p>Curiously he picks up her bag and slides out the envelope. He looks almost weirdly excited, like the time she snuck him the early copy of the paper some college students had written about his lasers and for a second she feels bad about what she's going to do. But there is a two thousand nine hundred and twelve dollar and thirty seven cents hole in her bank account and she's frankly tired of breaking in a new pair of shoes every month.</p><p>While billing a supervillain for destroyed personal items is a little weird, its not entirely unheard of. Megamind knows she's not actually dating Metro Man so he also knows she can't claim damsel costs from him. And with the IRS auditing her finances and finding she's been claiming things she really wast supposed to, she's a little short on options right now. </p><p>Stupid personal expenses rules.</p><p>"What is?" Megamind slips the letter out and scans it quickly, "Oh." He looks blankly at her then his mouth turns down, "Clothing damages?"</p><p>"Its an itemised list for everything from the last five years" she says promptly, stamping firmly on the tiny part of her that privately regrets making that look come over his face. "Before that I didn't keep any records so you get out of the first two."</p><p>"...right" He looks over the letter again. Its a very thorough list. She had to estimate on a few things, but she has quotes for the replacement shoes and clothes and the occasional bag, and she learned to keep receipts after a couple of years to claim what she could on tax, which, as she has now been sternly advised is basically none of it. She even went through the archive footage from work to double-check each item and learned there's nothing quite like literally charting the cost of being a damsel year by year to give someone a grand fit of self-righteous rage about their life choices.</p><p>She gets kidnapped at least three times more often than any other damsel this side of the country. He could just...ask her out for a coffee or something if he wants to see her that badly as she'd once whined to Wayne.</p><p>And Wayne had looked very confused at that because she's the damsel, she'd not meant to want to hang out with the villain at all. And she'd had to explain that they did talk before the cameras come on most weeks. He'd ask if she'd uncovered any corrupt city scandals and she'd get to meet the new batch of brain-bots who are really more like mechanical puppies than wholesale devastation machines. Except for the ones she'd nicknamed Search and Destroy because they followed her home one day and ate the pair of sandals she'd left on her balcony.</p><p>Wayne had stopped smashing through quite so many of them after that.</p><p>(He'd also gone and had a long talk with his mother who had opened his eyes to a couple of things that the rest of the city had simply assumed were already happening and hadn't that been a surprise).</p><p>"Right," Megamind says again and he looks almost...embarrassed? "Well of course you're entitled to claim - did I really ruin fifteen pairs of shoes in one year?" </p><p>"Yep" Roxanne pops the word.</p><p>"And six handbags?"</p><p>"Seven, but Wayne set the last one on fire so I removed that." </p><p>"And the forty seven boxes of band aids?"</p><p>"Those are for the blisters from breaking in a new pair of shoes every month."</p><p>"Now hold on Miss Ritchi," he waved the invoice at her, "that counts as consequential loss. You can't claim that." </p><p>"Its preemptive mitigation so I don't have to claim personal injury as well." She snaps, "Look at this!" and she sticks her feet out in front of her so he can see where she already has another blister forming. You'd think that breaking in a new pair of shoes every month would give her feet like leather but evidently not.</p><p>Megamind looks horrified, his gaze going from her heel to her face. He suddenly drops to the floor and takes her foot in one hand, "What are you doing?" she demands, colour rising on her cheeks, "Your band aid is coming off," He slips the shoe off her foot and peels the adhesive away from her skin, "I'll just..." he relaid the band aid over her heel properly and slips her shoe back on, looking up at her in concern, "Better?"</p><p>Roxanne's entire foot is tingling up to her ankle and there is a flush crawling up the back of her neck because what the hell was that?! He doesn't touch her! Unties her sometimes and he's had to tackle her out of the way of an explosion a time or two sure, but hands on contact?</p><p>Must be an alien thing, she decides. Weird electron energy or something through the gloves.</p><p>Megamind on the other hand has just been operating on autopilot because Roxanne was <em>hurt</em> and that is <em>not okay</em> but he's just realised that was deeply inappropriate to touch her without her permission like that. He refuses to be that kind of villain. He should have just untied her and allowed her to attend to her feet herself. He hurriedly did just that, releasing the ropes around her wrists and waist and standing again. "Sorry, you can...your other foot." He picks up the letter again and frowns at it, "Why are you buying shoes that give you blisters?" </p><p>"Because expensive ones still get eaten by the crocodiles!" She points at the top of the second page, "Look!" And yes he can see where she went from two hundred dollar pairs to a hundred dollar pairs to fifty to the same five pairs of plain black pumps purchased all at once during a sale. Each one with the relevant (failed) plot listed. He glares at the cheap black pump tapping impatiently on the steel floor, "You only have one pair of feet Miss Ritchi! You should be purchasing shoes that don't damage them!"</p><p>"Well if you can pay me for all the ones you've destroyed, I can start buying decent ones again!" she retorts, pulling the ropes away from her body.</p><p>"Fine!"</p><p>"Good!" And he's still standing in front of her and she's sitting coiling the rope between her fingers the way she always does when he unties her and there are suddenly a lot of implications in their position so he scrambles away to a safer distance again, "Minion!"</p><p>"Yes Sir?"</p><p>"Get the piggy bank!"</p><p>And Minion appears with a large piggy bank the size of a basket ball, a rather inane sleepy expression on its painted face. He hands it to Megamind and disappears with a wave back towards what Roxanne assumes is the kitchen going by the apron he's wearing.</p><p>"Why do you have a giant piggy bank?" she asks and he gives her a look that is pure wicked amusement. "Because smashing things with giant hammers is very therapeutic" </p><p>Roxanne sniggers, but its not a full corpsing laugh so it doesn't count.</p><p>But he doesn't bother with the hammer this time, just throws the porcine money holder on the floor where it shatters and a variety of gemstones and jewellery scatters over the floor. Roxanne stares at the glittering hoard.</p><p>"Is that the Hope Diamond?" Her voice is a little strangled</p><p>"What? No that's a replica. Lab created." </p><p>"You can <em>make</em> diamonds?"</p><p>"Miss Ritchi, I can make anything." He kneels on the floor again sifting through the layers of gems and, oh there's a good one, he picks up a diamond the size of her pinkie nail and holds it out to her. Roxanne leans forward to see it then blinks as he pulls it away again, "Wait no that one's flawed you need something better…aha!" He grabs her wrist and drops a much better diamond in an antique gold setting into her hand instead, "Apologies for the inconvenience. Please accept this Miss Ritchi."</p><p>Roxanne stares from the ring in her hand to his grin where he's still kneeling in front of her and she's been clutching this rage that is mostly aimed at herself that she's spent three thousand dollars over five years just because she likes the time before the cameras come on and its just the two of them talking (and that is so fucking embarrassing he is a <em>supervillain</em>, she is a <em>damsel</em>,  god what is she doing with her life). And she obviously loses her mind a little because she surges to her feet, balls the ring in her fist and flings it back at him shouting “I wanted to get my shoes replaced! Not for you to ask me to marry you!”</p><p>The ring bounces off Megamind's chest and he catches it automatically, then he's on his feet yelling as well, “I wasn’t asking you to marry me!” </p><p>Megamind did not think this through at all, kneeling in front of her handing her a...oh wow is this the cursed one? Whoops. He was just trying to pay her back for all the damages he's apparently caused her and he feels frankly pretty terrible about that. How had he never noticed he was causing her physical and financial distress?  He just really likes seeing her and kidnapping her is the only way to do that. Minion has no idea what he's talking about suggesting they go for coffee.</p><p>Elsewhere in Metro City Metro Man aka Wayne Scott’s super-hearing just picked up the words “Marry me” coming from his little blue buddy and yes finally things are happening its about time.</p><p>“Well, good!” the formal but unofficially endorsed damsel of Metro City snaps. Why didn't she keep her mouth shut? This is utterly humiliating. Why did she even mention marriage? Of course he wasn’t proposing he doesn’t even <em>like</em> her. They just talk sometimes during the kidnappings and try and make each other laugh which is kind of fun. This was the worst idea ever, she just wanted to not have to worry about the blisters from breaking in another pair of shoes when she’d rather pay attention to the giant lasers or talk to him about how the brain-bots AI works or see if she can make him laugh unexpectedly during his monologues.</p><p>“No, not good! Not good at all! Evil!” What was he thinking? He wasn't thinking  of course which is what happens every time he kidnaps her. What use is his giant blue head if his brain dribbles out his ears every time she smiles at him? This is the worst, this is the absolute worst. “As if that’s the kind of ring I’d ever propose to you with!” </p><p>“EXACTL- wait what?” Roxanne blinks. He’s thought about a ring? He’s thought about a ring specifically for her? That is not a normal thing. That is something people only consider when things get really serious. <em>Why has he thought about a ring for her?</em></p><p>“What?” Megamind just keeps making things worse for himself doesn't he? How many years have he been designing and redesigning the perfect ring? Not for Roxanne of course, just as a completely random nonspecific example of what a true engagement ring should look like. “Of course I wouldn’t propose to you with some possibly cursed ring! You deserve sapphires as blue as your eyes!” Sapphires for her eyes and because they remind him that there is some good blue on this planet and maybe that balances out some of his evil.</p><p>“Well you deserve emeralds to match yours!”  Oh my god Roxanne shut up shut up shut up, you are not admitting that you've thought about those eyes. A lot, a lot a lot. A lot a lot alone at night and after a couple of drinks and... “Why are you giving me a cursed ring?!”</p><p>“Possibly! Possibly cursed!” Ahahahahaha help oh evil gods <em>help</em>, “Any ring I did propose to you with would be one hundred percent not cursed! I'd give you a sapphire in a platinum band framed by baguette cut diamonds!”</p><p>“That sounds like a ring I would be happy to accept!” Stop talking Roxanne please. Please for the sake of whatever shreds of dignity you have left please stop talking before he realises you're the one who made such a mess of this situation and why you're so embarrassed.</p><p>“Fantastic! I’ll make it for you tonight!” Oh no. Megamind why?</p><p>“Wonderful! I cant wait to wear it!” Oh fuck. Roxanne why?</p><p>“Brilliant!" He throws his hands up in exasperation, "Now are we engaged?” Of all the ways his plans have backfired over the years this is definitely the most unexpected.</p><p>“Yes! I don’t know! Sure! Fine! Absolutely! Yes.” Roxanne has no idea (she has every idea) how this just happened but she wonders if this is what it feel like for him when one of his plans goes awry.</p><p>They are standing over a pile of miscellaneous jewellery just staring at one another with the echoes of their shouting fading away through the lair. And Roxanne can see the twitch in his lip which means he's about to start laughing which means she's going to start laughing and okay this is actually pretty funny. She swears his ridiculousness is catching somehow because half the time they wind up cracking each other up somehow before Metro Man shows up even if its over nothing in particular which is how the whole corpsing game and points system got started in the first place. </p><p>She bites her lip because she is damned if she's going to be the one to laugh over this first. Its <em>his turn</em> okay? Megamind's eyes go a little wide then, and the twitch in his lip disappears. He's looking at her, just looking at her with those envy green eyes and his gaze drops to her mouth and he draws in a breath that feels like its dragging the very air out of her lungs and pulling her towards him.</p><p>Megamind on the other hand isn't...really...home...right now. He's staring at Roxanne and she's biting her lip like she's trying not to laugh and usually he can get her to crack first. But the look on her face changes from stubborn amusement to something indescribable and Megamind feels like he's taken a lightning bolt to the face.  The lip she's been biting slips out from between her teeth and he sways towards her because if she isn't going to bite her lip then he definitely is. Its a beautiful lip that demands biting and she's been teasing him with it for years.</p><p>There are four steps between them.</p><p>Then three...</p><p>Then two...</p><p>Then...</p><p>Minion.</p><p>Minion is between them and has picked them both up and is swinging them around "Oh Sir! Oh Miss Ritchi! Congratulations! This is wonderful!"</p><p>And Megamind and Roxanne are squashed between cybernetic gorilla arms looking at one another in a panic because wow that was really close and this...definitely isn't a real thing right? They are not engaged. Definitely not. Today is just a shared hallucination and they are going to go home and never speak of it again. </p><p>They just need to tell Minion that but he looks so happy and he's babbling about making Roxanne's dress so she just nods and says "Uh huh, sure Minion." Without even realising what she's agreeing too and without taking her eyes of Megamind who looks nothing like he's been thrown through a building (she's seen what he looks like after that) but is somehow giving off the exact same energy.</p><p>And he's nodding as well, "Yes of course we can" and still staring at Roxanne who looks as shocked as he feels.</p><p>And then there are another set of arms around them because Metro Man is suddenly there as well. “I’m so happy!" He picks all three of them up and spins them around in mid air "Its about time you two crazy kids finally worked this out!” </p><p>Pinned between a superhero and a cybernetic gorilla suit Roxanne doesn't have enough space to shake her head and she's folded her lips together so she doesn't just start hysterically laughing but the panic in her eyes is real which is not acceptable. Megamind knows she hates feeling squashed and trapped, its why the chair is always in the middle of the floor so he wriggles one arm free and jams the de-gun into Metro Man's nostril, "Put us down you idiot! What are you even doing here?"</p><p>"Okay okay!" And Wayne drops them and hovers mid air beaming, "I heard the proposal! Congratulations! Can I see the ring?" he looks at Roxanne's hand and she looks down as well in confusion at her bare fingers.</p><p>And the ring is still in Megamind's hand. He looks at it blankly and this is the moment they've been waiting for, he can tell them this was all a big misunderstanding (is it?) And he hasn't really proposed (has he?) and she didn't really accept (did she?) but Metro Man interrupts again, "Oh wait is that just the placeholder? Yeah the sapphire one you mentioned is going to be much better. Much more Roxie's style."</p><p>"Thank you," Why is he thanking his nemesis? Why is said nemesis even here? Why is said nemesis looking over Minion's shoulder at a sketchbook and talking cape designs for wedding outfits? Belatedly he holds the ring out to Roxanne, "This is still yours."</p><p>"Right" and she still looks very shaken so he takes her right hand, intending to fold the ring into her palm. But his traitorous fingers misbehave and he slips it onto her finger instead. Its a little loose but she breathes in very sharply as he slides it down past her knuckle and it glints in the low lights of the lair.</p><p>"Awww!" They both look over at Minion and Wayne who are standing there grinning at them. </p><p>Roxanne jumps and rubs at her fingers, staring at her hand as though she's never seen it before. Then Wayne turns to Minion and keeps yammering "So you have to let me help plan the wedding! Mother will definitely get you  any caterer you want! Hey you could even have it at our house!"</p><p>And Roxanne has spent a lot of time at the Scott Mansion going to Scott Family Events with a capital E and they are exhausting fussy things that take seven years to plan and you're always hungry at the end because the food is all little twisty bits of oyster foam and biscuit crumbs and says frantically, "We cant!"</p><p>Megamind goes very still.</p><p>Minion looks disappointed. </p><p>Wayne frowns, "Why not?"</p><p>But Roxanne is looking at Megamind who is frozen, shoulders hunched, staring at the floor and she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind, "We're eloping!"</p><p>Good job Roxanne</p><p>A plus</p><p>Drinks all round</p><p>"We are?" Megamind asks astonished then, "Yes! Yes we are! Immediately! Minion get the car keys!"</p><p>Roxanne shoots him a relieved smile, Megamind shoots one back. Excellent, yes great thinking giant brain, they can get in the invisible car and just drive until they figure this out or until they run off a cliff whichever will be easier. </p><p>The cliff is currently winning.</p><p>“Oh great!” says the oblivious Wayne Scott who is just so, so happy for these two, “I’ll fly you down to Vegas right now!”</p><p>And he does.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Happiest Day of Your Life - Galavant</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Going to the chapel<br/>And we're gonna get married</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There are technically two songs for this chapter. The first one being the title https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUa08R0Ijps<br/>And the second for the well...you'll know it when you get to it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfGggAGITwg</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stuffed into Metro Man's left elbow with his (ahahahahahaha) fiancee squashed against him, Megamind is trying very hard not to freak out. It doesn't help that Roxanne is pressed against him in all kinds of alternatively lovely and terrifying ways and they keep sharing panicked glances then looking away from one another blushing furiously. </p><p>Minion's bowl is in Metro Man's right arm, His suit dehydrated and tucked safely into the top of Megamind's glove. The henchfish and superhero are having a spirited discussion of the merits of cream versus ivory and the importance of wedding capes as they fly towards Las Vegas, Nevada.</p><p>"This is crazy!" Megamind had yelled over the roar of the wind when they had first taken off.</p><p>"I know!" Roxanne had yelled back.</p><p>"Yeah! Isn't it great!" Wayne added and that stopped any further attempts to actually talk to one another for the flight down.</p><p>"Are we there yet?" Roxanne looked down without meaning to and they are a lot higher up than normal and going very very fast and she does not want to throw up on everybody. Which is a perfectly normal reaction to have to being a mile up in the air and has nothing to do with being  flown across half the continent with your  brand new (oh god oh god) supervillain fiance, his henchfish and your local superhero for a Vegas elopement.</p><p>"Maybe and hour and ten minutes?" Wayne twists his head around to look at her, "I can speed up if you want and get us there faster?"</p><p>She is looking very pale and Megamind isn't sure if she can answer. His hands are squashed in beside him so he clunks his head against Roxanne's a little, and she meets his eyes and nods. "Do it" he shouts.</p><p>"Okay guys close your eyes!" And Wayne picks up speed, Roxanne and Megamind are both eyes shut trying not to hyperventilate, while Minion still in his bowl is watching in wide-eyed eyed in delight as the ground rushes past below him "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"</p><hr/><p>They land ten minutes later directly in the lobby of the Olympus Hotel and Casino. Megamind re-hydrates Minion's suit in the fountain on autopilot then looks at Roxanne who is sitting on a marble bench breathing slowly. She meets his eyes and gives him a weak smile. He collapses onto the bench beside her and they share a look of mutual incomprehension tinged with what-the-fuck-is-going-on?</p><p>"Hi Diane! My friends are here to get married!" Wayne pulls out a black platinum card that makes even the most jaded staffer in Las Vegas sit up and pay attention as he and Minion head for the front desk, "Give them the works on me!"</p><p>"Yes sir Mister Scott!" A stout blonde woman in her mid forties marches forward and takes a look at Roxanne and Megamind, then smiles, "Its okay honeys, we'll get you fixed right up." She snaps her fingers and a bellboy is suddenly there offering a tray with two short black coffees in tiny cups. Roxanne takes one and throws it back in one shot and gasps. Megamind does the same. Oh wow that is really strong and <em>extremely</em> alcoholic. His brain is almost vibrating into another dimension. </p><p>Suddenly Roxanne snaps out of her daze and stares at him "Wait a second! We can't get married! You're-" </p><p>Well someone had to say it. Who the hell ever heard of a damsel and villain eloping to Vegas anyway? </p><p>Megamind waits for<em> evil</em>, he waits for <em>a supervillain</em>, he waits for <em>you!</em></p><p>"-an alien!" she finishes.</p><p>Megamind stares, "<em>That's</em> your problem?!" And okay that might actually be a problem given some of his less than human characteristics but, "So are you!"</p><p>"No I'm not!"</p><p>"You are to me!"</p><p>"Oh...right." </p><p>"Its fine you two," Wayne flies back over, wedding checklist in hand, "Its Vegas, no one cares in Vegas. I've been married here four times." He holds up the checklist, "Now Minion and Roxie are going to pick her dress, so you and I can hang out for a while buddy."  he lays one enormous hand on Megamind's shoulder.</p><p>"How have you been married here four times?!" Roxanne demands, "And to who?"</p><p>Wayne shrugs happily, "I dunno, people? They usually divorced me the next day when they realised they might get kidnapped." He jerked his head in the direction of a small desk beside the wedding registry alcove that had an unimpressed looking lady dealing calmly with two shrieking women and an awkward looking man. The sign on it read Divorces and Annulments</p><p>Roxanne and Megamind glance at one another, Roxanne's head tilts in the direction of the desk and she raises her eyebrows. Megamind's eyes flick towards the small desk then he nods quickly back.</p><p>Okay great. They have a plan now. Awesome.</p><p>"Oh Miss Ritchi I'm so excited!" Minion has a sketchbook and a bridal magazine in his hands and is swimming loops in his bowl, "Now for your shape some people would usually go ballgown style, but I'm thinking trumpet shape or even-" he clutches the magazine to his chest and sighs rapturously "Mermaid!"</p><p>"I'm not wearing a shell bra" Roxanne says without thinking, Megamind chokes and glares at her incredulously, his shoulders shaking. </p><p>"Oh no Miss Ritchi, we thought about the water ceremony but swimming in a cape is just so much trouble" Minion waves away her concerns and Roxanne has to bite her knuckle to stop herself from giggling hysterically.</p><p>The trio from the divorce desk run past the bench quartet still shrieking. Apparently the man had married the wrong bridesmaid, (not bride, <em>bridesmaid</em>) yesterday. Roxanne and Megamind share a look that speaks eloquently of well-it-could-be-worse and both clap their hands over their mouths to keep from cracking up.</p><p>"Double points today?" Megamind mutters under his fingers.</p><p>"Double kidnapping so sure" she whispers back, pulling her hand away to run through her hair and stare at him disbelievingly.<br/>He snorts at that and scrubs his face with one hand, looking at her wide-eyed.</p><p>There's a moment of awkward silence. This isn't a very wide bench and they're closer than they've been all day other than the hour jammed into Wayne's elbow and Roxanne cant stop herself staring at him. She bites her lip and his eyes drop to follow the movement and...</p><p>"Hey lovebirds we really gotta move" Wayne floats up and pulls them both to their feet, "We got you a spa treatment Roxie, you're gonna love it!" He gives her a chuck under the chin and pushes her towards Minion who is fluttering excitedly, "Now Minion price is no object, seriously, just charge whatever you need to my card..."</p><p>Roxanne shoots a panicked look back over her shoulder at her supervillain fiance as Minion tugs her towards a glittering door lined flanked by sparkling white dresses, "Bye?" she calls awkwardly and tries not to facepalm.</p><p>Megamind, currently being steered towards the casino by Wayne and looking over his own shoulder back at her calls "See you at the wedding?" his voice squeaks at the end of the question.</p><p>Roxanne bites her finger and points at him in a way that very clearly says <em>I don't know how this is happening but you are not making me corpse first mister.</em></p><p>He gives her a wild eyed look of <em>Either do I but it was that or panicked gibbering so worth a shot I guess?</em> as they are pulled from view by their respective assistants</p><p>How is this happening?</p><hr/><p>Wayne guides Megamind through the casino to a poker table and threw his arm around his shoulders "I'm so happy for you buddy! This has been such a long time coming!"</p><p>"It has?" Megamind was still feeling vaguely dazed as he accepts two cards from the dealer and lets most of his brain slide into the familiar rhythm of counting cards which is far easier than dealing with everything else right now.</p><p>"Of course!" Wayne beams, "I know Roxie's been waiting for you to ask her out for years!"</p><p>"She has?" </p><p>"Well she said something about 'If he wants to see me that often he can just ask me out for coffee like a normal person'"</p><p>"I'm not normal. I'm a supervillain" A two and three spades on the table that means...ah</p><p>"Yeah about that," Wayne signalled a passing waiter for a round of drinks, "How do you feel about being a superhero instead?"</p><p>"What?!" Megamind nearly accidentally folded on a pair of aces.</p><p>"I kinda think I want to retire?" Wayne accepts his drink and watches the pile of chips in front of Megamind grow. "It'd be a bit strange to rescue Roxie from you now. You cant exactly kidnap your wife. And the whole rescuing cats out of trees thing is getting kinda old anyway." </p><p>"You want me to be Metrocity's superhero?" </p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>Today is already weird enough this might as well happen too. "Sure, fine."</p><p>The pile of chips keeps getting larger.</p><p>"Great! I'll cover for you til the end of next week and you can take over after that!"</p><p>Its Thursday night, Megamind realises faintly. Who the hell gets married on a Thursday? The dealer pushes another pile of chips over and Megamind realised he'd won twenty four thousand dollars on autopilot. There are a couple of large men in suits circling their table slowly. Cautious of Metro Man but frowning at Megamind's winnings. He tosses a chip worth a thousand at the dealer who grins. Then he pulls the rest of the chips towards him and drags Wayne who is now declaring himself Roxanne's Metron of Honour away to cash out. He's usually more careful winning like this. Now he wont be able to join another table for hours. "Lets go find a bar."</p><p>"No can do buddy, we need to get you a wedding suit!"</p><p>Right.</p><p>Because that is somehow a thing that is still happening.</p><hr/><p>Roxanne stares at the stranger in the mirror as a group of women in sensible black dresses mark hemlines and tighten laces in a flurry around her. That's definitely her face floating above this (gorgeous) ivory silk gown that folds down over her shoulders and hugs her figure like a second skin. There are little gathers, ruching one of the assistants had advised,  running down her left side and the dress smooths over her hips and flares around her feet.  It was the second dress she tried on and Minion had settled for nothing less once he'd seen her in it. He does insist that they add a split back cape in a matching sheer chiffon and Roxanne wonders if the fact that she looks a little like a space princess is meant to be intentional. </p><p>She keeps reaching up to touch the beading on the neckline as though the edges of the pearls and crystals will keep her grounded. Whatever was in the coffee has kicked in and she's floating a little off the floor just a little bit right now.</p><p>Or that could be the box she's been standing on while they pin and prod her into the dress and mark the alternations they'll be making.</p><p>This isn't actually happening, right?</p><p>Right?</p><p>"Are you sure it needs the cape?"</p><p>"Trust me Miss Ritchi," Minion nods, "Its very important."</p><p>One of the ladies grabs her hand and turned the ring inwards so it didn't catch on the floating layer of chiffon that is being tacked in place under the off shoulder straps. Then they whip the dress off her again and twist the ring back while they start laying out a selection of undergarments and Roxanne's brain stutters because ring.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>"Minion!" she hisses, struggling back into the clothes she'd put on this morning before she was engaged, or in Vegas, or having her wedding dress altered by an alien fish who keeps having to stop to hug somebody because he's so happy. The salon staff were bearing it with remarkable grace.</p><p>Well it was Vegas after all</p><p>"Yes Miss Ritchi?"</p><p>"I don't have a ring for him!"</p><p>"Oh we have some in store for purchase!" the lady who had laced Roxanne into the gown offers brightly, "Would you like me to fetch them for you?"</p><p>"Uhh...sure?" She is offered a selection of display trays without comment. Roxanne stares at the selection of gaudy gold bands and frowns.</p><p>"Not right honey? What does your fiance do?"</p><p>"He's...an engineer? Works a lot with his hands," Building giant lasers and robots counts as engineering right?</p><p>"Oh well we have some non-conductive options then," and another tray is presented, this one with gleaming black and polished steel rings that clash with the gold and pink of the bridal salon.</p><p>Roxanne is a little startled at how reassuring it is to see chrome and steel and black in the midst of all this sparkle and shine. She hesitates over a dark silvery black band that feels lighter than it should. "Ceramic Zirconium," one of the other ladies offers helpfully, "My son in law is an electrician, he wears one."</p><p>"That one." Roxanne says firmly.</p><p>"What size honey?"</p><p>"Um?" Roxanne looks frantically at Minion who is still stitching a cape to her (oh god what the fuck) wedding dress, "Size H" the fish adds helpfully.</p><p>"Wonderful, we'll out this on the account with the rest."</p><p>"No!" Roxanne's voice is sharp. This is...everything else today has been out of her control. She can do this one thing. Hell she can keep it as a souvenir and see if she can make him laugh if she wears it next kidnapping. Right after they get home and agree to never speak of the shared hallucination that is today. "I'd like to pay for that one separately."</p><p>"Sure thing honey, the machine's just over here. Then we'll get you to the spa."</p><hr/><p>Time blurs a bit after that, and later all that Roxanne or Megamind are really able to recall are vague snippets and a constant sense of panic.</p><p>"Minion I'm not really a tiara person"</p><p>"Oh hey I think I married that guy last time I was here!"</p><p>"Now would you prefer Luscious Rose or Siren Starlet lipstick?"</p><p>"Trust me kiddo. You make black look good, but in a dark charcoal that skin of yours is gonna sing."</p><p>"Miss Ritchi I've taken the liberty of arranging for a couple of options for going away outfits for tomorrow, they'll be delivered to your suite tomorrow."</p><p>Roxanne getting steered around a bubbly pink salon, having her nails painted and stepping into another pair of high heels...</p><p>The tailor buttoning Megamind into his vest because his hands have stopped working somehow while Metro Man flashes his card and people everywhere fall over themselves to offer their services...</p><hr/><p>"You cant wear the spiky gloves during the wedding buddy, Roxie has to put your ring on you."</p><p>"Fine but I'm still wearing the cape."</p><p>"Well yeah, who gets married without a cape?"</p><hr/><p>"Now honey you might need help unlacing this but please be careful because the dress is already booked for another wedding the day after tomorrow."</p><p>"Sure"</p><p>"And your other clothes are with the Fish of Honour"</p><p>"I think he's the Best Fish"</p><p>"Thank you Miss Ritchi that's very kind"</p><hr/><p>"You can't be Metron of Honour and give the bride away!</p><p>"Of course I can! Its Vegas!</p><p>"And stop saying that!"</p><p>"But its true!"</p><hr/><p>Minion straightening Sir's tie and clapping excitedly as the Elvis impersonator hits play on the stereo and Can't Help Falling In Love starts playing...</p><p>Wayne tearing up happily as he escorts Roxanne down the aisle...</p><p>Roxanne nearly dropping her bouquet when she gets a good look at Megamind because <em>damn</em> he's wearing a dark charcoal fitted suit with a tie that matches his eyes, still with the cape and collar and spikes on top and that's not fair how come he gets a fully tailored suit while she had to be pinned into this thing in three different places and he makes looking good look so effortless?</p><p>Megamind nearly falling over in shock when he sees Roxanne in a dress that flows down her every curve like water and makes her look like the most radiant thing that he's ever seen. </p><p>Roxanne having a moment of absolute do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars shock when she slides the dark grey ring onto Megamind's finger and she realises she's never actually seen his bare hands before and that they are really nice hands.</p><p>Megamind sliding the cursed ring off her right hand and slipping it onto the ring finger of her left hand instead. And its still an awful ring and so unlike Roxanne's style how did he ever even consider it as adequate for what he's cost her? He has to make her real ring for her immediately.</p><hr/><p>"You may kiss the bride"</p><p>Roxanne and Megamind both freeze. </p><p>The kiss. </p><p>Right.</p><p>Hesitantly Megamind reaches up and cups Roxanne's face in one hand. She leans into the pressure a little, still looking as vaguely panicked as he feels. Her own hand does the same, thumb brushing gently along his cheekbone and they just stare at one another for a moment.</p><p>Roxanne fights down the hysterical urge to laugh</p><p>"Hurry it up folks, we've got another wedding in five." the photographer calls. Wayne slips him a hundred, "In ten" he amends.</p><p>The Elvis impersonator celebrant, feeling it was a little unfair that his coworker was getting paid extra while he wasn't, gave a gentle shove to the bride as he reached around and held out his own hand.</p><p>Roxanne sways into Megamind and their lips touch.</p><p>Up until now Megamind has had one thought on his mind the whole ceremony.</p><p>Well that's not true. He has in fact had several other thoughts but they mostly amounted to <em>What?</em> and <em>Huh?</em> and <em>How is this happening?</em> And the long stretch of time when he watched a blushing Roxanne walk towards him in a dress of ivory silk with a cape falling from her shoulders that is obviously Minion's work where he just stopped processing entirely.</p><p>The one thought that he has been holding onto is this.</p><p>Kissing Roxanne.</p><p>He is going to get to kiss <em>Roxanne</em></p><p>Marrying her is almost an afterthought. They weren't going to be married from tomorrow anyway. Frankly this whole thing has been more than a little ridiculous to begin with. </p><p>But he gets one kiss.</p><p>One kiss with the most incredible woman in Metrocity and even if she changes her mind halfway through and Metro Man sets him on fire it will have been worth it. </p><p>Then Roxanne sways towards him and all his thoughts pack up and catch a flight to Hawaii.</p><p>No no no stay in Vegas we are not missing this!</p><p>Her lips are soft as they brush his. She smells like her perfume and the hairspray from the salon. He shifts his hand a little and she tilts her head to match the angle. Her mouth parts under his and her tongue is warm and she tastes rich as coffee and sweet as honey. Megamind slides his other arm around her waist and pulls her against him and everything is Roxanne Roxanne <em>Roxanne</em>, her lips, her taste, the soft strands of her hair between his fingers. Her arms come around his shoulders and she presses herself up into the kiss. </p><p>
  <em>Kissing Roxanne is like magic</em>
</p><p>Roxanne on the other hand has been trying to think of anything but the kiss the whole ceremony. She'd almost convinced herself there wouldn't even be one. People did handshakes didn't they? If he kisses her then its real, and Roxanne is having just a little trouble calibrating that thought right now. Not now, not when she's just married him, not ever.</p><p>But </p><p>
  <em>Oh</em>
</p><p>The first touch of his lips and those tingles flood down her skin like sparklers. Like waiting in the dark outside far from anywhere and you open your eyes and the sky is all the stars at once. Her mouth opens to taste more of him and her knees buckle at the first sweep of his tongue. He catches her round the waist and she can feel him holding her up. He tastes like gentle rain on a cool night and something else she can't quite define. His skin is silken and his lips are gentle and its better than any kiss she's ever had because its <em>Megamind</em>, she winds her arms around his neck and arches against him.</p><p>Orchestral music swelled. Which was unexpected as the stereo in the corner of the chapel was supposed to be playing an acapella version of God Only Knows.</p><p>This sounded like a strings cover of Highway to Hell.</p><p>Eventually, the kiss ends and Megamind presses his forehead against Roxanne's and gives her the most wonderfully soft amazed smile like she's the most incredible thing he's ever seen. Roxanne blinks back at him for a moment, then does the only thing she can think of which is to pull him down and kiss him again.</p><p>The second kiss is even more spectacular than the first. Like its the first, last and only thing they want to do for the rest of their lives.</p><p>Even the photographer and the celebrant, veterans of several thousand Vegas weddings, look impressed.</p><p>The photographer also looks a little concerned about the state of his camera.</p><p>Wayne is weeping noisily on Minion's shoulder. Minion is cheering and throwing confetti shaped like brain-bots. Which, when did he even have time to make that? </p><p>When they break the second kiss, ending with a scrape of his teeth over her lower lip that makes her knees buckle <em>again</em> and Megamind murmurs in a dazed tone "I knew you were trouble the first time I kidnapped you." </p><p>And </p><p>Wow</p><p>Okay<br/><br/>Maybe Roxanne isn't as mad about the shoes as she thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Let's Fall In Love for Tonight - FINNEAS</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Newly married soft idiots get a whole half hour mostly without panicking. </p><p>There is also dancing.</p><p>And more panicking.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Look I think we all need something a little positive right now so this chapter is getting split so we have something nice and mostly stress free to focus on.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Now some people might say "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" and have it mean, "Please don't tell my significant other I lost all my cash playing poker" or "Don't tell Nanna I accidentally married a showgirl"</p><p>Surprisingly among the superhero/villain/damsel community, this tends to be more of an inviolable law than a recommended guideline. Stress of the job and all. Everybody needs a place to blow off steam. Vegas is in fact considered an automatic holiday space/neutral zone.</p><p>Its Switzerland for Supers</p><p>So despite passing three other supervillains, two damsels, and a quartet of superheroes who had all taken over a karaoke bar and were drunkenly singing all the parts of Bohemian Rhapsody at once, no word of seeing the Metro City supers, the damsel and the  henchfish coming out of the little chapel at the Olympus Hotel and Casino, actually leaves Vegas.</p><p>Until Minion and Metro Man get home that is. </p><hr/><p>"Now don't worry about a thing" Wayne is beaming as he guides the dazed couple through the foyer of the hotel, past the closed Divorces and Annulments desk and into the elevator. "The suite's all paid for, I've taken care of it. Order anything you like, I'll have a car arranged to bring you guys back home." He picks them both up in a hug again, "Congrats guys I'm so happy for you!"</p><p>Minion hands them a room key and grins at them both, tucking the signed wedding certificate into his suit. "I'll be heading back home with Metro Man if that's all right Sir? Ma'am?"</p><p>"Yes, absolutely Minion," Megamind pats one gorilla shoulder of Minion's suit absently, Roxanne gives him a hug in the way people do when they're leaving an event and there is an endless round of <em>goodbyes</em> and <em>lovely to see you</em> and <em>we'll catch up soon's</em>, "Thanks for the help with the dress," she says in the same tone. Megamind and Minion exchange looks of aren't these two adorable over their heads and usher them out of the elevator and into the suite. </p><p>The door shuts behind them and Megamind looks at Roxanne and Roxanne looks at Megamind. </p><p>Great. Well. Here they are in the fanciest honeymoon suite they've ever seen in their lives and this isn't going to be awkward at all. </p><p>There is a moment of silence as they hear the lift doors open and close again, then it finally happens.</p><p>They both collapse into laughter.</p><p>"What the fuck just happened!" Roxanne shrieks, leaning against the wall, clutching her stomach.</p><p>"I have -hahahaha-no idea!" Megamind slides down to the floor and just howls.</p><p>"So we're married now?"</p><p>"Apparently!" </p><p>"What even-" Roxanne gasps and tries again between giggles "What even was today's evil plan? Because it can't have been this!" She's laughing so hard she can't stay upright and joins him on the carpet.</p><p>"It definitely wasn't!" Megamind cracks his eyes open and squints at her, "You know...I-I honestly cant remember!" his stomach hurts from trying to drag air in between cackling.</p><p>"Oh my god." Roxanne is wiping the tears from her eyes, "Oh my god what the fuck?"</p><p>"That is-" Megamind wheezes and points at her with one hand, "The most accurate question in your history of nosy reporting!"</p><p>And they both laugh harder.</p><p>This is the stupidest thing that's ever happened to either of them and that counts the time when the Mentality Machine misfired and they spent twelve minutes switching consciousnesses with a couple of the brain-bots.</p><p>They make a valiant effort to get themselves under control which fails dramatically every time they look at one another.</p><p>"You're my <em>husband!</em>"</p><p>"I know! And you're my <em>wife!</em>"</p><p>And that sets them off again. Eventually,  gasping for breath, still sitting slumped in the doorway Roxanne looks up into the room they've been shoved into "Holy fuck." she mutters blankly and Megamind looks away from the line of her shoulder where the dress is being pulled down because she's sitting on her cape and he stares as well.</p><p>The suite is enormous. Done up in tasteful shades of cream with black and gold accents. There's no kitchen except a small area that holds a lethal looking coffee machine and a fridge with a large ice dispenser. Evidently this is not a room for self sufficiency. There is an intimate formal dining table already set with flowers and candles. The sunken lounge has a long leather couch built in, placed to watch both a television that takes up almost the full left wall and a spectacular view of the balcony and strip glittering below them. An Art Deco wet bar is in one corner by the wall of glass that looks out over the city</p><p>There is a coatroom the size of Roxanne's bedroom behind her and two more double sets of doors that must lead off to bedrooms set into the wall on the right.</p><p>"Well," Megamind scrambles up, "Can't fault the big guy for taste."</p><p>"Can't fault his black platinum card you mean." Roxanne is having a little more trouble getting upright. The split cape means every time she thinks she has one foot clear she steps on the other side. There is a very ungainly crab walk thing going on which is not helped by how tightly she's laced into her dress, "Ugh, how do you manage in these things?"</p><p>"Hm?" Megamind looks down and sees the trouble, "Oh here you just-," He tries to pull the cape away from her feet but now he's standing on her skirt and she's standing on his cape and Roxanne starts laughing again and fuck its infectious because Megamind does too, eventually he huffs, shoulders still shaking and says "Can I just pick you up please?"</p><p>Roxanne nods, still doubled over snickering  "Please do before I tear this dress."</p><p>Permission granted, Megamind lifts her up by her arms, striding into the room beside the table and setting her on her feet, "Well that explains the threshold thing."</p><p>Roxanne cracks up laughing again and has to hold onto one of the dining chairs to stop herself falling over again, "Dammit!" she cries.</p><p>"Ten points!" Megamind grins gleefully, "No twenty!"</p><p>"Ugh!" Roxanne bundles up the wings of her cape and tries to find the little loops she was shown to bustle them out of the way. She can't reach behind her with the shoulders of the dress in the way so she loops them onto her pinkies to keep them out from underneath her feet. "What's the score now?"</p><p>"Four thousand six hundred and twenty seven to three thousand four hundred and sixty eight" Megamind supplies promptly.</p><p>"I'm catching up" Roxanne grins, Megamind snorts, "Hardly,"</p><p>"I am too! You used to have a sixteen hundred point lead!" Roxanne spins around, the wings of her cape flaring, "This place is crazy!" Her heels sink into the plush carpet.</p><p>And it should be awkward, just the two of them alone after the absolute insanity that has been today. But they're both still hopped up from whatever was in those coffees and there's something about laughing til you're crying on the floor together that means that rather than feeling nervous its easy just to grin at one another until one of them starts snickering again. </p><p>They are also both deliberately not thinking about the kiss.</p><p>Kisses.</p><p>Not thinking about those at all.</p><p>"Have to admit," Roxanne wanders over to the glass wall, "This has been the easiest wedding that I've ever been a part of,"</p><p>"You've been in weddings before?" Megamind asks curiously, opening the door and letting her precede him onto the balcony.</p><p>"Just a bridesmaid." Roxanne leans her forearms on the balustrade and admires the view "Its all seven months of dress fittings and running interference against the bride's family and trying to wrangle a hundred things at once."</p><p>"Hm, so glad I was able to make today easy for you then" he props his elbows up, his back to the view and stares up at the stars barely visible beyond the light pollution.</p><p>"Oh no" she points at him, "I know exactly whose responsible for this!" Its Minion and Metro Man. Definitely. Roxanne didn't start this at all by invoicing him. Nope no way. </p><p>"That's true," he acknowledges. Definitely Minion and Metro Moron, he didn't start this by handing her a (possibly cursed) ring at all. "How nice to finally get to disrupt one of Metro Moron's plans for once."</p><p>She gave him an amused look then sighed, "What are we going to tell them?" She is not looking forward to that conversation. Minion had looked so happy in the salon fussing with all the dresses.</p><p>This can't be a thing.</p><p>They both know better than that.</p><p>They've never even had coffee together.</p><p>Well technically today...</p><p>Megamind's eyes slide over to hers, "That you snore of course."</p><p>Roxanne's mouth dropped open, "I do not!"</p><p>"Oh no you do," he grinned, "You make this adorable little whistle when we hit you with the knock out spray" he skipped back from her sudden claws, "Kidding! I'm kidding!"</p><p>"I never heard such slander in my life!" Roxanne tossed her head haughtily, "I'm definitely not staying married to you after that!" she paused, "I'm telling them you steal the blankets."</p><p>"Oh I definitely do that" he agrees cheerfully. </p><p>They grin at one another in a moment of allies aligned against enemy forces.</p><p>"So fix this tomorrow?"</p><p>"I guess we should." Megamind sighs "Can't exactly kidnap my wife after all" Why does that sound familiar? There's something he should be remembering. Something that might make that an issue. Whatever it is it cant be that important right now because Roxanne is holding up one hand for a hi five and its rude to keep one's lady wife waiting.</p><p>He slaps her hand and Roxanne wraps her fingers around his with a grin, "It's a good thing there are Vegas Rules. I would get in so much trouble having a supervillain as an ex husband."</p><p>"Poor you," He rolls his eyes, squeezing her hand, "It makes me look like the equivalent of a cradle snatcher."</p><p>"Oh come on I'm six months older than you."</p><p>"Its the principle of the thing!"</p><p>And they're both laughing again so hard that they have to collapse onto the sunbed on the balcony until they can breathe again. </p><hr/><p>There is music echoing up from another party below them as they lay flopped gracelessly on the low sunbed.</p><p>
  <em>She left her lipstick on my cheek</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I turn around, she vanished in a blink</em>
  <br/>
  <em>She home to me, and I can barely sleep</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I'm lookin' for, wait that's her, stop that girl</em>
</p><p>Megamind's head lifts, "I love this song!" He exclaims</p><p>Roxanne blinks at him "Wouldn't have picked you for a pop music fan"</p><p>"Its good!" his feet are tapping in time to the music, Roxanne eyes his feet in amusement.</p><p>"Come on," he jumps off the couch and holds out a hand, "you're not going to deny your supervillain a first dance are you?" He's bouncing on his toes, he must really like this song.</p><p>She raises her eyebrows at him for a moment, and his expression of excitement falters, "Loose the spikes first" she says and grins when he unclips the mantle and tosses it onto the sunbed beside her. </p><p>He tugs her back onto her feet on the balcony and pulls her into a dance that is faster than a waltz but follows most most of the same steps. A good portion of Roxanne's brain just shuts itself off at that because wow he's really good and this is fun! She never gets to go dancing. Everyone assumes she should be dancing with Wayne when they're at parties together and dancing with a seven foot tall himbo with a questionable relationship with gravity is a bit like trying to dance with a human shaped helium balloon.</p><p>Megamind though...her husband can <em>move</em></p><p>"Where did you learn to dance?" she grins as he spins her out then pulls her back in to circle around the balcony.</p><p>"My uncles," He shifts until her arm is resting above his, bracing her shoulder higher and spins them together tightly.</p><p>"Uncles?"</p><p>"The ones who raised me."</p><p>"They were dancers?"</p><p>"Prisoners and guards," Megamind shrugs, delighting in the way she's so clearly enjoying herself, "There were plenty of old black and white musicals in the library we used to watch when I was younger"</p><p>Roxanne laughs, filing away the fact that all those jokes about a lifetime in prison were actually pretty dead on. "Wait so you're actually dancing like Fred Astaire?"</p><p>"And Gene Kelly. I can do a pretty convincing Don O'Connor as well."</p><p>They circle the balcony again, Roxanne doing her best to keep up as he dances them around the floor, over the sunbed, on top of the low coffee table and back down again.</p><p>She narrows her eyes at him thoughtfully, "Definitely more Astaire, Gene Kelly was too tall"</p><p>"Actually he was shorter."</p><p>"He was not!"</p><p>"No really, by two inches! Astaire was just slighter so he looked smaller."</p><p>"Huh," She's going to have to look that up, there's no way.</p><p>He pulled her into a wide quickstep and spun them across the balcony, ending with her dipped over his arm, "I think you'll find, Miss Ritchi, that I am in fact three hundred and twelve millimetres taller than you are, just no one can see it due to my magnificent head."</p><p>She bursts into peals of laughter and grins up at him, hair a tousled mess, sapphire eyes crinkling as she giggles in his arms.</p><p>Evil gods he loves- his brain shuddered with a sensation not unlike an early dial up modem noise -making her laugh. </p><p>That's definitely what he was thinking. He spins her again rather than trying to think through the static buzzing in his mind.</p><p>Roxanne lets go as the song ends and grabs hold of the balcony to kick off her shoes, "Hang on," she grabs a handful of her skirt to try and hook it behind her so she's no longer in danger of stepping on the short train.</p><p>Megamind blinks a couple of times, feeling warm and dizzy. Whatever was in that coffee must have been really strong to affect him like this. </p><p>Roxanne is turning in increasingly smaller circles trying to hook the train of her skirt onto the little button on the back to bustle it out of the way. "Can you see where this hooks on?" she asks him, twisting around again.</p><p>Megamind shakes his head and drops to catch the hem of her skirt, hooking the small loop onto the pearl button set in the back of her dress. "Done!"</p><p>Roxanne takes two steps back and spins on the marble flooring, the skirt of her dress no longer whipping around to catch at her knees, "Thanks!"</p><p>The music starts back up again below and Megamind jumps back up to pull her into his arms again. He steps towards her and she flinches, he drops her hands immediately,</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>She looks down, "You're still wearing shoes," she lifts the hem of her skirt and wiggles her painted toes at him, "Kind of freaks me out feeling like I'm going to get stepped on." she holds her hands out to him again, "Come on I was enjoying dancing"</p><p>Megamind rolls his eyes and slips his feet out of his shoes, then pulls off his socks and shoves them in the shoes. Roxanne blinks down at his long bare feet, "At this rate I'm going to have you stripped by the end of the night."</p><p>Roxanne we know you didn't throw up on the way down but you clearly lost your brain to mouth filter somewhere over Colorado. </p><p>Megamind, half way to pulling her back into dancing trips and catches her around her waist and collapses into laughter against the balcony</p><p>"Twenty points to me!" Roxanne sings. Who needs a filter? She has a lead to chase.</p><p>"Argh!" Megamind presses his hands over his eyes, "Wicked damsel, right when I took my shoes off" </p><p>Roxanne hums along to the music for a moment, "Hey what's this song called?"</p><p>Megamind shrugs and climbs to his feet again, "I haven't been listening,"</p><p>Roxanne leans over the balcony and catches sight of what is clearly another wedding party on the floor below them, "Hey!" she calls down</p><p>The wedding party, brides and assorted bridesmaids and guests look up and wave, "What's this song called?"</p><p>"Let's fall in love for tonight" one of the bridesmaids calls back, then recognising Roxanne's white dress adds "Congratulations!"</p><p>"Uh thanks!" Roxanne catches the eye of one of the brides who is smiling giddily in her wife's arms," Congrats to you too!"</p><p>"Thank you!" The bride looks at the bridesmaid "Hey Julie play the song again!"</p><p>The music restarts and Roxanne waves as she is pulled back into a spin.</p><p>
  <em>Let's fall in love for the night</em>
  <br/>
  <em>And forget in the mornin'</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Play me a song that you like</em>
  <br/>
  <em>You can bet I'll know every line</em>
</p><p>No longer fearing for her toes, Roxanne relaxes into dancing and grins.</p><p>Megamind mostly tries not to think about the buzzing in his head and focuses on dancing with his wife.</p><hr/><p>Eventually the music downstairs stops and they head back inside to start exploring the rest of the suite. Megamind is frowning at the coffee machine while Roxanne wanders towards the first set of sliding doors on the right wall. She pushed open one side and freezes.</p><p>That's the master bedroom.</p><p>That's the master bedroom with one King? Giant? Orgy sized bed covered in rose petals and towels twisted to look like  swans and she never actually thought that was a real thing but that's quite impressive and that's a really big bed and shit shit shit she didn't think this through. </p><p>No wait its fine. Wayne said suite. Suite implies multiple rooms. There's another door beside her that must have the second bedroom. Its fine. its absolutely fine. </p><p>Keep exploring nosy reporter. I bet this place has fantastic hotel toiletries.</p><p>There are more doors on either side of the bed, Roxanne opens the one on the right and finds a bathroom with a double shower and double vanity. There are soft plush robes hanging from the door and a large white bath on one side with another door again behind that. Curiously she opens that door which leads towards the balcony side and finds another bath, a spa, this one set into stepped tiles on the floor. The wall is glass and looks out onto more of the city for people who apparently enjoy taking baths with a view. A shelf of towels and bath soaps runs along one wall.</p><p>It is extremely fancy and Roxanne is definitely taking all those bath bombs home with her. </p><p>She heads back through the connecting door to the master bedroom and to see Megamind chewing something. He doesn't seem concerned about the bed. Maybe he already found the other bedroom.</p><p>"What are you eating?" Come to think of it she's starving, lunch was a long time ago. Can they get room service?</p><p>"Snacks" he slips something from his hand into his mouth.</p><p>Yes and sharing? What's yours is mine etc. </p><p>"There are no snacks in there I checked," Roxanne blinks at the red in his hand "Are you eating the rose petals?"</p><p>"Are they not for eating?" Megamind tilts his head in confusion. </p><p>"No?"</p><p>"What are they for then?"</p><p>Roxanne shrugs helplessly, "Decoration?" </p><p>Megamind tears another petal in half with his teeth, "They taste like vanilla Turkish Delight."</p><p>"What? No they don't!"</p><p>He offers her the other half of the petal with a quirk of his brow, Roxanne bites it out of his fingers before she can stop herself. "That does not taste like vanilla, it just tastes like rose petal!"</p><p>Megamind shrugs but his eyes are fixed on her mouth, "Well that's what they taste like to me." </p><p>He tosses the handful of petals in his palm over her hair, Roxanne blinks and scatters them off her head and onto the ivory silk of her dress, "Hey!"</p><p>"Decoration," he grins and heads back into the main room again.</p><p>He is being...entirely too at ease for this. He must have found the other bedroom Why is she the only one having a panic attack right now? She scoops another handful of the bed (wedding night bed honeymoon bed fuck fuck fuck there has to be another bed right?) and tries another one just in case.</p><p>Nope still just rose petal. </p><p>Right well anyway leaving this room behind right now. That is a problem for future Roxanne.</p><p>"What do you mean things taste differently to you?" she asks, dropping her handful of the petals onto the top of his head as he explores the stationary in the desk drawers and she wanders back to find the other bedroom, getting distracted by the fountain show below them along the way.</p><p>"Alien," he replies, moving on to the fridge, scattering petals as he goes.</p><p>"So apples taste like?"</p><p>"Ugh!" he scowls, "Apples" he says the word the way other people would say boiled cabbage.</p><p>"Wait is that why you always lick the side of those weird algae battery things you use in the lair?" This is better, needling him about his inventions and not thinking about that bed at all.</p><p>Its Vegas. Technically anything that happens here does not exist once they get home. </p><p>Which begs the question just how far are they pushing this?</p><p>Not thinking about that.</p><p>"Of course," he grins, "half charge tastes like cinnamon, full charge tastes like pepper-berry."</p><p>"Huh..." That's actually a pretty cool thing to know, "What do I taste like?" </p><p>Her husband has his head buried in the cupboard beside the fridge so he doesn't see her slap her own forehead in dismay at her useless mouth and she turns to run into the bathroom, the actual bathroom not just the room with the bath. It also means Roxanne misses the way his head smacks into the desk as he jumps.</p><p>Megamind has what is probably the equivalent of a pretty nice buzz going on from the coffee and the dancing (and those incredible kisses) and he's been trying not to think too hard about anything much around the static in his brain but that is a really intimate question and his wife's sneaky reporter wiles mean that he answers without thinking.</p><p>"Honey," he calls and Roxanne turns in the doorway to see him still head down exploring the desk.</p><p>"Yes dear?" Whoops she did not mean to say that.</p><p>"You taste like honey and coffee" Rich and sweet and exactly the kind of thing that anyone would want to wake up with for the rest of their lives but she's absolutely right, the penalties for a damsel and a supervillain getting together are a little on the rough side. Resolving this before they leave Vegas is really the only option for them. </p><p>How did they wind up here again?</p><p>He's forgetting something. He knows he is.</p><p>"Are you sure that's not that shot from earlier?" Roxanne should have gone for a floofier dress, give her something to hide her hands in.</p><p>"No, its just you."</p><p>Right okay that's a thing she knows now...</p><p>Quick. Distraction. Nosy reporter skills don't fail me now.</p><p>"What are you looking for?" Its a little inane but any port in a storm.</p><p>"I'm looking for...Aha!" Megamind pulls out of the desk and holds up a small first aid kit, "Come here, we should check your feet."</p><p>Aww. He's so sweet.</p><p>He threatens you with deathtraps on a regular basis!</p><p>Well that's work, they're never actually aimed at her. Besides they're on holiday right now. </p><p>Technically you're on honeymoon. </p><p>Thank you brain the white dress was a bit of a giveaway you can shut up now.</p><p>Roxanne flops onto the couch and tucks her skirt up over her ankles giving up on arguing with herself.</p><p>Megamind folds down to sit on the floor in front of her, band-aids in hand. He reaches out and hesitates, "Do you want me to?" he trails of and she shrugs and holds her feet out, "You don't need to ask me every time."</p><p>"Dangerous" he raises an eyebrow.</p><p>"Its Vegas. We both know what that means. Touch me however you need."</p><p>Wow Roxanne. Its Vegas and all but what the fuck happened to your brain to mouth filter. Should we be concerned about what was in that shot?</p><p>The tips of Megamind's ears go pink.</p><p>"I'll take that under advisement," he mutters, lifting her foot then laughs a little at the silver shimmer on her toenails, "Is that what you were doing?"</p><p>"I have no idea," those tingles are starting up again, its very distracting "Someone just shoved me into a door marked spa and I came to an hour later trying to talk Minion out of getting me a tiara"</p><p>"A tiara," He tsked, "Evil Queen deserves a crown."</p><p>Roxanne rolled her eyes, "Can you stop it with the tingling thing?"</p><p>"What tingling thing?"</p><p>"...never mind"</p><p>Maybe its an allergic reaction or something.</p><p>Megamind smooths a new plaster over one heel, checks the other then drops her feet. </p><p>"Thanks" Roxanne says awkwardly, he gives her a half smile.</p><p>A knock at the door saves them from any further conversation "Room service!" a voice calls from outside. Megamind scrambles up again and Roxanne hops off the couch as well, "Come in?"</p><p>A bellboy enters pushing a trolley with a spread of chafing dishes and champagne chilling in a bucket, "Your assistants ordered this for you earlier," he looks up and gives them the vacantly relieved smile of an employee who hasn't had to walk in on another couple "celebrating" their new union, "Congratulations". He starts laying the dishes out on the table. There is a platter of fruit (no apples), pancakes, waffles, eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, its in fact a full brunch feast for ten pm at night. </p><p>Megamind's eyes brighten at the waffles, Minion is best fish. </p><p>"Assis- oh Minion" Roxanne says eyeing the hashbrowns.</p><p>"If that's what you call them" the bellboy lifts the champagne bottle and pops the cork. Roxanne winces. He pours two glasses and sets the ice bucket in a small stand. "Please feel free to contact the front desk at any time should you need anything," he bows and sets out a tray of syrups, cream and sauces including a jar of chocolate compete with a brush that Roxanne immediately tries to banish from her knowledge because this is not just night brunch spread anymore anymore its very much a wedding night thing and yep not gonna thing about that at all right now.</p><p>The bellboy is setting out an order form for the hotel stores. "The salon will be up to collect the dress at ten tomorrow Ma'am" He lights the candles on the table and lays out a heavy booklet for the boutiques downstairs. "We've been advised to charge everything to Mr Scott."</p><p>Forget the body chocolate. Megamind and Roxanne share a gleeful grin.</p><p>Ruin Wayne Scott's credit rating? </p><p>Fuck yes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The other song from this chapter is Robbery by Lime Cordial<br/>Also if you want to know what honey and espresso tastes like I direct you to https://shorthive.com/products/espresso-honey which is the most delicious thing in existence and I don't even drink coffee and because I decided flavours was going to be a thing in this for some reason.</p><p>Gene Kelly (5'7") is indeed shorter than Fred Astaire (5'9").</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps - Doris Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hello panic my old friend...you've come to stress me out again</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"How do you feel about speedboats?" Megamind asks, flipping through a room service book the size of an atlas. They are huddled around the collection of look-books picking at the remains of supper as they thoroughly abuse Wayne Scott's invitation of "Order whatever you like."</p><p>More dangerous words have never been said. </p><p>Roxanne looks up in confusion, "You can buy a boat via room service?"</p><p>He flips the page around to show her, a sleek black speedboat with gleaming chrome trim leaps out from the page. Roxanne stares then her face breaks into an wicked smile, "Do it." </p><p>He grins back and scribbles the order onto the pad beside him.</p><p>"And what are you ordering Miss Ritchi?" Megamind asks as Roxanne adds notes to her own list.</p><p>"All the clothes" Roxanne answers delightedly, looking over a page of designer dresses, "I bet I can make sure Wayne cries every time he goes to High Street with Lady Scott for the next six months." Megamind laughs, having already decided that Metro Moron definitely owes him a monogrammed set of titanium luggage, and a marble chess set, and a Royal Doulton tea set for Minion because really he deserves a present for the work he did on Roxanne's dress.</p><p>Evil gods his wife is beautiful and so gifted at the subtle art of rev-ange he really does- <em>Pshhhkkkkkkrrrrkakingkakingkakingtshchchchchchchchcch*ding*ding*ding* </em></p><p>Anyway.</p><p>"Why clothes?" There is a pretty decent drone camera he should suggest to her, it might mean she can drop that drip of a camera man who annoys her so much. He could adapt one of the bots for her but that's probably too close to a conflict of interest. He adds it to the list anyway.</p><p>"Because I have to give this dress back tomorrow and I don't have anything else here." Roxanne considers a pocket knife inlaid with obsidian and aquamarine accents. She notes it down.</p><p>"They don't let you keep the dress?" But she looks so lovely in it. Not that she doesn't always look beautiful and regal and ow that noise in his head is getting really quite annoying.</p><p>"Nope"</p><p>"But you look-" Megamind bites his tongue before he blurts out something ridiculous like as beautiful as sunlight through rain, "Not that you don't always-"</p><p>Roxanne is giving him a startled look, red crawling up her cheeks and right no stop talking now genius not helping.</p><p>"What about the cape?" We said stop talking.</p><p>"Sewn to the dress. Besides," Roxanne holds it up to the light, pushing her curiosity about what he was going to tell her she looked like back down along with her blush "Not sure it would do much good."</p><p>The fabric is very sheer. Megamind tries not to swallow his tongue but Roxanne is still talking, "I'm pretty sure of all the things I'm wearing right now only two of them actually belong to me and one of them is the lipstick." She cups her chin in her hand and scribbles something else on her notepad, her ring flashing in the light.</p><p>Megamind is feeling a little stunned by that admission. Probably because he was paying attention to her lips and the ring belongs to her as well which means...</p><p>Ah</p><p>Ahaha</p><p>Yep that is now a thought firing on every synapse in his oversized brain.</p><p>"Do you need this one?" Roxanne's voice interrupts his train of thought, holding her book in his direction.</p><p>Well not so much a train as one of those giant metropolitan stations where everyone is rushing from place to place but there's a big statue in the middle that you simply cannot get away from and the statue is Roxanne...Roxanne in the ring and her lipstick dark against her skin and...that is a deeply inappropriate thought to be having about your damsel...wife...oh fuck he married his damsel. Good going supergenius. </p><p>"What? Oh! Um no, the tailor is apparently sending me a few other suits." Megamind shoves another bite of waffles in his mouth to try and distract himself.</p><p>"Oh, nice." Roxanne is sending that tailor a bunch of flowers, "That must be handy. I had to go through three books just to find pyjamas"</p><p>"Oh I do need those"</p><p>"The tailor didn't?"</p><p>"He's a specialist," Megamind spread his arms and gestured, "Can you imagine me in this every day?"</p><p>Roxanne drains her glass rather than admit precisely how okay she is with that idea. "I'll add some for you." There aren't many options for some reason but she can surely find something for him. She flips back a few pages and scribbles down an order for a soft black bamboo set. The only option that doesn't look like it came from a skeezy old playboy mansion.</p><p>He'd be fine with short sleeves right?</p><p>"Thank you Miss Ritchi"</p><p>"You know you can just call me Roxanne?" she says somewhat fuelled by champagne "All the Miss Ritchi-ing makes me feel like we're in one of your evil plots."</p><p>He rolls his eyes, "Weirdest way any of my plots have ended thus far, winding up with a wife."</p><p>"That works too"</p><p>"What does?"</p><p>"Wife, for tonight" She's not going to think about the implications of that at all. Why is she only capable of controlling her mouth when there's a camera in front of her?</p><p>He gives a somewhat strangled laugh at that, "I suppose I'd better be husband then" </p><p>"Aww I was going to call you my Blueberry Pie." Ah timed that well, Megamind snorted champagne out his nose.</p><p>He glared at her, laughing, "Darling wife you are a menace" he waves his fork at her as she raises her eyebrows "I know, I know. Twenty points to you."</p><p>"Thirty, you were drinking."</p><p>"Fine, thirty."</p><p>"Thank you husband dear" Roxanne grins and finishes all of the hashbrowns because yes, fried potato good. She has never been let down by a root vegetable in her life and she manages to not spill anything on this dress which she is taking as a personal win because white dress + food = Recipe for disaster.</p><p>She keeps paging through the look-books from the boutiques as she goes, making a significant list because fuck it, she may have billed her husband for damages in the line of duty but seeing if they can hit the limit on Wayne's card is revenge.</p><p>She is also steadily making her way through this extremely good champagne with Megamind's occasional help because whatever was in the coffee is wearing off now and dinner with your supervillain husband in a honeymoon suite in Vegas is a little different than Minion's baked goods in the lair while they're waiting for Wayne to show up. She's also trying very hard not to think about the giant bed that seems to be growing every time she looks in the direction of the master bedroom. </p><p>Is he? </p><p>Are they?</p><p>It is technically their wedding night.</p><p>Nope not thinking about that at all. There'll be another bedroom, it'll be fine.</p><p>She's not nervous. Why would she be nervous? Megamind isn't nervous, he's already making up his third serve of waffles complete with cream, syrup and body chocolate.</p><p>He seemed to assume it was there for the food, though he seemed a little confused about...</p><p>"Why is there a brush?" he asks, drizzling a steady stream of chocolate over his plate.</p><p>"Its for the chocolate" Roxanne mutters into her glass. Not nervous not nervous its just your (oh fuck) wedding night after all. Its got nothing to do with the fact that he's lost the jacket and loosened the tie and rolled up his sleeves somewhere along the way so he didn't get them messy and that is a look that Roxanne has some significant opinions on. Mostly boiling down to <em>yes</em> and<em> hot</em> and <em>help</em>.</p><p>"To paint with? That seems like a waste." If Megamind keeps eating he can focus on something other than the way Roxanne is slouched in her chair like a debauched queen, sipping champagne with lazy indulgence and she keeps licking the salt from her plate from her fingers and that is extremely distracting.</p><p>"Not if you use it right" she's blaming that on the champagne.</p><p>"What? I don't understand"</p><p>Roxanne grabbed one of the strawberries from the bowl beside the champagne and dips it into the open jar. "Its for," she stops. <em>Damn that is really good chocolate</em>. "Gimme"</p><p>Megamind has dipped his own strawberry in and is clutching the jar protectively, "Get your own." </p><p>"What happened to whats mine is yours?"</p><p>"That doesn't apply to chocolate."</p><p>Roxanne manages to dip the rest of her strawberry in and bring it to her mouth, a drop of chocolate landing on her wrist and trickled down</p><p>"You still haven't explained the brush," Megamind looked up at her and saw the chocolate on her pulse point, "You've got-"</p><p>"Hmm?" Roxanne was grabbing another strawberry</p><p>"Chocolate, you've got"</p><p>Her arm reached over and dipped in the jar in his hand again, he caught her wrist and turned her arm to lick the trickle of chocolate from her skin before it hit her dress.</p><p>His brain caught up with his actions too late. Roxanne was staring at him, another smear of chocolate at the corner of her mouth. He wonders what it would taste like to lick it from her lips.</p><p>"Looks like you figured it out," she says a little breathlessly.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"That's why there's a brush"</p><p>Oh </p><p>Oh!</p><p>Ahahahahaha Right okay then</p><p>Well if that was the right thing to do with her arm then he's definitely never going to be able to think straight while she has that other drop of chocolate at her mouth.</p><p>"Your lip"</p><p>Her tongue darted out to lick the corner of her lip, "Did I get it?"</p><p>"Almost" feeling unbelievably daring he reaches out to Roxanne's (his wife's <em>his wife's</em>) mouth and swept over the corner of her mouth with his thumb just as her tongue darted out again. Her tongue brushes the tip of his finger and he pulls back with barely any more of the chocolate gone. He licked his thumb clean anyway and heard Roxanne's sharp intake of breath.</p><p>"Now did you get it?" she asks a little unsteadily, gripping her champagne glass tightly.<br/>"No." he slides out of his chair and kneels beside her, his fingers hovering over her cheek. "I'll just..." She's barely breathing, watching him wide-eyed. He leans in close and his tongue sweeps the smear of chocolate from the corner of her lip. Roxanne turns her head and licks it right back out of his mouth.</p><p>They both freeze.</p><p>Fuck fuck fuck what? No bad idea great idea yes please more now all the chocolate</p><p>"Nng!" Roxanne scrambles out of her chair as Megamind throws himself back onto the carpet, "Um sorry yes thank you I think its gone now I'm going to order all the things and more chocolate now!" She runs for the room phone.</p><p>Great yes more chocolate more things all the things</p><p>"Great idea!" Megamind pulls himself back into his own chair and tucks his feet up beside him, "Clearly I can't be trusted to share, which haha - Evil of course evil doesn't share"</p><p>He presses his head against his knees and breathes through his nose.</p><p>Touching! She said touching was fine. Nothing about licking. What possessed you? Where is Minion? Minion is good at keeping him on track.</p><p>(Minion had intended to stay until Wayne had explained maybe leave the newlyweds to be y'know, <em>newlyweds</em>. Instead he was happily debating cape styles with Metro Man as they flew back home and arranging a time to meet with Lady Scott as his grasp of style was apparently quite the thing that Wayne thought his mother might appreciate.)</p><p>This is not the plan at all.</p><p>Whatever the plan for tonight is.</p><p>He wants his spikes back. He never gets this close when he's in full supervillain mode. Except its Vegas and therefore supervillain mode does not in fact apply.</p><p>Megamind had made a more thorough investigation of the room than Roxanne had. He was currently determining whether it was better to sleep on the couch or on the sunbed on the balcony. He may be a supervillain but he refuses to be that kind of villain. </p><p>Maybe he'll just drown himself in the spa.</p><p>Roxanne stays on the phone with the front desk ordering more champagne and chocolate until her heart stops racing and she can think about turning around to look at her husband without turning the colour of a tomato. Finally she hangs up and sees Megamind on the balcony collecting his mantle and their shoes.</p><p>"You can't hold me responsible for these ones dear wife," he shakes the cream heels at her as he sets them beside the door. He disappears into the master bedroom and Roxanne sees him heading for the room with the spa. There is a low hiss of water as the taps come on.</p><p>Okay then, he's evidently figured out what he's doing. Roxanne is going to stay all the way out here in the main room. Come to think of it she should probably claim the other bedroom seeing as Megamind has evidently claimed the master.</p><p>Heh. Master Bedroom of Villainy</p><p>Okay Roxanne no more champagne for you. Hopefully the other bedroom has its own en-suite as well otherwise that's going to be awkward.</p><p>She checks the other room and freezes. The other door leads to the kind of walk in wardrobe she's dreamed of all her life except that means...</p><p>There is only one bed.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>A knock on the door interrupts before she can panic any further. The same bellboy from earlier with the new bottle of champagne and two more jars of chocolate that Roxanne absolutely does not blank on and shove into the refrigerator out of sight out of mind. She handed him the list of clothes as he clears away the supper dishes and advises someone would be up within twenty minutes with the clothing. Roxanne tells him to max out whatever tip he could to the room and he gave her a small grin and promised her order would be up in fifteen. </p><p>True to his word, by the time Roxanne had finished her glass (its really good champagne it would be a shame to waste at this point) he was back with a selection of boxes and bags. Roxanne directs him to leave the pyjamas out. He sets out a selection of boxes on the bed, turns down the sheets and magics the swans back into ordinary towels. The rest of the boxes disappear into the wardrobe of her dreams.</p><p>Roxanne flops on the bed and considers her order. For some reason actual nightwear wasn't much of a thing in Vegas for reasons she is absolutely not contemplating right now</p><p>At all</p><p>Mostly</p><p>A little bit</p><p>Her husband is just...look she's got eyes okay?</p><p>She has two options. A classy as hell long black nightgown with a slit to the thigh and wide straps and just a hint of lace along with a matching robe. Or a short backless romper with thin straps and a sheer lace panel where her waist is meant to be.</p><p>The nightgown technically covers more of her. But Roxanne is not about to risk waking up with the thing rucked up around her waist in the morning which is what always happens with her and nightgowns.</p><p>So...romper it is. There is a robe for that one too at least. </p><p>Roxanne sighs and heads for the bathroom. A shower is probably a good idea right now. She turned at the sound of one of the packages sliding off the bed and realised her cape was caught on the stack of boxes. "Oh for" she went to pick it up and tripped on the other half of the cape again, falling against the bed and hitting her shin on the bedframe "Ow fuck."</p><p>"Are you alright?" Megamind's voice came from the spa room. Roxanne gave up and scrambled onto the bed before she did herself any more damage.</p><p>"Edna Mode was right" she says, laying on the bed staring at the ceiling because clearly she cannot be trusted with anything so simple as her own clothing right now. </p><p>He laughs through the door, the sound of water shushing behind his voice "About what?"</p><p>"No capes."</p><p>"Ah but I make them look so good" he opens the door and leans on the frame. Roxanne sits up and stares. He looks like a damsels wet dream. He's down to just the bottom half of his suit and has thrown his mantle and cape back over his shoulders. His throat is a long line of blue outlined against the black of the collar and cape that continues down past his folded arms and the lean lines of his bare torso.</p><p>He looks like sex and sin and villainy and the only thing stopping Roxanne from throwing herself at him is that she's forgotten how her knees work.</p><p>"Yeah," she says unevenly, which is better than the shrieking litany of <em>holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck</em> echoing in her head, "You really do."</p><p>He flashes her a wicked grin and disappears again. </p><p>Okay one bed less of a problem than previously thought.</p><p>Roxanne slumps on the bed, pleating her cape between her fingers and tells her libido very firmly that she is not following him in there.</p><p>The silence of her own company goes on too long and hello panic my old friend, you've come to stress me out again.</p><p>Roxanne, Roxanne what have you done? You married a supervillain!</p><p>No she married <em>Megamind</em></p><p>...</p><p>That is a very judgemental silence and Roxanne does not appreciate it one bit.</p><p>Look it doesn't matter, they already agreed that they're getting divorced tomorrow and huh maybe all those hashbrowns didn't agree with her as much as she thought because her stomach is feeling a little odd now. </p><p>Whatever. Married tonight. Divorced tomorrow. Back home to Metro and same time next week for the kidnapping?</p><p>You kind of skimmed over the married tonight bit there Roxanne</p><p>Yes and?</p><p>He's a supervillain do you expect him to be a gentleman?</p><p>He literally asked before he picked me up when I was standing on my cape, I think he's fine.</p><p>Yeah that suit looked amazing on him</p><p>I know right!</p><p>Wait no panic! Panic very badly what is going on why are we here why are we doing this why does he have to look so devastatingly handsome where did he learn to kiss like that how many people are we going to have to hunt down because mine now.</p><p>Till tomorrow</p><p>Yeah those hashbrowns really aren't agreeing with her at all.</p><p>Betrayed by potatoes. Her one constant.</p><p>Roxanne lifts a handful of her skirt up and glares at the new band-aids on her heels "This is all your fault" she informs them sternly.</p><p>Then she sighs and stands up again. This dress is laced very tightly, it might be nice to put pyjamas on while her husband is <strike>naked in the bath</strike> otherwise occupied. Hands reaching behind her Roxanne tried to remember what the lady at the salon had said about unlacing. </p><hr/><p>Now hiding below the surface in the spa Megamind was having his own personal crisis.</p><p>She was supposed to laugh! Why didn't that work?</p><p>Evil gods below Megamind how could you? You don't marry the damsel! Damsels are off limits!</p><p>Oh sure there would be plenty of other villains lining up to congratulate him but they are not the kind of villains he prefers to associate with. He's not one of those villains that creeps on their damsels.He has standards after all. </p><p>You can't keep calling her the damsel she's so much more than that.  </p><p>Fine he married <em>Roxanne</em>. Roxanne is his wife!</p><p>...</p><p>Yes its a very lovely thought and its the most incredible thing to have ever happened except for the fact that as she so rightly pointed out you are in fact an alien and who wants to bet she hasn't thought through what that entails?</p><p>He's blue and his head is twice the size of a human you'd think she'd have an idea things might be a little nonstandard. She still married him after all.</p><p>Surprise tentacles are the kind of things one would expect to discuss prior to getting married though wouldn't you agree?</p><p>No no its fine, we just sleep on the couch and go downstairs and set her free tomorrow and look whatever happens you still got to kiss the most incredible woman in Metrocity and she's your wife and she's so beautiful she shines like starli-</p><p>I thought we agreed never to think about the Mentality Machine Misfire again.</p><p>Ahahahaha this is bad so bad and he is the best at being bad but this is really actually incredibly bad. Kidnapping her is going to be so awkward after this...</p><p>A knock at the spa door disrupts his panicked inner monologue.</p><hr/><p>Roxanne is stuck.</p><p>Specifically her hand is. Whatever arcane magic was used to lace her into this dress has obviously passed its midnight deadline and there is exactly one person to help her and he's very used to her asking him to untie her from a chair. Not from the mess she's accidentally made of the laces and the ring is definitely cursed because it caught on the ribbon and her hand is trapped and her shoulder is cramping so she really is going to have to ask Megamind to get out of the bath and help her...</p><p>Shit</p><p>Roxanne kicks on the bath room door, her other hand currently engaged in trying to make sure she doesn't accidentally cut off her own circulation, "Um, Megamind?" Oh this is the most awkward moment of her life, "Can I get your help with something?" </p><p>The splashing noises stop, "What is it?"</p><p>"I'm stuck" </p><p>"On what?"</p><p>"My dress, please?"</p><p>"Hold on,"</p><p>There is a larger splash and the sound of feet on tiles. Roxanne turns around and waits, listening to the fumbling noises as the door opens behind her.</p><p>Megamind stares,  Roxanne has her back to him, shoulder pulled back and her hand tangled in the laces of her dress, wound around her wrist and fingers like the most romantically obscene version of a kidnapping he could possibly imagine. The split cape frames her back like its an offering and she's looking over her shoulder at him, blushing furiously. "So uh... I accidentally tied myself up this time?" she sounds like she's trying to joke but her voice is breathy and she twists her hand again, trying to free herself and getting the ribbon caught on another claw in the ring.</p><p>Megamind draws in a breath so sharply the towel around his hips nearly falls off. He grabs at it with one hand and reaches for the ribbon with the other.</p><p>"Really darling wife, were you that put out about missing our kidnapping?" his voice is a low purr against her neck, his fingers unhooking the ribbon from the clawed ring. Roxanne's shoulder relaxes as she pulls her hand back to her front and rubs her fingers. His hand, warm from the bath, presses against her shoulder, rubbing at the knot that had been forming and Roxanne breathes a soft moan. His fingers still, then press again and Roxanne bows her head, baring the smooth line of her neck to invite easier access.<br/>His fingers drift over her shoulder to strum down the crossed lacing of her wedding dress, "Would you like me to unlace you?" he asks softly, still tracing his fingers up and down the ribbons.</p><p>"Please"</p><p>"Is that a yes?" he's fairly certain that's what she means but he's feeling incredibly overwhelmed by the nearness of her and he wants to make sure before he makes any mistakes.</p><p>"Yes Megamind, unlace me please."</p><p>He doesn't move for a moment, so she looks at him over her shoulder and she knew he was slim but she didn’t realise he was quite so..fit. He's built like a swimmer, wiry arms and lean torso and how was he hiding those shoulders under the spikes all this time? He's holding one end of the ribbon between his teeth and rolls his eyes up to look at her and raises an eyebrow, "This is a very complex piece of lacing dear wife" he says around the ribbon, ivory bright against the blue of his skin. His fingers are walking up her spine, tugging one strand at a time. The dress relaxes bit by bit and she can feel the vertebrae in her spine lighting up with each pull, rising higher and higher and she has more room to breathe now but that's impossible because there is no air in the room somehow.</p><p>Roxanne suddenly wants so badly that she has to steady herself on the doorframe.</p><p>He finishes unlacing the dress and it slips looser down her arms now its no longer fitted to her like a second skin. He slips his fingers under the silk and the backs of his nails just skim her bare back as he unhooks the modesty panel. Roxanne gasps and he stops, "Did I scratch you?"</p><p>"N-no" she's trying desperately not to whimper as his fingers move to the next hook and slide it gently loose.</p><p><em>Just tear it off me</em>, she wants to beg. Anything but this slow torture where her skin is burning and her spine is liquid and she can feel his unsteady breathing cool on her back as he unhooks the final bar and she has to clutch the dress to her to keep it from sliding to the floor entirely.</p><p>Just let it fall Roxanne. You've come this far. What's a few yards of silk and beading?</p><p>"Right okay yes thank you," she babbles, turning hurriedly, holding the dress in front of her and his eyes are burning, burning, burning. She takes a step. In what direction she'll never know but she snags her heel on the cape and stumbles.</p><p>He catches her. Both arms lock around her and she sprawls against the side of the bed with him above her. Her hands pressed between them, crystal beading digging into her palms. He's kneeling over her, one hand caught behind her neck, the other around her waist.</p><p>There's a beat while they stare at one another. Their faces are too close. It wouldn't take more than a breath to breach the distance between them and kiss him again. Then he guides, lifts her really, up to sit on the bed and she catches a glimpse of more white on the floor. A monogrammed towel.</p><p>Her eyes flick up again. The skirt of her dress is in the way but she can see one bare hip and thigh and well that answers her question about whether the blue goes all the way down and dammit now she's even more curious. "Told you I'd have you stripped" her traitorous tongue quips before she can stop herself.</p><p>Megamind jumps and he jerks the towel back up and wraps it around himself four times blushing lavender down to his collar.</p><p>"I'll leave you to finish getting ready for bed," his voice is rough as he yanks the door shut  behind him. Then he flings it open again and marches towards her where she's still frozen sitting like a dishevelled doll on top of a wedding cake. He plants one hand on the bed beside her and leans over her, "Back to finish the job?" she asks unsteadily, trying not fall back onto the bed below him.</p><p>"Temptress" he hisses against her neck and pulls back with the box containing his pyjamas in his hand and disappears into the bath room again.</p><p>Roxanne puts her face in her hands and screams silently.</p><hr/><p>Hidden back in the spa room Megamind slides back into the bath that is getting uncomfortably cool and hides under the bubbles while he tries not to think about his wife.</p><p>Roxanne</p><p>His <em>wife</em></p><p>Tries not to think of her standing there asking him to undress her. Eyes wide, lips parted and her skin soft under his fingertips.</p><p>Tries not to think about how it feels to have someone who never looks scared to see him but instead like they've just been offered a puzzle to solve. And how delighted they are when they do.</p><p>Tries not to think about the way she sees through his plots. Especially the ones that he just throws together at the last minute with no chance of working because he wants to watch her eyes brighten when she meets the new bots and how she always sneaks a box of paperclips into her bag at work each week so she has treats for them. </p><p>Tries not to think about the ways she always politely thanks Minion when he brings her a glass of water or sets her phone on silent when she's forgotten and it rings in the middle of a villainous scheme.</p><p>Tries not to think about the way she smiles on camera is so different to the way she does when she knows the world isn't watching because she lets her eyes crinkle and her nose scrunch and she thinks its unprofessional even though it looks utterly adorable.</p><p>Tries not to think about making her laugh. Getting her eyes to light up with that combination of appalled frustrated amusement so even when his evil scheme inevitably fails again he will have at least won something. Because she's smart and brilliant and challenges him every single time and she's so so beautiful when she laughs that he nearly burst into song the day they decided to start keeping score because it gave him an excuse to talk to her even more and the noise in his finally stops as the connection is made and </p><p>Oh no</p><p>
  <em>Oh No</em>
</p><p>No wonder he never wanted to kidnap anyone else.</p><p>He's in love with her</p><p>He's been in love with her all along.</p><p>And tomorrow they're getting divorced.</p><p>Megamind slides a little lower in the water and tries not to scream.</p><p>And he doesn't just love her, oh no it couldn't be that easy because he's known for years that he <em>wants</em> her. Wants her warmth against his skin and the sweet rich taste of her heavy on his tongue. He knows how she tastes now. Honey and coffee are going to haunt him for the rest of his life.</p><p>It would be less of an issue if he was human, which, ahaha, a lot of things would be less of an issue if he was human like his career options for starters.  But he's not and she doesn't deserve to see what kind of (literally) alien form she married. Because that had been her problem hadn't it? Not the Supervillainy or the Ee-vil or even him!</p><p>(Roxanne of course hadn't even been thinking that at the time. She literally thought he didn't have enough identification to be classified as legally married. Really given his rapsheet she should have known better)</p><p>Well supervillain he may be but he has standards, if nothing else that shouldn't change tonight. He's always been incredibly respectful of her boundaries as much as possible in a professional capacity. </p><p>Aside from the knocking her up and tying her down.</p><p>Wait</p><p>Knocking her <em>out</em> and tying her <em>up</em> that's what he meant. Evil gods why is he such a disaster?</p><p>Listen, just. Be what she needs, whatever she needs, let her decide. Either way you'll still be her husband for one night and that will be something to hold onto for the rest of your life.</p><p>Megamind throws himself out of the water with a splash and oh shit he probably should have hung up his suit because now that's drenched and the only thing he has is the pyjamas.</p><p>Megamind rips open the box and stares at the set in dismay.</p><p>This is...also going to be a problem.</p><p>But there's only so long he can hide in this room before he has to leave and figure out how they're going to get through tonight.</p><hr/><p>"No shirt?" Roxanne absolutely does not squeak when he walks back into the bedroom. She's sitting on the edge of the bed, huddled in her own pyjamas, long red robe cinched tight around her waist.</p><p>Megamind holds up the narrow v-neck, "How am I meant to wear this?"</p><p>And Roxanne hadn't really been thinking about that though the thought probably should have crossed her mind. But options had been limited and she'd mostly been hoping to see more of his arms but the whole bare chest thing is doing things to her that would be fantastic to explore if, you know, they were actually on their honeymoon.</p><p>Which they are.</p><p>Oh shut up brain you know what I mean.</p><p>To hide her discomfort she shoves the box containing the night gown and robe at him.</p><p>He raises an eyebrow at her, "Not my style" he deadpans.</p><p>"Oh for- whatever," she pulls the box back like missing the chance to see him in silk and lace isn't an absolute travesty in and of itself. "There's other robes in the bathroom." she jerks her head and concentrates on coiling the tie of her robe through her fingers. </p><p>The bed is really big, it takes him a long time to walk around it.</p><p>"Um," Roxanne says just as he gets to the door, "I don't know if you realised but there's only one bedroom."</p><p>Megamind flushes and doesn't look at her, "I know"</p><p>"Then-"</p><p>"I'll take the couch of course." he says hurriedly. </p><p>"The couch?" </p><p>Megamind frowns, "I'm a supervillain. But I refuse to be that sort of villain Miss Ritchi"</p><p>And she's back to being Miss Ritchi, "But-" we're <em>married,</em> you <em>kissed</em> me. Wow thank you Ms Obvious he was there. Evidently he's not interested, "You can still call me Roxanne" she mumbles, "Not just cos you kissed me" Oh Roxanne you'd been doing so well.</p><p>He blinks at her, "You have to kiss the bride, its part of the wedding." Not going to mention that it was the single most magnificent moment of his life but she didn't actually intend to marry him today and he's not going to hold her to anything when she doesn't know what she's getting into.</p><p>"...right." He doesn't want her. That's fine. That's absolutely the smartest decision either of them has made today.</p><p>He's watching her carefully, "Is this an issue? I can probably find another room if that makes you more comfortable?"</p><p>"What? No!" Roxanne wants a lot of things right now and comfortable is not an adjective she's interested in. "Stay and abuse Wayne's black platinum card with me" he smiles at that and her stupid mouth keeps going, "I just wasn't sure if..." she trails off rather than try to dig herself any deeper. There's so much heat radiating from her cheeks that its surprising the fire alarm hasn't kicked in.</p><p>Megamind makes the offer, "I'd do anything you'd ask of me Roxanne." If she asks to see him or touch him at least she'll know and he wont blame her at all when she throws him off the balcony or immediately catches an emergency flight home.</p><p>And if she doesn't want to be his damsel after that well he'll handle that too.</p><p>Somehow.</p><p>But something in Roxanne chickens out at that proposition because that is far too sincere an offer for someone who just said they only kissed you because they had to. She wants to feel wanted, not like an obligation.  And there's a messy part of her that aside from the shoes and the weekly disruptions and even in spite of the fantastic boost its given her career, is sick of feeling like a prop between the hero and the villain. The rope in the tug-o-war. She's not even the prize. She's the stand in for the audience but god she just wishes she could be seen and desired as someone other than the damsel for once.  </p><p>She huffs and folds her arms across her middle and shakes her head at herself. She's is not very good at being introspective and there's something lurking in the back of her mind behind more doors than the Get Smart end credits that she is determinedly ignoring about this whole situation because fucking hell what a mess she's made of everything. </p><p>Megamind looks at her awkwardly, "What do you want me to do?"</p><p><em>I don't want you to do anything</em>, she doesn't say as one door cracks open just for a moment, <em>I just want you to want to do it. I want for you to want to be married to me, just for tonight, just for a single minute. For this to have been a choice you wanted to make rather than me letting my big mouth run away with me then letting Wayne and Minion run away with the both of us. </em></p><p>
  <em>Because I want to feel wanted. But I'm just the damsel and its my fault we're here and you don't like me and to ask you touch me out of some misplaced sense of obligation rather than out of love or desire is about the worst thing I can think of right now.</em>
</p><p>"Just stay," she says finally, firmly slamming her mental doors shut, "Do whatever makes you most comfortable."</p><p>He nods and slips into the bathroom. Roxanne scrambles under the covers, pulling her robe off and throwing it on the floor before she lets herself think any further.</p><p>Megamind comes back out in one of the fluffy robes, wiping toothpaste from his mouth. He pulls a pillow off the bed and tugs at the decorative comforter. Roxanne sits up and looks at him questioningly as he bundles them into his arms, "I don't want to put you out. I'll sleep on the couch."</p><p>Right. Well.</p><p>That answers that. </p><hr/><p>Roxanne buries herself under the blankets but even through the door the couch built into the lounge is not made for sleeping. It squeaks every time Megamind turns and tries to get comfortable and she feels guilty  rolled into a little ball in a bed that is the size of her half her apartment (and for being responsible for this whole thing anyway). Eventually she gives up, pulls her robe back on and storms into the living area. "Come to bed" she demands.</p><p>Megamind falls off the couch, "What?"</p><p>"You're being noisy and its keeping us both awake." She pulls the robe tighter around her "Just...come and share. I'm pretty sure you'd need a packed lunch to reach the other side of this bed anyway, no point you being uncomfortable."</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>"Its one night. We'll be fine." She heads back to the bed and jumps back in, pulling the robe off and shoving it out the side from under the blankets, listening to the footsteps of her husband following her in and closing the door.</p><p>Hesitantly, Megamind slid into the bed, holding himself as close to the edge as possible. "I- sorry for the inconvenience."</p><p>On the other side of the bed Roxanne groans, "Oh don't say that again." then immediately wants to bite her tongue, "Just- go to sleep."</p><p>He looks over at her, a small lump of blanket in the shadows. There's enough space between them for Metro Man to stretch out lengthwise but it still feels too close. His fingers clutch at the sheets and he bites his tongue against the urge to what? Apologise? Reach for her? Tell her that he's calculated the odds of his pod landing on a habitable planet and marrying her, even if it wasn't intentional, even if its only temporary, is still the greater miracle?</p><p>She doesn't need to know he loves her. She never asked for any of this. The best thing he can do is to save her from having to carry that burden as well. "I'm sure this wasn't the wedding night you envisioned Roxanne."</p><p>Her name in his mouth in the dark has more of an effect on her than she is willing to admit. She rolls over to look at him. His sharp profile outlined against the light leaking in around the edges of the curtains, "Its fine." </p><p>"Its not." he insists, "I know its supposed to be a special night and..." he trails off and Roxanne cant help herself from making things worse.</p><p>"I'm a damsel not a virgin sacrifice" she snorts and wow Roxanne what an amazing thing to say on your honeymoon to the supervillain you just married. God she's useless, what is wrong with her?</p><p>"Well that makes one of us" Megamind mutters before he can stop himself.</p><p>"What? Really?"</p><p>"I am not having this discussion."</p><p>"But you're-" Ridiculously handsome and he spends all that time in that fucking leather and he's literally a genius is the entire world blind or something?</p><p>"Perhaps I was saving myself for marriage" he snaps snidely, then slaps his hand to his forehead as Roxanne made a choking noise because well that's kind of the whole reason they're here isn't it?</p><p>Roxanne laughs because its that or scream, after a moment he joins in and the tension eases.</p><p>"Sorry for taking your wedding night away from you" she mumbles because damn she's really ruined this for him hasn't she.</p><p>"Yes because being in bed with the most incredible woman in Metrocity is such a hardship" he rolls his eyes, "Its fine I clearly didn't think through my use of id-eye-oms"</p><p>Well maybe she was wrong in which case her previous statement about the rest of the world being blind still stands.</p><p>Also he thinks she's incredible?</p><p>"Are the bots going to be okay with you away?" Roxanne changes the subject  before she does something stupid like crawl over to his side of the bed and kiss him again. </p><p>"They have the swarm, and Minion will be home. They'll be fine" She can see glints of green and sharp white teeth in the darkness, and oh no she knows that look, "Feel free to call me Daddy if you're worried I'll feel lonely."</p><p>She's changed her mind, her side of the bed is fine. "You know Wayne's knew the lady at the desk by name, if he's gotten married four times here he's probably used this bed."</p><p>He had not. Roxanne knew for a fact Wayne was ace, he was just ridiculously romantic.</p><p>There's a revolted pause. "I'm going back to the couch."</p><p>Roxanne snickered and threw a pillow at him. </p><p>"Ah," he tucked it under his neck, "Thank you wife."</p><p>"Go to sleep husband."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks to Elf for the boat suggestion. And if money concerns you Wayne Scott is literally a billionaire and could not care less so boats for everybody</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. To Whom It May Concern - The Civil Wars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Snuggles. That is all</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I put the word out for whether this chapter should be quiet conversation or snuggles and Elf said snuggles so here you go. Neither of them are awake enough to actually realise what is going on.<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-r5w_CQM8s</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roxanne stirred in the night as a strip of light fell over her face. Grumbling in her sleep she shifted away from the light and rolled over again. This pillow is too soft she needs something firmer. Wait...ah...lovely cold side of the pillow. She wrapped one arm around it and fell deeper into sleep.</p>
<p>Megamind sprawled then shivered in his sleep. They are in the middle of a desert. Why is this room freezing? The whole point of the lair being cold is so he can have seven blankets on the bed and make a nest. He rolled over and his skin pricked at a sensation of warmth. Still asleep he chased the heat until he could snuggle under it and relaxed with a sigh.</p>
<p>As a morning person Roxanne made a great damsel. As a matter of fact the only things that could reliably get her out of bed in the mornings were coffee or the sound of a high priority news alert ringtone. Megamind on the other hand didn't really have a circadian rhythm to match the earth's rotation but he was in the middle of coming down from a pretty significant sugar high (Minion would never let him eat that many waffles all at once) so when the sound of a door slamming and shrieking laughter hits right outside their suite neither of them are particularly coherent when they wake up. Megamind looks down at the woman in his arms only for his brain to go "Yeah that's a tomorrow issue" and conk out again while he's still staring at the short brown hair splayed over his blue hand.</p>
<p>Then there is a befuddled sound as Roxanne lifts her head up and looks at him, she squints a little in sleepy confusion, mumbles "Ngnm" and puts her head down on his chest again.</p>
<p>Ngmn? What is ngnm? There's not a lot of coherency going on right now but is this normal? This doesn't usually happen during a kidnapping. Maybe there was an accident with the spray or something. "Um" </p>
<p>"No," she yawns, "sleep." This is a problem for future Roxanne and whatever part of current Roxanne is awake right now (not much) is pretty firmly set on the idea of fuck dealing with anything until maximum sleep is achieved.</p>
<p>Sleep. Sleep is good. Future them may have to deal with this but at least they'll be well rested. He tries to pull the hand in her hair out to tug the blankets up and she takes it as an request to lift her head again and she blinks down at him sleepily. Whatever part of her brain is awake obviously appreciates his actions as he tucks the blankets over both of them because she  cuddles higher onto his shoulder and her lips brush a sleepy kiss against his jaw. And aww, she noticed his shoulder was cold, Megamind presses his own kiss against her temple and she hums contentedly until another door slams in the corridor beyond their room. Then there is a growl and had he been awake he might have been concerned she's apparently learned his monologue technique well enough to grumble threats in her sleep.</p>
<p>Step on a piece of Lego? What?</p>
<p>Oh whatever. His hand slides into her hair again and she curls tighter around him.  Sleep now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>May you step on a piece of Lego is of course an excellent way to curse someone. Especially if you are somewhere you cant actually swear loudly at the time.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Glitter - Benee</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Roxanne is a horny mess. Megamind is on an emotional rollercoaster and we blame the room phone for everything.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Have a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3gmU0GOTXI<br/>I know the expectation is for awkward waking up together but I'm a sucker for slapstick. Also Megamind probably needs some kind of therapy for his nonexistent sense of self worth the poor bastard.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Megamind wakes again before the sun. He is in an unfamiliar place in an unfamiliar bed and there is a heavy weight on his chest pressing him into the mattress. He looks down and sees a head with short brown hair cuddled onto his chest, breathing softly. One hand is reaching up his chest to cup the back of his neck. His own hands are wrapped tightly around her waist and buried in her hair.</p><p>Who is?</p><p><em>Roxanne</em> - His brain supplies, <em>wife. Married you.</em></p><p>Since when?</p><p>
  <em>Yesterday</em>
</p><p>And oh yes that memory of her walking down the aisle towards him. He could feel the disbelieving grin spreading across his face</p><p>Why?</p><p>
  <em>No idea</em>
</p><p>Does she know?</p><p>
  <em>She's sleeping on top of you, lets hope so</em>
</p><p>Wrong question</p><p>
  <em>Clarify?</em>
</p><p>Does she know why we got married?</p><p>
  <em>Uncertain. Blame Metro Moron</em>
</p><p>Why?</p><p>
  <em>His fault</em>
</p><p>We cant actually blame him for everything you know</p><p><em>No we really can this time.</em> And there was an image of Metro Man weeping into Minion's shoulder. Gross. Minion was going to need to wash that suit.</p><p>Damn. Now we owe him a gift.</p><p>The more he wakes up the more other memories start trickling in. Dancing on the balcony, chocolate, ordering an entire book worth of obscure and expensive items in revenge against Metro Man, a pair of aces for some reason and oh yes. The knowledge that all of this is only temporary.</p><p>Megamind reaches up with his free hand to gently lift the hand cupping his head up and away. He looks at the ring on the hand for a moment. It really is an awful gaudy thing. Its simultaneously the best sight he's ever seen and the worst because the moment she wakes up they have to go downstairs and sign the papers and she'll go back to being his damsel and he'll go back to thinking up more and more outlandish creations to threaten the city with just for the chance to see her again.</p><p>He gently shifts his other hand out of her hair and goes to lay her hand down so he can slip out from under her and she doesn't get the wrong idea when she wakes up. Its torture to pull away from her skin but even though its Vegas he still has his own rules. There are lines he will not cross and she deserves better than a clingy alien husband who cant even keep to his side of the bed.</p><p>Roxanne rolls over with a grumbling noise and takes his hand with her. She tucks it under her waist and stretches her feet out with a sigh until her ankles crack and makes a soft sound of contentment. She's using the arm that had been caught in her hair as a pillow.</p><p>Megamind has his forty seventh moment of panic since yesterday afternoon.</p><p>Okay he'll make sure she's asleep properly before he slides out of bed. It shouldn't take more than ten minutes. She's lovely and warm and relaxed she'll drift right off.</p><p>In five he is asleep again as well.</p><p>Roxanne woke up in the middle of the bed, one leg twisted around someone else's and the taste of chocolate still in her mouth.</p><p>This is not her bed.</p><p>There is someone snuggled close behind her breathing softly. She can feel a lean chest against her back and is that a goatee pressed against her shoulder? Roxanne opened her eyes and looked down blearily. there was an arm around her waist, pulling her back against the body behind her. She has her fingers tangled in the other persons hand. There's something about the arm. She squints at it in the early morning light. </p><p>It's blue.</p><p>Oh</p><p>Well </p><p>That's okay that's just Megamind. </p><p>Roxanne closes her eyes and snuggles backwards a little. The arm around her waist tightens and the lips on her shoulder brush a sleepy kiss against her skin.</p><p>...wait</p><p>That's <em>Megamind</em></p><p>Roxanne's eyes shoot open. She pulls her hand and the one she was holding up to the light. Definitely blue. Long fingers and square palms and definitely not human. </p><p>And there are rings.</p><p>There is a dark grey ceramic zirconium band and a large (possibly cursed) diamond ring on the ring fingers of each of their hands.</p><p>Why is she in bed with Megamind and why are there rings and what is going on and ohhhhh she just remembered everything from yesterday.</p><p>You eloped to Vegas with Megamind after arguing yourselves into an engagement because you wanted your shoes replaced. Roxanne what the actual fuck?</p><p>Very carefully she laid their joined hands back over her waist and praying desperately that she can just fall asleep again and not deal with this. This is a problem for when they both are awake and if she goes back to sleep then he has to deal with this first.</p><p>She gets another five minutes of solo panic and nearly makes it back to sleep before the room phone rings and everything goes to hell.</p><p>The ringing sound is the exact same noise that her phone is programmed to make when a priority one news alert comes through which means her automatic reaction is to leap out of bed and sprint for the phone.</p><p>She accidentally lands a solid kick to Megamind's stomach along the way to which his reaction is to catch her arms and pull her backwards to pin her to the bed because you don't grow up in a prison without learning some tricks and threat negation while asleep is one of them. He shakes himself awake, but she doesn't see much in the way of recognition in his eyes as he presses her hands into the mattress above her head and pins her with his hips.</p><p>"Why are you always so much trouble when we kidnap you without the spray?" he growls as she tries to throw him off.</p><p>"I'm not your damsel you idiot I'm your wife!" Dammit she doesn't want to bite him (much) but she will if he doesn't let her up in a second.</p><p>"Wife?" his grip relaxes and Roxanne is able to flip them so now she's on top of him, which is not entirely what she intended (though there are parts of her that are certainly not complaining). A full body shudder goes through him from his feet up to his head and he shakes himself awake, and <em>wow</em> that is a sensation she's not going to forget in a hurry but at least he releases her hands. That of course pulls her off balance and she drops onto the mattress above him, hands planted either side of his head. In the background the phone stops ringing. </p><p>"Are you done?" she demands, adrenaline slamming through her from the unexpected wake-up call.</p><p>"Nnnnyes?" His ears are lavender and he blinks at her rapidly still clearly pulling all of his processing systems back online.</p><p>She should really get him off...off him! Get off him! But listen, at least fifty percent of Roxanne had quite a significant realisation yesterday. Unfortunately, it was the fifty percent below her waist which means she couldn't move her legs right now if she tried. Though she does manage to push herself up to kneel above him so hooray for arms, because their faces were very close just now and those were not appropriate thoughts to have while on your honeymoon except they are the exact thoughts you would expect to be having and this is just way to much to deal with right now. </p><p>She stares down at him as she watches the recognition dawn in his eyes and he looks sleepy and brilliant and so fucking kissable, she opens her mouth instead to say something completely reasonable like "Hi" or "How do you feel about honeymoon sex?" or "Did you mean it about the incredible thing because, same, and I know I'm not blue but I think I'm pretty keen on dating an alien if you are?" but what she blurts out instead is "We should get divorced."</p><hr/><p>Megamind bursts out laughing because of course it was too good to be true "Yes, dear evil gods we absolutely should."</p><p>And Roxanne feels something in her stomach go cold at his ready agreement so she flops back down on top of him in punishment and buries her head in his shoulder. Then she pulls the doona up over her head.</p><p>"What are you doing wife of mine?" his voice rumbles under her ear.</p><p>"Hiding." Hiding is good. Doona of denial will fix all.</p><p>Except she's still on top of him....</p><p>And there's all that blue skin right there...</p><p>Bad Roxanne.</p><p>Not for licking.</p><p>"Why?" Megamind hesitates, waiting for her to decide what happens next. She's still on top of him and he's not really sure what's meant to be happening right now so he folds his arms behind his head away from temptation and watches the lump on his chest. Absolutely certain he will not be moving as long as she's curled on top of him.</p><p>Muffled words float up through goosedown "Sleep is the better part of valor."</p><p>"Look on the bright side" he offers, "We can finally disrupt one of Metro Man's plans for once."</p><p>Her laughter sends warm air rushing over his chest until he's almost dizzy with the sensation.</p><p>It should feel weird, lying on top of him but for once he seems perfectly at ease and its making it easier for Roxanne to relax so she gives up on hiding and pushes the doona back to sit up and straddle his waist.</p><p>He looks up at her and smirks, then his gaze drops to what she's wearing and the expression on his face is definitely gobsmacked. Roxanne thrills a little at causing that look because she can make him laugh and she can make him scream in frustration but she's never left him speechless before.</p><p>She presses her hands on his chest and the movement makes one of the straps slide off her shoulder. He swallows and the hands behind his head come down to clench the sheets either side of her knees like a lifeline.</p><p>The room phone rings again.</p><p>They both jump, Megamind bolting upright and smacking his head into Roxanne's, "Wha? Ow!" She scrambles off accidentally kneeing him in the chest so he falls back onto the bed gasping as she runs for the room phone, yanking her robe on along the way.</p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>"Good Morning, this is the front desk, just wanting to confirm what time you would prefer breakfast?"</p><p>Roxanne blinks, trying to calm her racing heart. Not a news alert, just breakfast. "But we haven't ordered any?"</p><p>"It comes with the suite," the bright voice on the other end says kindly in the tone of someone who has explained this to many a hungover and/or enthusiastic new couple who maybe need a push to get out of bed so the bellboys don't need more therapy.</p><p>"Oh um..." And Roxanne trails off because Megamind is sitting up and pressing a hand to his chest and giving her a look as though to say <em>I already agreed we should get divorced, you didn't need to kick me again</em>. She gives him an apologetic look and he waves her off with a shrug, stretching lazily and that's really taking all of her attention right now what with the arms and the blue and sliding out of bed to saunter into the spa room.</p><p>"Ma'am?"</p><p>"Uh?" she digs her phone out of her purse to check the time, nine thirty, "Ten?"</p><p>"Ten, thank you ma'am it will be up shortly,"</p><p>"Thank you"</p><p>Roxanne hangs up the room phone and frowns at the one new message image on her mobile. She should probably check in with work, though it wouldn't be the first time she's taken a day off after a kidnapping...wedding...fuck.</p><p>Megamind walks out of the spa room, turning the sleeves of his shirt right side out, "What was that?" he gives her an enquiring look but Roxanne is staring at the screen.<br/>There's a message on her phone from Wayne "Booked you guys the room til Sunday. I told your boss you needed extra time after the kidnapping went sideways. Scott plane will bring you home. Bring me back a souvenir!"</p><p>Sideways. Well that's one way of looking at it. </p><p>"We have the room for the rest of the weekend." she says blankly, showing him the screen on her phone. "Wayne's sending us a plane home on Sunday."</p><p>"Oh." Megamind drops his shirt. "Right. Well I'm going back to bed then."</p><p>"You are?" Can she come? Oh for fucks sake Roxanne will you calm down please? Roxanne mentally bundles her libido kicking and screaming into a box and shoves it to the back of her mind.</p><p>Her husband looks at her over one bare shoulder, raising an eyebrow as he stretches again and wanders back into the bedroom. "If you think I'm not charging every ridiculous thing I can to that moron's platinum black card for the next two days for trapping us like this you have no sense of rev-ahnge darling wife. We'll sort this out later."</p><p>That's a very compelling argument.</p><p>The thing about charging everything to Wayne is good too.</p><p>Roxanne's libido gnaws its way out of its box and starts banging pots and pans together loudly singing Crazy little thing called love. Roxanne pulls out the mental duct tape. </p><p>Megamind slides back between the sheets and presses his face into the pillow and tries not to scream. Two more days. Two more days to pretend she really did want to marry him and this hasn't been the best night of his life already and fuck it. He'll take what he can get. He'll arrange another room of course but maybe she'd like to have dinner? They're still not done with revenge credit ruination yet.</p><p>There is the sound of running, then a human cannonball launches itself onto the bed and bounces him up.</p><p>"What!" He pulls the pillow away from his face and stares at Roxanne who is on her knees leaning over him grinning, "I've been wanting to do that since yesterday!"</p><p>He throws the pillow at her and rolls over, "Go to sleep" <em>Go to sleep or I will pull you into my arms and finally hear you scream for me when you find out what you've really married.</em></p><p>"You go to sleep!"</p><p>"I am trying." Dear Evil Gods she is too close he's going to beg her to kiss him again in a minute and then she'll probably kick him for a third time and refuse to let him kidnap her ever again. He bites his tongue rather than invite her inevitable rejection. She's the one who said they needed to get divorced after all.</p><p>Roxanne is currently feeling extremely silly and just a little bit reckless and still has a pretty fucking major adrenaline hit slamming through her. So they got kidnapped to Vegas and got married. So what? Holiday extended. In two days they can go back to normal but right now they have an unlimited room service budget and a massive suite and if she doesn't do something she's going to offer to lick her husband all over because ooh back muscles. </p><p>She isn't sure that they're compatible. He's an alien, she knows this. But that wedding kiss seemed like a pretty good start and she is fairly invested in figuring out if there's a way for them to get one another off because a) he's hot, b) she's horny, and c) its kind of been a while and she might have been getting a little touch starved? Waking up to cuddles is something she's missed quite a lot now she thinks about it. Those are all totally reasonable reasons for seeing if your husband is down for a little no strings attached honeymoon sex.</p><p>Assuming Megamind is into that, which leads to her current hesitation. He only seems to be going along with what she suggests and Roxanne has spent way to much time around Hal for the idea of talking someone into something they're not interested in to be anything other than a stone cold absolute Hell Fucking No.</p><p>It would help if she knew he actually wanted her? Thus far all she's really certain of is that he kissed her because that's what you're <em>supposed</em> to do and he only shared the bed with her because she told him to and he keeps referring to himself as a villain even though they're meant to be on holiday which means he's still thinking of her as his damsel and she would really appreciate just a tiny hint as to whether he is actually into her. She's not counting the waking up together. Roxanne knows exactly what kind of cuddle monster she turns into in her sleep. He's lucky she didn't chase him off the mattress.</p><p>She could just ask. She has an entire journalism career under her belt she knows how to ask hard hitting questions.</p><p>She's just not normally the one in danger of getting hit hard when he says "Nah, too pink and round, but thanks I think?" and makes it weird for both of them.</p><p>So way of the coward it is.</p><p>"I'm going to have a shower" she announces brightly because that's always been a surefire way of getting any interested partner to perk up with the offer to wash her back. </p><p>"Congratulations" Ahahahaha the idea of Roxanne in the shower <em>help</em></p><p>"Breakfast is due at ten." Okay evidently not. That doesn't hurt at all. Why would it? Its not like they meant to get married.</p><p>"I don't care." <em>I have other things on my mind right now</em></p><p>"You're a grump. Is this why you never kidnap me in the mornings?" Maybe he's just not a morning person? She did accidentally kick him twice already. Probably not the best way to start the day. She feels pretty badly about that.</p><p>"What?" He rolls back over and stares at her, "We don't kidnap you in the mornings because you tried to hit me with a lamp the one time I did!" </p><p>Oh yeah. That had been really early on before they set some ground rules about appropriate kidnapping times. She still had a crack in the base of that lamp.</p><p>"It was a Sunday! You woke me up!" Giving up on her rather terrible version of a semi attempted seduction Roxanne flops back onto the bed and stretches, Megamind's retort dies on his lips as he watches her, glowing in the sunlight creeping in through the open door, one bare leg slipping out the gap in her robe to point towards the far wall. He felt his mouth go dry and his fingers burn with the urge to touch her.</p><p>She looks over at him and he looks away, ashamed at how badly he wants her, her teeth sink into her lip, "Sorry for kicking you" she apologises. He may not want her but that doesn't mean she should injure him.</p><p>He laughs guiltily, "Its fine, sorry for reacting badly." he turned to glare at the room phone rather than letting his hands have their way, "I will definitely be dismantling that vile mechanism."</p><p>"Go for it." Roxanne is all for that idea, "I do not need another 'Building collapse on site yesterday Ritchi' alarm" she imitated her boss's grouchy cadence.</p><p>"Is that why you decided to use me for kickboxing practice?"</p><p>"Pavlovian response. And if I use you for kickboxing practice you'll know."</p><p>Megamind laughs again, focusing on twisting the ring around his finger rather than the mess he's made of her hair. Touch me how you need. Not how you want. But want and need are blurring rapidly in his mind and he's not sure how much longer he can lay next to her like this without making some big terrible mistake.</p><p>"So I was thinking," Roxanne sat up and pulled a pillow in front of her and hoped she wasn't about to kill this moment of camaraderie with unconscionable awkwardness.</p><p>"A worthy endeavour," her husband approves still trying to distract himself from her closeness.</p><p>"Vegas is" she made a vague gesture towards the strip, "Vegas and all." He might not be into her but he's fun to be around. They can have that at least? You can do this Roxanne. Do it for the dancing. And for the back muscles. She hesitates, twisting her fingers together, that cursed ring flashing in the morning sunlight, "We can deal with this on Sunday right?"</p><p>Megamind sits up at that because what is she asking? He's desperately trying his best to be respectful and not pressure her or force her to think about him that way, but she's frowning the way she did the first time she asked if she could be untied if she promised to stay in the chair because the brain-bots kept asking for pats and it looked like it was causing her actual physical pain not to pet them.</p><p>Roxanne's brain goes right of the rails at that sight because hi yes very shirtless husband right there, "Um so Wayne might notice if we get divorced and we're still charging his account," she's talking very quickly and her face is bright red she can feel it, he's going to laugh at her, "So uh, weshouldmaybestaymarriedfortherestoftheweek?" She clutches the pillow a little tighter as he stares at her, "I don't...mind if you don't? Sharing the bed-Room! The room I mean? We can keep ruining Wayne's credit rating and fix things on Sunday?" If he wants to be shirtless for the rest of the weekend too she is more than okay with that right now. God fuck why is she such a disaster? "We can manage for a weekend right?"  </p><p>And everything in Megamind's heart sings at that offer, "Yes," he whispers, "Yes I- yes we can do that." Roxanne gives him a relieved look as if there was a chance he would say  no. Who the hell would say no to her? This is even more than he could ever have dreamed. Two more days and nights to call himself her husband, even if its just in name, yes yes absolutely fantastic.</p><p>Then he remembers he's sitting up staring at her bare from the waist up and he dives under the covers again, "Can I go back to sleep without you kicking me now?" he asks plaintively, hoping his blush doesn't scorch the sheets.</p><p>"Uh...yeah" Roxanne blinks guiltily at the lump of blankets then scrambles off the bed and heads for the shower.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*holds these two characters up like kittens who fell in a bucket of water* Absolute disasters, the both of you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Do you want to do nothing with me - Lawrence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Do you want to do nothing with me?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dal, you said you wanted snuggles and you liked how physically comfortable they were with one another. I may have run with that just a little...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwxZi_ZK0mw</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>Now Vegas for Supers means you can find yourself arm in arm dancing on a table with a nemesis you've spent the last three years trying to grind into a smear on the pavement and come next week neither of you will acknowledge or admit you were in matching fishnets and feather boas at the time. For the people who live there however, it is a hive of gossip and a blue alien marrying a damsel in distress is worthy of note even there.</p>
<p>So when Diane from the salon ran into Tim the photographer and asked if he thought the lady with the fish maid of honour had a good wedding Tim stared at her for a minute and pulled out his camera "Look at this!"</p>
<p>Diane frowned at the lens, "Are those scorch marks?"</p>
<p>Tim nodded vigorously, "Must be some alien thing, look at the photo."</p>
<p>Diane looked, then she went and fetched a cold glass of water. "I have to get the dress back from them today."</p>
<p>"Maybe knock a few times first." Tim suggested, "Or pull the fire alarm"</p>
<p>Carrie who was just getting off manning the night desk passed by, "If you need anything from Room 223 you better get up there quick, someone ordered them the chocolate orgasm breakfast for ten."</p>
<p>"Which room?" Tim asked Dianne, she checked the tag on the dress bag she was holding, "223."</p>
<p>Diane looked at the clock in the lobby, nine forty-eight. She bolted for the lift.</p>
<p>Tim sprinted in and joined her, "Can you give them the photos?" he asked, pushing a strangely warm envelope into her hands</p>
<p>"Photos? Plural?"</p>
<p>"The big guy was pretty generous, we took a couple more."</p>
<p>"Why cant you do it?"</p>
<p>"Are you kidding? I cant afford to replace another camera this week!"</p>
<p>Minnie, the manager from the tailors ducked in just as the lifts were closing, "Apparently 223 is causing a bit of a stir"</p>
<p>"We're on our way up now."</p>
<p>Tim showed her his camera. Minnie dropped the bags of clothes she was holding. "Frank Sinatra's ghost!"</p>
<p>"They've got a chocolate orgasm breakfast coming at ten AM" Diane said concerned, checking her watch and watching the elevator numbers crawl upwards slowly.</p>
<p>Minnie pulled out her managers keycard and swiped it, then hit rapid ascent override.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Before Roxanne is able to have her shower there is a knock at the suite door. She pulls her robe back on and yanks open the door to the suite "Yes?" she demands of the relieved looking trio standing in the doorway.</p>
<p>The first one pushes an envelope into her hands and almost runs straight back to the elevator without looking back. The second holds up her four suit bags, "Congratulations. The remaining three suits and four shirts as ordered," she smiles, handing the bags to Roxanne who blinks because she has ordered at least three weeks worth of outfits so that's hardly fair. </p>
<p>"Can we triple that?" the words tumble out of her mouth, "Scott account?" </p>
<p>The professional smile widens and the woman nods, "Same again in triplicate?" she asks in the tone of someone who has just landed a months worth of commission in one order.</p>
<p>"Who picked the suit from yesterday?"</p>
<p>"Oh that was our head tailor, Giovanni."</p>
<p>"Whatever he thinks is best, and..." Roxanne has a weakness and she knows it, "something in a pinstripe,"  Oh well. Wayne is paying so it counts as revenge.</p>
<p>"Of course ma'am, and congratulations again," The woman practically skips to the elevator and Roxanne turns to the last one standing.</p>
<p>"I'm here to pick up the dress" the blonde lady smiles.</p>
<p>Oh</p>
<p>Right</p>
<p>Something in Roxanne doesn't want to let the dress go because it was <em>her</em> dress and she wants to be looked at the way her husband looked at her in the dress again.</p>
<p>"Sure" she says instead, "Its in the closet."</p>
<p>She follows the salon lady into the walk in wardrobe and hangs the suit bags, tucking the envelope into her purse without looking at it. She watches as her dress is expertly slipped into a long white dress bag and folded over the other woman's arm. "You looked lovely dear" the blonde woman smiles, "There's already been two other brides who saw the dress and decided they needed a cape as well, you've started a bit of a trend."</p>
<p>"Thanks," Roxanne turns away and grabs the first hanger that catches her eye which turns out to be a navy maxi dress in soft jersey with a wide beaded collar. Sure, that will do.<br/>She sees the salon lady out and is about to sneak past her sleeping husband to head to the bathroom again when there is another knock.</p>
<p>A waitress and bellboy are at the door, suppressing suspicious grins and with a trolley of champagne, fresh fruit, cream, honey, caramel sauce (salted and sweet) and a mountain of honeycomb drizzled in dark chocolate. There is also a large red box with a black ribbon. "Is there anything on here that isn't sweet?" Roxanne asks in a remarkably calm voice given the circumstances. The bellboy points to another jar.</p>
<p>Chilli infused honey. Because that's a thing.  </p>
<p>She puts the plate of sliced apple back on the cart as the staff set the table and leave.</p>
<p>Roxanne contemplates the spread before her.  Well, if she thought last night was bad its nothing on this morning. Curiously she flips open the lid of the box and freezes.</p>
<p>More body chocolate. And that is...quite a lot of sex toys. Roxanne isn't even certain what some of them are called. She stares down into the box for a moment, head tilting as she tries to figure out what the purple thing in the right corner is for and spies the small note tucked into the side. She plucks it up, hoping for answers, <strong>I suggested the bondage set but Minion thought you'd already have that covered. Have fun lovebirds! Love WS</strong></p>
<p>Roxanne lets out a very slow breath and tries not to scream. She is going to kill him. Damn the Rules. She is going to wake her husband up right now and demand access to the biggest laser she can and if she cant actually kill him she can at least set fire to Wayne's entire romantic comedy movie collection. She had it handled. This is <em>not helping.</em></p>
<p>"Right," Roxanne slams the lid on the box shut and shoves it into the wardrobe away from temptation. Then she returns to the table and tries to find something that isn't made of sugar...ooh chocolate coated coffee beans.</p>
<p>The beans keep her company while she spends ten minutes poking at the ridiculously complicated mechanism that is the coffee machine before she gives up and makes herself a cup of tea instead. Then she flips through the room service menu determined to order the most ridiculous actual breakfast she can find. That turns out to be a lobster omelette with black caviar which, tempting, but no. She orders something called a haloumi train instead which the front desk explains is a chain of dishes designed to stay warm while in motion around a little track so the cheese stays perfectly soft and hell yes that is hilarious and exactly the kind of thing she wants right now. </p>
<p>Also more hashbrowns. Potatoes get once more chance.</p>
<p>The desk downstairs promises it will be up in thirty minutes.</p>
<p>Roxanne eyes the rest of the table and bites her lip because she is not going to take that salted caramel sauce and find out what it tastes like against blue skin while she's waiting. It would taste just the same against her own skin which is...</p>
<p>Fuck</p>
<p>That is <em>delicious</em></p>
<p>Never mind she's eating this forever. She kicks her feet up onto another chair and pulls the look-books over again to consider what else she can buy in revenge. She deserves a new laptop right?</p>
<p>She does peek into the bedroom at one point to see if her husband wants to join her but nope. She married a blanket burrito.</p>
<p>His loss.</p>
<p>Twenty seven minutes and a serious wrestle with her conscience as to whether she can afford to pay the parking fees to keep a motorcycle at her apartment later, room service reappears with her haloumi train. It has an actual train that is <em>amazing</em>. Roxanne is taking that home with her. Come to think of it she should order some luggage.</p>
<p>The waiter takes the opportunity to pop the cork on the champagne which, firstly that is not how you do that, Roxanne waitressed enough events to pay for college to know. And secondly she was trying to be considerate of her sleeping husband. </p>
<p>Speak of the devil, she glances over her shoulder as the bedroom door opens and Megamind leans on the frame, grinding the heel of his palm into his eye, "I give up on sleep" he grumbles.</p>
<p>Roxanne catches the waitress giving her husband an impressed once over and glares, someone just lost their tip. </p>
<p>The waitress cuts her eyes to Roxanne and gives her a subtle thumbs up as she sets the table and the haloumi train starts choo-chooing around its little track.</p>
<p>Okay tip reinstated. </p>
<p>The staff leave and Roxanne gives up on her shower for the moment, instead heading for the lethal chrome monstrosity that is supposed to provide life giving caffeine because someone looks like they're about to fall asleep again on the door frame. </p>
<p>"Do you know how to work this coffee machine?" She asks frowning at it. Megamind stumbles over to squint at it over her shoulder. Slipping his previously abandoned shirt over his shoulders but not bothering to button it which, excuse you husband your wife is right here how is that worse than him just being shirtless?</p>
<p>Black pants white shirt blue skin <em>pretty</em></p>
<p>"Hm..." he frowns, swaying slightly "I have no idea, I could probably make a fairly decent raygun out of it though?" He's clearly still half asleep. He yawns and tips backwards, nearly falling before Roxanne catches him around the waist and winds up pinning him against the wall trying to keep him upright.</p>
<p>"Ollo" he says blankly then wraps his arms around her shoulders and presses his face into her neck, relaxing into her, "You're <em>warm</em>" he sighs happily under another yawn.</p>
<p>Roxanne's brain whites out momentarily at that because lips at her throat equals very distracting and how can someone so bony be so cuddly at the same time. </p>
<p>"Would the raygun shoot coffee?" she asks, wondering if it isn't better to just steer them towards the bed again. Clearly more naps are required. The haloumi will keep. That's what the train is for after all. She tries to pull him away from the wall and his arms drop but he stays leaning against cream wallpaper glaring at the coffee machine through slitted lids.</p>
<p>"Only decaf" he says finally.</p>
<p>"Not worth it then" she sighs turning away to open the curtains. She stills as arms slide around her waist from behind and a blue head rests on her shoulder.</p>
<p>"Too bright" her husband complains.</p>
<p>"Do you want to go back to bed?" she pats the top of his head gently, pulling the curtain back across the window.</p>
<p>Megamind has run out of caffeine and sugar and he should be in the middle of his deep sleep cycle but that bed is too big on his own and he's cold. Unfortunately even in his half awake state he knows if he tries to fall asleep now he's just going to ruin his sleeping pattern again, so no, he just wants to be warm. And he has a really lovely wife here dressed like fire and she's patting the top of his head and that feels really nice and she smells very good and is this what the bots feel like when they get petted? No wonder it was always so important she got to pat them, he's never going to tie her hands up again... "Just keep me up please wife." </p>
<p>Roxanne has a number of ideas on how that could be achieved. </p>
<p>"Did you have something in mind?" she asks, stroking her hand over the back of his head. He makes a purring sound that she's not even sure he's aware of. She does it again and the noise repeats.</p>
<p>"Coffee?" he whines in harmony, snuggling closer.</p>
<p>Okay that rules out most of them. Though turning her head and biting the tip of his ear is still an option, "Anything else?"</p>
<p>"French toast" He's leaning almost his full weight on her from behind.</p>
<p>"Come on snugglebug" she stumblewalks them to the room phone and calls down for coffee and more food. </p>
<p>"M'not a snugglebug" he grumbles into her shoulder, tightening his arms around her, "M'n incredibly villain...genius...superhusband..."</p>
<p>Okay that is legitimately adorable, Roxanne tries very hard not to let her shoulder move while she suppresses a laugh. </p>
<p>"Yes dear" she wrangles him into a chair and plucks a chocolate covered coffee bean from the bowl beside the pile of honeycomb, "Open up" he still hasn't let go of her waist, leaning his head on her arm. Green eyes crack open and he glares at her offering, "No."</p>
<p>"No?"</p>
<p>"No medicine."</p>
<p>"Its not medicine"</p>
<p>"Medicine shaped."</p>
<p>Roxanne wishes she had a camera.</p>
<p>"Its a chocolate covered coffee bean," she eats it and grabs another, "See?"</p>
<p>"...kay" her sleepy husband responds suspiciously. Roxanne rests the coffee bean on his lip, he opens his mouth and swallows it and her thumb and forefinger into his mouth. His tongue sweeps between her fingers and he swallows the bean whole. Tingles rush up her arm and her breath catches.</p>
<p>Green eyes glare at her and he releases her hand "That didn't taste like coffee." He tugs her down until she has to sit in his lap or fall, "Too tall" he grumbles as he wraps as much of himself around her as possible.</p>
<p>Roxanne pulls her last threads of self control together and offers him another, "You have to chew it."</p>
<p>He bites down on this one properly and his eyes go wide, "Oh," he crunches experimentally, "Gritty" he frowns at the texture.</p>
<p>Roxanne feeds them each three more, "Good though"</p>
<p>There is a knock at the suite door again and Megamind jumps, just missing her fingers as he bites another coffee bean from her finger tips, "That's the real coffee." she tells him, "Are you going to let me go get it?"</p>
<p>"No"</p>
<p>"No?" </p>
<p>His arms tighten, "I'll get cold."</p>
<p>Roxanne hums at him consideringly, "Your lips are looking a little blue"</p>
<p>His head shoots up and he glares at her. Roxanne eats another coffee bean and raises an eyebrow.  "No," he hisses and hides his face against her shoulder.</p>
<p>"Are you sure?" Roxanne smiles beatifically, feeling his shoulders twitch.</p>
<p>"No, no" He makes a growling sound low in his throat but can't stop himself laughing, "That was a terrible cheap shot, wife"</p>
<p>"Yes it was, but thank you for the fifteen points" She taps the end of his nose with one finger, "You're cute when you're half asleep."</p>
<p>Megamind busies himself trying and failing to button his shirt one handed rather than answer that because the caffeine and sugar had started kicking in and he'd just come to in a chair with Roxanne in his arms feeding him chocolate covered coffee beans and he'd never had that particular dream before but he certainly wasn't going to complain. Only to find this wasn't a dream and he really was here doing that and hadn't even bothered to get dressed properly. </p>
<p>His wife was obviously too polite to mention it but oh that was embarrassing. </p>
<p>Roxanne watched blue skin disappear with a certain disappointment but somehow stayed seated even without his both of his arms around her. He'd been complaining he was cold after all, the least she could do was share a little body heat. </p>
<p>"Come in," she calls as the door knock repeats. The same duo as before, faces professionally blank deliver a mountain of french toast and a coffee press the size of a small child then make a quick escape.</p>
<p>"Clean cup, clean cup?" Roxanne asks, jerking her head towards the other end of the table where the coffee and haloumi train were waiting.</p>
<p>"What?" a confused blink is her only answer.</p>
<p>"Change places?"</p>
<p>Oh. Okay.</p>
<p>Megamind stands up and sets his wife in the chair, then cuddles sideways into her lap. Now it was Roxanne's turn to laugh, "Oh sure make me do all the work" she slips one arm under his knees and wraps the other around his waist. Before he has time to react she's already standing, taking two steps and settling them into the other chair, Megamind still on her knees.</p>
<p>"You're in charge of coffee" she tells him, taking up a fork and scooping up a piece of haloumi as the train goes past. </p>
<p>"I am?" Why is there a train on the table? How come his breakfast didn't come with a train? He stares with a certain envy as Roxanne stabs another piece of melted cheese, half of which makes an attempt at freedom by dropping onto his shoulder Roxanne brings it to her mouth. "Ouch" he says more out of surprise than any real pain but Roxanne drops her fork and pushes his shirt away from his skin, "Oh my god are you okay?" she skims her fingers over his chest, searching for a burn.</p>
<p>"Ah! I'm fine" he responds, startled by the heat of her hands, "It just surprised me."</p>
<p>"Oh. Good" she looks up at him, her fingers are resting on his chest, she can feel a subtle flutter-thump through his ribs. Its lower than her heart would be in her own chest, or its apparent new home  in the back of her throat. "Is that where your heart is?"</p>
<p>"Ah, no," he covers her hand (warm, so warm it feels like it will burn through to the very core of him) with his own and moves it slightly further towards the centre of his chest, pressing her fingers against his skin until she can feel each racing beat and he meets her gaze, "Its here."</p>
<p>"Oh," Roxanne looses herself for a moment in eyes green as sunlight through old glass, the smooth skin of his chest contrasting with the callouses on his fingers as he holds her hand against his heart.</p>
<p><em>Choo-Choo!</em> The tiny train makes a peeping noise and they both jump. Roxanne's fingers skate lower over Megamind's ribs and he flinches.</p>
<p>"Are you sure you're not hurt?" she asks concerned, lightly tracing the area again.</p>
<p>"No!" he retorts defensively, stomach muscles twitching and Roxanne's face lights up with mischief, "You <em>are</em> ticklish" she breathes triumphantly.</p>
<p>Tickling had a blanket ban during kidnappings as Roxanne said it was cheating despite Megamind claiming it wasn't his fault she hadn't trained herself out of reacting. Also his suits were a lot better at denying any contact.</p>
<p>Megamind had agreed.</p>
<p>Eventually.</p>
<p>After she kicked him. Which Roxanne maintained was <em>not</em> her fault she <em>had</em> warned him what would happen. </p>
<p>A blue hand reaches down to trace slowly behind her knee and Roxanne meeps, snapping her foot up and trapping his fingers behind her knee. "Are you sure you want to escalate this?" her husband raises an eyebrow. And damn Roxanne will never forgive Minion for only giving her a half dose of spray one day so she woke up while she was still being tied to the chair and he discovered that about her. </p>
<p>Roxanne squeezes her eyes shut then takes a deep breath, trying to focus on anything other than the feel of his hands. Then she opens her eyes and digs her fingers into his ribs, "Vengeance!" she cries. Megamind gasps and laughs, as her fingers find the spot above his bottom rib.</p>
<p>"Hahaha! Oh you asked for it wife of mine!" He jumps off her lap and pulls her over his shoulder, classic kidnapping style. Roxanne shrieks and wriggles, pressing her fingers into his sides as she kicks her feet. Megamind stumbles, trying to twist away from her hands, one hand clamped over her thighs, the other tickling mercilessly.</p>
<p>They knock against the table and both freeze as the coffee press teeters uncertainly. Roxanne's hand catches the press as Megamind stabilises the table.</p>
<p>"Truce?"</p>
<p>"Truce."</p>
<p>Megamind slides her down from his shoulder, hands at her waist, "No more tickling?" he pants.</p>
<p>"No more tickling" Roxanne nods breathlessly, her hands resting on his shoulders.</p>
<p>"Agreed"</p>
<p>"Yep"</p>
<p>They should probably let go of one another. Megamind steps back and bows Roxanne into their recently vacated seat, "Your breakfast awaits, lady wife"</p>
<p>"Why thank you lord husband" she smirks</p>
<p>"Overlord husband" he corrects with a wicked grin.</p>
<p>"No supervillainy in Vegas" she sang.</p>
<p>"Curses, foiled again!"</p>
<p>Megamind drops into the seat beside her and Roxanne lifts her feet onto his knees, he pushes them off and sticks his feet in her lap instead, "You just agreed no tickling" he protests. </p>
<p>She shoves his feet off and hooks them between her ankles, "Its not my fault you have convenient ticklish spots" She quirks an eyebrow at him when he tries to move his foot again and he gives an aggravated sigh, tangling their feet together as he passes her her cup of tea, "I'm going to have to reinforce my suits."</p>
<p>"Probably," she agrees, "Out of curiosity, how many other ticklish spots do you have?" Roxanne props her chin in her hand and watches as he pours coffee and sugar into another cup. </p>
<p>"Not my feet" he says sternly as she draws her toe along his instep, "Just checking" she grins.</p>
<p>"So much trouble" he mutters, downing a cup that is that is half coffee half sugar plus a slash of milk and finally jerking properly awake, "Ahh!" He sighs and relaxes into his chair then casts his eyes over to his wife.</p>
<p>"Hi," Roxanne has a smile folded into the corner of her mouth, "You awake now?"</p>
<p>"I think so?" He pours coffee into another cup and hands it to her, Roxanne adds a spoon of sugar and pushes the sugar bowl and cream towards him before he can ask for them, "Thank you wife"</p>
<p>"You're welcome snugglebug" </p>
<p>Megamind splashes coffee over his cup as he laughs and puts down the plunger. "Roxanne, please" he mops coffee from his saucer, "I'm sorry"</p>
<p>"About what?"</p>
<p>"I don't - I shouldn't" he makes a circling motion with his hands. He hadn't really been awake yet, his brain had simply decided yes warm and wife and that was that.</p>
<p>"I'm pretty sure I could have thrown you off my lap if I minded," she shrugs, "You're not the only one who gets cuddly in the morning" then she hides her face in her cup because she cannot keep her mouth shut if she tries.</p>
<p>Her husband blinks at that because wife cuddles okay?</p>
<p>Well then. </p>
<p>He holds his arms out hopefully, but Roxanne is hungry and if she winds up with his lips on her throat again all bets are off so she points her fork at him, twirling it to keep the cheese from sliding off, "After cheese"</p>
<p>He bites the haloumi from her fork and chews thoughtfully then shakes his head, "Squeaky," then hooks one foot around the leg of her chair and drags her closer.</p>
<p>"Hey!" Roxanne flails as she nearly slides off but he catches an arm around her waist and pulls her into his side. And hi yes he really did a terrible job buttoning his shirt earlier.</p>
<p>"You said after cheese"</p>
<p>"Logic will get you nowhere"</p>
<p>"How about a chocolate covered strawberry?" he holds it in front of her lips. How had she missed those?</p>
<p>"Bribery is acceptable." She bites half of it from his fingers and her husband eats the rest before she can finish it, "Hey!"</p>
<p>"What's yours is mine remember?" He piles more of them onto her plate in a peace offering.</p>
<p>Roxanne graciously decides to accept this gesture because food is delicious and she is not weird for eating hashbrowns topped with chocolate covered strawberries, he can stop giving her that look. She's not the one who decided to make a pineapple french toast sandwich.</p>
<p>Huh, that actually works pretty well. Fine she'll share her hashbrowns then. </p>
<p>She does wriggle away from him a little because its hard eating one handed. He looks sad at that until she drapes her legs over his lap and introduces him to grilled haloumi with chilli honey.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Slipping steadily towards a food coma Roxanne rests her head on her arm and watches the haloumi train, now also with a tiny station made of pineapple and watermelon chug around its track and voices a question, "So am I Mrs Mind now?"</p>
<p>"Why you would change your name?" Megamind blinks, looking utterly confused, "Its yours?" he starts drizzling a long swirl of caramel over the roof of the station to look like  tiles, "Besides, you know Mind isn't my surname"</p>
<p>"I know. I just don't trust Wayne not to have me cards or something made up."</p>
<p>Megamind laughs "Doctor and Mrs Megamind oh yes that would be hilarious"</p>
<p>"Is it still doctor doctor? Or did you finish that other study about the integrated AI systems?"</p>
<p>"Its Doctor Doctor Doctor now. Well Doctor Doctor Doktor" he adds two chocolate covered strawberries as bushes beside the tiny station, Roxanne looks at him pleadingly and he feeds her another one. "Besides, you have a professional reputation. Roxanne Ritchi is a brilliantly alliterative name for a reporter,"</p>
<p>And okay that lines up exactly with everything Roxanne has been telling everyone in her life for years. Why is it her husband is the only one that gets this? "Thank you" she says instead, "You know I didn't pick mine though."</p>
<p>He shrugs, "The point still stands" he grins at her "It suits you. And you got at least one good song out of it"</p>
<p>"Uuuuugh" Roxanne groans with the intimate acquaintance of having had The Police sung at her all through high school and beyond, "Don't you start"</p>
<p>"I think you're already well aware of my particular opinions on the police. I was talking about the Moulin Rouge version."</p>
<p>She sits back up "Oh no that one slaps, it was almost worth the torture of highschool to get that song out of it." She stretches and rubs her food baby appreciatively, "I should probably have a shower," she goes to stand but Megamind pulls her onto his lap again, "I'm stealing all your warmth" he mutters, wrapping his arms around her.</p>
<p>"If you squeeze me I might explode" she says half jokingly, he relaxes his arms immediately. Roxanne scratches her nails lightly over his scalp and he arches and makes the purring noise again. Then he bolts upright in a panic as he realises what he's doing.</p>
<p>"Oh that is adorable!" Roxanne exclaims, doing it again. And okay she doesn't think its weird and it feels really nice so he's just going to sit here forever while she keeps running her nails over his head. Until she catches the edge of one ear and he jerks, knocking the jar of caramel onto the table because ahahahaha that is a really ahem <em>sensitive</em> spot. And his wife definitely noticed because she's giving a very thoughtful hum before she deliberately skates her fingers directly around the shape of his ear without quite touching and evil gods that is seven kinds of distracting before she pats his head again and slips off his lap to saunter over to the couch draped in red silk and with bed-tousled hair and giving him a grin that she probably? No she definitely got that from him. That's the you-think-you've-found-all-my-traps-but-surprise-those-were-only-the-decoys-and-now-its-time-for-my-true-master-plan evil grin.</p>
<p>When did she learn that one? And why does it look better on her? Next she'll be looking better in his cape than he does and ahaha that's not a distracting thought at all...the jar of caramel in his hand that he had been trying to stop causing a train derailment with tilts and great now his hands are sticky.</p>
<p>Roxanne pulls her hanger of clothing she picked out earlier off the couch and heads for the bathroom, filing away his reaction for further contemplation because that is very promising and also she will be demanding reciprocal head scritches later, "What should we do today?"</p>
<p>Her husband twists to look at her, one side of his shirt slipping off his shoulder as he licks caramel sauce from his fingers and oh no that is exactly as hot as her imagination had thought it would be. He gives her a wicked grin as he slides his fingers out of his mouth with a wet pop and now Roxanne is the one relying on the wall to stay upright.</p>
<p>"Whatever you have in mind, darling wife, is fine by me"</p>
<p>Roxanne escapes into the bathroom because help and can she please stop being horny for five minutes?</p>
<p>Sure thing. Do you want to think about the way he smiled at you during the wedding? Or about how he always asks how work is going when he kidnaps you? Or how about what you know those tingles really are?</p>
<p>On second thoughts those hands could really use some further contemplation</p>
<p>And those eyes</p>
<p>And that wicked smile</p>
<p>And the way he lights up when he's showing off his latest invention</p>
<p>Roxanne goes and has a very hot shower to shut her brain off. And then a very cold one to shut the rest of her off as well. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Megamind starts dismantling the room phone while Roxanne has her shower. The water pressure in this place is fantastic. Her apartment is great but showering there is like being dripped on by a watering can with a blocked sinuses. She slips out of the bathroom to find her husband wrist deep in the telephone, and very politely does not do the head scritchy thing while he's working because those are electrical cables and she has manners. Instead she throws herself onto the couch and  fumbles with the tv remote for something to do that isn't staring at his hands while he works and hold on is that a superhero themed snuggie?</p>
<p>Half an hour later Megamind has successfully re-calibrated the room phone to play the Imperial March instead of Roxanne's high priority alert and turns to find his wife curled on the couch giggling at the television, pen in one hand and coffee in the other. </p>
<p>"What are you doing?" he asks, eyeing the egg rolly infomercial playing silently, Roxanne grins at him, "Getting Wayne a souvenir."</p>
<p>"One of those?" </p>
<p>"Twelve of them" </p>
<p>"Twe-" he gapes then throws himself onto the couch beside her, "What else did you buy?" he demands, then actually gets a good look at his wife in a long dark blue dress with a heavy beaded collar and <em>wow</em>, good thing he was already gaping.</p>
<p>"A whole bunch of stuff...." she snickers "Six automatic potato peelers, three rotisserie ovens, the World's Greatest Cat Tower and a snuggle -Snuggie!" Roxanne jerks her head towards the closet, "You have more suits by the way."</p>
<p>He brightens, "Oh excellent" He disappears into the wardrobe then back into the bedroom which is a pity but probably for the best if Roxanne wants to be able to maintain a coherent conversation. Unfortunately when he comes back he's in a dark grey suit a couple of shades lighter than yesterday's and his shirt is a rich oxblood. He drapes the jacket over a chair and folds his sleeves up, the ring on his hand matches the suit almost exactly.</p>
<p>Roxanne's thoughts could be neatly summed up as Guh.</p>
<p>"Did you get him a pair of those wolverine claws?" Megamind asks as he drops onto the seat beside her again with a plate of fruit and drizzles a piece of honeycomb over it.</p>
<p>"Not yet, should I?"</p>
<p>"Yes but I want a pair as well"</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"Spiky" he says grinning as if that explains everything. Roxanne laughs and passes him her cup so she can pick up her notepad. Megamind tastes her coffee and makes a face,</p>
<p>"That is- blegh, how can you drink that wife?"</p>
<p>"Mm its a bit sweet" she had poured  too much of the salted caramel sauce into her last cup and it wasn't really to her taste</p>
<p>"That is not sweet." He leapt off the couch and starts adding more sugar and a generous splash of milk. He carries it back to the couch and hands it to her, Roxanne tastes it and gives him an appalled look, "That is foul!" she cries, "What did you do to that poor innocent coffee?"</p>
<p>"I improved it" he defends his concoction and takes the cup back, "Give it here then" he sets the cup on the coffee table and pours her another one, "One sugar right?"</p>
<p>"Yes please"</p>
<p>She smiles at him when he hands her another cup "Were you trying to make my teeth fall out?"</p>
<p>"You mean yours don't grow back?"</p>
<p>"I'm still calling bullshit on that."</p>
<p>Megamind grins and uses his finger to pull up the side of his mouth, a half grown canine set back where Roxanne's second molar would be glints sharply at her.</p>
<p>"No way," she takes his face in her hands and pushes his lip up further to run her thumb over the sharp point. "Is this from last week?"</p>
<p>"Ah" its a little hard to answer when her fingers are in his mouth. Also its a slightly embarrassing story. He snaps playfully at her hand as she jerks her fingers back. "They grow back in three or four days."</p>
<p>"What were you doing three days ago?"</p>
<p>He mumbled something too low to make out. Roxanne cups her hand around her ear, "What was that?"</p>
<p>"Trying to loosen a nut on the Boot Wheel of Death" he mutters. </p>
<p>Roxanne shrieks with laughter, "You have seven colour coded tool boxes and you couldn't find a wrench!"</p>
<p>"The bots were playing fetch!"</p>
<p>Roxanne laughs until she drops her notepad then stretches out on the couch and steals a piece of mango from her husband's plate, "This is great" she grins, sucking honey from her fingers, "I haven't had a holiday in forever"</p>
<p>He raises an eyebrow at her, "Didn't you have that damsels conference in Atlanta last year?"</p>
<p>"Megamind" she sighs then sits up, curling to face the back of the couch and rests her hands on his shoulders, "I need to tell you something very important."</p>
<p>"Oookay?" he sets the plate to one side and folds his hands in his lap, waiting expectantly.</p>
<p>Roxanne gives him a serious look then leans close to his ear and he goes very still, "This is completely off the record and does not leave this room," she murmurs softly "But I would rather spend three days hanging over the alligator pit than attend another one of those fucking conferences"</p>
<p>He jerks back and laughs, "They're not that bad surely!" she catches her lip between her teeth and grins at him.</p>
<p>"Oh the damsels are fine," she shrugs dismissively, "Its all the creepy heroes who are sniffing around for a new rescue"</p>
<p>"I-what?"</p>
<p>"Its gross, trust me."  </p>
<p>"How are the heroes worse than the supervillains?"</p>
<p>"Hey" she pokes his shoulder, "We know what we're getting into with the villains." Megamind glances at the ring on her hand then raises an eyebrow, "Most of the time," she amends with a laugh, "Its the heroes with the wandering hands when you're doing the photo ops that we try to avoid. I don't think I ever thanked you for putting Captain Courageous down the way you did."</p>
<p>Courageous had been called in while Wayne was on holidays two years ago. Megamind had not been prepared for someone so annoying that he simply dehydrated him and had one of the bots fly him back to New York. It had been surprising the city hadn't tried to call anyone else in for the rest of the month but perhaps there hadn't been anyone on his level they could send. </p>
<p>"Really?" </p>
<p>"Total creep." </p>
<p>Roxanne plucks a strawberry from the plate and Megamind nips it from her fingers before she can eat it, "Mine."</p>
<p>She blinks at her empty hand, "Fine, yours." </p>
<p>He offers her a lychee instead, "So did you decide what we're going to do today wife?"</p>
<p>"Not sure," she shrugs and sits back to lean against the armrest, feet curled up to one side, "Further our vendetta against Wayne's credit rating?"</p>
<p>Megamind reaches for the remote and tries to turn off the television because that same infomercial has been playing for half an hour and the colours are getting annoying. Instead he changes the channel to show a small girl with a red bow riding a broom and Roxanne gasps.</p>
<p>"Kiki's Delivery Service!" she exclaims, hell yes she loves this movie, and wait its a Studio Ghibli Marathon? Even better.</p>
<p>Megamind looks bewildered but stands and offers her the remote. She takes it and holds her hand out to him again to pull him back onto the couch and he drops down beside her, "Want to watch this with me?"</p>
<p>"You don't want to go out?" he asks, picking up the notepad to flip through her order of ridiculous gadgets of vengeance.</p>
<p>She pulls him down until he's leaning his head on her hip and she can run her fingertips over his head again and oh no never mind he's quite happy here for eternity. He slides an arm around her waist and Roxanne grins because she hasn't seen this movie in forever and she's full of delicious food and feeling very lazy. Plus the purring thing is hilarious, he's like a giant blue sphinx cat who gives cuddles.</p>
<p>"The city will still be there tonight," She says happily. She can't remember the last time she got a day to laze around and do nothing. Even when she's not acting as the damsel she has to spend almost every day running around the city for work and Megamind is constantly busy. Minion told her once he rarely sleeps more than six hours a night. They deserve a day to vegetate.</p>
<p>"Mm" Megamind agrees, her hands feel lovely, will she let him return the favour later?</p>
<p>"Will this send you to sleep?" she asks, pausing her fingers, he had asked her to keep him up after all. A growl replaces the purr from somewhere near her waist, "I will bite you if you stop doing that"</p>
<p>She looks down her shoulder to where he's stretched along the couch against her side, green eyes flash up at her, "Not very hard," he admits, "But I will."</p>
<p>"Watch the collar or you might loose another tooth" she grins, he hides his face against her thigh, "I should never have told you that" he mutters, then sighs as her fingers start again.</p>
<p>They wind up laying on the couch for the rest of the film and for Howl's Moving Castle which Roxanne adores except for the part with the towel where she absolutely refuses to look at her husband who is folding origami out of the note pad while his eyes are fixed on the screen, ears bright lavender.</p>
<p>They get interrupted near the end of Spirited Away by the delivery of a portion of their revenge against Wayne and Roxanne sits up at the sight of the Scrabble box.</p>
<p>"You got a solid gold Scrabble set?" she asks incredulously.</p>
<p>Megamind snorts, "Metro Moron got me a gold Scrabble set. The bots ate half the tiles from my old one." He lifts another box, "He also got me an obsidian chess set."</p>
<p>Roxanne glances at the screen, Grave of the Fireflies is on next and yeah no she is not prepared for that many emotions right now. "Want to play?"</p>
<p>"You don't want to keep watching?"</p>
<p>"Not that one. I don't want to cry, it gives me a headache"</p>
<p>"The movie?"</p>
<p>"Crying"</p>
<p>Megamind hesitates because he was enjoying being curled up on the couch with his wife but he does really love chess, Minion hates it. He only really gets a decent game when he's in jail with Uncle Niko, "Sure,"</p>
<p>It turns out Roxanne is terrible at chess but she absolutely destroys him at Scrabble so it evens out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Remember when I thought I was getting out of this in 10 chapters? Yeah nah. Not happening. I am probably going to start moving to a biweekly update switching between this and Tea With Topsy going forwards</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Heavy - Birdtalker</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trauma dumping. Huzzah.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Have a song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdrSSRYgfVk</p><p>The plan was to have this chapter take us through to the end of Friday but has been split to avoid emotional whiplash. I will probably have the next chapter up within a week though seeing as its mostly written.</p><p>Shout out to quality-cringe who suggested brain-bot swarms should be called Murders (as in a murder of crows) which is something we as a fandom should adopt immediately.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Megamind is staring at the SQUEEZY laid out on a triple word score then looks up at his wife in shock, "What."</p><p>"One hundred and twenty six points" she says smugly adding up the tally.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"That's four hundred and twelve to ninety-six" Roxanne offers him the score card, "Want to play again?"</p><p>"I think I'd be safer handing you the keys to the spee-ider bot," he says in a dazed tone. How could someone who lost four chess games in less than thirty moves total be so ruthless at wordplay?</p><p>"No supervillainy in Vegas" she reminds him with a grin.</p><p>"Your loss." he was still staring at the board, "How?"</p><p>Roxanne reached out and patted his shoulder consolingly, "Its okay," she said compassionately, "You did pretty well. I can make Wayne cry."</p><p>"So did our wedding"</p><p>"Yeah but when he cries when he loses against me he has to give me the keys to his charger for a week."</p><p>That startles a laugh out of him and he grins at her, looking away from his crushing defeat, "Oh that's evil, I<em> like you</em> wicked wife."</p><p>Roxanne blinks, he does? Well he kidnaps her so often and they do talk a lot but he actually likes her? To hear him say it is...wow.</p><p>"You do?"</p><p>"Of course I do!"</p><p>"Oh..." she blushes and looks down at the notepad in her hand, "Um same." She looks up at him under her lashes then away because he's staring at her with an unexpectedly intense look of delight for someone who was so thoroughly trounced in Scrabble. </p><p>"Why do you kidnap me so often?" The words tumble out of her lips before she can bite them back. Megamind pulls back like he's been slapped. </p><p>"I don't," Not as much as he'd like to.</p><p>"You do," It's usually the best part of her week.</p><p>"Do you want me to stop?" He would have to, if she asked. She's allowed to ask. She's entitled to ask.</p><p>Hell no. "Nah, I'd miss the bots." </p><p>He slumps in relief, "They'd miss you too" They wouldn't be the only ones.</p><p>Roxanne props her chin on her hand and looks at him, "Why do you try to start things so often?" She asks "Does Wayne annoy you that much?"</p><p>"He does. But its not always about Metro Mahn,"</p><p>"Its not?"</p><p>"Sometimes its about increasing my lead" Roxanne laughs and throws a cushion at his head. He bats it back at her and kicks his feet up on the couch. "You are a lot more fun to talk to wife. With the flying idiot its all terrible puns and having to chase down whatever strange theme he fixates on for the banter that day"</p><p>"He is really bad at it isn't he?" Roxanne stretches and runs her fingers through her hair, "I used to have to coach him after he rescued me on the way to the interviews."</p><p>"I hope you billed him for tutoring,"</p><p>"Not directly, but I did get permanent access to his family theatre box"</p><p>Megamind chuckles, "Oh so you'll accept bribery from him but invoice me,"</p><p>Roxanne held up her hand, letting the diamond flash in the early afternoon sun and grins, "Think I should have asked for a giant laser instead?"</p><p>Megamind smiles, rolling a gold tile over his knuckles, "You might have trouble storing it. But I could have built you a raygun?"</p><p>Roxanne brightens. Yes Raygun. She would like a raygun please.</p><p>"Or some brain-bots? he offers. The tile goes flying as Roxanne pounces on him, "Can I?" she demands eagerly. Roxanne <em>adores</em> the bots. She's allergic to dogs an her apartment has a strict no pets policy but if its not furry that shouldn't count right?</p><p>"Can you what?" She has his shoulders pressed into the seat as she kneels above him but he's pretty sure the answer is yes. Whatever she wants right now grinning at him like that, the answer is yes.</p><p>"Have a brain-bot?" </p><p>Ah. "No"</p><p>The look on her face is devastated.</p><p>"They're very social creatures darling wife," he smirks at her, "You will need at least four."</p><p>Four should be plenty. Roxanne can have a little murder, as a treat.</p><p>Roxanne squeaks with delight, "Who? When?" she demands, pulling back to look at him again, "From the new batch? I never got to meet any yesterday."</p><p>If Megamind had known offering her her own bots would result in a reaction like this he'd have offered her a murder years ago, "Um? Soon? We'd have to see who wanted to leave the home hive..." he trails off thinking, "And make sure whoever got left behind didn't sulk for weeks"</p><p>"Why would they sulk?"</p><p>He gives her an amused look, "You bring them treats Roxanne. Don't think I didn't notice when you started sneaking boxes of paperclips in with you every kidnapping."</p><p>She flushes guiltily and he laughs, "You spoil them rotten they're all going to want to live with you." He grins, "Clearly the only option is for you to move into the Lair instead."</p><p>Roxanne laughs and rolls her eyes, "Of course,"</p><p>She sits up and Megamind follows her warmth, "What should we do now?" </p><p>Roxanne glances at the clock, past 2pm and they're still lazing in the half shadows behind the heavy blackout curtains as the sunlight on gold tiles had been blinding. It kind of feels like a giant blanket fort.</p><p>"Food?" she suggests, Scrabble victories always make her hungry.</p><p>"Food yes," he agrees, definitely not hoping for the opportunity to be fed coffee beans again while she sits in his lap. Or he sits in hers, he's happy either way. Roxanne stretches and makes grabby hands at Megamind, "Book"</p><p>He twists around and hands her an enormous folder for the myriad of restaurants downstairs, "This one?"</p><p>"Yes! Room-service for lunch?"</p><p>"Absolutely" he starts shaking gold tiles into the silk bag and putting the Scrabble set away, Roxanne flipped through the folder and hummed thoughtfully.</p><p>"How do you feel about sushi?"</p><p>Megamind drops the bag of tiles looking appalled, "Minion is a <em>Fish!</em> How could you ask me that?!"</p><p>The menu folder slips Roxanne's fingers and she stares at him aghast, "Ohmigod I'm so sorry I didn't even think" her hand is over her mouth and she looks horrified.</p><p>Megamind shakes his head in disappointment, pressing his lips together. Roxanne blinks then squints at him, her expression goes furious as he cracks up laughing at her. </p><p>"Oh ugh!" she throws the menu at him, "You decide then!" She glares at him "You made me feel so bad!" </p><p>He catches the book and grins, "Fish is fine. We eat more than enough of it ourselves."</p><p>"You do?"</p><p>"Did you really think with teeth like that Minion would eat anything else?"</p><p>"I've never seen him eat anything come to think of it"</p><p>"Roxanne he has made you at least two different fish casseroles."</p><p>"When?"</p><p>"That time three years ago with your," he hesitates, "with your grandfather," he finishes finally and curses himself as he watches her wilt.</p><p>Three years ago her grandfather, the last of the limited family Roxanne had left that she still willingly spoke to had suffered a heart attack. She'd been slumped in the news van a blubbering mess because an accident downtown had blocked all traffic to the hospital when Minion and Megamind had pulled up in the invisible car, intent on a kidnapping. As soon as they realised what was happening they pulled her into their car and managed some very dicey driving the wrong way down several one way streets and along a couple of footpaths to get her to the hospital in time to say goodbye.</p><p>She'd gotten home an eternity later to find her fridge stocked with enough meals to feed an army and the softest blanket she'd ever felt in her life folded over her couch. There had been a note stuck to her fridge that said "Leave the dishes on your balcony when you're feeling well enough to be kidnapped again."</p><p>"I don't-" Roxanne frowns, she'd been a bit of a zombie for the next week but she remembered there had been food and curling up under that blanket "I remember the food but I don't remember what it was."</p><p>Megamind shrugs awkwardly, "You had just lost someone very important, that's understandable."<br/>
She gives him a small smile, "He'd have got a kick out of this story. He always loved hearing about what new thing you'd decided to invent to terrorise the city with."</p><p>"Thanks to your skill in story telling I'm sure," Megamind has done a lot of very not nice things but there is nothing he regrets more right now than making her look so quietly sad.</p><p>"Flatterer,"</p><p>"How is it flattery if its true?"</p><p>Roxanne flushes and crawls along the couch to wrap her arms around him. He seems to realise what she's asking because he pulls her into his lap and hooks his chin over her shoulder as he hugs her.</p><p>"You miss him," he says quietly. </p><p>"Yeah" she presses her face into his neck and tries not to sniffle. Granda Peter (her mother's father) had been the one to help her apply for every scholarship she could to get into university and she'd spent more than a few nights on the foldout couch of his tiny apartment after the whole "I like boys and girls" thing went down like a lead balloon, (Roxanne didn't talk to her dad's side of the family anymore and was frankly the happier and healthier for it). She'd have coffee with him every Saturday morning and he'd always ask how the damselling had gone with the same "How was your nap this week kiddo?" every time.</p><p>She still spoke to his sister, her great aunt Helen when she had to. But Helen had opinions about Roxanne's job choices (both of them), and talking to her was a bit like having an open wound cleaned by sandpaper and lemon juice so she was best taken in small doses.</p><p>Extremely small doses.</p><p>With an escape plan ready. </p><p>Roxanne may have pretended to hear the invisible car on occasion to get out of things.</p><p>Finally she lifts her head off his shoulder before she gets his nice shirt all gross and snotty and sighs, "What about you? Any family going to come crawling out of the stars and yell at you for not settling down with a nice blue girl?"</p><p>"Nope," Megamind answers simply and hugs her a little tighter, "Just me and Minion"</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Congratulations wife you married the only one of my kind on the planet."</p><p>"What about on other planets?"</p><p>"Don't know." He does. No one builds an pod out of cobbled together garbage and flings it out into the stars at the last second unless there is no other chance, no other choice.</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"Biiiiiiiiiig universe" he spread one arm wide in a dramatic gesture then brought the fingers of his hand together in front of her nose, "Itty bitty escape pod."</p><p>Roxanne sits back and stares at him, "What?"</p><p>He blinks at her, "How did you think I got here?"</p><p>"I don't know! I thought you decided to live here!"</p><p>"I did! I do! I like this planet!" It has a breathable atmosphere, oceans and her. What more could he need? </p><p>Roxanne frowns because escape pod indicates ship and the jokes about spending a lifetime in prison are apparently not the exaggerations she thought so something must have gone very wrong early on.</p><p>"How big was the pod? Wasn't there room for anyone else?"</p><p>"They had to fit Minion in of course," He looks away from her, "It was something of a last minute 'try not to die thing' and we didn't die so" he shrugs.</p><p>"Not that I'm not fond of Minion, but why him?"</p><p>Megamind taps the base of his skull, his other arm still resting on her hip "Its a symbiotic relationship. Can't have one without the other."</p><p>Roxanne gapes, "Are you telling me I married Minion too?"</p><p>"What? No!" My wife. No sharing. "He's more like a...brother?" he trails off uncertainly. There really isn't a word in any earth language for the kind of connection they share.</p><p>Roxanne considers this, then decides she's got worse blood family and a sentient fish-in-law is definitely a step up, "Can I ask a question?"</p><p>"Have I ever been able to stop you?"</p><p>She sticks her tongue out at him and curls her feet under the hem of her dress, "Not without the spray, but you don't have to answer,"</p><p>He's eyeing her cautiously but nods for her to continue.</p><p>"What are you?"</p><p>He relaxes "Oh that's easy," he holds his left hand out admiringly, "I'm your husband."</p><p>Roxanne wrinkles her nose at him, so he continues, "I'm also incredibly handsome, a certified evil genius and the exact tone of my skin is Pantone Serenity." he grins at her, "Does that answer your question wife?"</p><p>"You know it doesn't" But she's smiling so success! Take that sad emotions! </p><p>"Cepha" he tells her, pronouncing it with a strange harmonic <em>Sae-ffa</em>, it vibrates against her side where she's still leaning against him.</p><p>"Cepha" Roxanne repeats then frowns, "I'm missing part of it"</p><p>"Your larynx isn't made for my language"</p><p>"You're the only one here? Really?"</p><p>"Well I was only eight days old when the whole," he shrugs "Escape pod try not to die thing happened. If there was anyone else..."</p><p>"Megamind..." Roxanne stares, eight days old and no one else from his ship or whatever to reach out? "Didn't anyone try to find you?"</p><p>"If they did they've never looked in this direction"" he says flatly. Damn the sad look is back in her eyes. He has no idea if anyone else even made it off his world. The tech on his pod is sophisticated in its own way. But it barely survived space, he doesn't think it likely. Neither does Minion, on the rare occasions they talk about their lost homeworld. </p><p>"Eight da- just you and Minion? How did you survive?"</p><p>"Eight days old and still relying on my parents?" his voice is mocking but there's something raw beneath it. He shifts to start picking up the tiles again and Roxanne awkwardly shuffles back to the other side of the couch, staring at him wide-eyed. "Clearly it was time to move on."</p><p>"What happened?" She knows he wasn't self sufficient after eight days. Wayne had explained a few things about his school years once after he had seen a number of very expensive therapists and Roxanne was aware there had been some sort of apology at some point that she was absolutely forbidden from digging into. But it was sounding like there had been some kind of trauma well before the schoolyard bullying began.</p><p>"Are you sure you want to know?"</p><p>"Of course I do, I'm-" she hesitates, can she call him her friend? This is already feeling like a fraught conversation, she doesn't want to put any more pressure on him right now.</p><p>"A nosy reporter,"</p><p>"Your wife" they speak at the same time. He blinks at her and she gives him a confused look, "We're off the record here, you know that."</p><p>"Off the record?"</p><p>"Doesn't leave Vegas. Doesn't leave the room if you like." She sits up and frowns at him in the low light, "You did know that, didn't you?"</p><p>"I-" he hesitates, he hadn't actually been sure. Most damsels are full-time. Its a little hard to hold down a steady job when there's a high chance of your workplace being blown to pieces by a supervillain once a month. But his wife has never been a normal damsel and while he didn't think she would personally sell hm out for a scoop he's really not used to revealing anything for fear of it being another weird evil alien thing to be mocked with.</p><p>"You're not most damsels" he tries to explain, "You're not just there for- you have your- I don't think there's anyone else like you at all." She's looking at him oddly, "You're special! You don't- oh gods what are words?" </p><p>She doesn't look like she knows whether to be insulted or flattered. "Megamind," she says exasperatedly, "Of course Vegas means no nosy reporting. I thought that went without saying."</p><p>Of course it would. She's far too good, his wife.</p><p>"Sorry," he mutters.</p><p>"Why? Were you worried about that?"</p><p>"Not you," he waves a frustrated hand, "I'm a supervillain, I cant-" he cuts himself off, hissing through his teeth then flings himself off the couch in a sudden fury at his own weakness. Wanting to talk about his home, about his past as if it has any meaning any more. "Never mind."</p><p>"Okay stop." Roxanne sits up and tucks her feet under her. "Megamind just stop for a second."</p><p>He stills, his back to her, tension vibrating up his spine.</p><p>"I asked because I was curious." Roxanne says slowly, "And because you have seen more of the universe than I ever will and I like hearing about all the amazing things you've seen. But that doesn't mean you have to tell me, because this is sounding like its a lot. Like twelve years of therapy and a survivors guilt complex a lot."</p><p>He rubs his hand over the back of his neck and jerks his collar up like he feels exposed, which given his usual wear, he probably does.</p><p>"Do you want me to go get your spikes?" Roxanne offers and he huffs a dreadfully painful sounding laugh, "No I- no. No. It's a novelty to be without them for once." He likes the spikes, don't get him wrong. But he's trying to embrace the novelty of this impossible time where he just gets to exist in the same space as Roxanne without the deathtraps or the threats and its nice. Its really really nice and he is desperately pathetically greedy for the chance to hug her again if she'd let him.  </p><p>"I think I would like to tell you," he admits quietly, "I think you're the only person in the world I could want to tell. But I'm afraid its really not much of a story."</p><p>Okay that's a lot but Roxanne can handle it, "Where would you like to start?"</p><p>Megamind slumps back down at the far end of the couch, his back to her worried gaze, "Impending doom, eight days old, escape pod, earth, prison, shool, supervillain. Its not exactly full of twists and turns."</p><p>"Megamind..." Roxanne wants to reach out to him but the way he's sitting it looks like one of the bad days where he's barely holding himself together out of nothing more than determination and spite at the universe.</p><p>She's beginning to wonder if the universe doesn't deserve it.</p><p>"Want to hear something funny?"</p><p>He sounds like he's trying to lighten the mood. Roxanne has the horrible feeling this isn't going to be as amusing as he wants it to be.</p><p>"I've calculated the original trajectory of my pod. Did you know I was headed straight for the Scott Family gardens when Metro Moron knocked me off course?"</p><p>"You were what?!"</p><p>"Fate picks its favourites" he sighs, gripping the edge of the seat, "It was for the best anyway."</p><p>"For the- what?" Roxanne stares, "No! How can you possibly say that?"</p><p>"I <em>am</em> a genius Roxanne," the words are flat and heavy. "I was raised by criminals and so I used my intellect to improve on what they taught me. None of them were nice people. Good people, in their own way, but not nice. The things they taught me were <em>not nice</em>. I was lucky that the ones who took the greatest care of me were at least interested in giving me some form of ethical framework."</p><p>"That doesn't mean it was for the best!"</p><p>"You're missing the point."</p><p>"What is the point then?"</p><p>"Golden boy knocked me off course and I knocked him off course. Can you imagine a world where someone with his powers was raised by the criminally gifted?"</p><p>And Roxanne could. She could see it all too easily. Wayne was too strong and too careless sometimes with his own abilities. Even with all the therapy he didn't always consider the consequences of his actions, their current status a textbook example, "...oh"</p><p>"Like I said. For the best."<br/>
God-fucking-dammit. No. That is not acceptable. Roxanne nearly fell off the couch trying to scramble up with her skirt still tucked around her. Megamind twisted around to look at her over his shoulder, "What are you doing?"</p><p>"Shut up, stay there a second." She finally dragged her legs free enough to wriggle over to his side of the lounge and wrap her arms around him from behind, burying her face in the back of his neck</p><p>"You have worth." she hisses fiercely, "Not as an acceptable sacrifice or foil to Wayne or whatever stupid thing you're thinking. You. Have. Worth." she squeezes him tighter, "And fuck the universe for doing that to you."</p><p>"I made you upset" he sounds astonished.</p><p>"Fucking hell Megamind I'm upset because you actually grew up in a prison. And because you seem to think the life you built out of that is an acceptable trade for not having some lunatic aiming Wayne like a weapon!"</p><p>"I've never made a secret of a life in prison before"</p><p>"I thought that was a joke! i didn't think you actually meant from infancy!"</p><p>"You didn't try to check?"</p><p>"Of course I did! The prison went into lockdown every time I so much as mentioned your name."</p><p>"Ah." He was still in her arms, "They can get a bit possessive of me sometimes."</p><p>"Yeah no shit" She sighs against his back, "Your value isn't defined by how things could have been worse" she says quietly, "Doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't work like that."</p><p>"I'm still a supervillain."</p><p>"I know," she murmurs, then tries to inject a little levity of her own into the situation, "I married you anyway."</p><p>"I'm sorry," His hand comes up to clutch the arms she has wrapped around his chest like a lifeline, "I just get so tired" he whispers, "Everything that is different about me always gets lumped into the same basket as the evil parts of me. Its always about the blue and the weird head and of course you can't expect someone who looks so strange to be anything less than evil." He gives a shuddery kind of sigh "Being a supervillain is supposed to be a career. Its not supposed to be because I'm an alien. And I just want to have the things that are mine not be-" he shrugs helplessly, "Tainted I guess."</p><p>"I don't think you're evil" Roxanne says quietly</p><p>"Supervillain." He responds flatly.</p><p>"I know. Doesn't mean I think you're actually evil." He rarely destroys anything in the city anymore. And the buildings that do come down were always not up to code or mysteriously evacuated beforehand. "Do you think I'd be here if you were any other villain?"</p><p>"Well its Vegas. I wouldn't want to judge"</p><p>Roxanne snorts and hugs him again. "Megamind," she waits until he looks over his shoulder at her, green luminous in the low light, "I can categorically state there is no one else, supervillain or otherwise, that I would put up with being accidentally married to and spending a long weekend in Vegas with. And if I didn't like or trust you there's no way I would have suggested we share the room, let alone the bed."</p><p>He huffs through his nose and some of the tension in his shoulders eases, "I suppose that's worth something." Its worth a lot, to hear her say that.</p><p>"When have you ever known me not to make it clear if I wasn't happy about something?"</p><p>"Never," she can hear the smile in his voice. Small but definitely present.</p><p>"Then trust that I'm happy to spend this weekend with you and its not something I would be willing to do if I thought you were truly evil regardless of your career choices."</p><p> She says she likes him. She says she <em>trusts</em> him. Gods below if the rest of his life is what it has taken to get to this point it might have been worth it after all. "I trust you." </p><p>God it shouldn't hurt her heart to hear that but after what he's just told her about his life she's beginning to realise how precious a gift that is, "I'm glad. Now please turn around so I can hug you properly."</p><p>He whirls around so fast he nearly sends them crashing onto the floor. There is a moment of tangled limbs that resolves itself into Roxanne back on his lap, her fingers drawing purring noises out of him again while his arms crush her against him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Some notes about the world-building. Supervillain and Superhero are actual career options. One is illegal of course but that doesn't mean its not a respected as a legitimate choice. They are NOT careers for regular humans, not because its illegal but because the mortality rate is very very high.  Damsels are pretty much the only standard humans who get to play in that particular playground.</p><p>Megamind's big issue (which I hope I got across clearly) is that if he was going to be called bad, then he would be the best at being bad. But that doesn't mean he wants everything about him to be lumped in into the same category. Evil is something he does not something he is. So he struggles with the outward signs of his alienness getting co-opted into the evilness. <br/>He's not evil because he's blue any more than he's blue because he's evil. But his upbringing did have an impact on what he could choose to do with his life and Supervillainy was pretty much the only intellectually stimulating autonomous career option available to him. Unfortunately he can't control the way other people view him and he has a lot of subconscious guilt about being the only one left and being responsible for his adopted planet considering his people to be evil based on him alone.</p><p>The bots don't actually eat the paperclips, but they appreciate the cronch.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Just One Dance - Caro Emerald</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Honeymoon continues...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Elf requested shiny things so have some of those. Dal said licking is good so have some of that too. And after the angstfest of the last chapter we all deserve a treat.</p>
<p>Chapter Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QUmPZmkr4I&amp;list=FLV5N5mNfJgn6PT2YA_T5iog&amp;index=45</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I'm beginning to think," Roxanne let her head rest on the side of the couch wondering whether it would have been better to just stick with Grave of the Fireflies, "We suck at this being on holiday thing."</p>
<p>"Says you." her husband retorts into her shoulder, "I've purchased a very fast vehicle, have an unlimited budget with no oversight and a beautiful woman in my arms."</p>
<p>"Wow midlife crisis much?" a smile tugs at the corner of Roxanne's mouth.</p>
<p>"Quarter life more like it" </p>
<p>"What? Really?"</p>
<p>He shrugs sharply, "I don't know," Roxanne shifts in his lap and gives him a sceptical look "If you tell me I married the equivalent of a teenager I am going to be so creeped out,"</p>
<p>She gets a half grin in return "Oh fine. My expected lifespan is one hundred and five."</p>
<p>Her head tilts, waiting for him to go on, "I haven't calculated it to the day, that Would be strange and creepy. You can check with Minion"</p>
<p>Roxanne looks at him, "Nah I trust you. If you were going to make it weird you'd tell me you were going to become a celestial anglerfish or something"</p>
<p>"Who told you about that?" he replies half jokingly.</p>
<p>His wife sighs and looks at the still quietly sad look in Megamind's eyes, his head tipped back, staring at the ceiling, "Do you know what my grandpa used to do when I was having shitty thoughts?"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"Come here" </p>
<p>He straightens and she takes his face gently in her hands, brushing her thumbs over his cheekbones. His eyes were very large as she tilts his head down and presses a very gentle kiss against his brow.</p>
<p>Then blew a raspberry. </p>
<p>Megamind collapsed into laughter sending them falling off the side of the couch together.</p>
<p>"See!" she said brightly, "It works!"</p>
<p>"That," he scrubs a hand over his head, "Felt very strange." He blows a revenge raspberry against her neck then jerks back in shock as Roxanne shrieks.</p>
<p>"Are you alright?" he demands</p>
<p>Roxanne gives him a wide-eyed look and clutches at her throat and hmm...that's the look she gets when she's trying not to let him know she's ticklish only there's more to it than that...</p>
<p>"Well now," his grin goes wicked, "Isn't that interesting..."</p>
<p>"Don't," she points a finger at him,"you dare"</p>
<p>He smirks and sidles closer, hands sliding around her waist.</p>
<p>"Megamind," she says warningly</p>
<p>"Yes wife?" his breath ghosting over her skin.</p>
<p>"<em>Don't</em>"</p>
<p>"Ask nicely,"</p>
<p>"Please" she whispers</p>
<p>He throws her back up onto the couch, "I'll order lunch" he springs up and bounds over to the phone.</p>
<hr/>
<p>After some stupendously good sushi (this meal came with a boat!)  they spend the afternoon sprawled on the balcony making up increasingly unlikely ways to complete a heist from the casino. Somehow this was one of the few crimes Megamind hadn't committed</p>
<p>"Supervillainy requires presentation" he explains, "The whole point of a heist is to not get caught."</p>
<p>That had made a surprising amount of sense.</p>
<p>"And that's where the elephants come in" Roxanne nods firmly.</p>
<p>"Elephants?" Megamind is hanging upside down on the divan folding more paper planes out of the room stationary.</p>
<p>"To stomp on the police car"</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"So we can make a getaway on the giant unicycle"</p>
<p>"Is it a giant wheel unicycle or just a very tall one?"</p>
<p>"I want a giant wheel one but that might make it difficult to turn corners."</p>
<p>"You're right, clearly it needs to be a telescoping wheel"</p>
<p>"Ah good thinking"</p>
<p>The sun continued it slide to the horizon as the heists evolved to include a daring climb down the side of the building using only lanyards from the tax accountants convention next door, a really quite unusual use for a pomegranate, a showgirl who's stilettos shot actual stilettos during her high kicks and a getaway chase set to a dramatic reading of Roxanne's phone contract terms and conditions.</p>
<p>Roxanne gets up to fetch more water and takes the opportunity to dig out a certain purchase from earlier when she rejoins her husband on the balcony. "Here," she hands him a small black box, "This is for you."</p>
<p>Megamind freezes as he looks at the box. Gifts of jewellery don't mean the same things to humans. He's not entirely sure of all the connotations without Minion here to give him context but what with them already being married and...</p>
<p>He opens the box and looks at the pocketknife nestled within. </p>
<p>Oh that's worse.</p>
<p>Ahahaha and he got her a <em>camera</em> stupid alien customs and not having any idea what this actually means other than knowing that it absolutely doesn't mean the same thing to her...<br/>Roxanne was looking at him hesitantly, "You don't like it? You can just feed it to the bots if you don't. Call it revenge." He doesn't have to like it. She just thought of him when she saw it.</p>
<p>How to explain to your wife that an exchange of tools to compliment your skills has some kind of connotations for dynasty building? Probably not the best time to spring the "So how do you feel about kids" question.</p>
<p>"Its fantastic," he grins instead, pulling it out of the box and fanning the tools out between his fingers, ooh torx screwdriver. "There should be a camera drone I ordered for you in there as well," he waves towards the pile of boxes and bags.</p>
<p>Wayne paid for all of it he reminds himself. That makes it different right? In that case he should definitely get her some jewellery while they're here. Good resale value and all. His wife deserves things as beautiful as she is.</p>
<p>"We should get you shiny things!" He announces gleefully.</p>
<p>"We should?" Roxanne had been about to tear into the pile of boxes to find that camera, her husband is so thoughtful, "Like what?"</p>
<p>Shiny things like a raygun?</p>
<p>Megamind folds his arms and taps one finger thoughtfully on his chin as he looks her over. Roxanne feels the slow fizz of the tingles starting up again and that's not fair, he's not even touching her this time. She never asked for her veins to feel like they're filled with champagne.</p>
<p>"Earrings to start," he muses, "You wear studs but I think you should try something with a long drop to accentuate your neck. Pearls probably, though I think I'd quite like to see you in marcasite."</p>
<p>Oh those kind of shiny things...</p>
<p>"Not sapphires" she raises her eyebrows teasingly, Megamind waves a hand "I will <em>make</em> you sapphires, I'm not leaving that up to some amateur"</p>
<p>He stands and paces around her contemplatively, "Definitely some kind of bracelet...silver cuff perhaps?...Hmm...diamond collar." He says decisively, Roxanne's mouth drops open, "I'm not a cat!"</p>
<p>"Trust me wife," He leaps over to the table where the various books are still scattered and starts flipping through them, "There has to be a jewellery store here somewhere."</p>
<p>"They had jewellery at the salon," Roxanne offers as she follows him inside. Diamond collar? This should be fun.</p>
<p>"Did they?"</p>
<p>"That's where your ring came from."</p>
<p>"Is it?"Megamind looks down at his hand, "Minion never told me what it was."</p>
<p>"Minion didn't pick it," She's not blushing it was just warm in the sun outside, "I did."</p>
<p>He blinks at her, well now he HAS to find her something nice, "I like it. Non-conductive right?"</p>
<p>"Ceramic zirconium," she nods, "Scratch-proof and apparently you need a diamond tipped hammer to break it"</p>
<p>"Oh I have plenty of those"</p>
<p>"Hey!" She caught his hand, "If you're going to break it you can give it back"</p>
<p>As if he'd ever destroy this. He's not certain he's even capable of removing it.</p>
<p>"No!" He pulls his hand back and his wife along with it, "Mine now." he grins at her, "I think I'm going to enjoy dressing you,"</p>
<p>Roxanne grins back, "I know I did,"</p>
<p>He gives her a puzzled look as she hands him a slim book for the in house jeweller, "I got the tailor to triple your order,"</p>
<p>"You did? Why?" That seems excessive. Its revenge of course but he can't exactly wear this while he's working in the lab. And he doesn't have that much call for clothing other than workshop clothes or his leathers.</p>
<p>"Why not? I ordered at least as many dresses."</p>
<p>"Yes but you can wear those." He's flipping through the jewellery book at lightning speed, ducking away from Roxanne every time she tries to see which page he's stopping at,</p>
<p>"You can't expect me to threaten you with deathtraps dressed like this?"</p>
<p>Roxanne bites her lip and grins at him because oh yes she can, "You could crash the Scott's New Years Party?" she offers hopefully.</p>
<p>"Stop trying to choreograph your own kidnappings"</p>
<p>"But then we'll both be dressed up"</p>
<p>Hmm...that idea does have its merits, "I refuse to appear for a plot without the spikes" He tosses the book down and starts scribbling an order onto the heavily abused room service notepad. </p>
<p>"Fine yes keep the spikes and the cape." Roxanne tries to peek a the list but apparently he's writing in Russian and she can't read it. "Wayne keeps trying to make evening capes to come back in. He'd be very jealous if you got to show up in one."</p>
<p>"Fine," Megamind waves the hand holding the notepad, hoping his whole face isn't lavender "We'll do a formal kidnapping sometime"</p>
<p>Hell yeah, "Can there be dancing?"</p>
<p>"Darling wife," he drops the pen to slide an arm around her waist and whirls them around the table, "Of course there will be dancing"</p>
<p>Roxanne laughs when he lets her go again and hops up onto the table to flick idly through one of the lookbooks, "We should do something."</p>
<p>"Like what?"</p>
<p>"I don't know, see a show or something?"</p>
<p>"We could go see how much of the big guy's money we could lose? Or I could teach you to count cards so you never need to worry about your shoes again?"</p>
<p>"You know how to count cards?"</p>
<p>He gives her a look and rolls his eyes upwards as if to say wife, please with a brain like mine it would be harder not to count, "You think Tesla coils and blinky dials pay for</p>
<p>themselves?" </p>
<p>"Isn't that illegal?"</p>
<p>"Its mathematics, how can you make rules against numbers?" He leans on the table beside her, "Its not that hard,"</p>
<p>Roxanne gives him a pained look, "You want me to do homework?"</p>
<p>"What else would you rather be doing on our honeymoon?"</p>
<p>Roxanne, pointedly does not answer that and instead gets up to explore her options in the wardrobe of her dreams. Megamind catches her muttering something that sounds like "...God give me strength..." as she disappears from view.</p>
<p>There are perhaps four dresses Roxanne has made Wayne buy that are work ready. All the rest are purely for fun or might make it to a Scott Party some time. There is one dress however, that she would really like to wear while they're here. Roxanne isn't stupid. She knows what it would look like to get kidnapped in a black dress accentuated with leather straps and dull square studs in Metro City. Every news station in the state would be declaring her as showing her favour for Megamind, her own included, the moment she appeared.</p>
<p>Vegas though...well the rules were there for a reason.</p>
<p>"Did you get a tux?" she calls "You can count cards and I'll do the Bond girl entrance in the slinky dress"</p>
<p>Megamind sits up. Wife in slinky dress? Yes please.</p>
<p>"Any particular Bond girl?"</p>
<p>"Don't care," Roxanne shrugs as she comes back out, dress bag draped over one arm, "I just want to make an entrance."</p>
<p>"You do?"</p>
<p>"You always get to make dramatic entrances, its my turn!"</p>
<p>"But what if I wanted to be the slinky one?" </p>
<p>"You're always the slinky one! You're practically made of rubber and springs!"</p>
<p>"Rubber and springs?"</p>
<p>"You know, The wonderful thing about Tiggers..." is that I'm the only- and wait nope bad thought do not follow that train. Roxanne coughs, "Never mind, you can keep being the slinky one," She eyes him for a moment, yeah that could, that is definitely an idea that is working for her. He could definitely pull of one of those magic combination dresses that ties a dozen different ways. He's built like a supermodel after all.</p>
<p>Megamind blinks at her in confusion, "I wear spikes! Spikes are not slinky!"</p>
<p>The dress draped over Roxanne's arm would beg to differ, "Bet you they can be,"</p>
<p>"You're on. But I don't have a tux."</p>
<p>Roxanne tilts her head thoughtfully. It's not really a problem, the oxblood against blue skin with the grey suit really is working for her. "Stay in that, you shouldn't clash."</p>
<p>Done. "You'll need to make your entrance alone anyway," her serial kidnapper turned husband adds.</p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"Otherwise I'll take all the attention away from you,"</p>
<p>"You really can't enter a room without being the centre of attention?"</p>
<p>He rolls his eyes at her and points at his head, "Wouldn't matter what I wear, its the only thing people notice, I don't know why you think I need to get dressed up at all."<br/>Roxanne stares at him, hanging the dress over the back of a chair, "Seriously?" she throws her hands out in an up and down gesture, "Look at you!"</p>
<p>"Skinny and blue" he rolls his eyes, "Incredibly handsome of course, but skinny and blue."</p>
<p>Roxanne rolls her eyes as well then grabs his arm and drags him into the wardrobe. She spins him to face the mirror and stands behind him, "Pretty colour," she taps the side of his head, "And ridiculously flawless skin. Seriously, I work in TV and I know a dozen people who would give their firstborns for skin like yours"</p>
<p>She slides her hands over his shoulders, "These proportions are ridiculous, "You're like a cross between a swimmer and a BBC period drama actor, it really works" she moves her hands down to wrap her arms around his waist, "Plus you are a very convenient height for hugging," she releases him and steps around to take one of his hands. He's still staring at her in the mirror but looks down as she touches his wrist.</p>
<p>"And your hands," she hesitates, "Its weird because this is only the second day I've ever seen them but you have really nice hands Megamind," she squeezes his fingers lightly, "And I know how good you are with them."</p>
<p>He raises an eyebrow at that.</p>
<p>"With building things" she says sternly before he can draw any more attention to her faux pas, "The leather is fine" more than fine "But you should be able to expand beyond that if you want to," she taps his nose with one finger, "So do your wife a favour and dress sharp."</p>
<p>Megamind stares dumbfounded. She thinks he's...well it sounded like she thought he was attractive? That's ridiculous. Well she also married him yesterday so maybe its a week for impossible things.</p>
<p>"You're incredible" he blurts in a strangled voice.</p>
<p>"Oh!" She flushes, "Thanks, I wasn't fishing but" she busies herself pulling out a pair of frankly ridiculous strappy black leather heels out of a box, "...thanks" she mutters again and backs up to a safer distance as he keeps staring at her.</p>
<p>"Tie and waistcoat?" he offers rather than listing the remaining four thousand and two things he adores about her.</p>
<p>This suit comes with a waistcoat too? Fuck yes. Roxanne is here for that. "Probably shoes too" she suggests, eyeing his bare toes.</p>
<p>"I'll have you know bare feet are the latest in Vegas fashion," he returns, trying not to scrunch his toes into the carpet.</p>
<p>Roxanne swings her shoes by the straps, "You just want to be taller,"</p>
<p>Why would he want to be taller when she told him he was the perfect height for hugging?</p>
<p>His wife disappears into the bathroom before he can answer.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Roxanne's slinky dress was indeed very slinky. It was a dress that slunk in the very best sense of the word. A sleek bodice and skirt of swirling black silk that washed over her skin like the ocean at midnight. Black leather straps crossed over her shoulders and down her back, glinting with dull silver square studs.</p>
<p>Megamind nearly accidentally strangles himself with his own tie when he sees her stroll out of the bathroom in a slow strut. Make an entrance? Cause a riot more like. "This is a bad plan." </p>
<p>"It is?" Roxanne spins and admires the swish of her skirts, "Why?"</p>
<p>"How am I- how is anyone meant to?" he gestures at the fitted silk like its personally challenged him to a duel.</p>
<p>Roxanne smiles with lips painted the colour of sin, "So it does work then" Maybe he's onto something about the leather all the time. This is <em>fun.</em></p>
<p>"You are meant to distract the other players! How am I meant to think?"</p>
<p>"Then we lose Wayne's money. What's the downside?"</p>
<p>The downside is...its...there is definitely a downside which he would remember if he could think of words with more than two syllables.</p>
<p>"Megamind, the great and terribly genius brought low by a simple dress?" Roxanne isn't smug she's just terribly, terribly pleased with herself.</p>
<p>"There is nothing simple about you in that dress Temptress" he growls and Roxanne files that reaction away for further contemplation later.</p>
<p>"Too much?" She swishes again and eyed him over her shoulder, watching the way he kept having to drag his eyes from the studded leather straps crossing her mostly bare back, "Should I take it off?"</p>
<p>Okay maybe she's a little smug.</p>
<p>Megamind nearly swallows his tongue. She is definitely trying to give him a heart attack</p>
<hr/>
<p>They make it two steps into the casino before Megamind freezes, "Oh no,"</p>
<p>His wife stops beside him in a slick of gleaming silk, "What is it?"</p>
<p>"That's Lord Vile."</p>
<p>"The Houston Supervillain? So what, It's Vegas." she shrugs but Megamind still isn't moving, "Do you owe him money or something?"</p>
<p>Megamind turns desperate eyes on his wife, "He'll want to join us, and he doesn't shut up!"</p>
<p>Roxanne blinks and sees the helmeted head turning towards them, a figure in teal thigh boots beside him that hmm no she'd rather not meet Lady Atom right now either, she grabs his hand and yanks her husband behind a convenient palm that is really too sparse to hide both of them, "Come here!"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>She pulls him towards her by his tie and presses her lips to his.</p>
<p>Megamind had intended for them to duck and run for the lifts because this is a terrible hiding place and Lord Vile is a pain and he really doesn't want to have to be polite because you can't actually threaten another supervillain in Vegas even if you clearly have the better giant lasers but at the feel of his wife pressing herself against him his brain ground to a halt and</p>
<p>Roxanne</p>
<p>Lips</p>
<p>Kissing</p>
<p>Yes</p>
<p>Yes yes yes please yes <em>Excellent</em></p>
<p>He splays his free hand over the beautifully bare skin of her back and pulls her against him. Roxanne has one hand clutching his and the other cupping the back of his neck as she gently bites at his lip  then curls her tongue against his. They just need to do this for a few seconds to make use of the social etiquette of not interrupting the kissing couple.</p>
<p>Maybe two minutes...</p>
<p>Just to be safe</p>
<p>If she's relying on him to hold her up its purely to make sure it looks convincing</p>
<p>Really really convincing... </p>
<p>Oh whatever she has other priorities right now</p>
<p>Lord Vile's companion nudges him and points out the duo that have been liplocked in the corner for the last ten minutes. The helmed supervillain glares then huffs and digs out a handful of chips to hand to his companion, "Told you so," Lady Atom, Defender of Santa Fe grins smugly.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Otherwise engaged behind a convenient potted palm...</p>
<p>"Sir? Ma'am? You're blocking the fire escape" a bored voice intones behind them.</p>
<p>Megamind and Roxanne both jump and break apart to look around,"Ah sorry-"</p>
<p>"We um-"</p>
<p>"We don't-"</p>
<p>"This isn't-"</p>
<p>"The door please." This is not the first couple the security guard has found here tonight, nor, does she suspect, will it be the last. At least these two were still clothed.</p>
<p>"Right" Blushing the duo duck away from the door and found themselves face to face with a giant poster advertising a sold-out show for Penn and Teller. Roxanne swallows, tasting petrichor and trying to calm her racing heart. Her libido was putting their heist planning from earlier to good use by plotting the most direct way to get them  if not back up to the room then to at least some kind of secluded location as soon as possible.</p>
<p>Megamind appears vaguely stunned, somewhere between thrown through a building and when one of his plans actually catches Roxanne off guard as he meets her eyes. There is a smear of red at the corner of his mouth that matches her lipstick. All day colour stay her left foot. Roxanne reaches up automatically with her free hand and rubs at the mark she's left on his skin, pressing her thumb against his mouth. Megamind inhales sharply and leans into her hand, green eyes hungry.  </p>
<p>Megamind wasn't sure how to breath if it wasn't from her mouth. Her touch feels like its branding him and he wants, gods below how he wants to kiss her again. He stares at her  pleadingly, waiting for her to push him away, draw him closer, kiss him again. Please please let her kiss him again.</p>
<p>Roxanne's thumb was now scarlet but she was still caressing his lip, the rest of her hand cupping his jaw. Her fingers crooked and he leans towards her as she sways to meet him.</p>
<p>"Keen on seeing the show?" a familiar voice asks behind them, they jump again and spin to see the same blonde lady who had snapped her fingers and gotten them married a lifetime and twenty four hours ago. She smiles brightly at them, "We can arrange tickets?"</p>
<p>"Oh you don't have to-"</p>
<p>"We hadn't thought about-"</p>
<p>"It's sold out"</p>
<p>"Oh don't worry about that," the woman winks, knowing full well what kind of gratuity there is waiting on a certain black platinum card for last minute tickets to sold out shows,"For friends of Mr Scott there's always something."</p>
<p>Without further ado they were ushered into a theatre full of people to a small table at the very front of the stage that was magically vacant and continued to magically supply a delicious champagne supper for the rest of the evening. It wasn't until Megamind went to pull out the chair for his wife he realised he was still holding her hand.</p>
<p>The magic show is really good. Even if it takes them until the end of the first bottle of champagne to individually stop wondering if there's a way to subtly suggest just blowing this popsicle stand and find another potted palm that isn't in front of a fire escape.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hours later, they get back up to the suite they are merry and giggling and talking over one another about the show. </p>
<p>"And the trick with the coins!"</p>
<p>"And the thing with the gloves!"</p>
<p>"How do they even do that bit with the glasses?"</p>
<p>"I mean I could do it with half a dozen hard light projectors and a murder of bots but not with sleight of hand!"</p>
<p>"I could maybe, Maybe catch the bottle like that but not without a sound or letting the audience see!"</p>
<p>The show had been spectacular, as had supper. It seemed every time they blinked another waiter had been there with another ridiculous plate of something like a scallops with gold leaf and fingerlimes and another subtle pop of champagne. Megamind slips into the bathroom to scrub the taste of the final dish from his mouth. Some kind of sour lime tart with miracle berries that were meant to make it taste sweet. Mostly it made him feel like his mouth was made out of velvet and tasted like oven cleaner.</p>
<p>Roxanne pulls two bottles of water out of the fridge, handing one to a returning Megamind and balances the other on the back of her palm. She stares furiously at it for a moment then tips her hand and the bottle falls to the floor before she can catch it. She fumbles with it and has to lean on the desk when she swings upright, "Oh," she sways slightly at the headrush, "Champagne is fun"</p>
<p>"Champagne is fun" Megamind agrees, opting not to challenge his hand-eye coordination while the room is spinning slightly.  His wife finishes her water, stretches and sighs and smiles at him and she's just so pretty with her sapphire eyes and her silky hair and her deliciously biteable lip and he could just look at her forever-</p>
<p>Roxanne puts her fingers over her mouth as she giggles and Megamind realises he might have said that out loud.</p>
<p>She giggles again.</p>
<p>And that.</p>
<p>"Drink your water" </p>
<p>Yes wife. She is so smart.</p>
<p>"Yes I am. Come on," she beckons him towards the window and slides open the balcony doors, letting the night air rush in and spins in a swirl of skirts.</p>
<p>The cool air and water help, Megamind is able to recite pi to the hundreth decimal, silently skipping every third number which is how he usually measures if his brain is working after he has a loopy reaction to something.</p>
<p>"Balconies are the best" Roxanne declares, neon lights outlining her form, it really is a fantastically slinky dress.</p>
<p>"Excellent for kidnappings" Megamind agrees, stepping out to join her. Roxanne flings her arms out wide and catches her skirt as she spins again, then she gives Megamind such a look of absolute beaming delight that he nearly falls to his knees, "It's got pockets!" her hands disappear under black silk.</p>
<p>Megamind grins because he is well aware of Roxanne's continuous battle for dresses with pockets, "Outstanding! Order a thousand! You should never wear anything else!"</p>
<p>Roxanne laughs, "You're just saying that because I've got spikes."</p>
<p>"Spikes and pockets wife, what more could you need?"</p>
<p>She spins again and nearly overbalances without her hands free. "Eep!" Megamind leaps forward and catches her in a dip and Roxanne giggles up at him.</p>
<p>Oh he's fast, and very close, is he going to kiss her again?</p>
<p>"Well?" she tilts her head slightly</p>
<p>"Well what?" he smiles looking down at her. Roxanne manages to get one hand free to curl over his shoulder. She rolls her eyes upwards, does she have to spell it out for him?</p>
<p>Megamind blinks, there is music drifting down from a concert above and ah of course. He sweeps her up onto her feet and whirls her around the floor.</p>
<p>No kissing? Damn. Well dancing is good anyway. She had kind of slightly mauled him earlier. Not that he had been complaining.</p>
<p>Not that she had given him any opportunity.</p>
<p>"Was that okay earlier?"</p>
<p>"Was what okay?"</p>
<p>"When I um," dragged him behind a potted plant and kissed him until she forgot everything up to and including her own name, "Distraction? Kiss?"</p>
<p>Megamind laughs breathlessly, as though he hadn't been quite happy to change his permanent address to behind the palm tree by the fire escape and just keep tasting honey and coffee from her lips forever, "What kind of question is that?"</p>
<p>One that he hasn't answered, unfortunately.</p>
<p>He spins them again and oh wow that champagne went to Roxanne's head fast, she rests her head on his shoulder and Megamind nearly dies at the sight of her long throat bared trustingly in front of him. she has a scattering of freckles that spill down her neck and over her shoulders. </p>
<p>"Hi freckles" he greets them, Roxanne's head shoots up and she frowns furiously, "No!"</p>
<p>"No?" Is he not allowed to admire them? </p>
<p>"I am not going back to that name!"</p>
<p>"Who called you freckles?"</p>
<p>"Stupid people" Stupid Faye from stupid grade six Roxanne had had such a crush until Faye had found out and laughed at her and her dad found out and no, not thinking about that, concentrate on husband, incredibly handsome husband holding her in his arms while they dance and that's a much better thought. Reality. Thing.</p>
<p>"We will destroy everything they love with a giant laser" Megamind vows and she definitely doesn't shiver at the way the growly Evil voice sends sparks up her spine.</p>
<p>Roxanne contemplates the offer, then shrugs "Okay" and lays her head back down on his shoulder, "But please don't call me Freckles."</p>
<p>"I wont."</p>
<p>"Good"</p>
<p>"They are very pretty though" They look like stars mapped on her skin </p>
<p>"No they're not"</p>
<p>"Of course they are"</p>
<p>"They're blotchy and a pain to hide for the cameras and they're everywhere" she complains as he spins her and she's right there are freckles all down her back between the leather straps right down to where the skirt of her dress starts.</p>
<p>Oh good that's just going to live in his brain forever now.</p>
<p>"Why in the name of quantum physics would you want to hide them?"</p>
<p>Roxanne shrugs, "Camera thing, looks weird if they're only half covered."</p>
<p>"That's a pity. You shouldn't need makeup to hide them."</p>
<p>She leans back and smirks at him, "Yeah and when's the last time you kidnapped me without the eyeliner?"</p>
<p>Given he'd literally stolen the eyeliner out of the utterly ridiculous collection of makeup she'd ordered (Roxanne may have stocked up on a years worth of extremely good quality makeup. There was revenge and there was practicality and there was no reason why the two shouldn't go hand in hand), Megamind laughed, "Fair."</p>
<p>They dance until the music from the concert above disappears and they are both giddy with exhaustion. Roxanne throws herself onto her stomach on the divan on the balcony and looks up at Megamind, kicking her feet back and forth. She is at the exact midpoint of could keep going forever and also now that she's stopped she could fall asleep immediately. </p>
<p>"I like dancing with you" she grins, dizzy, drunk and delighted to be on holiday.</p>
<p>He grins back, "So do I"</p>
<p>She grabs his arm and tugs him down to sit beside her so she can use his leg as a pillow</p>
<p>"That cannot be comfortable" Megamind objects.</p>
<p>"Meh," she wriggles up to lean further up his leg rather than his knee, "I'm here now"</p>
<p>Well he had spent several hours leaning on her this morning, perhaps its only fair she demands a return on the favour.</p>
<p>"Roxanne?" she's curled against his side</p>
<p>"Mn" her head is resting on his thigh.</p>
<p>"Roxanne?"</p>
<p>She's asleep.</p>
<p>Megamind looks down at her adoringly. Marrying her was simultaneously the most ridiculous thing to ever happen and somehow also the best day of his life. And might be the single most incredible moment since the first time he got to swim, really swim, with Minion. But today, sprawled on the couch and playing games and watching movies and buying one another ridiculous things. No timer, no countdown, no Metro Man, just the two of them, (and getting to kiss her!) has been even better. </p>
<p>Oh if he thought he was in trouble before it had nothing on now.</p>
<p>Luckily carrying her while she's asleep is nothing new.</p>
<p>He slides his hands under her and lifts her, and oh, hmm maybe that last bottle of champagne was a mistake because he's feeling distinctly unbalanced as she snuggles into his shoulder. He carries her into the bathroom, sitting her on the vanity and pressing her toothbrush into her hands as she blinks at him blearily.</p>
<p>"You don't want to sleep in spikes," he tells her gently.<br/>"I don't?" she looks extraordinarily befuddled at finding herself in the bathroom clutching a gold handled toothbrush.</p>
<p>"You really don't" He's been there. He knows. Its all why bother until you wake up with your back in knots and sharp bruises in your cheek because you didn't bother to take the mantle off before you fall asleep at your desk.</p>
<p>"Oh," She blinks a couple more times then pushes off the vanity to slide down in front of him and wrap her arms around his waist, "Best"</p>
<p>"Best?"</p>
<p>"You. Mine. Best."</p>
<p>She is sleepy and adorable and he wants to kiss her more than he wants to breathe, "Lovely wife" he rests his lips on her hair.</p>
<p>"Mm" she rubs her face against his shoulder, "You smell good"</p>
<p>He laughs breathlessly and presses his cheek to hers, if she asks him to help her undress tonight he's going to be completely undone.</p>
<p>"I think it would be a bad idea if you asked me to help you with your dress tonight, Temptress"</p>
<p>Roxanne nods against his chest, "That's okay. I can wriggle out of this one, I checked."</p>
<p>And that's joined the thought of her freckles to take up residence in his brain too. Spectacular. </p>
<p>Megamind shakes his brain out of that train of thought and looks down at his wife where she's still holding onto him, "Roxanne?"</p>
<p>"Mm?" </p>
<p>"Are you asleep again?"</p>
<p>"Mmnooo?" she yawns against his neck and he jerks back at the sensation. Roxanne leans her weight onto him until he backs into the wall and falls onto the absurdly fancy white loveseat that is in the bathroom for some reason.</p>
<p>Roxanne stumbles then climbs into his lap, straddling his legs and wraps herself around him again. Megamind assumes she wants a hug, so he embraces her until she squeaks but she makes no move to get up again. This is unfortunate as while he would quite happily remain here forever, his wife shouldn't ruin her neck sleeping like this.</p>
<p>"Roxanne" he laughs quietly, "You need to get up,"</p>
<p>"Nooo" she whines "Comfy"</p>
<p>Clearly this calls for drastic measures. He reaches out one hand and manages to flick one of the taps on and fills his palm with water. He flicks cold water onto her back and Roxanne flinches and presses her self against him even tighter.</p>
<p>Well that's one result.</p>
<p>He tries again, dripping water onto her face and catching himself as well. That gets her to sit up at least and she glares at him accusingly.</p>
<p>"Why?" she looks so betrayed his heart nearly tears itself out of his chest with the urge to apologise.</p>
<p>"You can't sleep on me"</p>
<p>"Why not?"</p>
<p>Good question. He definitely has an answer for that.<br/>"I am not a bed." </p>
<p>"Aww" she looks at him pleadingly, "But comfy"</p>
<p>Big bad supervillain completely compromised by a a single look, "You can sleep on me later" he concedes and she brightens then goes to cuddle up to him again.</p>
<p>"Teeth" he interrupts, nodding at her toothbrush.</p>
<p>"Teeth" she agrees, snapping hers together then laying her back down head on his shoulder.</p>
<p>Megamind suppresses an entirely unvillainous sound. Gods below how is she so cute?</p>
<p>Very carefully he picks her up and, oop nope falling, no wait not falling they're good, he sits her on the vanity again, unwrapping her legs which have found their way around his hips, then one arm, then the other arm, then the first arm again as she managed to get it back around his waist until he has to lean her against the mirror and the cold along with the scrape of the studs of her dress shocks her into semi-alertness.</p>
<p>"Mean," she pouts, then, "How dare!" she gasps as he flicks more water at her, he keeps hands placed either side of her knees in case she tries to slide off and falls. It helps to keep him upright too as the room is back to spinning slightly.</p>
<p>Champagne really is fun.</p>
<p>"The very worst" he agrees, handing her the toothpaste. She squeezes it onto her toothbrush with deliberate care and sticks it in her mouth with a huff.</p>
<p>"You are adorable"  </p>
<p>"M'not" she denies around a mouthful of bubbles, "I'm Roxanne Ritchi" she gestures with her toothbrush like its her microphone, "'Vestagive 'porter" </p>
<p>That is the single most adorable thing Megamind has ever seen her do. </p>
<p>Roxanne doesn't know how to deal with the way he's looking at her without just climbing on top of him again so she smears a dot of toothpaste on the tip of his nose and grins  at his outraged squawk.</p>
<p>"You," Megamind leans his weight on one hands as he laughs, wiping the smear away "Are so much trouble"</p>
<p>"I know!" she answers brightly, spitting toothpaste into the sink "Its why you like me"</p>
<p>"Who told you that?"</p>
<p>She taps the side of her nose knowingly, "Sneaky reporter skills"</p>
<p>"Gods below help me its true" Still laughing, he rests the weight of his head on her shoulder then jumps as a warm wet tongue laps along his jaw.</p>
<p>"Did you just lick me?" he demands in shock, pulling back to look at her.</p>
<p>Roxanne giggles, "Yep!" She tilts her head and grins at the stunned look on his face. </p>
<p>"Why?"</p>
<p>"To check"</p>
<p>"Check what?"</p>
<p>"What you taste like"</p>
<p>He swallows nervously, "And what do I taste like?"</p>
<p>Roxanne licks her lips then frowns, "Toothpaste," she shakes her head, "That's not right, you tasted like rain before," she holds out her hands, "C'mere"</p>
<p>Gods yes. "I don't think that's a good idea" he stays braced against the vanity, out of reach of her arms.</p>
<p>"Why not?"</p>
<p>"Because" because...because...because they are three bottles of champagne between them and if they're doing this its with sober informed consent no matter how much she pouts at him with that biteable lip. "Because champagne."</p>
<p>Roxanne frowns, "Why would I want to lick champagne off you? I just brushed my teeth."</p>
<p>Megamind glances in the mirror behind her to check if steam is coming out of his ears. Nope, just feels that way. His wife is still talking.</p>
<p>"I am not for licking" he says a little desperately. They are both drunk and he's trying so so hard to be good even though she's giving him big sad eyes that are turning thoughtful and oh no.</p>
<p>"What about biting?"</p>
<p>
  <em>Help</em>
</p>
<p>"No biting"</p>
<p>Roxanne huffs and crosses her arms, "No biting, no licking," she pouts "Bet you don't even want to tie me up."</p>
<p>Ahahahahaha <em>WHAT</em></p>
<p>She's watching him and there is something in her eyes that he recognises, "You- you're doing this on purpose" he accuses.</p>
<p>She holds up one hand, still clutching her toothbrush and measures a tiny distance between her thumb and forefinger "Little bit," she grins. Champagne Roxanne has teamed up with her libido and that is a very dangerous combination.</p>
<p>"Roxaaaaane" he groans towards the floor. She is going to kill him.</p>
<p>"Megamiiiiind" she repeats in the same tone.</p>
<p>"You," he waves a finger at her then yanks it back when she snaps her teeth, "are a menace"</p>
<p>"No I'm not" she says indignantly and he wants to sigh with how pretty she is when she's all fire and spark.</p>
<p>"Oh no?" He raises an eyebrow at her. Roxanne stares, its a very effective eyebrow. Makes her feel like there are snakes made of sparklers under her skin. She kind of wants to bite it.</p>
<p>"I'm your wife." she states firmly. He said no biting. She can behave. Probably.</p>
<p>"I know." he hands her a glass of water, "And we're both drunk. So no. I would dearly, desperately love to let you have your wicked way with me, but not tonight."</p>
<p>"I just want to lick you. its not like I'm planning to strip you naked and paint you in chocolate" she mutters, Megamind is definitely relying on the vanity to remain upright as he gapes at her. Roxanne huffs and drains the glass, "Fine. No licking." Stupid reasonable husband. In a distant corner of her mind Champagne Roxanne and her libido don mourning veils and start wailing.</p>
<p>"Thank you wife" he pats her head and she snaps at him teasingly with just brushed teeth. He yelps and escapes the  bathroom to let her finish getting ready for bed. If he also spends five minutes walking in circles arguing with himself because teasing, tempting, wrap herself around him and lick him Roxanne is right there that is his own business.</p>
<p>Minty freshness has done enough to drag Roxanne back to wakefulness so that she's able to wriggle out of the slinky dress without needing help (a pity) and into her pyjamas. She's a little disappointed she couldn't get at least one more kiss but its also past two am somehow and she has definitely fallen prey to the sandman.</p>
<p>Also Megamind said she could sleep on him again so yay. All aboard the snuggles train.</p>
<p>"We should do," she yawns as she crawls into bed, Megamind disappears into the bathroom then reappears to slide into the far side, "Stuff tomorrow"</p>
<p>"Stuff?"</p>
<p>"Things" she eyes her husband so far away on the other side of the bed and wriggles down, holding out her hand, "Too far,"</p>
<p>Megamind stretches out and catches her fingers, drawing her hand close to press a kiss to her palm as her fingers cup his jaw. Aha! She did get another kiss after all. "Dream well, Roxanne"  </p>
<p>She's already asleep again.</p>
<p>Megamind follows soon after.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What do you know I let them out of the room after all.</p>
<p>On an unrelated note...how many of you dear readers are familiar with Babylon 5? Asking for reasons of really bad jokes that are probably only going to be understandable to me and maybe two other people...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Insomnia - Washington</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>More cuddles...and scritches</p>
<p>You're all restless, quiet, careful<br/>I get careless, This is simple<br/>How you keep so still, I never know<br/>You'd give your kingdom just for one more hour</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Merry early December based event of your choosing.<br/>Have a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SIUcn9iGG8</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Megamind wakes with a start. Bolting upright in a sudden gasping surge of Not Lair, Not Cell, Not Home. Where? <em>Where? WHERE?</em></p>
<p>In the bed beside him Roxanne rolls over and half lifts her head off the pillow with a mumbled "M'gamin?"</p>
<p>He stares at her shape in the bed, his mind ticking over until Roxanne, wife, Vegas settles in his mind and he knows where he is again.</p>
<p>If Roxanne is here and asleep beside him and unafraid and blinking sleepily at him like she's waiting for an answer it must be safe. Or he's dreaming. But he can smell her perfume scenting the sheets and he cannot smell in dreams so this must be reality.</p>
<p>"Sorry," he swallows against the racing of his heart and slides back down, "Unfamiliar, not-" he waves a hand that she can't see because she's shut her eyes again.</p>
<p>"You-" she yawns "okay?"</p>
<p>"I'm fine," He goes to pull the sheets back. He'll go and sit on the balcony and design a giant robot or something, "I'll let you sleep"</p>
<p>Roxanne, lying on her stomach, pushes herself up onto her elbows and looks blearily at him over her shoulder, "S'time?" she whispers.</p>
<p>"Far to early for those of us who still need their beauty sleep"</p>
<p>She frowns, sleep making her pout adorable "Is that an insult or a compliment?"</p>
<p>He pauses, "I'm not sure. I know which way I intended it." he rubs his hands over his eyes, "Tired brain"</p>
<p>"Go back to sleep then" she pats towards his side of the bed, still whispering even though she's clearly getting closer towards waking up. There is barely an arms length between them. Strange. he could have sworn he was trying to stay on his side of the bed.</p>
<p>"You know you can talk at a normal volume," he murmurs.</p>
<p>"Dark is for whispering" she responds sleepily, "You need something to help you sleep?</p>
<p><em>Let me wrap my arms around you and pretend for a moment that you truly want to be mine?</em> "No I...I just need something to keep my hands busy for a while" He doesn't sleep once he wakes up like this. And he has no lab handy to lose himself in a project. Blueprints will have to do.</p>
<p>Roxanne is almost too asleep to really think about she's saying but she says it anyway, "You can play with my hair if you want?" she offers in a sleepy mumble.</p>
<p>"I can?" Megamind knows his voice is too eager. But any excuse to touch her</p>
<p>"Mm sure" She shuffles a little closer across the bed. He lays down again, facing her and she slides her arms under her pillow and arches her neck a little. He reaches out hesitantly and brushes the tip of one finger over the strands on her pillow.</p>
<p>"Ngm, c'mere" she gropes for his hand and lays it over her cheek, showing him how to card his long fingers through her hair. He repeats the motion and she sighs happily, snuggling into the pillow she's clutching.</p>
<p>"Are you sure this wont keep you awake" he asks quietly, Roxanne makes a noise of contentment, "I'd pay you to do this" she stretches out again and relaxes into her pillow. Megamind shifts carefully closer so he can more easily tuck the strands behind her ear and try some variations in his combing patterns. She makes a delicious little sound when his hand slips further over her head and gently drags his fingers up over the back of her skull.</p>
<p>"How long do you want me to do this?"</p>
<p>"F'rever" she mumbles, turning her head so her lips brush a sleepy kiss over his wrist.</p>
<p>And yeah, okay. He can do forever.</p>
<p>Megamind stays awake for another hour running his hand through the silky strands, looking at the shape of his wife in the dark bedroom, memorising the curve of her cheek and the small smile that hovers at the corner of her mouth. The way the shell of her ear curves around, so unlike his own. Her freckles, gods he adores her freckles, like constellations on her skin.</p>
<p>Roxanne slips back into sleep somewhere around the twenty minute mark. Megamind slows his fingers but doesn't stop sliding his hand through her hair. Eventually his eyes grow heavy and he falls asleep as well with his arm still stretched between them, fingers resting on her cheek.</p>
<hr/>
<p>It doesn't stay there. By the time Roxanne wakes up the next morning, his arm has slid over her shoulder and is holding her close.  Hers is resting on his waist and their legs are a mess of tangled limbs. She should move, she knows, but she cant resist looking at him in the late dawn light seeping around the curtains. Seeing the sweep of dark lashes stark against blue skin. His mouth looks soft in sleep, his expressive face relaxed and vulnerable.</p>
<p>Roxanne feels something warm in seeing him like this. Even when she sees him more than almost anyone other than Minion. He spends so much time jumping about that to just look at him and not have it be like a game of extreme tennis, constantly turning her head to keep him in sight. It feels much more intimate than it would with anyone else.</p>
<p>There are crows feet at the corners of his eyes. She wonders when they started appearing. He puts in so much more work than any other supervillain. Every week there is another evil plan, another giant robot or complex deathtrap. If he wakes up like he did last night with any regularity its no wonder he looks so tired sometimes. He should rest more. </p>
<p>Maybe she can suggest that to him after they get back. They can schedule a week off every now and again. He could take Minion to a reef somewhere, see some other fish? Megamind can enter one of those insane sand castle competitions where they build the Taj Mahal or something and she can lay on the beach with a book. Does he like Pratchett? She could read aloud while he sand sculpts. Or they could just swim. Swimming is good too. </p>
<p>It occurs to Roxanne that inserting herself into someone else's holiday is a little odd. Call it an extended kidnapping then. She hears the Whitsundays are nice. </p>
<p>Megamind can feel her waking up next to him. He should move his arm, shift back to his side of the bed, but then she'd have to move her arm and she might be about to fall asleep again so he should keep still just in case.</p>
<p>Yep.</p>
<p>Definitely no ulterior motives here.</p>
<p>The plan is working great until his stomach gives a very strange sounding gurgle like a duck sneezing backwards and he winces before he can stop himself.</p>
<p>"What was that?" He opens his eyes and Roxanne is giving him an amused look, one corner of her mouth twitching.</p>
<p>"I'm hungry," he says defensively, flushing lavender.</p>
<p>"Breakfast?"</p>
<p>"Breakfast" he agrees. </p>
<p>Roxanne stretches and sighs but makes no move to take her hand from his waist, "Your turn," she says, closing her eyes.</p>
<p>His turn? His turn for what? His turn to get breakfast? His turn to get up? His turn for pets?</p>
<p>Actually that's a great idea. He trails his fingers through her hair again as he goes to sit up but nope he's suddenly back on the mattress as his wife apparently prefers his shoulder as a pillow and has cuddled quite deliberately into his side, "Took too long," she yawns, "you must pay the price,"</p>
<p>"And what ransom is that dear wife?"</p>
<p>"Hair scritches," she nudges her head against his fingers and the movement sends her hair brushing over his chest and ahahaha that is a sensation and a half.</p>
<p>"But I'm hungry" he objects teasingly.</p>
<p>"Too bad. Pick me up if you want me to move"</p>
<p>Starvation it is then. </p>
<p>He cards his fingers through her hair and the hand that had been safely tucked away from her skin has joined the party and is drawing lines up and down the ridge of his wife's spine.  She makes a very satisfied sounding noise and arches against him.</p>
<p>"Is this?" He hesitates, but he did wake her last night. He probably owes her more sleep."This is okay?"</p>
<p>"Mmm yes" </p>
<p>This time it doesn't take long at all before they're both asleep again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You could hit Roxanne with a brick that says "You're in love with him" and she'd still be all "I what now?"</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. He's a Demon, He's a Devil, He's a Doll - Betty Hutton</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Last day of the honeymoon<br/>*insert Majora's Mask dawn of the final day joke here*</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>While this song is the chapter title: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6LlW902JRk<br/>I really do recommend hitting play on this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFe7a4loKVI from dinner onwards, the lyrics are in there but its gotta be the Something for Kate version or nothing</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Saturday passes a lot like Friday in that Roxanne is still capable of doing terrible things to her husband in bed. </p><p>Namely by decoupaging him to the headboard.</p><p>She had tried to make Megamind get up to order breakfast, but he fends off her attempts  to wake him by curling around her like a slinky and muttering something that sounded like "quadraluminal circcasian rhythm" as he cuddles into her neck. Roxanne lets her head fall back on the pillow and groans, she really needs aspirin, champagne is no longer her friend and she would quite like her head to stop pounding please. She tries to wriggle out from under him but his beard rasps right over a particularly sensitive spot which is half <em>oh fuck yes</em> and half <em>don't you dare I will kick you</em> and he flails around like a starfish trying to do breaststroke when she tries to pry him off.</p><p>In hindsight biting his shoulder might have been overkill, especially given that he responded to <em>that</em> with a clicking trill and pulling her on top of him to wrap his arms and legs around her before actually opening his eyes.</p><p>"Oh its you" he says blankly, staring up at her.</p><p>Oh its- "Were you expecting someone else?" Roxanne demands, she has her hands planted on his chest, trying to leverage herself up but his arms are locked around her like a vice. She presses him down again and he releases her immediately. </p><p>"Minion?" he says blankly because Minion is the only one who doesn't try to wake him with a buzzer and he can think of literally nothing else while she's on top of him. She gives him a look of fury mixed with disbelief then falls into his shoulder laughing.</p><p>"You did that on purpose!" she's still giggling as she crawls off the bed and picks up her robe.</p><p>Agreeing with her seems to be the safest option, gods below, ow his giant blue head "Maybe?"</p><p>"Un-fucking-believable" she pulls her robe on and marches for the bathroom "Take your twenty points then!"</p><p>"Thank you?"</p><p>They both wince when she slams the door behind her.</p><p>Roxanne strides out triumphantly again a minute later with Olympus Hotel branded painkillers in hand, "No more champagne," she announces, swallowing two of them dry. Megamind waves them off with a wince when she offers the packet to him. "Paracetamol and I...no. Very bad. And yes, no. No more champagne"</p><p>Because she is a kind and caring wife Roxanne goes and orders breakfast and finds him a bottle of water instead which she tosses onto the bed beside him. He drains it without sitting up which is impressive. But more importantly, she then gets to enjoy his expression when he sees she had found not just water but ooh delight of delights an unattended de-gun all shiny and glowing and her not tied up at all.</p><p>His face goes though a four act opera of Oh Fuck, Oh fuck that's hot, Oh No, Oh Nonononononono before it settles into cautious optimism when she doesn't try to shoot him straight away.</p><p>"Morning snugglebug," she grins, squinting at the settings, De-hydrate, De-ath, De-struction De-celerate, De-motivate, De-regulate, De-coupage?</p><p>"Ollo?" He responds cautiously, sliding back towards the pillows and drawing his feet out from under the blankets as though he expects he might need to make a break for safety.</p><p>"You know if you figure out a way to add a truth ray you could call it the de-claration setting" Roxanne has the tip of her tongue between her teeth as she twists the settings curiously.</p><p>"You just want a truth gun" he accuses.</p><p>The look she shoots him is positively wicked, "Oh I really do"</p><p>"Are your nosy reporter skills not up to investigating dear wife?" Maybe if he can make it to the spa she wont actually be able to dehydrate him. She still has the safety on doesn't she?</p><p>"Aren't you the one always going on about fail-safes and backups?" She leans casually on the door frame, red silk dressing gown open over really not much in the way of pyjamas with a sinful smile and deadly weaponry in hand. Her eyes are alight with curiosity as she prods at the de-gun in her hand.</p><p>"Oh fuck" Megamind says blankly. That might be the hottest thing he's ever seen. He shakes his head slightly and is relieved to hear that his brain isn't rolling around loose in there because he's about to devote at least an entire terabyte of brainspace to memorising this vision.</p><p>Roxanne is still investigating the settings, "What does de-regulate do?"</p><p>"That's ah..." that one is basically a small blowtorch for defacing signs that say things like Do Not Enter to <strike>Do Not</strike> Enter, "Please don't use that one inside"</p><p>She gives him a smile that says she makes no promises, "What about de-coupage?"</p><p>"Wh- what does it sound like?"</p><p>Roxanne aims at the wall where the curtains hang heavy against the mid-morning light and fires, a gleaming sticky film appears beside the window. She reaches out and presses the curtain to the wall then tilts her head curiously as she tries to tug the fabric free.</p><p>Megamind, still watching her from the bed, swallows the urge to crawl off the bed and swear himself to her forever.</p><p>Evil gods below that had been attractive. </p><p>"How does that stuff come off?" Roxanne asks curiously, sweeping her hand over the curtain again.</p><p>"It ah," Come on brain we can do this, "It dissolves on its own eventually...or alcohol would do it."</p><p>"And it works on anything?"</p><p>"Just about..." He has a bad feeling about this, "Why?"</p><p>Roxanne has a very devious look on her face and she hefts the de-gun as she turns to eye him sprawled on the bed.</p><p>Oh no.</p><p>"Roxanne..." </p><p>Guh when he growls her name like that she's either going to shoot him or throw herself on top of him. She strikes a pose and sights down the gun.</p><p>Its the most fantastically sexy thing Megamind ever seen in his life and he should really move but he feels pinned by her smile.</p><p>"You wouldn't dare." He's gripping the headboard as though he's about to use it as a springboard.</p><p>Roxanne smirks.</p><p>And fires. </p><p>Megamind pushes off the headboard as she does and his hand hits the sticky film and he jerks to a stop. He looks at his fingers, tries to wriggle them, tugs for a moment then very slowly turns his head back to look at her.</p><p>She grins.</p><p>"You are not leaving me here" he glares.</p><p>"You're right." Roxanne holsters the de-gun, leaving it on the chair by the window and saunters in the direction of the bathroom, "But I think I'll have a shower first." she gives him a twinkling wave as she pulls the door shut behind her.</p><p>The door closes, but doesn't quite manage to latch.  There is a soft flump as silk pyjamas hit the floor and the sound of the shower turning on.</p><p>For a good thirty seconds Megamind genuinely considers gnawing off his own arm. Use the sheet as a tourniquet, start just above the hinge of his wrist...</p><p>Roxanne starts singing in the shower. Loudly</p><p>
  <em>"That girl's a genius</em><br/>
<em>Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh</em><br/>
<em>I think she's serious</em><br/>
<em>Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh"</em>
</p><p>That's just...oh that's not Fair</p><p>Megamind gets himself as comfortable as possible given his current situation and shoves a pillow over his face as he tries not to scream with a combination of lust, love and the idea that he's fairly certain she's going this to tease him.</p><p>(She totally is.)</p><p>If there is whimpering, well no one can hear it over the sound of the shower</p><p>Eventually, Roxanne walks out of the bathroom wrapped in a fluffy white towel, "Oh are you still there?" she asks in feigned surprise. Megamind sits up and glares and she grins at his enraged look.</p><p>"Wife, get me off this wall now."</p><p>"Hold on I just need to get my clothes" She rattles around in the bar for a moment and tosses a bottle of vodka onto the bed then heads for the wardrobe. Megamind wriggles down and manages to catch the bottle between his toes, tugging it up to bite off the cap and dribble sixty proof Smirnoff over his hand.</p><p>Roxanne returns in a short purple dress with ridiculous giant pleated sleeves larger than the dress itself, "Sorry but that was too good to mi-oh" she freezes as she watches Megamind tug his hand away from the headboard and wipe his hand clean on one of the many pillows. Carefully he sets the bottle on the nightstand and slides off the bed to prowl towards her, evil glare writ large across his features.</p><p>Uh oh.</p><p>Roxanne backs up a step, "Oh come on, how many times have I put up with being tied to a chair while you rewired a deathtrap?" she tries. His brow goes flat and he smiles slowly at her, not slowing his pace. Roxanne backs up another step.</p><p>Shit her husband is really good at evil glares.</p><p>He stalks closer, blocking her access to the door that leads to the rest of the suite and shit Roxanne may not have thought superglueing her (incredibly attractive, currently shirtless, wickedly smirking) husband to the bed through.</p><p>Or rather she had not thought through the implications of him getting free on his own first.</p><p>Angry supervillain Roxanne. Focus.</p><p>"No supervillainy in Vegas" she says desperately, backing up until she hits the wall beside the bathroom door.</p><p>"Who said anything about supervillainy?" He slows, but doesn't stop. "This is personal vengeance."</p><p>Roxanne darts into the bathroom and this time shuts the door behind her. Megamind leans on the doorframe. "Roxanne will you come out of there please?" He asks pleasantly and hears the lock snick in response.</p><p>"Roxanne?"</p><p>"I'm good in here thanks" her muffled response comes through the door.</p><p>"Darling wife,"  he calls conversationally, inspecting his nails "I've been a supervillain for ten years, do you really think I can't pick a lock?"</p><p>There is a nervous sound from the bathroom.</p><p>"As a matter of fact..." he continues grinning, oh this will be fun "That pocketknife you bought for me includes a very nifty set of tools" He gives the door a twist and clicks the bedroom light at the same time. There is the sound of footsteps and he leaps for the connecting spa room.</p><p>Roxanne yelps when she sees him and ducks under his arm and dropping into the empty spa and jumping out again to run back into the bedroom. Megamind laughs evilly and gives chase, jumping and running over the bed and out into the main suite. Roxanne nearly trips over one of the chairs and shrieks with laughter when Megamind stumbles over the same. Right up until he leaps onto, then over the table to catch her round the waist. Momentum spins them around and they land on the couch, rolling onto the floor of the sunken lounge. Roxanne pinned under Megamind, both panting with laughter.</p><p>"You!" he growls.</p><p>"Me!" she grins, unrepentant.</p><p>"You finally take up one of my inventions and this is the use you put it to?"</p><p>"Did you expect anything else?" she tries to push herself up, acutely aware of every inch of his lean frame pressing against her.</p><p>"Of all the recalcitrant," he's still pinning her to the floor, "Ridiculous" her mouth is very close, "Petty" his nose rubs against hers.</p><p>"Petty?" she challenges, pulling back to glare at him</p><p>"Petty" he confirms, pressing her wrists into the plush carpet,  "Wicked wife"</p><p>Roxanne licks him again and this time, pressed close as they are she feels the way he jerks and grinds against her without thinking.</p><p>"Stop that" he snarls and now its his turn to feel Roxanne arch beneath him.</p><p>"Make me," she challenges, defiant and hungry.</p><p>He presses his forehead to hers, "I've never had to gag you before Temptress, don't make me start now." </p><p>"I dare you," she breathes across his lips.</p><p>His mouth brushes hers and he freezes, no not the plan, not while she's pinned and trapped and bad bad very bad but Roxanne makes an encouraging noise and presses her lips to the corner of his mouth.</p><p>Megamind's brain short-circuits at that cognitive dissonance and he scrambles upright immediately, pulling her up with him and waving a finger in her face, "Oh no Miss Ritchi you are not seducing your way out of this one!"</p><p>"Sedu-" Roxanne plants her fists on her hips, "Excuse me? When I have I ever tried to seduce my way out of anything!" She's not the one strutting around in leather every day "Even when you kidnapped me on my way to my cousin's birthday!"</p><p>"You didn't want to go to your cousin's birthday! You spent the week before dropping significant hints about how convenient it would be if you had something come up unexpectedly!"</p><p>That was entirely beside the point. And they hadn't been significant hints, she'd just mentioned a couple of times that she really didn't want to see Aunt Helen and the outfit she was expected to wear was going to be impossible to eat in because it was so tight and that she'd really rather just hang out somewhere else for a couple of hours. </p><p>If anything she seduced her way Into that kidnapping.</p><p>"Well I had to get out of it somehow!" Roxanne tosses her hair, biting back a smile as she steadies on more familiar ground. Trapping someone who regularly gets thrown in prison probably isn't an ideal precursor to seeing if they want to get naked but holy shit that had been worth it for the look on his face.</p><p>Megamind sniffs and shakes his head in mock disappointment, trying to steady the racing of his heart, "Really wife, the things you expect of me," He folds his arms over his chest, "Are you truly so impatient you wouldn't even let yourself be drawn to the dark side properly?"</p><p>"Oh I'm sorry," Roxanne let her weight rest on one hip, oh so very aware of all that blue skin on display, with an effort she kept her eyes on his,  "Did you want to seduce me instead?" </p><p>Before he has the opportunity to figure out how to answer that a knock sounds at the door and they both jump, "Room service!" a voice calls and Megamind disappears into the bathroom yelling, "Not it!"</p><p>Roxanne rolls her eyes, just because she's the only one dressed, and heads for the door to let sweet life giving caffeine into the suite.</p><p>When Megamind reappears in a tailored light grey suit with a thin blue check pattern and a double-breasted waistcoat, rolling up pale blue sleeves a shade lighter than his skin Roxanne nearly drops her coffee. He's all sharp angles and fine lines and he's so slim that to put him in a pattern like that shouldn't work but it <em>does</em>.</p><p>He catches her looking and gives a little spin to show off, tweaking his cuffs and smoothing his hands down his sides to slide his hands into his pockets and gives her a cocky grin, "See something you like?"</p><p>Yes. Jesus.</p><p>Roxanne leans back in her seat and gives him a deliberately slow once over, admiring the slim fit of the suit, letting her gaze linger on the polished buttons that drew her eyes up to the breadth of his shoulders and his fully done up collar. He's still smirking but there's a fuchsia flush on his cheeks and at the tips of his ears when she finally finally (it was a very thorough look) meets his eyes.</p><p><br/>
She set her cup on the table and crooks a finger at him. He glides over to her and the ring on his hand gleams dully as he plants it on the table beside her and leans down. Roxanne reaches for his collar, straightening the points, then letting her fingertips rest on the pulse fluttering in his throat for a moment as she undoes the top button and relaxes the collar around his neck, revealing just a little more skin to contrast with the almost glacier blue of his shirt.</p><p>"That's better," she nods.</p><p>"So glad to meet your approval, wife," he grins and dips a finger in the bowl of cream waiting beside the stack of pancakes and dots it on her nose, "Payback," he smirks as he settles into the seat beside her.</p><p>Roxanne flicks the cream from her skin with her middle finger and licks it clean.</p><p>Oh it is <em>on</em></p>
<hr/><p>"Hey good news, I finally have a pair of shoes the bots wont eat."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>Roxanne flops into the sunbed and rests her legs on Megamind's knees. He lifts his book out of the way and looks down.</p><p>Black leather boots.</p><p>Platform heeled big stompy black leather boots.</p><p>Platform heeled big stompy lace up leather boots with spiked studs all over the heels. His eyes trace slowly up her legs, to the fitted purple dress hugging her curves to the studded black leather bolero on her shoulders to the wicked grin on his wife's face.</p><p>"Are you sure you don't want to be Evil Queen?" he asks desperately because Evil Gods below he might genuinely be having a heart attack.</p><p>Roxanne looks exceedingly pleased with herself, "Cant," she says airily, "Haven't won my Pulitzer yet."</p><p>"I'll make you one! I'll steal you one! I'll buy you one!" Please anything to keep her like this. </p><p>"Maybe later," Roxanne shucks the jacket and stuffs a cushion behind her head, "I'm having a nap."</p><p>"Here? Now?" She's just going to lay on him in spikes and leather and trap him in his seat and oh....this is revenge for all the kidnappings ahahaha he is <em>so sorry</em> he understands why she used to get so grumpy now this is torture.</p><p>"Mhm," she slides a pair of sunglasses on and stretches, "You can take the boots off if you're worried I'll kick you," she offers him one ankle and he sees a zip running down the inside. There is a black seam running up her leg to where a hint of lace is visible at the short hem of the dress.</p><p><em>Oh</em>, he thinks faintly as his brain liquefies, <em>stockings</em></p><p><em>Oh help</em><br/>
<br/>
In spite of her best (worst?) intentions, Roxanne did fall asleep. The sun was warm and the divan comfy. She woke up when a trial paper plane failed its testflight and loop de looped to hit her on the chin, "Ow"</p><p>"Sorry!" Megamind plucks it up from beside her, "Nice nap?"</p><p>"Mhm!" Roxanne stretches and sits up, leaning on her hands. The light from the sun caught the diamond on her finger, flashing into her eyes and she looks down and frowns</p><p>"Should I be concerned about this supposed curse?"</p><p>"Proooooobably not?" Megamind draws the words out uncertainly as Roxanne watched him fold another piece of hotel paper with flicks of his long fingers, </p><p>Roxanne looks at him, "Do you know what it is?"</p><p>"If anyone is cursed its probably me," he shrugs.</p><p>"Why? Did you steal it?"</p><p>"No. The bots found a jewellery box in a wreck at the bottom of the lake"</p><p>"So the bots are cursed?"</p><p>"I don't know"</p><p>"What do you mean you don't know?"</p><p>"It was sunken treasure why wouldn't it be cursed?"</p><p>The ring was in fact cursed. But that's not really relevant to the story just yet. </p><p>Megamind folds another paper plane, he'd denuded most of the stationary in the suite at this point and had rebuilt a lovely origami flower array in one of the empty flower vases.</p><p>"What are you doing with those?" Roxanne asks giving up on the possible curse of her ring for now.</p><p>"Throwing them" he answers with a grin.</p><p>"At something other than me?"</p><p>"The next one is going to land in the fountain" Roxanne looks out the balcony at the fountain a good half a block away across the strip. "It is not."</p><p>He smirks at her, "It will,"</p><p>She rests her elbows on her knees as she sits up, spiky boots planted the other side of Megamind's legs, "That's impossible! Just a paper plane? It doesn't even have the paperclip!"</p><p>He raises his eyebrows, "Why would I need a paper clip"</p><p>She narrows her eyes at him, "Prove it. I bet you cant"</p><p>"Oh?" He looks far too excited by that prospect, "And what will you bet wife?"</p><p>Roxanne lets her gaze linger on his thighs where the de-gun was safely strapped away from curious fingers, "I want a ray gun," she says with a wicked look.</p><p>Megamind stops, stares, swallows a couple of times, she's not, she couldn't... "Did you change your mind about Evil Queen?" he squeaks, which is a terribly embarrassing sound but ah the sun was in his eyes that's definitely why he sounds like he just swallowed a helium bubble.</p><p>She's in spikes and leather and she wants a ray gun and she <em>married him</em> she couldn't possibly-</p><p>Roxanne laughs, "Don't be ridiculous,"</p><p>His mouth snaps shut. Ridiculous, of course. </p><p>She gives him a sunny smile, "If I decide to go Evil you'd know Megamind"  she slides her sunglasses down a little and winks at him, "I just want one because they're shiny,"</p><p>"And to cause untold mischief and blame it on me," he huffs.</p><p>"Oh definitely," she agrees cheerily, Megamind groans.</p><p>"De-hydrate setting only" he warns, "And only if I lose, which I wont."</p><p>"Deal!" she says grinning.</p><p>Megamind lifts her legs until she tips back and he leaps up to stand by the railing.</p><p>"Not so fast!" She points a finger at him, "You haven't said what you're betting, what's your prize?"</p><p>"I want you" Her eyebrows go up<em> waitwaitwait</em> "To show me a trick you know that I don't know about"</p><p>Good save. Thanks brain.</p><p>Roxanne goes bright red.</p><p>He raises his eyebrows at her.</p><p>"Fine" she snaps, not thinking about that thing she can do with her throat, nope not at all.</p><p>Megamind stands on balcony, making minute adjustments to the folds of the paper, testing the breeze with a finger. Roxanne lounges on the divan, a clear view of the street below and drums her fingers on her thigh as she waits, "I'm wait-ing" she singsongs, "Or do you want to just skip to making me a ray gun now?" Megamind raises an eyebrow at her, then smirks and throws the plane, it floats for about twelve feet then starts plummeting.</p><p>"Ha!" Roxanne shouts. One ray gun coming up!</p><p>"Its not on the ground yet," Megamind waits and...there! He draws the de-gun and fires rapidly, the paper plane dehydrates into a tiny cube that bounces off a taxi onto the hat of a street performer, gets knocked off by a tourists umbrella and falls into the fountain and rehydtrates. He spins and jumps triumphantly "Haha!"</p><p>Roxanne sits up and gapes "That's cheating!" </p><p>"You never said I couldn't use any assistance!"</p><p>"I never said you could!"</p><p>"Should have specified the parameters then!" He looks spectacularly smug, leaping onto the table to accept imaginary accolades and flowers "Face it dear wife, your feeble attempts at outwitting my abilities are no match for my magnificent brain"</p><p>Roxanne rolled her eyes, "You're so dramatic"</p><p>"You knew that when you married me" he teases</p><p>"I knew that from the first time you kidnapped me," she hides her hands in her sleeves, "I wanted a raygun," she sulks.</p><p>"Poor wife," he pats her head consolingly, "If only you had a genius supervillain husband willing to make you one,"</p><p>Roxanne snaps her teeth at his fingers then looks thoughtful, "You might be right," she gets up and starts heading for the suite door.</p><p>"Where are you going?"</p><p>"Do you think Lord Vile is still in town?" She glances over her shoulder with a teasing wink, "Maybe I could get one out of him instead."</p><p>Oh that's playing nasty. Megamind grits his teeth and leaps down to chase her across the room, "Absolutely not!" He catches her round the waist and carries her back to the balcony as she laughs, "No wife of mine is getting anything less than outstanding workmanship!"</p><p>"So you are going to make me a ray gun," she beams despite the fact that she's hanging upside down over his shoulder. She drapes one of her giant pleated sleeves over his head, trying to cover his eyes.</p><p>"I said nothing of the kind," he growls and butts her arm off his head, "Clearly I'm throwing you off the balcony. You could at least attempt to sound a little terrified?"</p><p>"Aah. Help. Save me." she deadpans.</p><p>"Oh you think I'm joking?" he bounces her on his shoulder cheerfully, "You're going to be very surprised when you re-hydrate in the fountain."</p><p>"You wouldn't dare!"</p><p>"I'm afraid I must! My standing as a supervillain is at stake! There is nothing you can do to convince me otherwi-"</p><p>Roxanne runs her nails over the top of his head and he halts immediately, "Except maybe that." She does it again and he arches into the sensation, purr vibrating in his chest. "Congratulations Miss Ritchi, it looks like you will survive another day after all." </p><p>She digs her fingers into his side, "What did I say about using my name?"</p><p>"Ahaha!" He twists away from her fingers, "Sorry wife,"</p><p>Roxanne smooths her hand over the sharp pattern of his suit where she'd pinched him, "You should wear more grey, it suits you."</p><p>"I'll think about it," Megamind stops and pulls the de-gun out of its holster. He grips one dial in his teeth and twists while he manipulates the settings. </p><p>"What are you doing!" Roxanne yelps as something vibrates against her hip.</p><p>"Removing temptation," He pulls out a glowing shape and tucks it into his pocket, leaving the rest of the inert de-gun on top of the refrigerator and carries her the rest of the way to the balcony, pen and paper in his other hand.</p><p>"Removing the feeling in my side more like" Roxanne mutters, still draped over his shoulder like a stole. He throws her back onto the divan with a bounce and immediately settles beside her with his head on her lap.</p><p>"Head scritches are not a trick," she says down to his big green puppy-dog eyes. He holds up the pen, "Do you want a ray gun or not?"</p><p>A grin breaks over her face and she traces her nails gently over his head, paging through Megamind's abandoned book as he starts sketching blueprints while the sun traces its lazy golden path over the sky.</p><p>"It would be excessive to buy a motorcycle on Wayne's card wouldn't it?" Roxanne asks idly, stroking her thumb gently over Megamind's brow. </p><p>"We already brought a speedboat"</p><p>"Yeah but I can't store a motorbike at my apartment"</p><p>Megamind shrugs, "Stay married to me and I'll make you a hoverboard?" he offers without thinking, still filling the notepad with blueprints and sketches.</p><p>"Don't tempt me," her hand sweeps affectionately over his head and she turns another page.</p><p>"But what are bad guys for Roxanne my lov-<em>ely</em> wife?" Oops oh gods that had nearly been a disaster.</p><p>"Lovely" she murmurs.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"It's pronounced lovely"</p><p>Her fingertips draw another purr out of him but his hands still and he gets up suddenly, "I'm going to- ah lunch? I'll order lunch?"</p><p>Roxanne blinks, "Okay, sure."</p><p>He disappears into the suite.</p><p>Megamind grips the sink with trembling fingers and forces himself to stare into the bathroom mirror. There's a warm buzz humming down his spine and there are parts of him that are not his brain and therefore don't get a say in the matter that she wouldn't object if he kissed her. Probably. He's not...he's okay. He's okay he can do this, they are doing this. They're having a wonderful time and its something that's never going to be repeated and its Vegas and none of it matters and from tomorrow its just going to be some ridiculous fever dream that they never speak of again.</p><p>He looks at his reflection. Blue, skinny, weird triangle shoulders and oversized head. How can it be so easy to be having a good time together? How can she be happy here with him? <em>Pretty colour</em>, Roxanne's voice whispers in his ear, <em>good for hugging</em>, he looks down at the ring dark on his finger, the memory of her hands warm on his. </p><p>Megamind rests his head on the cold marble basin and breathes in one shuddering gasp.</p><p>He is so fucked. </p><p>Roxanne, <em>his wife</em>, is sitting on the balcony outside waiting for him to come back out and its on the tip of his tongue every time he opens his mouth to tell her that he loves her. Gods below how he loves her. How could he have not realised?</p><p>He wants to spend the next seventy years dancing and talking and teasing and watching movies and waking up with her and making her ray guns and camera-bots and have her smear toothpaste on his nose and kiss her in inconvenient doorways.</p><p>For a single eternal second he contemplates telling her. But that's too much. Even for Vegas Rules. It wouldn't be fair to her and it would mean every interaction they have moving forward would have the tangled mess of his feelings hanging over them. This is his burden to carry, his stupid heart to beat into submission. He's not putting that on her to reject him. He already knows what the outcome will be.</p><p>No, no he won't be greedy, he has today and tonight and until they leave tomorrow. That will be enough.</p><p>It has to be.</p><p>He splashes water on his face and pulls himself back together until he's reasonably sure he can say something as simple as her name without automatically adding "I love you"<br/>
Back on the balcony Roxanne picks up one of the sheets, its schematics for something, looks like a ...hoverboard? She glances up at Megamind as he pushes open the sliding door, "What did you order?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"For lunch?"</p><p>"Oh." He'd forgotten about that. Trying not to have a panic attack in the bathroom had eviscerated most of his brainspace, "What did you feel like?"</p><p>Roxanne shrugs, "Whatever is fine..." she trails off thoughtfully, "Actually I could really go for spring rolls," she hands him the notepad, "I like the designs," she adds with a grin.</p><p>"Chinese it is," Megamind clutches the pages to his chest and basks in her smile.</p><p>So, so fucked.</p>
<hr/><p>After a banquet of frankly ridiculous proportions, they are both still lying on the balcony picking at their favourite dishes when Megamind says "I'm still waiting for my trick wife."</p><p>Roxanne winces, it was too much to hope he'd forgotten about that. She's been wracking her brains to think of something she can do that he doesn't already know about and at the moment the only safe option she can think of is doing one of his monologues but as a complaint about the coffee in the breakroom which she has already made certain every single piece of evidence has been erased from history after last years Christmas party.</p><p>They all got better coffee out of it so it had only taken a minimum of bribery and blackmail to get the IT guys to scrub it from the work intranet.</p><p>Seriously he couldn't have just stopped at "I want you"? She could have worked with that.</p><p>She watches her husband try to steal a bite of Sichuan pork from her plate and yanks it back. A piece of Chinese broccoli rolls off and lands in her glass of water and she eyes it for a moment. Actually that's an idea...</p><p>"Okay." She stands and Megamind looks up at her curiously, he hadn't really thought through what he was asking but now he's quite looking forward to seeing his wife show off a little.</p><p>"I'm going to need ice for this," Roxanne frowns down at the loose sleeves of her dress, "And something tighter,"</p><p>Well this is sounding promising.</p><p>Roxanne strides into the walk in robe and then came out again carrying a pair of jeans and shaking her head, "I swear there was something...ah" her brow clears and she ducks into the spa room, closing the door behind her. Megamind followed her in and pressed an ice bucket against the front of the fridge and let the sound of crunching ice fill the room, insanely curious at what she was planning.</p><p>The door opens again and Roxanne steps out in the jeans pulling his unwearable pyjama shirt down over her hips. The shirt was too narrow and she huffed and pulled it up again, tying the excess length in a small knot at her waist and leaving a narrow strip of skin bare.</p><p>This is looking extremely promising, even if he still had no idea what this was.</p><p>Roxanne was exploring the wet bar, laying a series of accessories on top of the stand , "Do you drink spirits?" she calls over her shoulder.</p><p>"I...sometimes?"</p><p>"Any preference?"</p><p>"No champagne"</p><p>Roxanne shakes her head and groans, "Definitely not, anything else?"</p><p>"Not particularly"</p><p>"Excellent." a few more bottles were stacked on top of the bar. Roxanne opens the small bar fridge in the wet bar and makes a noise of satisfaction, "Aha!"</p><p>She carries an armful over to the dining table,  humming under her breath as she lays everything out in a particular order on the dining table. Muddlers, strainers, a cocktail shaker, limes, a handful of mint leaves, a sugar bowl and a selection of glasses.</p><p>"Thank you" she takes the bucket of ice from Megamind's hands and sets it to one side then shoos him to the other side of the table.</p><p>"You know how to make cocktails?" Megamind asks, she grins at him, "You'll see"</p><p>Roxanne scoops a handful of ice into a highball glass and sets it to one side, then she slices two limes into quarters, rests her hands on the table a moment and mutters "Okay 'Xan you used to do this drunk in six inch heels" She pulls the muddler to half way off the table, positions the steel cocktail shaker directly in front of her and draws in a deep breath.</p><p>She picks up a handful of mint and lays it across her palms. With a smack she slams her hands together and slides her palms apart over the cocktail shaker releasing a sharp scent of mint and torn leaves into the shaker. Then she slaps the muddler sharply and sends it twirling into the air and she bursts into motion.</p><p>The limes and a scoop of sugar fly into the shaker, Roxanne catches the muddler, twirls it over her fingers and rolls it into the steel cup. She spins it along the table and flicks a scoop of ice into the shaker with her left hand then grabs a double jigger. With her right she tosses a bottle of white rum straight up, catching it behind her back and pulling it forward again to stream rum over the large side of the jigger and into the shaker. She tosses the bottle and jigger again to switch hands, small side up now and pours a small shot which she tosses back, holding the jigger in her teeth as she sets the bottle on the table and scoops up both sides of the shaker, slapping them together then shaking furiously with a couple of flips over her wrists and behind her back again for good measure.</p><p>She spits the jigger up in the air and knocks it with the shaker into the ice bucket, then cracks the steel cup over the waiting iced glass and tops it with a hiss of soda water, then slides it over to Megamind with a wink, "Tip your waitress," she smiles.</p><p>Megamind was vaguely aware of his jaw hanging somewhere around his knees "That was fantastic!" he says delighted, "Bravo!"</p><p>She blushes, but sticks a straw into the glass, holding her finger over one end to draw out a sample to taste, "A little heavy on the sugar," she says consideringly "But I thought you'd prefer it sweet."</p><p>Megamind takes a sip, "Delicious!" he exclaims, "Where did you learn to do that?"</p><p>Roxanne shrugs and starts making a different drink at a more sedate pace, still twirling the muddler over her fingers as she pours, "Had to pay for college somehow" she lifted her own glass to clink against his, "Cheers"</p>
<hr/><p>A couple more examples of Roxanne's cocktail throwing skills later, they were standing beside the fridge, Roxanne trying to teach Megamind how to do a flip to pour with a half full glass water bottle.</p><p>"No, you have to snap your elbow- no like -up!" Roxanne was giggling as Megamind tries and fails again to flip a half empty bottle from his forearm to pour into the shaker cup. "Relax your shoulder-" she has one arm around his waist, pressing down on his shoulder with one hand and Megamind is laughing as he leans his weight into her, "No I've got it I've-"</p><p>The natural result of booze and glass and tiles occurs with a crash and Roxanne is suddenly four feet back and off the floor, Megamind's arms under her knees and behind her back as he clutches her to his chest. He has his shoulders hunched over her and his back was to the slowly growing puddle of water as though he expected another explosion.</p><p>Roxanne is not a lightweight. She didn't prescribe to any particular views on her value based on her looks but she was a reporter who was on camera more often than not and she was aware that a regular kickboxing habit kept her more muscle than some would think. Megamind was holding her with ease. She loops one arm around his shoulders for balance and looks at him. His mouth was pressed flat and his gaze flicks back from the shattered water bottle to her. "Are you cut?" he asks urgently.</p><p>Roxanne wriggles her toes and shakes her head, her heart pounding in her throat, "What about you?"</p><p>Megamind shrugs dismissively, still looking her over, "Not important, are you sure?" he asks again, his eyes darting over her form.</p><p>"Hey," Roxanne uses her free hand to cup his cheek, dragging his face up so that he actually looks at her, "I'm fine." She says firmly as his eyes steady on hers "Are you sure you're not hurt?"</p><p>He blinks once, and she can see the mental tallying going on, "Sure," he confirms. Roxanne relaxes, "Just the water bottle then. Better than Midouri, sticky glass is not fun."</p><p>"Of course not," Megamind answers automatically.</p><p>Her hand is still resting on the sharp line of his jaw. He is still holding her like, well, what she is, a bride. Roxanne is surprised by how much she likes it. When Wayne picks her up like this its like being handled by a couch that breathes. With Megamind holding her she's no higher off the ground than usual but she's acutely aware of his arms around her, the flutter thump of his heart where her arm is pressed against him.</p><p>"Are-" she licks her lips and tries again, "Are you going to let me go?"</p><p>His arms tighten around her, "No." He steps carefully around the kitchenette and strides for the other side of the suite. For a moment she thinks she's actually going to carry her into the bedroom but he veers off to the wardrobe instead. </p><p>"No?"</p><p>"No." He sets her down on the far side of a rather ridiculous collection of shoe boxes. Only some of which are Roxanne's (okay most of them are, but only because Megamind has skinny feet that need custom shoes) and starts opening them, checking and discarding each pair.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Roxanne asks, resting her hand on his shoulder for stability as he kneels at her feet. </p><p>Definitely for stability.</p><p>Megamind looks up from a box of obscenely pretty red stilettos that Roxanne is definitely going to cry if he kidnaps her in, "I'm finding you shoes of course. You don't think I'm going to let you walk out there in bare feet do you?"</p><p>Roxanne feels a flutter in her stomach that his first reaction is to keep her safe. The crash hadn't startled her but the adrenaline surge from being grabbed had kick-started an adrenaline rush that felt like it had burned the alcohol out of her system."Okay but you've been through six boxes, which ones are you looking for?"</p><p>"Ones that wont give you blisters," he retorts, Roxanne strokes her thumb over his shoulder in thanks, "Any of them will do," she suggests. Megamind opens another box and finds a pair of black flats with striped yellow bows that reminded Roxanne of bees. Actually there was a jewelled bee on each heel now that she looked at them properly.</p><p>Megamind nods and pulls them out of the box, flinging tissue paper carelessly away and brushing the lightest of touches over her ankle to lift her foot and slide the shoe on.<br/>
"You should be cautious," he says, thumb grazing up and down the top of her foot as he slips her other foot into the matching shoe, "I don't have any of the murder here to clean up and keep you safe."</p><p>"You're pretty protective for a supervillain," Roxanne says teasingly, Megamind blinks as though she's said something absurd. "You're worthy of care" he says like its obvious. He glides upwards and his fingers hover beside her cheek as though he wants to touch her face, "You're- gods below Roxanne you're the most important part of the event. Why would I ever want anything to happen to you?" </p><p>Roxanne stares.</p><p>"But I'm the damsel," she whispers. She's the spectator, the audience surrogate but that doesn't mean she's not in danger. Hell there were probably half a dozen damsels in waiting salivating at the chance for a city like Metro opening up. Megamind should be on his third damsel already but he's been weirdly... monogamous about only ever kidnapping her and honestly it does keep her life interesting.</p><p>Monogamous is a weird word to use about this, right?</p><p>Megamind looks at her like she just told him the sky is green, "Well you've always been more than <em>that</em>"</p><p>The fluttering in Roxanne's stomach is unfurling its wings. She lets the hand on his shoulder slide down until its resting over his heart. "Is this because of what I told you yesterday?"</p><p>What?" He seems startled, his chest rising and falling under her hand, "No, no gods no Roxanne. My opinion of you has always been that you are more than some simpering stand-in. What would be the point if you weren't there? Why bother if I don't have you there to make you laugh or telling me all the ways your reporterly wiles have seen through my plot, or reminding me how perfectly you plan to eviscerate my latest plan in your report later for which I know you will give no quarter you ruthlessly direct yet unexpectedly fair journalist-"</p><p>"Are you monologuing about what a clever reporter you think I am?" Roxanne's toes curl in the shoes he placed on her feet.</p><p>"No I-maybe? You're more than that too of course"</p><p>"Keep going," There are galaxies under her skin and sparklers burning up her spine, "This is great!"</p><p>Her husband laughs then shakes his head, "Nope, lost my rhythm, you shouldn't have interrupted me,"</p><p>"Aw," her hand is still over his heart, "Come on, I'll start you off. Roxanne Ritchi is an infuriating damsel who refuses to scream-" she says invitingly. Megamind chuckles then sighs helplessly at her bright gaze "Who has beautiful eyes,"</p><p>Roxanne smiles mischievously, "Because they're blue?"</p><p>"Because they're yours. The way they light up when you're telling me about the leads you're chasing and the way they crinkle at the corners when you're laughing and how I can tell when you've figured something out because they spark like storms. And gods your intelligence is amazing I have no idea how you track down half the things you do in your stories. I'm a genius but you have some innate sixth sense for interesting things and please stop me talking this isn't a monologue I can tell I'm rambling and I don't have a deathtrap handy as a distraction-"</p><p>Roxanne curls her hands into his shirt and presses her mouth to his. His lips stutter for a moment like he expects to keep talking then he softens against her and he catches the clothes rail above them before they stumble into the wall because Roxanne can have husband or she can have kneecaps but apparently the two do not exist concurrently.</p><p>Megamind looks significantly stunned when she lets him go, his hands twitching at his sides and warmth blooming in his chest from her fingers radiating out over his skin "I-you-what?"</p><p>"You said to stop you talking," she smiles, still gripping his shirt.</p><p>He blinks at her twice before there's a flash of a wicked grin, "But if I did have a deathtrap handy I think it would probably be something with flames, just to maximise the hotel bill for damages against the flying moro-" Roxanne kisses him again, heat is pooling low in her stomach and her spine feels hazy and liquid. This time his hands land either side of her on the wall and his lips part eagerly to taste hers. </p><p>It takes a couple of seconds, then he starts reciting the periodic table the second time she lets them up for air. She stares in disbelief through hydrogen, helium and lithium and cuts him off again half way through beryllium. </p><p>Roxanne doesn't have the periodic table memorised but she's fairly certain cobalt isn't next which means he's keeping track and that is unacceptable. At least he's leaning his elbows on the wall now too as she licks into his mouth so she's getting there...she thinks?</p><p>She should probably keep kissing him to be sure.</p><p>Roxanne sets herself a goal of ten seconds of silence post kiss. She gets to six before he picks back up at thallium.</p><p>Oh for, this is getting ridiculous, Roxanne is determined to see if she can actually leave him speechless before she melts into a puddle. She slides her hands up around his shoulders and cups the back of his skull. He actually shudders at that and when she brushes the edge of her thumb against the tip of his ear he gasps into her mouth and she kisses him for all she's worth.</p><p>She bites his lip for good measure at the end and is very proud of herself for managing to raise a single eyebrow at him and not just slide to the floor in a melted heap. She can thank the wall for keeping her upright.</p><p>Excellent job wall. Wall is her new friend. </p><p>"Hn" Megamind says eloquently, looking flushed and very thoroughly kissed. Roxanne pulls herself together enough to count but he just stares at her dazedly, apparently relying on their good friend wall to stay standing as well.</p><p>eight...nine...ten...</p><p>She smiles brilliantly, "I win."</p><p>"Wha? Win?" She won? How could she be the winner when he's the one she was kissing? If anyone's the winner here its him. "You won?"<br/>
Roxanne blushes and admires the way his ears flush lavender, "I did,"</p><p>"How?" Was it a race? Because he's feeling a little breathless right now.</p><p>"I managed to stop you talking for ten seconds,"</p><p>Is that what they were doing? Thallium always tastes green in his mouth when he says it out loud but he can't taste anything other than honey and coffee. "I-you- there were teeth! And hands! And ears! Ears are definitely cheating."</p><p>"I didn't hear you complaining..." she purrs, "As a matter of fact I didn't here any words at the end there at all"</p><p>"Words? Um words. I know words. I know six languages I know quite a lot of them" if he keeps talking will she kiss him again?</p><p>Evidently that was the right thing to say because she gives him this impossible look and the arms still around his neck tighten again. She tugs him close so that her lips are a breath away from his, waiting. "Gods below Roxanne," he breathes and he tips forward to meet her kiss again.</p><p>And again</p><p>And again</p><p>And look there's an extended hazy bit where everything is the taste of coffee and honey and sweet sighing gasps and hands stroking gently over his neck and Roxanne laughs when he purrs into her mouth and moans when he does it again into the smooth lines of her neck.</p><p>"It occurs to me," Roxanne sounds slightly breathless and a little endorphin high to her own ears, "That there's a bed behind us"</p><p>Megamind, doing something delightfully distracting exploring of the space between the soft underside of her jaw up to her ear, chuckles and murmurs, "Given this morning, I don't think I trust you that far."</p><p>"No?"</p><p>He presses his lips over her pulse and feels it flutter under her skin "I think I prefer you right where you are."</p><p>Right where she is, bracketed between him and the wall but his arms were still either side of her and he still isn't touching her goddammit, she wants, she needs to be touched. She wants his hands digging bruises into her hips and her nails in his shoulders and his lips fuck just everywhere. Roxanne licks into his mouth again, stroking her hands down his chest and rubs herself against him like a cat.</p><p>He makes a sound somewhere between a moan and a gasp and backs her further into the wardrobe. He's still not touching her but his hips are pressed firm against hers, one lean leg pinning her to the wall between her own and his mouth gets a little hungrier for the taste of her as he nips and scrapes her lips between his teeth.</p><p>And is it wrong to get yourself off grinding on your supervillain husband's thigh while he's kissing you breathless in a walk in wardrobe? </p><p>Asking for a friend.</p><p>Roxanne whimpers and as Megamind continues his exploration of her neck she has the perfect opportunity to take the flushed tip of his ear between her teeth and squeeze lightly.</p><p><em>That</em> gets a reaction. The hands splayed flat on the wall curl into fists and teeth that had been nibbling teasingly down her throat bite down sharply almost breaking the skin. Roxanne gasps at the sudden shock. Like chocolate that has a bite of chilli underneath. </p><p>Its fucking<em> fantastic</em>. </p><p>Megamind uncurls one fist from the wall beside her and used it to leverage himself away, "I think we should stop," he pants, fairly certain if things keep going there's going to have to be a very awkward conversation about what's under this suit Roxanne very clearly likes so much and he's not really in the right headspace to try and explain that coherently right now.</p><p>Roxanne wants to ask why, convince him to keep going, hell just beg him to fuck her right here between all the boxes. But "No" is a complete sentence and she is absolutely not okay with pressuring him so instead she blinks, licks her lips and draws in a shaky breath, "Oh. Um yeah, okay" she unlocks her hands from the deathgrip she has in his shirt and smooths the wrinkled fabric back down as she tries to regulate her breathing. She can't really do more than lean against the wall right now.</p><p>Thanks wall. Always there when she needs it.</p><p>Megamind has only two modes. Frantic planning and full speed ahead. Had he realised he could have said something like "This is great. Just this with the kissing and the ahaha just a little of the biting can we do that for the next eternity and maybe can I touch your hair please?" Roxanne would have been more than happy with that.</p><p>The idea of starting something and not seeing it through to its full explosive firey conclusion was just...plans don't go like that. Either you hit the failsafe before it explodes or everything burns and you pick up the pieces afterwards. He doesn't want to burn Roxanne so calling a stop is the only option because this is obviously going somewhere. And he has a pretty good/hopeful/slightly terrifying idea where this is going and slow down isn't really in his vocabulary.</p><p>This metaphor may have gotten away from him slightly. He blames all the explosions.</p><p>"We should clean up the glass," Roxanne suggests, which oh yes that was the whole reason they were in here in the first place. </p><p>"We should," Megamind agrees and spends way too long staring at his wife's kiss swollen mouth as she bites her lip. His hand cups her face and his thumb brushes slowly over her lip, "That would be sensible,"</p><p>"Glass would be bad to stand on," How is she not meant to melt when he looks at her like that? Roxanne leans into his hand and lets her lips brush his fingers as she speaks,</p><p>"Unless you have some way of cleaning it up without us having to do it"</p><p>"No murder in Vegas" he murmurs. One more kiss wont hurt right? </p><p>Roxanne laughs and he shivers at the warm air rushing over his hand, "Well I hope not,"</p><p>He laughs as well, "You know what I mean,"</p><p>"I know," Roxanne locates her knees and slips out from under him, grinning at him over her shoulder, "Come on husband, I feel bad leaving it poor service staff," Megamind leans his head on the wall for a moment until he's sure he stand on his own again. "Yes fine,"</p><p>They make short work of the glass, which luckily hadn't reached the carpet, and Roxanne rubs her palms awkwardly on her jeans. </p><p>Megamind hesitates for a moment. He really, really wants to keep kissing her. But he's fairly certain he is one unguarded moment from blurting out that he's desperately in love with her so instead he accidentally babbles the one thing guaranteed to drag Roxanne's attention away from what they were previously doing, "Do you want to learn to dehydrate stuff?"<br/>
Roxanne's eyes light up and she grips his shoulders, "Hell yes!"</p>
<hr/><p>They are standing on the balcony still just a little tipsy as Megamind shows her how to use the de-gun properly this time. He starts by showing her how to take the gun apart and reassemble it before restricting the settings to low level only and explaining what each setting does, she laughs at de-regulate and stares at de-moralise and de-ath.</p><p>"Wait so it's actually a death ray?" she asks incredulously.</p><p>"Its a gun," he points out, "Technically they're all death rays," </p><p>Roxanne shrugs. "Yeah okay that makes sense", he shows her how to flip between settings and settles on dehydrate and has her practise on the divan cushions until she has an idea of the kick and successfully manages three in a row.</p><p>"Want to try a moving target?" he asks as he drips water back over the cushions and they rehydrate with a flump.</p><p>Roxanne gives him a wide grin, "Are you suggesting I shoot you again?"</p><p>"No," he flicks water at her as well and she laughs.</p><p>He brings out an armful of paper planes and Roxanne fails miserably at hitting the first seventeen.</p><p>"You're aiming too high," Megamind steps behind her and draws her arms back towards her, "Spread your legs a little"</p><p><em>Great idea</em> says Roxanne's libido. <em>Here or in the bed? Ooh how about in the bath?</em> Roxanne mentally kicks said libido into a crate marked Siberia and sends it express. She is behaving.</p><p>"Then shoulders relaxed,"</p><p>She lets her head fall back a little so his lips are brushing along her ear "Say again?" Mostly behaving.</p><p>"Pay attention wife" the soft space below her ear looks awfully tempting</p><p>"I am" Roxanne was paying attention to many things. His chest where it pressed against her back, his arms guiding her aim, the fact that if she tilted her head just so she could feel the rasp of his beard against her neck and those lovely long hands covering hers.</p><p>"Ready?" his voice whispers beside her ear</p><p>"Mhm" she nods firmly and leans against his chest, sighting down the de-gun</p><p>"On three," his hand cups under the gun, holding her hands steady. The other holds a paper plane. "One...two...three!" He releases the paper plane and it floats off the balcony, Roxanne squints one eye and squeezes the trigger. The paper plane shrinks into a small blue cube and drops.</p><p>"Yes!" Roxanne jumps up and down triumphantly</p><p>"Brilliant!" He picks her up and swings her in a circle. </p><p>"You're fun" she giggles, throwing her arms around his neck, "We should have gotten married years ago,"</p><p>Megamind collapses into laughter, "Oh yes, can you imagine? By honey have a nice day at work, I'll be round to kidnap you after lunch."</p><p>"Make it after two so I can pick up my dry-cleaning"</p><p>"Oh have Minion fetch it, he'll want to know what you feel like for dinner," He spins them around again just for the fun of it. Dancing with Roxanne is wonderful. He really is going to have to kidnap her on New Years for the chance to hold her like this again.</p>
<hr/><p>Roxanne's jewellery arrives. Megamind has far too much fun draping her in gleaming strands of pearls and marcasite bracelets until she accuses him of missing the usual ropes and cuffs. Then he laughs and steals half of the velvet boxes and insists she's not allowed to see the last things until he's fixed them.  </p><p>Roxanne makes a thorough nuisance of herself trying to see over his shoulder because she has the patience of a toddler and he's doing something very clever with the pocket knife and a set of pliers as he dismantles a brooch, a bangle and two other necklaces and remakes them into a new piece. It takes the threat of throwing her off the balcony AND withdrawing the promise of her very own murder before she stalks off in a huff to start throwing her lovely new clothes into her lovely new luggage and leave him alone long enough to finish.</p><p>Megamind waits until she's on her second suitcase through before reminding her she could just dehydrate all of it and throw the whole collection in one bag.</p><p>Then its his turn to be chased around the suite while she threatens to throw him off the balcony before he finally reveals an exquisite diamond choker that spills from her throat down over her collar that Megamind fastens around his wife's neck with all due ceremony.</p><p>Roxanne ducks into the wardrobe and looks at herself in the mirror, "This ridiculous! Its amazing! How did you?...actually wait I think I have a dress to match this" She pulls out one last utterly spectacular dress, dark sea green bias cut gown that whispers over her skin and sets off the glittering spectacle on her neck in the most remarkable way.<br/>
Her husband leans on the wall beside the walk in robe and waits, grinning expectantly until Roxanne reappears in a dress the colour of his oceans at midnight, her throat blazing with light and her eyes shining with laughter.</p><p>Megamind forgets absolutely everything and kisses her before he can stop himself. Roxanne's breath catches and she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer as his hands splay over her waist. she makes a greedy sound into his mouth and he answers her with a low harmonising trill that hums against her lips like she's resting her head against a car window as she drives.</p><p>"Oh," she says in soft surprise when he lets her go again, "What was that for?"</p><p>"<em>I forgot the words to tell you how beautiful you are</em>" he says as he skims his fingers over her throat.</p><p>Her brow creases in confusion "What language was that?" she touches her lip with one finger, "That tickled" she smiles.</p><p>Megamind blinks because that's new "<em>What did I-</em>" he cuts off the trilling clicks with a blush. Oh. That was Cepha. He uses it so rarely he forgot he even knew those words.</p><p>"Come outside," he says instead, "I want to see you against the night sky,"</p><p>She takes his hand as he leads her back out onto the balcony and arranges her against her against the railing. The diamonds at her throat are brighter than the lights below or the stars above and she shines like a goddess in his eyes.</p><p>"Incomparable" he declares and waltzes her around the evening air. And Roxanne laughs and thinks, <em>Oh I'm going to miss this</em>.</p><p>They could go out for dinner. They could actually leave the hotel, which is something they still haven't managed yet. But something keeps them close. Maybe its the knowledge that this is the last night left. From tomorrow none of this will have happened and there wont be any more. After this they go back to Supervillain and Damsel and every minute they've passed together here will be left behind. Its bittersweet in way the first night wasn't, couldn't have been. </p><p>So they stay in and decide they need to order the most ridiculous things they can including some that neither of them can pronounce. They both agree the gold leaf foiegras is kind of a wash but the abalone sliders go surprisingly well with the black truffle and saffron cheesecake.</p><p>The absinthe smoke cocktails in balls of spun sugar glass on the other hand, are spectacular.</p><p>Music from another balcony two rooms away winds its way over to them and this time Roxanne is the one to pull Megamind to his feet for one last dance.</p><p>
  <em>Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away</em><br/>
<em>Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away</em>
</p><p>Arms around one another's waists and Roxanne's right hand caught Megamind's left, held close to their chests. Their temples resting against one another as they circle slowly.</p><p>
  <em>When the war is over</em><br/>
<em>Got to get away</em><br/>
<em>Pack my bag to no place</em><br/>
<em>In no time no day</em>
</p><p>"I'm going to miss you" he murmurs so quietly she almost thinks she imagined it.</p><p>"Are you going somewhere?" dancing cheek to cheek like this, his temple pressed to hers, she can feel every shift in the muscles of his face, including the ones she wouldn't usually see.</p><p>"Nowhere special," he sighs, "Just further away from-" he gestures with their joined hands towards the lights off the balcony, then draws them close again until they're pressed between their bodies.</p><p>
  <em>You and I we used each other's shoulder</em><br/>
<em>Still so young but somehow so much older</em><br/>
<em>How can I go home and not get blown away</em>
</p><p>Roxanne is going to miss this too. This wasn't just a holiday, this was, god this was <em>fun</em>. She can't remember the last time she enjoyed spending time with someone so much.</p><p>"We should do this again sometime," she says and feels a twitch as his eyebrow raises, "Go on holiday" she clarifies and feels the chuckle vibrate in his throat, "Think we can get Scott junior to shout us another wedding?"</p><p>"We could make it an annual event," she suggests, choosing to lean into the silliness, "Take a week off. Get remarried for our anniversary"</p><p>"I don't know if we need another wedding, but I could do with the week off?" To marry her again would mean they were already divorced. He doesn't want to think about that right now.</p><p>
  <em>You and I had our sights set on something</em><br/>
<em>Hope this doesn't mean our days are numbered</em><br/>
<em>I've got plans for more than a wanted man</em>
</p><p>"I'm pretty sure Wayne's family owns a stake in a cruise line,"</p><p>He perks up at that, "International waters? Ooh we could be pirates"</p><p>"I was thinking international jewel thieves,"</p><p>"We can do that too."</p><p>
  <em>All around this chaos and madness</em><br/>
<em>Can't help feeling nothing more than sadness</em><br/>
<em>Only choice to face it the best I can</em>
</p><p>He spins them once, holding her close before letting the slow music guide them back to the dark corner of the balcony.</p><p>
  <em>When the war is over</em><br/>
<em>Got to start again</em><br/>
<em>Try to hold a trace of what it was back then</em>
</p><p>"What will you do?" Roxanne asks, still swaying together as the guitars sing through the air</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"When we get back. Will you use Thursday's plot again or start something new?"</p><p>
  <em>You and I we sent each other stories</em><br/>
<em>Just a page I'm lost in all its glory</em><br/>
<em>How can I go home and not get blown away</em>
</p><p>"Why do you want to know?"</p><p>She shrugs and he can see the curve of her smile out of the corner of his eye, "Just wondering when I'll see you next"</p><p>"Don't worry, I haven't forgotten your murder."</p><p>
  <em>Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away</em><br/>
<em>Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away</em>
</p><p>Roxanne hums a laugh as the music fades and pulls back to look at him, "I'm going to teach them to bring me all the shiny things,"</p><p>"Are you?"</p><p>"I am. And to hide in airvents to eavesdrop on conversations between corrupt city officials"</p><p>"I've created a monster" Megamind says in dismay.</p><p>"Oh I've always been this way and you know it."</p><p>"Utterly terrifying?"</p><p>"Yep!"</p><p>"When you say things like that is it any wonder I think you'd make such a wonderful Evil Queen?"</p><p>"Careful," she teases gently, "If anyone at home hears you say that they might think you've fallen in love with me."</p><p>Something complicated goes over his face, ending with a laugh, "Oh I don't think there's any danger of that." he spins her around so he can cross his arms in front of her and she can lean on his chest as they watch the fountain display below.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The exceptional Owl has gifted us all with more impecable art which you should all see and appreciate here: https://owlinabasket.tumblr.com/post/643878132616773632/draw-a-character-in-fancy-wear-megamind-and</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Talking in your sleep - The Civil Wars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The last night of the honeymoon...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter was written very early on when I started writing this and a lot has changed in this fic from the original expectation, but this chapter still has some of my favourite moments and lines</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Its later, much later when they finally slide into bed together. No longer making any pretence of keeping to their respective sides, Roxanne curls towards the middle of the bed and watches her husband's profile in the dark.</p>
<p>"I have to admit," She says quietly as she cuddles onto her pillow, "Not quite how I expected my honeymoon to go".</p>
<p>Megamind turns his head and looks at her, "In general or marrying me in particular?"</p>
<p>She shrugs rather than answer directly, "What about you?"</p>
<p>"I'm a supervillain," he folds his arms behind his head "I'm surprised they let me get married at all."</p>
<p>"It's not that surprising," Roxanne slides down and pulls the sheet up over her shoulder, "I can think of at least three married supervillains  off the top of my head"</p>
<p>"Are any of them aliens who also married their damsels?"</p>
<p>"Nope. One of a kind, that's us."</p>
<p>"Well that's familiar territory at least." He mutters. Because that's the crux of the problem isn't it. He's the last of his kind. There are no other Cepha left. No one to bridge the bond and call a true heartmate. He's lucky to even have this. "I think planning casino heists and firearms practice is a little strange even for this planet's wedding practices."</p>
<p>"Probably. What about on yours?"</p>
<p>He sighs, "If there was anyone else...like me left" and that still hurts after all this time. Roxanne makes a noise of confusion and pushes herself up onto her side, "What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"There was a..." he makes a gesture, a kind of swirling motion then pulls his hand into a fist, "...black hole...rogue...it swallowed everything. Minion and I were the only ones to make it out."</p>
<p>"Oh" She looks sad, not the expression anyone would wish on their wife on their honeymoon. "I thought you were on a ship or something."</p>
<p>He shakes his head, "No ships so far as I'm aware." He could ask Minion but if his fish hasn't told him then its not likely and sometimes he needs an impossible hope to cling to. "It was a long time ago," he opens his hand again like he's releasing something, "It doesn't matter"</p>
<p>"It should." She lays down again, her head pillowed on her arm and watches him, "If there was someone else left?" she prompts curiously, heart sore for this brilliant blue husband of hers.</p>
<p>
  <em>I'd still choose you</em>
</p>
<p>"If there was I would-" he stops, "I would..." he doesn't know. Minion knows, Minion carries the history of generations. He knows the rituals and the songs and the dances of an entire culture that will never exist again. And Megamind knows none of it because these are Minion's things to know until they are required to be shared and to ask for them out of order would be one of the last cultural touchstones he has destroyed. "I wouldn't be alone any more" he says finally around the tightness in his throat.</p>
<p>Roxanne makes a soft noise and reaches out one hand, finding his left one and bringing it to her lips. She presses a kiss where the ring on his hand rests, "You've got me?" she offers, voice quiet in the soft darkness. Megamind rolls onto his side to face her, "Do I?" he asks softly.</p>
<p>"Yeah, we're not home yet" His hand is still caught in hers, her thumb grazing the side of his finger.</p>
<p>"Roxanne?"</p>
<p>"Mm?"</p>
<p>"I want...may I kiss you?" He cant say anything like what he really wants. Can I keep you? Could you love me? Would you ever choose me if things were different?</p>
<p>Her warm breath sighs over their joined hands, "Yes"</p>
<p>He props up on one elbow and looks at her, hair splayed across her pillow and sleepy soft eyes blinking at his shape in the dark. After a moment's hesitation, he leans down and brushes his lips over hers. She sighs against him and he kisses her again, tracing her lip slowly with his tongue and she opens her mouth to his. He tastes coffee and honey and he would give anything to have figured out how to stop time and stay in this moment that will end as soon as the sun comes up.</p>
<p>And Roxanne wants, has been wanting, is wanting her blue alien husband who is the only one left. Who kidnaps her sometimes without even a plan in place sometimes just to have someone to talk to and its the best part of her week when he does. She wraps her arm around his shoulders and cups the back of his head, pulling him on top of her and using their still joined hands to press back into the mattress.</p>
<p>Megamind makes a broken noise into her mouth and cradles her face with his free hand, sliding one thigh between her legs for balance so he doesn't crush her into the bed. Roxanne arches against the pressure, grazing her nails over the back of his skull and letting him lead the kiss. He tastes her slowly, like he's memorising the curve of her lips and the wet slide of her tongue and the feel of her warm skin below him. Its different than the kisses they've shared before, more intimate than the one at the wedding which was wildly, unexpectedly spectacular, slower than the distraction kiss from yesterday and more precious than the hungry almost drunk kisses from today. Its <em>mine</em> and <em>stay</em> and <em>if only</em> all in one.</p>
<p>Her hand trails down, tracing the ridge of his spine and he shivers. She hums an almost question as her fingertips reach the soft black of his waistband. Megamind stills, pressing into her hand but holding himself tense, as if he's uncertain how to respond. Her breath rushes into his mouth and he blinks down at her, his head pressed against hers, waiting for her next move.</p>
<p>And Roxanne...hesitates.</p>
<p>Because wanting and having are two very different things. And she knows without words and deep within her soul, that there would be no going back from this. Megamind deserves someone who wants him in a way she's not sure she knows how to give. He deserves someone who wants to choose him for more than just a weekend fling or an accidental wedding. And there is something very dangerous about the thought of going home and their separate ways tomorrow and pretending what they might be about to do has never happened.</p>
<p>He's brilliant and funny and the universe has scarred him so badly that her heart aches. But they didn't choose this, not really. Not the way they would have if this was real.</p>
<p>Braced above her, Megamind waits. Unsure if he wants to beg her for everything and endure the consequences or just pray that she's not so curious as he knows her to be. His tentacles twist and writhe inside him but he keeps them retracted. Like the words of love and devotion aching to pour free and curse this evening into distress and awkwardness.</p>
<p>Roxanne feels the panicked fluttering of his heart against her hand and doesn't press her advantage. Slowly her hand slides up again, she hears him gasp in relief as her palm brushes over his chest, teases her fingers over his nipples and cups his head to kiss him again.</p>
<p>Megamind makes a sound that might be distress but mostly sounds like absolution and presses against her. Pouring his desire and pleading for something he doesn't know how to articulate between her lips.</p>
<p>Roxanne kisses him slowly, with savage sweetness, the way he deserves to be kissed. Until they are both breathless and dizzy with the taste of one another. He rolls against her, both of them still clothed. She curls one leg around his and shivers at the sensation. He rocks into her again, listening to her breath catching, the way she has to tear her mouth from his to pant then kiss him again as he presses his thigh against her core and she grinds against him.</p>
<p>Roxanne shudders and gasps, her head thrown back and Megamind kisses her throat with a reverence befitting a miracle as she comes apart beneath him. </p>
<p>"Roxanne" he whispers, awed.</p>
<p>"Shh" she kisses him again, follows his rolling motions, unsure of what he needs but willing to give him what she can so he can share in her pleasure, "I've got you."</p>
<p>He gasps and slides his hand into her hair, kissing her with an urgency that he can't explain. She squeezes his hand and he feels her fingers pressing the ring she chose against his skin. And that, combined with her taste and her warmth and the fact that it is Roxanne holding him in this impossible space between midnight and morning sends him gasping into his own release.</p>
<p>She strokes her fingers over the back of his neck as he shakes, his head pressed against her shoulder, "You okay?"</p>
<p>"Mn" he feels dizzy and wonderful and as real as a reflection in a dark window.</p>
<p>Roxanne takes that as a yes and presses another kiss to the side of his head, releasing his hand. He goes to shift off her but she wraps her arms gently around his chest and lets the weight of her hands hold him in place, "Stay, sleep Megamind"</p>
<p>"Yes wife,"</p>
<p>If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, then what happens in the dark liminal between two people is sacrosanct. When they wake the next morning, still tangled together, what passed between them is not spoken of for a long, long time. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We get out of Vegas next chapter (finally!) and then we really get punched in the emotions<br/>As always your comments and feedback feed and sustain me and I'm always thrilled to hear if you all are still enjoying this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Baby I'm a Fool - Melody Gardot</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>If what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas</p>
<p>What happens when they leave Vegas?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Buckle up children time to break your hearts</p>
<p>Song: youtube.com/watch?v=_qphknagXqA</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Morning comes, as mornings do. But the newlyweds refuse to get out of bed. </p>
<p>Roxanne, her eyes closed as she rests her cheek on blue skin, steady breathing marking her sleeping husband below her, listens to the flutter-thump of an alien heart until she could keep time to its beat.</p>
<p>She doesn't want to get up. Once they get up its over. The last day of a holiday is never really a proper day. its always caught up in the finding of things and the packing of clothes and checkout looming ever closer. The end of this ridiculous fantasy time where they are no longer supervillain and damsel, criminal mastermind and tenacious reporter, just Roxanne and Megamind. Getting up means they have to deal with this.</p>
<p>She doesn't want to think about why that makes her feel like she's just reversed into another car with the newsvan.</p>
<p>Instead she presses her head into Megamind's shoulder and feels the fingers in her hair twitch in response then stroke slowly over her head.</p>
<p>Megamind, beloved wife curled on his chest, her pulse thrumming where her wrist is tucked around his neck, will get out of this bed when the gates of hell open and the devil himself reaches out to drag him down.</p>
<p>Its not until a knock sounds at the door and a call of "Packing service!" that they both stop pretending sleep and get up, sending away the offer of assistance and requesting breakfast. </p>
<p>Megamind digs a fluffy white robe out of the bathroom as breakfast is set out and huddles into its fuzzy white folds. This is a travesty to be amended immediately by the application of wife in lap for sharing of body heat. He blinks at her in confusion when she seats herself on his knees and slips her arm around his shoulder.<br/>"You shouldn't catch cold" she tells him seriously, augmenting her argument with scritches and laughs as his face goes blissfully blank and she has to threaten him with eating all of the chocolate covered strawberries before he opens his eyes again.</p>
<p>Breakfast comes with a miniature coffee machine in the shape of a T-Rex which Megamind finds entirely delightful and excitedly declares is coming home with him. Roxanne watches him hype himself up on three different espressos while she eats hashbrowns and crepes with vanilla malt ice-cream and sugar gum honey.</p>
<p>She lays her hand over the fourth cup before he can fill it and gives him an amused grin, "Were you planning to skip the plane and fly us home yourself?" she asks archly. He flushes and steals a bite of her crepes, "It's shaped like a robot dinosaur!" he defends, which is a perfectly reasonable explanation. There is a smear of honey at the corner of his lip.</p>
<p>"Honey,"</p>
<p>"Yes dear?" His eyes are laughing at her.</p>
<p>She swipes her finger over his lip and holds up the evidence, "Honey," she reiterates. His teeth snap down lightly and his tongue drags over the pad of her finger in a movement that pulls at Roxanne's core like its tethered to a string, "Thief," she murmurs breathlessly.</p>
<p>"Supervillain," he retorts mildly but there's something very dark in his eyes.</p>
<p>Roxanne's eyes flicker from the jar of honey to his cup. He gives her an amused look and she raises an eyebrow in challenge.</p>
<p>"Are you curious, wife?" He grins.</p>
<p>"Always, husband"</p>
<p>He drops a pod into the coffee machine and dips a spoon in the honey jar. The T-Rex roars and spits a short black stream into his cup. He adds a large spoon of honey and swirls it slowly until its viscous. Then he lifts the cup and sips it consideringly, "Close enough."</p>
<p>He offers the cup to Roxanne, "Taste,"</p>
<p>Roxanne wraps her fingers over his and tips the cup to her mouth, "Oh," The coffee is rich and bitter but the sweetness of the honey adds a depth and warmth and its delicious and terrible all at once because if he tasted like this to her she would never have stopped kissing him.</p>
<p>"It's not quite the same," he lifts the cup away and slides his hands into her hair and kisses her. Roxanne kisses him back eagerly and yeah the taste of the coffee and honey and the feel of his tongue stroking hers is something just a little bit mindblowing. </p>
<p>He punctuates the kiss with a small peck on her lips and looks incredibly pleased with himself. And Roxanne is determined to make him look as thrown as she feels so she pulls him back in and kisses him again.</p>
<p>This time, when she breaks the kiss, she's gratified to see he does look like he's been hit by a bus which she takes as a personal win.</p>
<p>Megamind is feeling very dazed. He'd been so sure the coffee kiss would be a good idea and she would melt and maybe she would understand how he feels without having to actually speak the words but instead she seems to have taken it as a challenge to kiss him better than he kisses her. He steals the last strawberry to give his mouth something to do that isn't telling her he loves her.</p>
<p>Or kissing her again.</p>
<p>Damn now he regrets the strawberry.</p>
<p>He still feel like he's been hit by a bus, he might need a minute. Or to shoot something.</p>
<p>Roxanne slips off his lap heads into the spa, half hopeful she might get an offer of getting her back scrubbed. She's disappointed and unsurprised by equal measure when her husband disappears into the the cloakroom and the telltale hum of the de-gun starts up instead.</p>
<p>Roxanne sits in the spa for far less time than a tub like this warrants and firmly shuts the door on any and all emotional misgivings she might be having about this whole thing. </p>
<p>She was angry at him three days ago wasn't she?</p>
<p>Well, irritated.</p>
<p>Mildly vexed.</p>
<p>Somewhat inconvenienced.</p>
<p>Okay the money was pretty annoying but she's got more than enough shoes to last her another seven years of kidnappings now and her rage seems to have dissipated along with the blisters on her heels <strike>that he took care of for her.</strike></p>
<p><strike>The very first thing he did after they got married that wasn't laughing until they were crying</strike>.</p>
<p>It doesn't matter.</p>
<p>They had their three days. It was fun. She has a whole new wardrobe, enough shoes that they're probably not going to fit in her luggage even dehydrated and a jewellery box full of pieces that will make every Scott associated socialite sick with envy at the next Gala she attends. </p>
<p>Besides they're still going to see each other every week. Its not like they're never going to hang out ever again. Hell next time she sees him she probably will be hanging over the alligator pit while he does one of those ridiculous pun monologues she lov-</p>
<p>Roxanne slips under the water as a whine of feedback like aiming her microphone at the boom buzzes in her ears. That must be downstairs calling to confirm their wake-up. She thought Megamind fixed that. </p>
<p>Is he as sorry to be leaving as she is? Doubtful. He's probably itching to get back to whatever grand scheme he had planned for Thursday. God what even is she going to do with herself until the next time he kidnaps her? Report on dog shows? Try and squeeze the mountain of clothes into her itty bitty wardrobe at home?</p>
<p>It's quite odd, Roxanne thinks, she hasn't felt the urge to look at a newsfeed for days.</p>
<p>Clearly she really did need a holiday.</p>
<p>She sighs and gets out of the spa, drying off slowly and hesitating at the connecting door to the bathroom where she can hear water running. She needs a hairdryer after all...or her makeup...but the spa room is just as well stocked as the bathroom and she can think of no excuse that would let her open the door.</p>
<p>On the other side, Megamind stands with his head resting on the gilt inlaid door, reminding himself with increasing urgency that this has already been more than he could have hoped for, more than he could have imagined, more than he ever deserved and that he's not going to ruin it now with his stupid greedy heart. He can still see her, he can kidnap her before the week is out. Maybe its time to give in and start letting Minion serve proper snacks just to draw things out a little.</p>
<p>Kidnapping his ex-wife. Gods below that really does sound like the most villainous thing he's ever done.</p>
<p>At last he tears himself away and throws himself into the shower with a clatter of glass and Roxanne yanks her hand back from the doorknob and goes to get ready for the day.</p>
<p>She's just...feeling vulnerable, that's all.</p>
<p>Like she always does when she's between shower and dressed on what she thinks is a kidnapping day and there's a chance of Megamind bursting in.</p>
<p>She finds her eyeliner and armours up.</p>
<p>Roxanne is wearing one of her new dresses, a soft long-sleeved gown with a crossover bodice and tiered skirt that would look sort of bohemian if it wasn't oxblood red and silky enough to slide over her skin like a lover's caress. And a black leather belt cinched tight around her waist. Megamind stops dead when he sees her leaning on the balcony in it. And yes thank you that's quite gratifying and had indeed been the reaction Roxanne was going for.</p>
<p>Then he starts laughing.</p>
<p>"What?" she demands, flushing as red as the dress.</p>
<p>He's eyeing at her consideringly, "You look like you're about to make a statement to the police about your mysteriously missing husband and how you had no idea he was gone"<br/>Roxanne frowns and looks at her reflection in the glass, okay he's not wrong but its a very pretty dress so screw him, "Sorry dear husband" she purrs recklessly, "I decided divorce just wasn't an option anymore."</p>
<p>"Well," he says looking her up and down, "I suppose I shall be throwing you off the balcony after all."</p>
<p>"I'd like to see you try"</p>
<p>They grin at one another and for a moment everything is easy again.</p>
<p>Megamind's things are already dehydrated and stuffed into a ridiculously nice black leather satchel that wouldn't look out of place on a physics lecturer distractedly wandering between classes. Its full of handy little pockets and pouches.</p>
<p>Roxanne might have had them emboss a certain sigil on it when she ordered it.</p>
<p>Megamind might have shut himself in the wardrobe to hug it a little and try not to fall apart when it arrived. Stupid, stupid alien cultural practises. it doesn't mean what his instincts are screaming at him.</p>
<p>So its only really Roxanne's shoes and the small mountain of revenge boxes to be packed and carted downstairs.</p>
<p>"Are you learning to cook?" Megamind asks curiously, looking at the pile. Good thing they have his de-gun. he's not even sure all of this would fit on the plane.</p>
<p>Roxanne snorts as though he's never complained about kidnapping her while her fire alarm was going off because she tried to make toast, "Hell no."</p>
<p>"Why did you order a Thermomix then?"</p>
<p>"Oh that's for Minion"</p>
<p>His chest warms at the thought of that, "I don't know why they sent up the hundred and twelve socket wrench set"</p>
<p>"That's for the bots."</p>
<p>He gives her a sly look, "Ah now I know why you really married me" </p>
<p>"Well," she teases, "They say the best way to meet someone is with a pet."</p>
<p>He clicks his tongue, grinning, "Is that what I was doing wrong?"</p>
<p>She laughs, "If you started with 'I have the equivalent of a hundred odd mechanical puppies do you want to meet them?' you wouldn't have even needed the spray,"</p>
<p>"Next time I'll send one of them with a written invitation and you can meet me on your balcony,"</p>
<p>"Or I'll send you one of mine with my calendar"</p>
<p>"I wasn't aware damsels are allowed to set their own schedules,"</p>
<p>"Most damsels don't get a murder"</p>
<p>"What can I say? You're worthy of a little mayhem," He offers her the de-gun, "Your turn wife," he waves at Box Mountain.</p>
<p>Roxanne brightens reaching for the gun then hesitates, eyeing her husband in his asymmetrical waistcoat and dark sage suit, and thinks <em>last chance</em> "The hotel would have to ship all of this back wouldn't they?"</p>
<p>"I expect so, along with the speedboat when it gets built,"</p>
<p>"Right," she uses one finger to tilt the de-gun down and away, stepping into Megamind's personal space, "Remind me husband, why are we making this easier for Wayne?"</p>
<p>The look in Megamind's eyes is indescribable and he holsters the gun, "Darling wife," he pulls her into his arms, "You are absolutely right,"</p>
<p>His hands are gripping her waist possessively and she's about to utterly devastate that wicked smirk on his lips when the suite door opens and a battalion of luggage handlers march in under the direction of the room service general at arms.</p>
<p>It is unfortunate that Vegas doesn't allow supervillainy seeing as Roxanne has never been closer to committing an act of wholesale terror and destruction in her life.</p>
<p>Husband and wife awkwardly escape to the balcony while a seemingly endless line of bellboys and baggage trolleys cycle in and out of the room, mining their way through the piles of bags and boxes. The tips alone are more than Roxanne earned in the last three months.</p>
<p>"That was nearly very awkward," Megamind mutters, enacting one final bit of revenge against Wayne by surreptitiously dehydrating the haloumi train and the T-Rex, slipping them into his satchel.</p>
<p>"I'm sure they've seen worse," Roxanne shrugs, leaning on his chest until he puts his arm around her waist. </p>
<p>"We could have been hungover" he offers.</p>
<p>"Or passed out" she suggests.</p>
<p>"With a stage magician" His mouth is turning up.</p>
<p>"In the middle of an orgy" Her nose is scrunching.</p>
<p>"With a twelve piece mariachi band" His lip is twitching.</p>
<p>"It could have been Wayne"  Her shoulders are shaking.</p>
<p>They have to hold onto one another they're both laughing so hard.</p>
<p>Finally the last trolley leaves and they look at one another.</p>
<p>"Last chance to steal a towel," Megamind sweeps his hand towards the suite.</p>
<p>"You only stole one?" Roxanne retorts and he laughs again.</p>
<p>They pick their way through the seemingly barren suite for Roxanne to collect her handbag and carry on luggage. Megamind hooks his suit jacket over his shoulder and his satchel bulges with an eclectic collection of blue cubes. Roxanne checks the bathroom and cloakroom for any last items, she finds an earring beside the sink and notes a particular red box still up on the back shelf of the wardrobe. </p>
<p>That can stay there thank you very much. They can send it back to the address on the credit card. Hopefully Wayne appreciates getting a box of sex toys more than they did. </p>
<p>Megamind is waiting for her by the door of the suite. His hand resting on the door handle, ready to usher her out of the room. Roxanne lays her hand on his arm, "Hey, um..."</p>
<p>He waits. Roxanne bites her lip, glancing at him and away.</p>
<p>Finally she leans over and presses the lightest, gentlest, softest kiss to his cheek.</p>
<p>It feels like goodbye.</p>
<p>"This has been fun." She says with a small smile.</p>
<p>"It has," His voice is rough to his ears. It was easier to watch his planet disappear into a black hole than it is to close the door behind them and walk towards the elevator.</p>
<p>"You know of all the ways my plans have ended in disaster over the years I never imagined anything like this" Megamind tries to say lightly as the lift glides them down to the foyer, something in Roxanne's heart twists.</p>
<p>"This is a disaster?" she asks.</p>
<p>"Well I wouldn't call it going to plan, would you?"</p>
<p>"Of course not." she agrees quietly, staring at the pattern of the carpet.</p>
<p>They get down to the lobby and hand back the key. Roxanne is given a copy of the room bill, already paid, which she slides into her bag. Then she sighs and turns to glance at Megamind, "I guess we should?"</p>
<p>"We probably should" He isn't looking at her.</p>
<p>The Divorce Desk is shut.</p>
<p>They both stare at the empty seat for a moment, then at the sign that says Monday-Saturday 06:00 - 00:00, Sunday Closed then look at one another.</p>
<p>"Ah," Megamind croaks.</p>
<p>"Mm" Roxanne squeaks.</p>
<p>"Ms Ritchi? Mr Megamind, sir?" There is a man in a chauffeurs uniform waiting by the doors, "I'm here to take you to the airport?"</p>
<p>Megamind and Roxanne share matching  looks of dismay, "Are we flying out soon?" he asks nervously.</p>
<p>"Lift off is scheduled in an hour, it will take us about forty minutes to reach the airport"</p>
<p>"Oh,"</p>
<p>"Right"</p>
<p>Roxanne lets the chauffeur take her bags and Megamind lifts his, as she shoots him a panicked look.</p>
<p>This was not part of the plan. This cannot happen. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas that's the Rule. To bring any part of this home (other than the ring or the mountain of revenge-on-Wayne's-credit-rating) is...that is actually a disaster. Of monumental proportions. Roxanne does not want to be sued by the city. She does not want to be fired from her actual job. She does not want to have to reappear in a matching black cape and spikes in a blast of rock'n'roll music...</p>
<p>Okay she might want to do <em>that</em> but purely from an aesthetic standpoint, not for reasons of supervillainy. She really wants to avoid getting detained for some very serious questions by certain branches of the Defender's Council if it gets out that she's a damsel married to a supervillain. </p>
<p>Megamind gives her a concerned look, he's just as aware of the consequences as she is. His own are substantially less risky, nevertheless he does not want to deal with the kind of villains who would welcome him for doing something as insidious as screwing his damsel over like this, "Need me to fake my death?" he jokes half seriously. </p>
<p>She grabs his arm tightly, "Don't you <em>dare!</em>" Her handbag slides from her fingers to hit the floor and her tube of Luscious Rose rolls away towards the Divorce Desk. She reaches down to grab it and catches a glimpse of a clip board with a very thick stack of divorce application forms. A frankly gargantuan list of names and addresses eagerly awaiting a parcel of documents to release the recipients from wedded bliss. Rescue, relief, thank god for that etc etc.  Roxanne quickly scribbles her address and signs their names on the list then shoves it onto the pile.</p>
<p>She hurries back to Megamind, "There's a form," she whispers, "They can send me the papers and we can sign them when we get home. We just have to keep it quiet until then."</p>
<p>His shoulders drop and his hand rubs her shoulder in relief, "Okay good. That should be easy."</p>
<p>"Yeah" She leans into his arm and breathes out shakily.</p>
<p>He gives her a small smile, "I'm beginning to think the universe is conspiring against us"</p>
<p>One side of Roxanne's mouth quirks up and she huffs a laugh, "Luckily I've got a genius on my side"</p>
<p>"Oh please," he slings his bag over one shoulder and they start walking towards the chauffeur, "As if you're not the smartest person I know."</p>
<p>Carrie, back on dayshift, and still an incurable romantic even in Vegas, sees the way the blue guy holds his hand out for a moment while his wife is tucking her bag under her arm, he drops it while she's still looking down. Then she sees the way his wife stretches her arm out while he's shifting the bag on his shoulder and drops that as well before he notices. She also sees the looks they carefully aren't sending one another and quietly shifts the newest request form to the very back of the thick stack.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The trip to the airport is excruciatingly long and dismally short at the same time.</p>
<p>"Well that was nearly an absolute catastrophe," Megamind stretches on the leather seat of the limo as they crawl through traffic.</p>
<p>"Could have been worse," Roxanne shrugs, "We could have gotten married to complete strangers like Wayne did,"</p>
<p>"You wouldn't have to panic about getting divorced if it were anyone else," Megamind points out.</p>
<p>"I wouldn't have married anyone else," she retorts. And she wouldn't have. Roxanne doesn't trust anyone so easily, even drunk or hyped up on caffeine. </p>
<p>Megamind is looking at her with an unfathomable expression, "Roxanne-" he starts.</p>
<p>"Mm?" She turns away from her contemplation of the tinted dividing glass and meets his eyes.</p>
<p>His face is so expressive it usually telegraphs his emotions to anyone in a ten foot radius, but in seven years she's never seen him look like this. He reaches out and gently untangles her earring where it twisted in on itself. Roxanne feels the soft touch light up the sparklers in her skin.</p>
<p>"I wasn't-" he begins then stops as if he cant remember how to speak, "I wasn't going to-" his mouth works and his brow darkens and Roxanne waits, her head tilted into his fingers. </p>
<p>Finally he sighs and cups her face in his hands, fingers sliding up and through her hair until her gaze goes half-lidded and dreamy. He leans close then hesitates, "Technically we're still in Vegas," he murmurs. Roxanne loops her arms around his neck, "Still Vegas," she agrees and kisses him until they get to the airport.</p>
<p>The driver has to knock very loudly on the car window to get their attention from where he's pulled onto the tarmac and a small plane emblazoned with the Scott Family logo is waiting for them.</p>
<p>They board the aircraft and settle in. It looks less like a plane and more like a small home theatre with single rows of wide leather seats on either side of the aisle. </p>
<p>Roxanne curls up in one seat and stares out the window until everything is white clouds and the glare forces her to close the window blind. Megamind is cross-legged in his own chair on the other side of the aisle, eyes closed, clearly not sleeping.</p>
<p>Roxanne watches him for a while. On one hand if he wasn't a supervillain and she wasn't a damsel their lives would have never intersected at all.</p>
<p>On the other hand he's one of her favourite people in the world and she likes making him laugh and talking to him and she's actually really going to miss the hell out of him until the next time he kidnaps her which would be anything from two days to two weeks away and god she's going to be bored without him to talk to. He's also hot as fuck and she'd been quite keen on seeing if he wanted to get naked but there's no chance of that now they've left Vegas and her libido has been quietly outstripped by the insidious fact that she also just wants to curl up on a couch and watch more movies with him and have silly who can make the better breakfast tower competitions and hear about what his favourite lasers are and why.</p>
<p>Are they friends now? Is that allowed? </p>
<p>After half an hour of her thoughts whirling because a supervillain is somehow the person she wants to hang out with most in the world (what the fuck Roxanne) she gives up and comes and sits on the wide arm of Megamind's chair leaning into his shoulder. Megamind doesn't open his eyes but he does raise an eyebrow in silent question.</p>
<p>"Not home yet," Roxanne declares, picking up his hand and tracing over the long lines of his fingers. She's deliberately not thinking about the fact that they've gone from not touching to practically crawling into one another's skin in a matter of days, "I'm claiming cuddle privileges"</p>
<p>There's the flash of a grin at the corner of her husband's mouth and he pulls her into his lap. Roxanne hangs her feet over the arm of the chair and arranges his arms around her so she can rest her head on his shoulder. Megamind keeps the weight of his head resting on the back of his seat but he does turn to press his lips against her hair.</p>
<p>They don't move until the plane is landing. When Megamind gently shifts Roxanne into his seat and grips the headrest at a small rumble of turbulence. </p>
<p>"Change places?" she asks teasingly and he shakes his head.</p>
<p>"I'll slip out while they're bringing the stairs over," he says quietly, because of course he can't just waltz off a plane here at home.</p>
<p>"Right," Roxanne answers, squeezing her hands together until the gold band digs into her hand. The plane lands in a slow glide and Megamind stays braced on the seat, leaning over her. This was over the moment they left Vegas. Really its only the paperwork left. There's no reason to prolong things.</p>
<p>"How will you get home?" she asks.</p>
<p>He gives her a grin that's almost, almost like his usual catch me if you can supervillain attitude, "Nosy reporter,"</p>
<p>Her hands itch to straighten his collar, smooth down his tie, ask for a home safe message like she's finishing up a night out with a group of girlfriends, "Sneaky supervillain," she says instead.</p>
<p>At the other end of the plane the pilot and copilot were fussing with the door before withdrawing politely back into the cockpit. Megamind's head tilts, listening, then he stands and strides for the open door.</p>
<p>"No goodbye kiss?"</p>
<p>He freezes at the doorway and looks back at her with such intensity that its probably for the best that she's still seated. "Roxanne," he says quietly and she wonders why her name in his mouth makes her chest ache. </p>
<p>He walks back to her and takes her hand, the one with the terrible ridiculous ring, in both of his. He looks at her palm for a moment, then gently turns her hand over and lets her fingers curl into a loose fist. He sweeps his thumbs over her knuckles as though she is something precious and worthy of care and brings her hand to his lips. His gaze burns as he watches her for a long moment resting a kiss over the diamond, his lips barely brushing her skin.</p>
<p>Roxanne does not know how long it will take her to relearn how to breathe.</p>
<p>At last, he sighs over her fingers and its like a signal to her lungs that yes they do remember how to work after all. She makes no move to withdraw her hand until he lays it in her lap and the smile in his eyes and the one at his mouth do not match in the slightest as he slips out the door and leaves her to make her own way towards the airport.</p>
<p>Alone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is it realistic the divorce desk is shut? Of course not. But who's here for realism?</p>
<p>The urge to smashcut from "I decided divorce just wasn't an option anymore." to The Divorce Desk was shut was almost impossible to resist</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Something Tells Me - Bailen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE CITY KNOWS?!?!?!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Once again I am splitting the chapter because 6000 words is just excessive frankly. Writing this chapter violently reminded me why I didn't give our dear newlyweds the opportunity to speak before the wedding.</p>
<p>Have a song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhSWjdU2zsM</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roxanne tries to tell the pilots she's more than happy to catch a cab but they're already perturbed enough by the fact that Megamind disappeared that they insist she stay and wait for the car.  So she sits on the plane worrying the ring around her finger diamond-band-diamond-band-diamond-band until she's had enough and stands to head into the airport. Screw it, they can send the rest of her bags with the Scott car later.</p>
<p>Except just as she reaches the door the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and says "Here it is,"</p>
<p>Roxanne looks past him to see Wayne flying in, beaming, a stretch limo held up under one hand. Roxanne is no mechanic but that cannot be good for the chassis.</p>
<p>"Welcome home!" Wayne grins, dropping the car gently onto the tarmac, "Sorry for the delay, Dave needed to pick up Dad from his club," </p>
<p>Roxanne folds her arms and raises an eyebrow at him, "Wayne I could have caught a cab."</p>
<p>"What for? You're always claiming the cab fare to my house is murder."</p>
<p>"Your house?"</p>
<p>"Yeah! Gotta hear about your weekend!"</p>
<p>Roxanne gives him an incredulous look and stomps down the steps and throws herself into the back of the limo where-</p>
<p>"Hi?" she asks puzzled at a very familiar blue face.</p>
<p>"Ollo," Megamind echoes flatly, squashed into the far corner, "Apparently I'm not allowed to sneak through airports anymore"</p>
<p>"Were you allowed to before?" she asks curiously, uncertain why her heart is racing so fast when she only saw him twenty minutes ago.</p>
<p>"Well I didn't have oversized muscle for brains yanking me off the roof and telling me I'm not allowed to miss dinner before!" He looks extremely grumpy.</p>
<p>Roxanne pauses and turns to roll down the window, "Wayne?" She calls sweetly and he flies over from where he's been ferrying boxes and suitcases from the plane to the trunk of the limo, "Why are we going to dinner?"</p>
<p>"So you can tell us about your trip!" Wayne wisely floats just out of Roxanne's reach. Behind her Megamind goes very still.</p>
<p>"Who's we?"</p>
<p>"Me and Minion..." Wayne trails off evasively.</p>
<p>"Wayne," she draws his name out "What did you do?"</p>
<p>"Okay so I know you guys probably wanted to handle this for yourselves," Wayne blurts out in a rush, "But Mom overheard Minion and I in the kitchen after we got back so she kind of heard about the wedding,"</p>
<p>"She what." Roxanne says flatly.</p>
<p>"And she was kind of upset you didn't let her be involved," Wayne rests his chin in his hand and gives her a look to say so-thanks-for-leaving-me-to-deal-with-that, Roxanne was unmoved, "So she said she had to be allowed to claim you for dinner first?" he finishes hopefully.</p>
<p>"Dinner?" Roxanne is gripping the side of the door tightly.</p>
<p>"First?" Megamind leans out beside Roxanne.</p>
<p>Wayne looks down at their hands on the edge of the door, "Buddy you really gotta make her a proper ring, that thing is hideous."</p>
<p>"Well if you hadn't dragged me off the roof I could have been working on it already!" Megamind snaps, "More importantly, why is Minion at your house?" </p>
<p>"We were talking about capes?" Wayne shrugs as if this was the most natural thing in the world, Megamind pauses and nods as if this makes sense then sits back down.</p>
<p>Roxanne stares incredulously, "That's what you're worried about? Why does Adelaide know!"</p>
<p>"Okay in my defense," Wayne flattens himself to float horizontally, still just out of reach, "She already thought you got married ages ago."</p>
<p>"<em>WHAT?!</em>" The joint shriek from the back of the limo echoes across the tarmac.</p>
<p>"Why?" Roxanne demands, Megamind's hand on the back of her dress, holding her back from throwing herself out of the car window to attack at an awkward looking Wayne.</p>
<p>"Well she always said you looked super excited whenever he crashed one of her parties."</p>
<p>"You did?" Megamind asks behind her, Roxanne twists around to look at him, "Well yeah, you always had something really fun like the Bubble Fountain for the fancy party ones."</p>
<p>Megamind looks pleased, "That one was fun."</p>
<p>"Apart from when it exploded,"</p>
<p>"That was the best part!"</p>
<p>"But I told her to keep it quiet and she definitely wouldn't say anything if she knew you two didn't want her to!" Wayne interrupts.</p>
<p>"Why would you even talk about it here!" Roxanne turns back to him in exasperation, "You know what the Rules are!"</p>
<p>"The proposal happened here though, why wouldn't we talk about it?" Wayne blinks nonplussed, "Besides, you came back married."</p>
<p>Roxanne and Megamind exchange panicked looks, "How do you know about that?" he demands.</p>
<p>"Well you're still wearing your rings."</p>
<p>They both look down. Then at each other. Then back up at Wayne.</p>
<p>Oops.</p>
<p>Roxanne drags her fingers over her face, "So its just you and Adelaide and Minion?" She asks suspiciously.</p>
<p>Superhero sized fingers crossed behind a white cape, "And Dad," Wayne mumbles blushing.</p>
<p>"Wayne!"</p>
<p>"Come on! I couldn't tell her and not him!"</p>
<p>"Ugh fine, dinner then! But this is not what we-"</p>
<p>"I know! I know! You wanted to break the news yourself. I'mreallysorryI'llseeyouguysthere!" A blur of white and he was gone. Coward.</p>
<p>Roxanne throws herself back onto the seat in a huff and casts her eyes towards Megamind, "I'm really looking forward to shooting him with my raygun," she mutters.</p>
<p>Megamind, who has been hovering somewhere between panic that other people know and panic that Roxanne is still his wife, blinks and grins at her evilly, "Say it again, but slower this time," </p>
<p>She kicks at him halfheartedly, "You're terrible,"</p>
<p>"I'm Evil," he corrects as the limo takes off.</p>
<p>"No you're not," Roxanne sighs and misses his startled look. "Fucking Wayne and his stupid big mouth," she grumbles, "How the fuck did he get married four times without anyone knowing about it and we can't even make it three days without him blabbing!"</p>
<p>"Because he's an oversized moron with no concept of consequences and mysteriously flies away to some other emergency whenever he breaks the deathtraps before his cue?" Megamind suggests blandly.</p>
<p>"It's completely inconsiderate!" Roxanne throws her hands up, "He spends seven years using me as his backup date for parties because he "couldn't get a date!" Which is entirely bullshit by the way. All the while hiding the fact that he has four exes! Four! <em>And</em> he denies me four major scoops! And probably years of blackmail material then he goes and does this!" She might be yelling slightly, she glances over at her husband who has his eyebrows raised waiting for her to finish, she drops her hands, embarrassed.</p>
<p>"Feel better?" he asks, grinning.</p>
<p>"No," Roxanne scowls, "...yes"</p>
<p>He barks a laugh and after a moment the sheer stupidity of the situation sinks in and she joins him.</p>
<p>"Not a bad monologue," he critiques mildly, once they've got themselves back under control, "Would have been better if you'd been striding back and forth brandishing a weapon, but very good cadence, six and a half out of ten."</p>
<p>"Only six and a half?" Roxanne props her elbow on the seat and pouts.</p>
<p>Megamind stares at her mouth for a moment, then shakes himself, "Well there was no maniacal laugh or swearing of vengeance so I had to downgrade a little,"</p>
<p>"Oh is that what I was missing?"</p>
<p>"Also no spikes, really that's a two point loss all on its own," he gestures at her, "Not that this outfit doesn't have its own particular merits but really if you're going to monologue you need to dress the part."</p>
<p>Roxanne gives him an arch look, "I'll be sure to wear the black dress next time."</p>
<p>"See that you do, darling wife"</p>
<p>She jerks and looks over at him but he's staring out the tinted window, seemingly confused as to why they've stopped for a red light. She looks past him to the grand boulevard of Main Street, Metro City and bites her lip.</p>
<p>"You shouldn't do that anymore." She says quietly, staring back down at her skirt.</p>
<p>"Do what?"</p>
<p>"Wife. We're not-" she takes a breath, "Its not Vegas anymore. We need to make sure we're not getting into bad habits"</p>
<p>Megamind swallows. "Of course" he says, folding himself up into sharp unwelcoming angles, "My apologies Miss Ritchi, it wont happen again"</p>
<p>That hits like a punch to the chest. Roxanne forces her fingers to release her dress before the rips it to pieces, regretting spoiling the mood. Don't be ridiculous, she admonishes herself, it was just a weekend joke, it didn't mean anything. </p>
<p>Megamind presses himself into the far side of the seat, watching his wife who is now pleating her skirt between her fingers over and over again. He sighs and the sound pulls her eyes towards him, "Are you really that worried?" he asks.</p>
<p>"About what?"</p>
<p>"Our impending celebratory dinner?"</p>
<p>"Oh, that." Her shoulders slump, "Not really. Adelaide is great. If we've never heard of any of Wayne's weddings, he's either lied to her, which he's pretty incapable of doing, or she knows how to keep a secret."</p>
<p>"And Lord Scott?"</p>
<p>"If its not golf he literally couldn't care less"</p>
<p>"Small favours," Megamind mutters. </p>
<p>"It's only two more people," Roxanne says, unaware she was tempting fate like laying out a banana peel in a slapstick comedy, "How bad can it be?"</p>
<p>Her still husband raises an eyebrow at her eloquently, "Need I remind you these are the people responsible for raising Mister I'll-just-fly-you-down-to-Vegas-and-get-you-married himself?"</p>
<p>"Want to have Dave drive us to the prison to have dinner with your family instead?" she offers.</p>
<p>The six part miniseries of expressions that run across Megamind's face at that idea is utterly hysterical and Roxanne can't help giggling.</p>
<p>"I promise if it gets really bad we can bring down the chandelier and make a daring escape," she suggests half jokingly.</p>
<p>He gives her a sly glance, "Only one chandelier?" he scoffs, "What kind of supervillain do you take me for? I demand nothing less than a full orbital strike!"</p>
<p>He grins at her and she grins at him and its almost like its back to normal, dancing around one another in the cool dark, pretending they're nothing more than damsel and supervillain.</p>
<p>"You'll never get away with this!" Roxanne cries dramatically.</p>
<p>"Oh wont I?" He prowls forward on the leather seat, "Let's see how this dinner fares against the mighty intelligence of Megamind! Criminal Genius and mastermind of cunning escapes!" He bows at her, "Naturally I shall be requiring some audience participation so I'm afraid, my dear damsel, that your dinner plans will have to be interrupted,"</p>
<p>"You fiend!" She accuses.</p>
<p>"Fiend?" He gasps, "Fiend? I'll have you know I am the very definition of diabolical! The very rendering of ruin!" He throws himself back to the other side of the seat, "Fiend indeed," he huffs, "Just for that I'm going to kidnap you in a net under the hoverbike and fly you across the city like a sack of potatoes."</p>
<p>"Don't you besmirch the humble potato!"</p>
<p>"I shall besmirch any root vegetable that deserves it!"</p>
<p>"Deserves? How dare you!" Roxanne makes a show of stripping off an imaginary glove and flinging it between them, "I demand satisfaction! Rayguns at dawn!"</p>
<p>"That is a very dangerous challenge Temptress." Laughing eyes gleam above a wicked grin, "How can you trust any raygun I make for you will fire as you intend?"</p>
<p>"My dearest friend may disdain my favourite vegetable but he would never be so unsporting as to insult me with subpar workmanship!" Roxanne shoots back haughtily, grinning.</p>
<p>"Subpar workmansh-wait what?" Megamind stares.</p>
<p>Roxanne mentally runs back through what she just said and flushes, that had been a stupid thing to say. He probably has plenty of villain friends with more PhD's and Minion and she has friends of her own, well work colleagues, and people she likes. Its just...just none of them are as interesting to talk to as he is, or as fun to be around and she doesn't really look forward to any of her other damselly duties as much she does getting kidnapped by him and wow that makes her sound really weird and needy, the damsel calling the supervillain her friend and-</p>
<p>"I'm your friend?" he whispers hoarsely. And oh the way he says that tells Roxanne more than she's ever been able to glean about his early years, given the way he always shuts her down when she tries to bring it up. </p>
<p>"I-" She goes to chew her thumbnail and stops when she sees the silver polish, "Well yeah...come on Megamind you're basically the best friend I have-" fuck this is embarrassing but his eyes are really big and round and oh screw it after the last three days she's pretty certain of this at least, "Aren't you?" </p>
<p>"I am?" he squeaks and that might be the least villainous sound he's ever made.</p>
<p>Roxanne shrugs helplessly spreading her arms "Of course you are, you're my favourite person to talk to."</p>
<p>Megamind <em>launches</em> himself at her and knocks her flat onto the seat, wrapping his arms and legs around her and squeezing her until she squeaks, "Sorry!" he pulls them both up and starts to let go again but Roxanne stays curled on his lap and hugs him tightly.</p>
<p>"You were- that was- hugs are still okay right?" he asks nervously, his chin hooked her her shoulder.</p>
<p>"Of course hugs are okay, hugs are great" she rubs her hands slowly up and down his back then squeezes him tightly. She's mentally celebrating because Roxanne has been in denial about a lot of things and not being able to resolve this in Vegas and Wayne's parents knowing is obviously a disaster, but she wants to be able to call him her friend. Megamind makes that purring noise again and wriggles closer like he's trying to meld into her skin.</p>
<p>Megamind literally cannot think of a thing that would make him happier right now except for her to tell him she loves him which, that's not happening. But even if she's not going to be his wife much longer she's his friend and "You're my friend too" he tells her earnestly and she hugs him again.</p>
<p>They stay snuggled together for a few minutes more until Roxanne reluctantly shifts off him to stop her leg falling asleep. Megamind gives her a delighted smile and she feels ridiculously pleased with herself that she might be responsible for the look on his face.</p>
<p>He's her friend. He's her friend! And okay there are Council rules against that too but screw them she's unofficial. Its none of their business. Clearly they've never heard of a work life balance. Her foot knocks the paper left in the seat beside her, probably from Lord Scott and she glances down at the headline as she goes to drop it into the magazine rack, "Um" she squeaks, "We might have a problem?"</p>
<p>"What?" Megamind leans over her shoulder and goes very still. "I'm going to kill him" he mutters.</p>
<p>"Minion or Wayne?"</p>
<p>"Both."</p>
<p><strong>She Found Her Something Blue: Local Reporter Weds Supervillain Alien</strong> screams the headline. Directly below it is a half page print of-</p>
<p>Their wedding certificate.</p>
<p>They stare at one another in dismay then Megamind yanks half the paper away from her, "Oh gods," he says blankly, staring down the article.</p>
<p>That's</p>
<p>That's really bad.<br/>That is potentially life ruiningly bad.</p>
<p>That's unmarked vans and men from the government and very serious questions from very serious people and nonononono this cannot be happening-</p>
<p>Roxanne doesn't realise she's hyperventilating until long hands are on her shoulders and a head is pressed against hers and a voice is repeating, "Roxanne, Roxanne you need to breathe slowly, slowly. I don't have any spray here please don't make me bite you, I know you'll bite me back-"</p>
<p>"Damn straight" she chokes and green eyes fill with relief. Megamind sits back and Roxanne has to resist with everything she has not to just crawl under his shirt and hide next to the flutter-thump of his heart. </p>
<p>Instead Megamind picks up half the paper again and glares at it, "Well that's just fucking wonderful," he growls, flinging the sheets to the other side of the limo where it hits the dividing screen and pages scatter over the floor.</p>
<p>The partition glides down, "Everything okay folks?"</p>
<p>Roxanne gives a nervous laugh, "Sorry Dave, we're fine." Maybe its a joke? A prank? Its pretty low for Wayne but there's no way its real.</p>
<p>"Okidoke. Congratulations by the way. Always knew you two kids would get around to it at some point." The partition glides back up.</p>
<p>Okay.</p>
<p>Not a joke.</p>
<p>Also what?</p>
<p>Megamind is staring at the floor, his eyes moving rapidly over the scattering of sheets in front of them. What he should be doing is celebrating loudly and with great fanfare (and possibly a few explosions for decoration) that Metrocity is apparently in favour of this intergalactic match, which, lets be honest, when most people's reactions to you are running and screaming, any kind of positive feedback is welcome, if very very strange.</p>
<p>Unfortunately the most important person impacted by this is quite reasonably  panicking about the sword of the Defender's Council now hanging above her neck. Megamind shoves his own feelings as far away as he can to focus on helping her, ignoring the terrible treacherous voice in his head hissing that this might be the thing that lets him ask her to let him stay.</p>
<p>He might also be panicking slightly himself. Apparently the city is getting a new hero? That's not good. Everything he has is either calibrated for Metro Man or built to make his wife laugh. A new hero introduces an unacceptable component of chaos. Megamind refuses to let anyone else be a greater chaotic element than he is.</p>
<p>How does a hero even rescue a damsel that's married to the villain?</p>
<p>Roxanne is still clutching the middle of the paper. She looks down again and smooths over the newsprint with trembling fingers, but she can barely focus on the words "star-crossed lovers" or "intimate elopement" before she shuts her eyes again to protect her remaining shreds of sanity against the absurdly bad alien abduction puns.</p>
<p>Seriously that's what they went with? </p>
<p>Whatever. More important concerns are why does everybody know and what are they going to do about it?</p>
<p>"Why does everybody know and what are we going to do about it?" she says nervously.</p>
<p>Megamind shrugs helplessly, looking up from what mostly appears to be Letters to the Editor all written along the lines of <em>I fucking called it</em> or <em>I told you so</em> or <em>I can't believe they weren't already married</em>.  "Fake our deaths, go on the run and start over in Argentina?" He looks down again, "Your doorman won the pool by the way," he says unsteadily.</p>
<p>"Carlos?" Roxanne gapes, "Wait there was a pool?!"</p>
<p>"Apparently!"</p>
<p>"Did you know about this?"</p>
<p>"Of course not!" He says hotly "Did you?"</p>
<p>"No!" Roxanne shrieks, she's never wanted to scream so much in her life, Megamind looks like he wants to do the same.</p>
<p>The city knows.</p>
<p>Everyone knows.</p>
<p>And they're <em>happy</em> about it.</p>
<p>"What the fuck?" the newlyweds say blankly in unison.</p>
<p>"The city just...ran a pool about us." Roxanne is still trying to wrap her head around that fact.</p>
<p>"It's been going for quite some time." Megamind says distantly over the roaring in his ears "The interest alone was significant enough that he was able to take his family to Disney World for a week."</p>
<p>"Good for him?"</p>
<p>"And Metro Man's retiring."</p>
<p>"He's fucking what now?" Roxanne sits forward and tries to find the relevant page in the scattering of newsheets.</p>
<p>"Apparently the city is letting him arrange the new hero."</p>
<p>"He can't do that to us!"</p>
<p>"He can't tell the world we got married either but we have written evidence right here he just did!"</p>
<p>"Oh my god what are you going to do?" Roxanne does not like this idea at all. There is no guarantee any other hero would be as careful with her husband as Wayne admittedly is. Steamrollering them to Vegas and then <em>blabbing</em> about it not withstanding.</p>
<p>"Me? What about you!" Megamind eyes his wife in concern. Roxanne has a lot of her career tied up in her role as damsel. if she loses out all of a sudden because the hero brings their own girl Friday she's going to find herself shafted back to coffee runs and 4AM dogshow reporting.</p>
<p>"What about me?" She asks confused, "I'm not having some two bit hero risking your life!"</p>
<p>"Well I'm not letting you lose your livelihood!" Megamind shakes his head defiantly, "Doesn't matter. The Council aren't too impressed. Apparently he's only given them half a week's notice and didn't give them any say in the new hero."</p>
<p>"Oh my god the Council." Roxanne goes deathly white, Megamind looks at her worriedly.</p>
<p>That really is far more of a problem. Even unofficial, the Defender's Council takes a very poor view of damsels who allow themselves to get seduced to the darkside. If the major papers in the city are publishing about it, there's no way the Council doesn't know by now.</p>
<p>"God fucking damn it Wayne," Roxanne growls, scrunching the paper between her fingers. "This is all his fault. He probably wanted to shift the focus so he can sneak his retirement through during all the fuss." Fuck fuck fuck how could he do this to them? If they'd managed to get divorced before they left they could have just announced that and called it a day. Instead the whole city is apparently celebrating their marriage and Roxanne isn't really in a good space to deal with this right now. The Council will be coming for her and her brain is tangled up in panic and for some reason she keeps focusing on how she could barely stand it when Megamind left her on the plane and how he's now trapped with her in this insane situation and he wouldn't even kiss her goodbye properly so he clearly doesn't care about her the same way she- </p>
<p>A loud jackhammer from construction work outside drills through her inner monologue and derails her train of thought.</p>
<p>"It is his fault." Megamind agrees, kicking the papers away in disdain, "These letters are ridiculous. How could anyone in the city assume we were already married?"</p>
<p>
  <em>Lightbulb!</em>
</p>
<p>Roxanne sits up, shoving her panic and erratic musings away into a box marked Future Roxanne's Problem, "That's it!"</p>
<p>"What is?"</p>
<p>"We were already together!"</p>
<p>Megamind looks bewildered.</p>
<p>"No no its perfect! We can work with this!" Roxanne grabs his hand, "Wayne said Lady Adelaide apparently already thought we were married! We just need to be all relaxed and couple-y and convince her we've been together for years so she doesn't think its anything special! Then she can spread it to the rest of the city that its nothing of note and we can just go on as normal until we get the papers!"</p>
<p>"What about the Council?"</p>
<p>"We got married in Vegas! They have no jurisdiction there," Roxanne chews her lip, mind working furiously, "And there's no way they'd be willing to let themselves look like idiots for not figuring it out before the city announced it so they'd have to leave us alone."</p>
<p>"Will that work?" Megamind asks suspiciously, stomping privately on the jump in his heart at the idea of staying married to this incredible woman, even if its just for show. Stop it <em>stop it</em> its not Vegas any longer she's not for you. </p>
<p>"Trust me," Roxanne says with more confidence than she feels, "If Lady Scott doesn't act like its a big deal, no one will. As soon as the fuss dies down we follow through on the original plan. If the Council tries to kick up a fuss after that then we can tell them its not even an issue anymore. Nothing out of the ordinary."</p>
<p>"How could being married to you be anything other than extraordinary?" Megamind demands. </p>
<p>Roxanne flushes."Do you have any better ideas?"</p>
<p>Megamind opens his mouth.</p>
<p>"That don't involve blowing up a building, faking our deaths and going on the run?"</p>
<p>Megamind closes his mouth again. </p>
<p>"We just need to pretend to be married-"</p>
<p>"Pretend! We are married!"</p>
<p>"I know that! But we aren't married-married" She looks down and realizes she's still gripping his hand and drops it immediately. </p>
<p>"What does that even mean?" Megamind has a sneaking suspicion, but while marking certain milestones in the back seat of a car wouldn't be offbrand for a supervillain, he's not exactly keen to do so while someone else is driving.</p>
<p>Also tentacles.</p>
<p>Still an issue.</p>
<p>"Its things like..." Roxanne casts around desperately, she hasn't exactly been what one might call active in the dating scene for quite some time. But some things were universal right? "I don't know? Just nice chill old-marrieds stuff?"</p>
<p>"Yes because all three of those things are things I am intimately acquainted with,"  He retorts.</p>
<p>"Not helping," She growls, "Its just...Things like petnames and-and knowing each other's favourite foods are! And when our anniversary is!" </p>
<p>"Hashbrowns" Megamind replies promptly, "You've never had a pet but you constantly tried to steal the neighbors cat but it didn't like you which is why you have that scar on your arm, and the seventeenth of June. How does that help?" </p>
<p>"Okay well-" Roxanne blinks, because that was fast and also not the kind of pet names she was referring to. "Hold on! You cant use the first time you kidnapped me as our anniversary!"</p>
<p>"Why not?" he shrugs.</p>
<p>"That's- no." she folds her arms, "We're using the twelfth of October. Five years ago."</p>
<p>Megamind looks like he wants to laugh, "When we started keeping score?"</p>
<p>"Do you have a better idea?"</p>
<p>"There's always Thursday?"</p>
<p>"I..." Roxanne trails off, "Sure I guess?" She nods decisively, "Let's go with that, how long for?"</p>
<p>"Keep the five years," Megamind is grinning excitedly. This is like when he starts a new ideas cloud, only better because its Roxanne scheming with him, "You fell madly in love with me by the light of the Discotheque Demons."</p>
<p>"Oh no you don't," Roxanne objects, "Y<em>ou</em> fell in love with <em>me</em> when I told you to duck because the Teapot of Trouble was about to blow its lid!"</p>
<p>"That was two months later!"</p>
<p>"Well we're not using the Perilous Pudding," Roxanne names the scheme that actually kicked off the whole corpsing game. Megamind looks appropriately revolted,</p>
<p>"Oh no that that one." He agrees immediately, "That's just <em>embarrassing</em>"</p>
<p>"Oh completely humiliating," Roxanne casts him a sly look, "Did you ever get the scorch marks out of the wall?"</p>
<p>"Sadly that wall heroically sacrificed itself some months later to expand the hive," Megamind retorts loftily, "I'm afraid any silhouettes or any other evidence of a high pressure self saucing explosion have been well and truly lost to time."</p>
<p>"History will mourn its passing," Roxanne says with appropriate gravitas.</p>
<p>"History can keeps its nose out of it," her husband twists in his seat and rests his chin in his hand, "What else?"</p>
<p>"Pet names," Roxanne glances out the window, they've reached the edge of the city, they have twenty minutes before they reach the Scott Estate to figure this out. Is this what an Evil Plan feels like? She's beginning to see the appeal, its kind of fun plotting with him.</p>
<p>"If you want to list all the bots we're going to be here all day," Megamind objects.</p>
<p>"No," Roxanne bites her lip against an amused giggle, "Not those kinds of pet names,"</p>
<p>"Is there another kind?"</p>
<p>"Nicknames" she clarifies.</p>
<p>"My uncles called me Blue?" He offers confused, "I thought you hated Roxie?"</p>
<p>Roxanne gives him a fond look, "Sweetheart," she says and the tips of his ears go pink.</p>
<p>Well that's adorable.</p>
<p>"Darling," The pink spreads over his ears, "Honey," and down his cheeks "My little chocolate coated coffee bean," He glares at that but he's fuchsia right down to his collar.</p>
<p>This is the best. How come she never realised he could blush like that before.</p>
<p>"My villainous valentine," she teases.</p>
<p>"Yes thank you I get it now," Megamind mutters, "Darling wife,"</p>
<p>Roxanne jumps and he looks at her cautiously, "No?"</p>
<p>"Its fine," she mumbles, wishing she'd never opened her big mouth earlier, "That's probably a good one."</p>
<p>"Are you sure?"</p>
<p>"I'm sure." Oh wife is way too easy. Maybe she was right before, its going to be a hard habit to break. She forces a smile, "Anything else you think we need?"</p>
<p>Megamind shrugs, "You'd know more than I would," He blinks at her in the dim light of the car, apparently trusting her to guide them through this minefield.</p>
<p>"They are going to expect us to be affectionate," she says faintly, a little thrown by his easy trust, "Just ah, maybe a little more subtle than we were in?" she jerks her head in completely the wrong direction of Vegas.</p>
<p>"Oh sub-tlee" he shoots her an incredulous look, "Excellent, one of my greatest skills"</p>
<p>"I'm sure we can manage hello/goodbye kisses when we're in public" They managed more than that in Vegas. Of course that was Vegas and not at all and this is here and is for public consumption and not for them at all which might be a problem given Roxanne's primary love language is physical affection but she can keep a leash on that. For sure. </p>
<p>"Public hello/goodbye kisses?" he raises his eyebrows.</p>
<p>"You know, just casual affection?"</p>
<p>"Roxanne I really don't."</p>
<p>She crinkles her brow in confusion and he looks at her impatiently, "Who else would I have done any of this with?"</p>
<p>"Oh," That is an absolute travesty. Dammit. Why has no one ever hugged him, or given him any kind of day to day affection? Roxanne resolves to hug him every day she sees him from now on. </p>
<p>He huffs and gets up to move to the other side of the limousine, "Never mind, there's no way-"</p>
<p>"No wait, Megamind come here," she pulls him back down next to her, "Its little things, light touches," she takes his hand and slots her fingers between his, "Like this," she squeezes his hand lightly and feels his answering squeeze in response.</p>
<p>Megamind is looking at their hands like he's never seen them before.</p>
<p>"Doing this will make people believe we're not anything special?" he asks in a strangled tone. She's holding his hand. <em>She's holding his hand.</em> They're back in Metrocity and she's still willing to touch him and hug him and this is- this is more than he ever dared let himself dream of, even if its just for show.</p>
<p>"Well it should help," Roxanne says a little unsure, "We did okay in before, just think of it as a tamer version of that,"</p>
<p>Tamer. He can do tamer. He's managed tame at least once in his life hasn't he?</p>
<p>Panic must be showing on his face because Roxanne shakes her head fondly and turns his face towards her, "A hello kiss is like this" she leans forward and presses a brief kiss against his lips, pulling back before he has any time to respond.</p>
<p>He blinks at her nervously, "Like this?" he returns the kiss.</p>
<p>"Yeah exactly, and a goodbye kiss might be a little longer like," she leans forward again and presses a longer kiss against his mouth, feeling him respond and then punctuating it with another soft brush of her lips.</p>
<p>He returns that one too, she gives him another one for good measure, "Think you got it?"</p>
<p>"Probably?" he was clutching the seat with pale knuckles, "I-should we practice?" His shoulders were so high they were up around his ears.</p>
<p>Roxanne bites her lip, "We don't have to," she says hesitantly, "We can just keep it to like when we were watching movies together if it makes you uncomfortable," he's looking really panicked about this.</p>
<p>"No no I do want- it doesn't make me uncomfortable" he says hurriedly, "I just-" he looks down and sighs, "I feel like I'm not going to be very convincing," he mumbles in a low voice.</p>
<p>"You've been doing fine so far," Roxanne says encouragingly, Megamind ducks his head against her praise."But sure, practice is probably a good idea," </p>
<p>A really good idea</p>
<p>Roxanne sits sideways on the seat, her whole body facing her husband and looks at him expectantly. He drops his shoulders and takes a slow breath, nodding to himself before meeting her gaze and Roxanne is struck anew at how expressive his eyes are. </p>
<p>He looks at her like he's not quite sure he's allowed to, like he's wandered into the offlimits section of a museum and he's expecting a shout any second that he's not supposed to be back here but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the art if he tried.</p>
<p>Roxanne has never been looked at like she's an impossible reality before three days ago, she's worried she might be getting addicted to it.</p>
<p>Hesitantly, Megamind reaches out to brush his fingers along her cheek, light touches she said. He tucks a strand of loose hair over her ear and hears her breath catch, "Like that?" He murmurs.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Roxanne breathes softly,  "That's pretty good,"</p>
<p>The tips of his fingers graze around her ear to unhook the twisted pearl drop and it sways against her neck.</p>
<p>"That's good too,"</p>
<p>He traces over the curve of her shoulder, up through the short hair at the nape of her neck. Roxanne tilts into the light pressure of his fingers. Megamind is watching her closely, cataloguing her reactions, tracking the pulse that flutters at her throat. He draws her forward slowly, waits a moment, then leans in to meet her.</p>
<p>He kisses her gently, like she'll burn him if he gets too close. Just the lightest press of lips, softer than a whisper, a touch, a breath away and returning to touch again.<br/>He's a moth and she's a flame and the brush of his lips on hers weighs less than a shadow but it has her bound in place far more securely than he ever did with ropes and ties.</p>
<p>And Roxanne thinks </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh</em>
</p>
<p>Oops</p>
<p>Roxanne's libido, well aware she was about to miss out on  a good time to be had by all slammed the door shut on <em>that</em> realisation before Roxanne herself understood out why she kept going back and letting him destroy pair after pair of shoes just for the chance to talk to him again.</p>
<p>Had Roxanne been in full possession of her faculties she might have had some stern words for her libido but Megamind is still gifting her mouth soft hazy kisses. Her top lop, her bottom lip, the beauty mark on the corner of her mouth. Slow and dizzying and Roxanne wants very very badly to just keep receiving these sweet decorous kisses that make her feel like there's flames under her skin as the limo turns into the Scott Estate.</p>
<p>Megamind has no idea how long it takes to get to the Scott Mansion but he figures that he might be used to kissing Roxanne around the same time the last star burns out.</p>
<p>The driver brakes suddenly for a catering van and the motion throws Roxanne against Megamind. He catches her automatically, pulling her close to stop her flying off the seat.</p>
<p>She's kneeling astride him her mouth open in surprise, brushing against his and her breath washing over his tongue. Suddenly all thought of decorous public kisses goes out the window. He pulls her firmly into his lap fastens his mouth to hers. She makes a small sound and kisses him like she wants to crawl into his mouth and live there. </p>
<p>"What happened to subtlety" he gasps as she breaks away from his mouth to lick along the curve of his ear.<br/>Roxanne could have taken that badly but Megamind slides his hand into her hair to angle her head so that he can kiss his way up her throat so she's fairly certain it isn't a complaint. She takes the opportunity to tug the top of his shirt open so she can scrape her teeth down his jaw and bite his neck. His arm slides around her waist to pull her closer.</p>
<p>"You have never been subtle a day in your life," she growls against his neck "If anything this is more convincing."</p>
<p>That is a fantastic argument and he'll tell her that as soon as his thoughts can proceed beyond yes and please and does this dress unzip because he doesn't want to let go long enough to pull it over her head.</p>
<p>There is a knock on the glass beside them, "Sir? Ma'am?" Minion's voice calls.</p>
<p>Roxanne's teeth sink into blue skin as she jumps. Megamind lets out a strangled yelp and she pulls back immediately, "Sorry!"</p>
<p>"I aha-" his hands are still locked around her, "It's fine. Takes more than that to hurt me."</p>
<p>Roxanne bites her lip and looks at him. Minion knocks again.</p>
<p>"Yes fine you future fish finger!" Megamind calls, "We're coming!"-</p>
<p>"Not yet we aren't" Roxanne mutters, raking her fingers through her hair. Megamind laughs a little hysterically and drops is head back onto the headrest.</p>
<p>"They're never going to believe it," he mutters, "They're going to figure out we're lying, I'm going to wind up drop-kicked off the face of the planet-" </p>
<p>Roxanne grabs her husband's face and forces him to look at her, "We will be fine." She says hoping she can convince both of them, "Just smile and nod and kiss me every now and again and we'll survive."</p>
<p>He blinks rapidly and nods then shakes his head again, "No no you said it yourself I've never been subtle a day in my life they'll never believe it."</p>
<p>"Come on," Roxanne says hopefully, "You're a genius, you can manage a little low key misdirection," Its not like they've got time to figure out anything else.</p>
<p>"I am," he laughs unsteadily, "Not good at low key. You of all people should know this."</p>
<p>"I know," she can see Minion trying to peer through the tinted glass so she presses another kiss to his forehead and opens the door, "But you've got me on your side, we can do this."</p>
<p>The look of amazed gratitude he sends her is enough to have her beaming as they clamber out of the car. A delighted but impatient Minion immediately sends Megamind off with one of the footmen to find Metro Man and commandeers Roxanne stating she needs to get changed.</p>
<p>There is a very familiar moment of deja vu when they're both being steered in opposite directions. But this time Roxanne blows Megamind a kiss as he sends her a jaunty "See you at dinner?" and suddenly they're both laughing hard enough that their respective guides have to practically carry them away. </p>
<p>Its one dinner. How bad can it be?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh they have no idea...</p>
<p>Happy valentine's day everybody</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Oh Honey - The Audreys</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Uh...surprise tentacles?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay so this chapter was over 12000 words long and was tonally all over the place so I split (again, yes I know) but the good news is the rest will be up in a couple of days when I have to go back to the office and probably will need the positive feedback to keep me going.</p>
<p>Have a song! Oh Honey - The Audreys<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuYz2MBZZtE<br/>(I nearly went Jellyfish by Slowly Slowly but this fit better for the bit with the tie)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Oh Ma'am!" Minion hugs Roxanne as soon as they stop inside a room full of clothes and shoe boxes, "Its so lovely to see you! Did you and Sir have a nice honeymoon?"</p>
<p>"Yes?" Roxanne answers patting synthetic fur nervously. You can do this Roxanne, its just Minion. You've known him for years. So what if he's now your brother-in-law...fish-in-law?</p>
<p>Minion beams and ushers her towards a rack of dresses, "Now we weren't sure what you'd prefer, so we selected a few options-" </p>
<p>"We?"</p>
<p>"Roxanne dear, congratulations!" Lady Scott walks in the door and offers her a champagne glass, kissing the air beside her cheeks, "Now I know Wayne told me you didn't want a big fussy party but we couldn't resist throwing a little get together to celebrate for you"</p>
<p>"Oh," Roxanne takes a gulp from her glass, "That's...very thoughtful of you Adelaide,"</p>
<p>"Nonsense dear its my pleasure!"</p>
<p>Cool. Great. Well at least she likes Wayne's mother. Adelaide is great, she and Minion are already talking in some kind of fashion shorthand that Roxanne has never been able to pick up but she recognizes marks of a "You've worn that dress before dear, lets find you something fresher for this evening/Lady Scott redecorated the dining room and wants her guests to compliment the table settings" event and starts taking off her shoes. </p>
<p>She takes the first hanger Minion hands her and ducks behind the changing screens to pull on a deep blue formal gown shot with silver and crystal beading netted over her shoulders. A long slit shows a sultry flash of thigh as she walks out for inspection.</p>
<p>"Oh lovely!" Lady Scott gasps, "I have just the earrings for you!" Adelaide holds out her hand and turns Roxanne back and forth, "You were absolutely right Mister Minion, she's stunning in blue,"</p>
<p>Minion looks like he wants to cry.</p>
<p>"Oh I have earrings," Roxanne objects, "There's a jewellery case in my handbag,"</p>
<p>Lady Scott looks at her, "Are you sure dear?" Its a fair question. Lady Adelaide Scott's jewellery collection is the stuff of magazine showcases and top ten lists and is spoken of in hushed whispers at formal events.</p>
<p>Roxanne decides to lean into the fiction a little, it was important to push the happily married aspect, right? "My husband has excellent taste," she demurs.</p>
<p>"Very well dear, let me see it," Lady Adelaide opens the bag and frowns at the glowing blue cubes.</p>
<p>"They just need a little water," Roxanne explains self-consciously. She reaches in and plucks out the correct cube and hands it to Adelaide who sweeps from the room to call for water. </p>
<p>"Was everything alright?" Minion asks curiously and Roxanne is able to give him a genuine smile because current panic aside, their three days in the hotel with Megamind was without a doubt the most fun she's had in her life, "Yeah Minion, it was really great," </p>
<p>"Oh that's good to hear Ma'am" Minion grins and turns to collect a stack of shoe boxes from the floor as Roxane takes another sip of her champagne, "I know Sir was always very concerned any partner would have issues with his tentacles."</p>
<p>What.</p>
<p>Roxanne chokes on her glass then slugs back the rest of her champagne, "Oh?" she coughs. Excuse sorry tentacles what?</p>
<p>"Well I understand they're not exactly standard in humans" Minion continues oblivious.</p>
<p>Roxanne lifts Lady Scott's untouched glass from the tray and finishes that off too. "Minion," she says in a strangled voice.</p>
<p>"Yes Ma'am?" he looks around at her face then frowns, "Is something wrong?"</p>
<p>
  <em>Other than I'm in a fake relationship with my apparently tentacle wielding very real husband?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Where does he even keep them?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How many are there?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Are they prehensile? Because that could be pretty fantastic...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh for fuck's sake Roxanne calm down you don't even know what they're for.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Seriously though where are they?</em>
</p>
<p>"I'd prefer not to discuss the...details of my honeymoon if that's okay" she says finally, hoping he buys it.</p>
<p>Lady Scott bustles back in, "A lady doesn't kiss and tell, even to family."</p>
<p>"Right, thank you" Roxanne shoots her a relieved smile and Lady Scott holds up the case, "I'm very impressed dear. Is the collar custom made?"</p>
<p>"...yes"</p>
<p>"Well its utterly divine, I insist you give me the name of the jeweler."</p>
<p>Minion peers over Adelaide's shoulder, "Oh that's Sir's work," he says pleased, apparently this means more to Minion than it does to either of the women as he gives Roxanne a very smug look and pats her arm in a proprietary kind of way. "I'm so happy to welcome you into the family Ma'am." he says with a toothy grin, "Now I might be Sir's Minion but please call on me for anything you need."</p>
<p>"Thanks Minion," Roxanne swaps her pearls for diamond clusters shaped like stars that sparkle down her neck.</p>
<p>"Well," Lady Scott eyes the ring on Roxanne's hand, "Wayne did tell me your ring was only a placeholder. I'll look forward to seeing what he makes you" a<em>nd eradicating the image of that gaudy thing on your finger from my mind</em> entirely goes unsaid.</p>
<p>"He promised me a sapphire with baguette cut diamonds," Roxanne remembers.</p>
<p>"Oh now that will be lovely," Lady Scott sets the jewellery case down and fusses a little with the crystals draping over Roxanne's shoulders. </p>
<p>"Adelaide," The new bride catches their hostess's arm, "About tonight..."</p>
<p>"Oh its just an intimate little supper" Lady Scott waves a hand carelessly. "We've arranged the whole thing, don't you worry a hair on your head my dear."</p>
<p>Okay. Intimate is good. They can put their plan in motion and once Lady Scott sees they're just as boring and ordinary as any other couple who have been together for years she can spread the word and let the rumour mill take care of the rest.</p>
<p>Roxanne buckles into her shoes as Adelaide absolutely insists Minion come and help her choose her outfit for the evening. Apparently he's become her right hand fish over the last three days and his understanding of colour and drape is unparalleled. Roxanne takes this opportunity to escape and hopes Megamind doesn't mind that his henchfish is now apparently his nemesis' mother's best friend.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The train of her skirt floating behind her, Roxanne wanders down the corridor in search of a familiar landmark. Scott Mansion is huge, but she's pretty sure she's in the east wing which means if she goes right at the end of the passage she'll be near the kitchens. She can navigate to Wayne's suite and find her husband from there. Clearly there are questions to be asked about tentacles and a wife's expectation of being aware of the same.</p>
<p>What else is he hiding? Gills?</p>
<p>She rounds the corner and oh look he's saved her the trip because Megamind is striding towards her with an astounded look on his face. Roxanne nearly trips on her skirt.  Pinstripes. Hell yes. This wife has excellent taste.</p>
<p>"Hi," she says after swallowing a few times to make sure her tongue isn't hanging out of her mouth.</p>
<p>"I need to talk to you," he mutters, blushing as he glances at her, "Now."</p>
<p>Roxanne looks around and yanks him through a door into a butlers pantry full of napkins and glassware, "What's going on?"</p>
<p>"Why didn't you tell me you had a tattoo?" he demands, jammed between a trolley cart and a stack of tablecloths.</p>
<p>"Me?" Roxanne rears back, "When were you going to tell me you're part octopus?"</p>
<p>Megamind's ears go bright fuchsia, "That is none of your business-" he begins hotly.</p>
<p>"I'm your wife! I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to know these things!"</p>
<p>"Well where's your tattoo? I had to tell that moron with muscles for brains that I was too distracted by other things to really notice it!"</p>
<p>"Well I'd hope so given where it is!"</p>
<p>He balks a bit at that, "Then how does he-" he cuts himself off,  "No no its none of my business, I don't want to know,"</p>
<p>"He knows because I have a standing invite to use their pool in summer!" Roxanne hisses. </p>
<p>"Oh," he deflates a bit, then frowns, confused "Then what the fuck does Metro Moron mean by my lucky stars?"</p>
<p>"Ugh!" Roxanne grips her skirt in one hand and yanks it up to show him her the space in front of her right hip bone, "There? Happy?"</p>
<p>"Oh," he says blankly, staring at the tattoo peeking out from under navy blue lace. He reaches out and his thumb traces the jagged line, "You have stars on your skin..."</p>
<p>"Its the Scorpio constellation," Does he realize where his hand is? That is a very distracting sensation right now, "I was eighteen and drunk on my gap year and I am going to kill Wayne for that fucking joke." She raises her eyebrows at him in challenge, "Well?"</p>
<p>"Well what?"</p>
<p>"I showed you mine."</p>
<p>Megamind goes almost entirely lavender he's blushing so hard, she cant actually mean, he looks down at the tattoo again, "You'd have to show me a lot more than that dear wife to make it even."</p>
<p>"Ah..." Okay so she was right. "Anything else I should know about?"</p>
<p>Megamind stares at her. She's blushing bright red but she's not running screaming</p>
<p>Well she's never screamed for him a day in her life so that's nothing out of the ordinary.</p>
<p>"Again <em>tentacles</em>."</p>
<p>"Again, <em>you've said</em>. May I remind you that there is an entire city-" she waves her hand at the door, "Out there who apparently have been waiting for this day for for years and we need to figure that out first!"</p>
<p>"It doesn't bother you?"</p>
<p>She gives him a look of impatient frustration, "I don't care. I think we have bigger priorities than anatomical inconsistencies right now"</p>
<p>"Anatomica-" he pulls his hand away to clap it over his mouth and muffle his laughter, "Oh for fucks sake Roxanne, seriously?"</p>
<p>Roxanne rolled her eyes, mouth twitching, "So you're a fucking Centauri, can we please focus on the important things?"</p>
<p>"Cen-Centauri!" he gasps "Are you- Babylon 5?!" he falls against the shelf cackling "That was your go to reference?!"</p>
<p>"You forget," Roxanne loses her battle against her own laughter and grabs his shoulder to keep herself steady, "I've seen you wave,"</p>
<p>"Caught that did you?"</p>
<p>"Oh you bastard!"</p>
<p>They're half collapsed holding onto one another laughing, Megamind is gasping for breath and Roxanne is nearly crying.</p>
<p>Roxanne folds her lips together and tries to get herself under control, she fails every time she meets her husband's eyes, "Okay but seriously," she giggles, "Is there anything else I'm supposed to know?"</p>
<p>Megamind shakes his head, biting his lip, "Oh plenty but unless you're giving instructions to surgeons, which, please don't. Just have Minion take me back to the Lair. I think you know most of the important ones...Teeth, blabbermouth fish, strange flavours ...ah" he trails off blushing.</p>
<p>"Six?" Roxanne offers before she can stop herself. Megamind groans and pinches the bridge of his nose, "Oh you're going to be insufferable about this."</p>
<p>"Probably," she grins.</p>
<p>"At least it wasn't Farscape again," he mutters, but he's still smiling.</p>
<p>"I called you the overly dramatic lovechild of Zhaan and Scorpius once!" She defends, "And you have to admit the bots are kind of like DRD's"</p>
<p>"Well now I know what you'll be naming at least one of your murder," he rolls his eyes affectionately.</p>
<p>Roxanne claps excitedly, "I didn't even think of that!"</p>
<p>"Oh Evil Gods what have I done!" He presses his face into her shoulder as he snickers.</p>
<p>"Made me a very happy woman," Roxanne snorts draping her arms around his neck and they both crack up again.</p>
<p>"Just once," Megamind gasps, "I'd like for one of my evil plans to proceed without you derailing things,"</p>
<p>"You're just mad because that's twenty points to me," Roxanne giggles. She tries to stand up as he steps back to lean on the door. The movement pulls her off balance and she stumbles against him. He catches her arms but she crashes into his chest. When she pulls back the beading on her dress has caught on his tie and tugs him towards her as she slips backwards again.</p>
<p>Megamind catches himself with his hands braced either side of her head. Roxanne pinned against the wall. Their faces are very close. She fumbles with the tie, trying to unhook them. </p>
<p>Cool. So. This is a thing that's happening.</p>
<p>"Why are you even wearing that?" He holds still as she tries to ease the threads of his tie from her dress. Roxanne rolls her eyes in lieu of throwing her hands up, "It's the Scott's. This is what they do!" She eyes the ultrafine lines on his suit, "It's not like you've got anything to complain about,"</p>
<p>"Oh I never said I didn't like it," Blue hands cover hers as Megamind eases the tie away from her dress, "But don't they have anything better they could be doing than dressing us up?"</p>
<p>"Probably not," Roxanne sighs and steps back to lean against the tea trolley as Megamind fiddles with his tie, then strips it off entirely. He eyes the strip of fabric in annoyance then looks at Roxanne.</p>
<p>"Come here," he flings the tie over her neck, Roxanne catches it before it can land on her dress, "We just got unhooked, what are you doing?"</p>
<p>"I can't tie it around my own neck,"</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"Not without a mirror," </p>
<p>"Oh," Roxanne nods then holds her hands up together with a grin, "How about this?"</p>
<p>Megamind stares, swallows and looks down, "Now I know I'm hallucinating" he mutters.</p>
<p>Roxanne laces her hands together and offers her wrists, "Come on already," she smirks, "This is clearly an extension of our double kidnapping. You might as well <em>tie</em> me up,"</p>
<p>"Oh for Evil's sake," Megamind snorts and loops the tie gently over her wrists, nimble fingers start fashioning a complex knot.</p>
<p>"Well you did promise me a fancy dress kidnapping,"</p>
<p>"Sadly without knowing who the new hero is going to be I'd rather not risk you to some overmuscled roidrager who doesn't know how to account for whiplash," he glances up and then down at her hands again, blushing "Even if it would get us out of here faster."</p>
<p>Roxanne feels a shy warmth bloom over her skin, she leans over their hands and presses a light kiss to the top of his skull.</p>
<p>Megamind jumps and the tie jerks tight around her wrists, "What was? Why?"</p>
<p>"You're sweet," she smiles, feeling a little tied up with more than just a very nice ink blue tie, then flushes as he blinks at her rapidly, "I thought uh...practice?"</p>
<p>"Right..." Megamind hesitates then ducks forward and presses his own kiss to the high edge of her cheekbone, pressing his temple against her hair, "Practice"</p>
<p>Roxanne blinks away her blush and tries for a grin, "Look at us being all clever with our sneaky plan," she says conspiratorially, Megamind shakes his head and sighs a laugh, "Come now wife, you should know anything involving a supervillain counts as an Evil Plan,"</p>
<p>"Oh does it now?"</p>
<p>"Well perhaps not given the circumstances but..." He looks at her hopefully.</p>
<p>"Oh fine," she wriggles her fingers dismissively,  "Call it an Evil Plan,"</p>
<p>"Excellent!" He's been waiting for an opportunity to say this for years, "I knew you'd be seduced to the dark side eventually, Miss Ritchi"</p>
<p>Roxanne gives him an unimpressed look, and he holds his hands up in surrender, "I had to!"</p>
<p>"Yes I'm feeling very seduced right now." She rolls her eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she waits for him to remove the tie from her wrists.</p>
<p>"Would you like to be?" Fuck no wait he hadn't meant to say that. Smooth move genius.</p>
<p>Roxanne stops and tilts her head to give him a surprised look that is faintly...impressed? Interested?</p>
<p>Actual smooth move? Who knew?</p>
<p>Megamind can't believe he just said that but he's committed now and raises an eyebrow in challenge.</p>
<p>Roxanne gives him her best unimpressed seen-it-a-thousand-times-this-damsel-is-bored-can-I-go-now-look. "I'm waiting..." Oh she can't wait to see where he goes with this. </p>
<p>Megamind smirks, infuriating, impertinent impatient damsel, what is he going to do with her?</p>
<p>No literally.</p>
<p>He got this far on sheer luck what the hell does he do now?</p>
<p>Roxanne feigns a yawn, "I guess we're just too old and boring and married," she teases drily.</p>
<p>Green eyes flash and he pulls her towards him by the tie still wrapped around her wrists. He bites her lip hard enough that she squeaks then laves his tongue over the abused flesh. Roxanne shivers and makes a small helpless sound, fire blazing up her spine. Megamind growls and grips a handful of her hair and demands she open her mouth to his. He pours every hungry vengeful obsessive desire he's ever buried deep deep down in his heart for her into the kiss. Every need to make her gasp, every urge to turn that amused look she gives him when the bag is pulled from her head into admiration tinged with fear, every ugly wicked thought about what it would be like to really make her scream.</p>
<p>Its a fullblown Supervillain experience.</p>
<p>And Roxanne <em>melts</em></p>
<p>His hand is still in her hair when he pulls back and gives her his best supervillain glare, "Are you satisfied now Miss Ritchi?" he demands.</p>
<p>"That," she gasps when she's figured out how to form words again, "Is not going to convince anybody we're an ordinary couple." She tries to follow his mouth but his fingers tighten in her hair and she whimpers, wanting to be closer, her skin feels like its made of stars. He lets her go instantly, looking horrified, "I'm so sorry! I hurt you-oh gods  I'm so sorry," he babbles, "I'll go, I'll fake my death and disappear- this was a terrible idea I'm sorry"</p>
<p>Roxanne shakes her head, trying to remember how to speak, "Rozz-Roxanne," she feels like she's almost drunk. She wants him to do it again.</p>
<p>Right now.</p>
<p>Forever, if possible.</p>
<p>"What?" Megamind freezes, stops trying to push open a pull door.</p>
<p>"You have to call me Roxanne," She blinks a couple of times, "How come you didn't do that before?" Screw dinner she's demanding Wayne fly them back to Vegas immediately.</p>
<p>"No supervillainy in Vegas" he mutters, still pressed against the door.</p>
<p>"Oh." Damn. They better stay here then.</p>
<p>He looks at her closely as she sways dizzily,  "There's no way this is going to work if you react like that. They'll think I'm drugging you!"</p>
<p>"Better help me get used to it then," Roxanne's libido takes over her voicebox and goddamnit how did she get back from Siberia so fast? He's going to think she's ridiculous and needy and it is in no way going to help fool the council if anyone catches them like this and no wait those are lips and teeth again and teeth are very very good Roxanne's libido is in charge forever now. Excellent. Wonderful. Brilliant.</p>
<p>There is a click as one of the Mansion staff opens the door and gives a startled yelp, "Oh sorry guys!" The door shuts again. "Maybe keep the kinky shit for when you get home?" The waiter's voice comes through the heavy mahogany plaintively.</p>
<p>"Fuck!" Megamind tears his mouth away from Roxanne's, "Somehow I don't think that's what they're expecting for an old married couple," he pants, releasing his grip on the tie. </p>
<p>"Not unless you want to change your name to Gomez Addams," Roxanne licks the taste of rain and something almost citrusy from her lips.</p>
<p>He looks like he's contemplating it for a moment, then his thumb brushes over her kiss swollen mouth, "That's not- I shouldn't have done that," he says apologetically, gently removing the tie from her wrists, "You're right, nothing like that at all."</p>
<p>Roxanne does not have the words to explain how very okay she is with supervillain kisses. God damn. But he's right, they have a city to fool and a Council to distract and once that is dealt with maybe they can find somewhere nice and private to finish what he started. Her libido gets a straitjacket, a padded room and an underground bunker to wail out its frustrations.</p>
<p>She helps him settle the tie around his neck, smoothing it over his shirt and under his vest, "We ready for this?" She asks quietly. </p>
<p>He snorts, "Gods no." But he follows her as she opens the door anyway.</p>
<p>They step out of the pantry just in time for Lord Scott to pass by and raise an eyebrow at them, "Did you get lost?" He asks mildly, "Dinner's in the long dining room, its faster if you cut through the ballroom." He jerks his head to the left.</p>
<p>"Thank you," Megamind says in a strangled voice, Roxanne contemplates the floor and wonders if blushing this hard is going to clash with her dress.</p>
<p>"Ah there you are!" Lady Scott rounds a corner, now dressed in a stunning mauve evening gown with a silver wrap, she takes her husband's arm and starts tugging him towards the doors on the right.</p>
<p>"Not through the?" Megamind points towards the left doors.</p>
<p>"I think we'll take the long way round," Adelaide smiles diplomatically.</p>
<p>Lord Scott pats Megamind genially on the shoulder "Wouldn't be the first time we've had to give the cleaning staff a bonus."</p>
<p>Both newlyweds give their hosts appalled looks.</p>
<p>"Oh stop teasing them Monty," Lady Scott admonishes her husband, "We did drag them here after their honeymoon. Let them have a moment," she gives Roxanne a knowledgeable look, "Try the coatroom next time dear, much more comfortable."</p>
<p>"Thanks," Roxanne squeaks.</p>
<p>"We'll meet you in there," Lady Scott says tactfully withdrawing along with Lord Scott. </p>
<p>"Don't take too long," Lord Scott adds and doesn't even wince as she elbows him and they disappear through the doors at the end of the corridor.</p>
<p>Roxanne looks at Megamind, flushing deeply and rubbing one hand awkwardly over his chin, he meets her eyes and flashes her a nervous grin, "Not too late for me to fake my death?" He offers with shaky amusement. She raises her eyebrows at that and groans a sound that descends into helpless laughter, "Come on husband, let's get through dinner and we can figure this out after." She reaches out and straightens his tie, brushing her hands over his shoulders for nonexistent bits of lint. </p>
<p>Half his mouth quirks up in response and when she drops her hands he offers his arm. Roxanne blinks but loops her arm through his.</p>
<p>"Say the word and I'll call the murder over to crash the party and call it an elaborate plot to beat your Metron of Honour," He jokes, leading them to the doors that open onto the ballroom.</p>
<p>"I'll hold you to that" she quips.</p>
<p>He shoots her a brilliant grin and they push open the doors.</p>
<p>"Congratulations!" The entire ballroom shouts delightedly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For those of you who don't watch Babylon 5 (why not? its great). Centauri are mostly human looking aliens that have certain squidlike tendencies including six extremely long very prehensile (we're talking cheating at cards here) tentacle dicks.</p>
<p>Also it is heavily implied that a twinkling finger wave means something very different for creatures with tentacle appendages.</p>
<p>Ciao ciao all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. People Will Say We're In Love - The Hot Sardines</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Reception</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I told you you wouldn't have to wait long!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roxanne and Megamind freeze.</p><p>That's a lot of people...that's several hundred of a lot of people...that's several hundred of a lot of people all smiling and cheering. That's Roxanne's boss...and half her coworkers...and the Warden from the prison...and really quite a significant number of people Megamind has robbed or destroyed the property of over the years and in front of all of them is the rat fucking bastard himself Wayne Scott and Minion beside him grinning at them happily beside a six tier wedding cake.</p><p>Oh Fuck.</p><p>A cacophony of glass tapping starts up, "What are they doing?" Megamind asks desperately out of the corner of his mouth.</p><p>"They're asking us to kiss," his wife mumbles, gripping his arm with white knuckles</p><p>"Oh thank the Evil Gods" He pulls her into his arms and kisses her. And Roxanne goes eagerly because kissing him has been the one thing that has made sense this entire time and right now she'll take any excuse not to meet the eyes of anyone else in this room.</p><p>The room in question cheers.</p><p>He lets her back up and buries his hands in her hair, "I'm going to kill Metro Man." He nuzzles her ear.</p><p>"Not if I kill him first" Roxanne mutters, brushing her lips against the sharp edge of his jaw.</p><p>"Dibs on the cake knife, "</p><p>"Go for it, I'm siccing his mother on him."</p><p>"Ooh you play dirty, I like it."</p><p>The glasses start up again, apparently everyone is very keen to see them kissing. This time he dips her, which feels very dramatic and very upside down. And she's dizzy when he pulls her back up so she has to hold onto him and hides behind his head from the rest of the room. So much for an intimate little supper and trying to not make this a big deal.</p><p>Except it is.</p><p>Their wedding certificate was in the paper and everything.</p><p>Yes thank you we got that, we're well aware.</p><p>Wayne floats over to grin widely at them, "Hey where's my souvenir?" he asks delightedly, Roxanne and Megamind both glare up at him and he frowns, "Did you two get out of the hotel at all?"</p><p>Their blushes are answer enough.</p><p>Roxanne digs in her purse for the envelope containing their copy of the hotel bill, "Here, souvenir!" She snaps, Wayne pulls the envelope open, "Hey wedding photos!"</p><p>Roxanne goes white, but the flying gigantor is already floating across the room, "Hey Mom! I have the wedding photos!</p><p>"Oh lovely! Let me see...My goodness!"</p><p>"We had wedding photos?" Megamind hisses, Roxanne shoots him a horrified look, "Apparently!"</p><p>There is a steadily growing murmur of "Oh how lovely" that is turning to "Is it warm in here?" to "I'm just going to er...shower? Cold shower?" From where people are crowded around Lady Scott and a selection of images now circling around the room.</p><p>Roxanne and Megamind grip one anothers hands very tightly and share a nod. They already had a plan, this changes nothing. Its just a few more people to fool. They can do this.</p><p>"We can do this," Roxanne whispers, "I believe in us. We are very smart attractive people, the city doesn't stand a chance with us on the same side."</p><p>"You think I'm attractive?" Priorities Megamind, please.</p><p>"Not the issue right now,"</p><p>"Right, yes of course. We can do this."</p><p>Maybe.</p><p>Hopefully.</p><p>Somehow...</p><hr/><p>Or not.</p><p>The party is torture.</p><p>Everyone wants to congratulate them, or hug them, or kiss them, or all three. Megamind and Roxanne try to stick together but every moment another person is coming up and wedging themselves between them to offer a be-ribboned horseshoe or some such nonsense to Roxanne along with their well wishes. And Megamind gets a lot of back-slaps and weird comments that he thinks are about the honeymoon but are mostly very confusing and he eventually just starts using the Evil Glare on anyone who tries to mention anything.</p><p>No one is intimidated.</p><p>If anything they seem amused.</p><p>Ten years of supervillainy and now people want to hug him.</p><p>Disgusting.</p><p>There is a lot of vaguely insulting "I never thought this day would come" to Roxanne and a lot more directly insulting "Traded one ball and chain for another, hey?" to Megamind until they were both ready to plaster the entire crowd with all six tiers of dark chocolate wedding cake. </p><p>The cake does have a replica fondant battle bot being piloted by the two of them perched on the top tier. That is actually pretty fucking badass. They'll have to rescue that first.</p><p>Eventually they give up trying to show off their old boring married coupleness and Roxanne drags Megamind over to one side of the room with a good view of all the exits. She presses his shoulders against the wall then turns and leans against him, arranging his arms around her so she is between his feet, leaning on his chest. Their similarity in height means it is easy to turn her head and murmur in his ear, "You're shoulders were so high I thought they were about to sprout into wings,"</p><p>"Thank you," he sighs, relaxing in increments, "You realise you're trapped here now?"</p><p>"Its our party apparently, let everyone come to us."</p><p>Luckily, everyone assumed the two were having a private moment and gave them about ten minutes before the glass clinking started up again.</p><p>"Why is everyone so excited about this?" Megamind mutters into his wife's mouth.</p><p>"Beats me," she whispers between his lips.</p><p>They should probably just keep kissing. No one tries to interrupt them then.</p><p>Unbeknownst to the newlyweds, the whole of Metro City had in fact been on a three day Our Ship is Finally Canon! Bender and they were not about to let these two just fly under the radar. They had already kicked out two attempts by the Defenders Council to come visit and see what the fuss was about. The city government had voted unanimously to waive any and all Supervillain related insurance recovery against Megamind and Wayne had sat down with the mayor and the Scott Family <strike>sharks</strike>- er lawyers to work out a pardon for Megamind and Minion.</p><p>The pardon was conditional. They couldn't entirely erase 10 years of supervillainy after all, but they all agreed working as the new Hero for the city could count as community Service. As long as it was promised they wouldn't commit any more crimes for twelve months.</p><p>It was a pity Roxanne and Megamind didn't know about it yet.</p><hr/><p>Unfortunately at least one person is willing to interrupt the newlyweds little moment. Wayne is grinning as he flies back over, Minion in tow, so he can hug both of them properly (read eight feet off the ground and nearly snags Roxanne's dress on the chandelier). Megamind and Minion have a moment where he presses his head against Minion's dome and Minion headbutts the glass affectionately, "Good to see you Sir,"</p><p>"You too Minion,"</p><p>Wayne's toothpaste smile fades slightly as he sets them down again and Roxanne catches him with her own vicious grin.</p><p>"Wayne," she's smiling through her teeth, "Why does the whole city know we got married?"</p><p>Wayne droops a little lower, trying to make himself a smaller target, "Because everyone is really happy for you?" he tries hopefully.</p><p>Roxanne relies on years of professional training to not scream or bite his nose off. Oh sure he's been married four times and managed to keep things secret but god forbid they get the same courtesy, "Wayne it was Vegas!"</p><p>"Yeah and he proposed here! Why wouldn't you expect me to tell everybody?" One supersized hand gestures at Minions suit, "Besides, Minion's the one who sent it to the paper,"</p><p>"Minion!" They both screech.</p><p>Minion flattens himself in the bottom of his dome like a cat that has just been threatened with the spray bottle, "Mister Scott said we should! We just wanted to save you the work of having to do it yourselves."</p><p>"But..." Roxanne eyes the obviously curious crowd hovering at the edge of their conversation, and catches her husbands raised eyebrow, "We weren't planning on coming home to the whole city knowing!"</p><p>"Ohh..." Wayne hovers slightly lower in embarrassment, glancing at Megamind, "Sorry little buddy, you probably had some big laser light show planned didn't you?"</p><p>Megamind folds his arms and glares but that's actually a pretty decent out, "Well I can't do anything now can I?"</p><p>"You could still-"</p><p>"Nope!" Megamind holds up one hand, "You've ruined it." He sniffs in disappointment and Roxanne bites her lip to stop herself laughing because Wayne looks like he's just been sent to the corner and that's the closest thing to remorse she's seen on his face since he tried to use his laser vision to watch her copy of Love Actually rather than figuring out how to use the DVD player.</p><p>The twelve piece band in the corner starts up and Megamind glances at Roxanne out of the corner of his eye, she bites her lip harder and nods and he holds out his hand to her. She slides her fingers between his and he leads her towards the dance floor throwing back one final parting shot of "The brain-bots are going to be so disappointed!"</p><p>"Aw crab nuggets" comes the superhero sized sigh behind them.</p><p>Megamind spins Roxanne and slips them into a waltz, "If you bite your lip any harder you're going to start bleeding," he murmurs.</p><p>"I think you actually made him feel bad." She mutters, running her tongue over her lip because she had been biting quite hard hadn't she?</p><p>"Good. He deserves it." There's a pause while he maneuvers them between the Mayor and a pair of Lady Scott's high society friends, both of whom are trying to catch their eyes, "The bot's have been practicing their choreography for weeks"</p><p>Roxanne folds her lips over her giggle, "I bet Minion's been making them matching outfits" she feels his shoulders shake under her hand.</p><p>"The fireworks were going to be spectacular,"</p><p>"Would have spelled our names all over the city,"</p><p>"Oh gods yes," Megamind's smile is wicked, "I love it when you talk about explosions,"</p><p>Their faces are pressed into one another's shoulders trying to muffle their sniggering, everyone is miraculously leaving them alone for a moment while they spin around the  floor.</p><p>"We had a whole playlist ready," He continues with a grin.</p><p>"Ooh," Roxanne arches an eyebrow, "What was the first song?"</p><p>"Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is"</p><p>"Jet?" Her smile is brilliant, "Not AC/DC?"</p><p>"Well I had to get that line about you can be the queen in there somewhere," He smirks, "AC/DC is for the finale of course,"</p><p>"Oh of course"</p><p>He laughs and dips her again as the band finishes with a flourish, flashing Roxanne this brilliant grin like he's just come up with another fantastic machine and can't wait to share it with her.</p><p>And Roxanne finally, finally understands why she'd been so angry at herself for going back and letting another pair and another pair and another pair of shoes get ruined every month just for the chance to talk to him again.</p><p>Because she's in love with her husband.</p><p>Oh no.</p><p>Megamind pulls her back up and she looks down hurriedly, fussing with her skirt and trying not to hyperventilate. </p><p>This is ridiculous. You don't fall in love with someone in<strike> three days</strike></p><p>Seven years</p><p>That's impossible. Just because they talk sometimes and he's kind of fun to be around...okay he'd the most fun person she knows but he's a Supervillain of course he's fun he's got giant lasers and robot puppers! </p><p>She's not in love with him, she's just...very attracted to him. And who wouldn't be? He's quite literally a genius and he's devastatingly handsome and he lights up so much he glows when he talks about his inventions or his brain-bots and he looks frankly illegal in that suit. Not to mention he's great at making her laugh and he always asks how her day is going when he kidnaps her and he always wants to hear about what she's been up to since they last saw one another they way she always wants to know about what he's been inventing or how his latest research is going. Plus he actually listens when she talks about her work, her whole work, not just the bits that revolve around him which is what most other people do and...</p><p>She is in love with him.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Megamind gives her a concerned look and she shoots him a weak grin, "Vertigo," she mumbles, determinedly pushing her stupid heart and its inopportune realization to the back of her brain where the misery of her thwarted libido appreciates the company. Now is not the time. Not with the whole of Metro City Society and half of her coworkers and her (oh fucking hell) husband who she's already agreed to divorce in the room.</p><p>That is a Future Roxanne problem and Future Roxanne is going to need to be spend at least three hours  alone in her own apartment panicking in the shower until her hot water runs out before she's prepared to deal with that in a reasonable manner.</p><p>Faking her death and running away to Argentina suddenly doesn't look too bad.</p><p>The musicians take a break at that point and no amount of glaring from either of the happy/panicked couple is enough to keep everyone else away. Roxanne gets co-opted by Lady Scott to show off her jewellery and desperately tries to collect their wedding photos but no dice as they have made their way into the hands of her workmates and there is no way she is going anywhere near that side of the room.</p><p>Megamind tries to hold onto her but he gets cornered by at least three different engineering firm CEOs who all seem to think he'd be willing to share the details of his inventions like they haven't been trying to backwards engineer them and pass them off as their own work for years. He growls at all of them and heads to the bar for a cocktail.</p><p>Can't go wrong with a Molotov.</p><p>Like all good press people, Roxanne Ritchi knows the value of a free bar. Unfortunately this extends to her colleagues as well so as much as she would like to get blasted on the Scott's impeccable booze and forget absolutely everything from the last seven hours right up until next year, instead she's stuck smiling and nodding and saying things like "Yes well we couldn't be happier" and "We owe it all to Wayne" and "That's hardly an appropriate question, don't you think?"</p><p>Turns out a lot of people were wondering about how things work between a human and a blue alien and Roxanne has nearly bitten through her lip trying to resist the urge to answer "Six" to every dirty question the creme de la creme of Metro City Society were presuming sotto voce as she was passed from group to group like a new baby at a family gathering.</p><p>Except here comes her beloved, light of her life, darling of her heart and thank fuck he's holding out a glass of champagne to her that she sips and finds is liberally spiked with something that burns through her sinuses. Roxanne downs half of it in one go, she's never been so happy to be drugged by him.</p><p>"What were they asking?" Megamind murmurs as he slips his arm around her waist to pull her towards a slightly less crowded corner.</p><p>"About you of course"</p><p>"Oh?" He doesn't look like he knows whether he should be terrified or pleased, "Is this the part where you tell me not to let my ego get inflated?"</p><p>"Its your <em>ego</em> they were asking about"</p><p>Megamind freezes, his glass halfway to his lips, "They weren't."</p><p>"They were."</p><p>"I am very uncomfortable with that knowledge"</p><p>"Join the club"</p><p>Another crowd of people are scurrying towards them, "Finish your drink" Megamind mutters, "They cant talk to us if we're dancing" Roxanne sculls the rest of her drink and Megamind snatches the glass from her, handing it off to one of Lord Scott's golfing buddies with a "Take care of that my good man, I need to dance with my wife"<br/>The man blusters for a moment but Megamind gives an evil grin and swept her onto the floor before anyone could protest or ask them any more questions.</p><p>"I can't believe you did that" Roxanne giggles into his shoulder, whatever was in that glass was <em>strong,</em> "That was the third largest property owner in the city!"</p><p>"Did it work or did it work?" Megamind dips his head close to her ear, "I think if we just keep dancing until dawn everyone will get bored and tired and we can make our escape."</p><p>"You don't have any smoke bombs for a quick getaway?"</p><p>"Your Metron of Honour confiscated them," he growls "Apparently as the guest of honor I'm not allowed to have any." He sounds so mortally offended by that Roxanne has to  laugh. </p><p>"Should have given them to me," she grins, trying not to let her inner panic of whoops accidentally fell for my husband but didn't figure it out until we agreed to fool the city and split up again shine out of her eyes.</p><p>Megamind rolls his eyes, "If I'd known this was going to happen I'd have installed distraction diamonds into all of your jewellery,"</p><p>"Distraction diamonds?"</p><p>"Compressed carbon flashbangs. Small explosion, smoke bombs, sirens, that sort of thing," he shrugs and spins them around the floor, "A bit late now obviously,"</p><p>"Oh..." Roxanne contemplates that for a moment, "Can you add some anyway?"</p><p>He looks at her and smirks and she feels it all the way to her toes (Oh Roxanne you are in so much trouble), "Why my dear wife are you contemplating a life of villainy?"</p><p>"Oh I think I've got plenty of villainy in my life already," His thumb is stroking slowly over her back as they dance and its progressed from sparklers to fireworks up her spine,</p><p>"But I'm sure I could use something for a quick getaway when the CIA grants me the highest journalism honour."</p><p>"When they what now?" he growls and pulls her tightly against him and casting his eyes around the room as though there's a sniper set up already.</p><p>"Relax," Roxanne should push away but she leans into him, "Its just a joke,"</p><p>He narrows his eyes at her.</p><p>"Mostly," she amends, "Its not like I've broken any story big enough yet."</p><p>Megamind scowls, "I'm making sure your murder has ultimate priority bodyguard subroutines," he mutters, he glares over at Wayne who is hovering off to one side near a series of high tables, regaling a number of listeners with wedding details. "And just because he's retiring doesn't mean he's leaving your well being in the hands of whatever two-bit hero he's decided is apparently worth facing me,"</p><p>"You're such a squish under all the spikes," she murmurs, he gives her an appalled look and she grins.</p><p>"Wicked wife," he says fondly and Roxanne has to duck her face into his shoulder again to hide her blush as he whirls them around the floor.</p><p>"You know" Megamind hums conversationally, "If we step onto that chair there we could dance over the tables and kick that unemployed trustfund kid in the head as we go,"</p><p>Roxanne's eyes crinkle as she grins, "I'm wearing very pointy stilettos" she offers.</p><p>Unfortunately, before they are able to put their Evil plan into motion, Wayne is back grinning at them, blocking out the light of the chandelier with his giant chin, "May I cut in?" </p><p>Megamind pulls Roxanne closer against him, "My wife! Get your own!"</p><p>"Who said I was asking you?"</p><p>"My husband," Roxanne slides her arm tighter around Megamind's waist "Get your own!"</p><p>Wayne chuckles and floats back to ask Lady Scott to dance.</p><p>"I think that's the first time he's actually listened to us in four days," Roxanne snickers as Wayne balances Lady Scott on his feet and floats them around the room in an inverse parody of every doting parent dancing with their child's feet on their toes.</p><p>"More like four years," Megamind mutters. </p><p>The music cuts out again and a cry of "Speech! Speech!" Echoes around the room as more waitstaff circle with trays of champagne. Megamind and Roxanne share matching looks of horror.</p><p>"You're up husband," She beats him to it.</p><p>"Me? You're the reporter!" </p><p>"And you've got seven years of evil monologues under your belt!"</p><p>"I don't want to!"</p><p>"If you don't Wayne will,"</p><p>"Oh no,"</p><p>Too late, Wayne is up floating beside the podium where the cake is displayed, "As Metron of Honour," he announces loudly and the room quiets, turning their attention to him, "I'd like to say a few words..."</p><p>What follows is a truly humiliating example of why Wayne was never allowed to adlib during his interviews. The crowd <em>loves</em> it. Megamind and Roxanne both sink lower and lower towards the floor as the room awwws, and coos and laughs loudly at a truly terrible line about tying Roxanne up so often it was a wonder they ever got around to tying the knot.</p><p>"I've changed my mind," Roxanne mutters, "We're both faking our deaths."</p><p>"Excellent," Megamind nods, looking wild eyed, "Argentina feels a little close, what's your opinion on Greenland?"</p><p>"Brilliant. Let's go."</p><p>They both try to make a break for it out one of the side doors but the staff are very firm on keeping them in the room as they still have to cut the cake and they get shoved back up to the podium.</p><p>Then the Mayor steps up to join Wayne and holds up a very large bundle of paper, "In honour of this momentous occasion" he announces pompously, "And as a gift for the happy couple, we're closing all recovery files against Megamind for all previous villainous plots!" Wayne looks far too excited to set the sheaf of paper on fire. Minion cheers loudly and Megamind blinks, "Oh. Well that's handy."</p><p>"Just how much did you owe the city" Roxanne murmurs.</p><p>"At least two thirds more than Lasereyes Mcgee up there" he whispers back.</p><p>"Why did Wayne owe anything?"</p><p>"Contributory negligence. I might have set the spee-iderbot loose but he's the one who threw it into a building"</p><p>"Ah. Does he not worry about the money or?"</p><p>"Have you not seen those sharks in human suits circling the room?"</p><p>"Who? Oh the lawyers,"</p><p>"Like I said,"</p><p>"And of course," The Mayor holds up a slim envelope and shares a nod with Wayne,  "The pardon," he tucks the envelope into Megamind's jacket with a wink.</p><p>Roxanne freezes.</p><p>Megamind freezes.</p><p>Over in the bar the ice machine rumbles and water also freezes.</p><p>"The what?!" They both shriek and the room laughs.</p><p>"Well that explains why muscles for brains didn't just fly me straight to prison," Megamind mutters.</p><p>Roxanne pauses, "Yeah in hindsight that should have indicated something was up,"</p><p>"The city wanted to have your whole record wiped but some of the higher ups," The Mayor gestures vaguely to indicate a more powerful level of government, "Insisted we had to have something so the pardon is conditional on for twelve months good behavior for yourself and Minion."  The Mayor pats them both genially on the shoulders and steps back to accept a plate of cake from Wayne who apparently got impatient and or realized he should probably remove temptation, aka the cake knife, from the area.</p><p>Megamind and Roxanne stare aghast.</p><p>"You expect him to behave for twelve months?" Roxanne waves at her husband wildly, as if he's ever let so much as two whole weeks go by without thinking up some mad reason to kidnap her.</p><p>"You expect me to behave for twelve months?" Megamind gestures back, as if he's ever gone so much as two weeks without kidnapping her and making up some mad plan on the way back to the Lair just to impress her. A pardon? That's absurd! Just how invested is the city in this anyway?</p><p>Very invested, was the answer.</p><p>Roxanne looks at Megamind and bites her lip, her shoulders shaking. He can feel his lips twitching and no no no they can't laugh now. Roxanne blinks at him pleadingly, if they start laughing now they'll ruin their cover then its all over. </p><p>Instead Megamind cups Roxanne's face in his hands and kisses her. She giggles into his mouth and oh kissing her while she's laughing is a delight. He picks her up and spins them around, still drinking down every muffled chuckle from her lips. She wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him back. </p><p>"Stop laughing," she says, giggling down at him, "How can I kiss you when you're laughing?"</p><p>"I'll kiss you any way I can!" He swears fervently. This is...well this is actually an entirely new disaster in a completely new way but right now he's going to kiss his wife for as long as he's able. </p><p>"We might have to change the city laws about public indecency just in case" the Mayor mumbles.</p><p>The room cheers, assuming they're celebrating. Money also changes in a few hands for people who had bet on Roxanne going Evil.</p><p>Quite a lot of money actually.</p><p>The Mayor has to write the Warden a cheque.</p><p>Minion is grinning beside Lady Scott, already talking a mile a minute about plans for a line of couture villain inspired fashions. Spikes will feature heavily. Lady Scott is eyeing Roxanne's earrings with a proprietorial air and suggesting Minion consider accessories as part of his design plans.</p><p>Wayne picks up the kissing couple and gets a slug in the arm courtesy of Roxanne who had been very happily occupied and was now actually hooked on the chandelier. "Must you?" She demands as she untangles crystals from the hem of her skirt. </p><p>Megamind drops to the floor to be caught by a delighted Minion who looks so excited Megamind doesn't have the heart to remind him that the expected lifespan for a retired Supervillain is even shorter than that of an active one. Instead he pats his fish-brother's shoulder and tries to make his way back across the room to his wife.</p><p>People are even less affected by the Evil Glare now.</p><p>There is a tap on his shoulder and he spins jumpily. This crowd is suddenly too much too close and Roxanne is still ten feet off the floor yelling at Wayne for springing this on them, but its a familiar enough face that he doesn't automatically go for his (confiscated) de-gun, though its close, "Jim," he nods in greeting.</p><p>"I need you to come with me son," Warden Jim says quietly, Megamind almost holds his hands out automatically because that is the first thing anyone has said that makes any sense in the last four days.</p><p>"Take me away then" he changes the gesture to a wave.</p><p>Roxanne, finally back on the floor but on the other side of the room turns and sees him heading through a side door with Minion following, she frowns and thanks the mayor for his kind wishes (and the entirely unexpected pardon. The fuck?) and slips out to follow them.</p><p>Megamind follows the Warden down a corridor and towards another room, Jim holds the door open for him. Megamind cracks his neck and walks in. </p><p>A chorus of shouts and whistles nearly knocks him flat.</p><p>"Hey!"</p><p>"Way to go Blue!"</p><p>"Its about time!"</p><p>"Where's the missus?"</p><p>Its a miniature theater. Projected on a screen is a crowded room full of men in guard uniforms and prison jumpsuits all clapping and cheering.</p><p>Megamind stares at the screen full of his uncles and then looks at Minion who is grinning happily, Wayne hovering beside him "They wanted to say congratulations too!"</p><p>"This seemed the safest way without them arranging a mass breakout" the Warden adds dryly.</p><p>"Of the prisoners?" Wayne asks </p><p>"Of the guards"</p><p>"Now Blue you gotta tell us everything"</p><p>"Yeah and don't skimp on the wedding night details"</p><p>"Where's Mrs Mind?" Uncle Vinnie demands.</p><p>"She isn't changing her name" Megamind responds automatically, "She's keeping Ritchi."</p><p>"Did I hear my name?" Roxanne pushes the door open and the cheers start again, she blinks at the screen then steps fully into the room.</p><p>There is a long low wolf whistle. Somewhere on the projected screen a prisoner digs their elbow into a guard and the whistle cuts off.</p><p>"Darling wife," Megamind is looking a little wild about the eyes, "I'm so glad you found me."</p><p>Roxanne is looking curiously at the screen, Megamind wraps his arms around her waist and hides his face behind her shoulder, "Roxanne," he waves at the screen, "Our uncles"</p><p>She digs her elbow into his side, "Aren't you going to introduce me?"</p><p>"I just did,"</p><p>"Blue," A dark man says warningly, eyes raising to the camera then skating away again to focus beside their faces, "Is that the way we raised you?"</p><p>"You raised me to make explosives out of cleaning chemicals so I could start fights in the food hall!"</p><p>"I didn't hear that" the Warden mutters, looking at the ceiling.</p><p>Roxanne grins, its the kind of grin that had he been in a position to see it, Megamind would have been very nervous. "Clearly I'll just have to come and meet them in person,"</p><p>"You can only visit one at a time Ma'am," the Warden advises.</p><p>Roxanne shrugs off her husband and sits down in one of the leather armchairs to cross her legs, "Well, I better start with whoever has the best baby stories then,"</p><p>There are a lot of grins.</p><p>Megamind shoots her an appalled look, then  throws himself onto the chair beside her and folds his arms petulantly.</p><p>"Oh that would be Uncle Mitch and Uncle Guduza" Minion offers helpfully.</p><p>A large man with one eye and a multitude of tattoos in the front row waves, the man beside him who taught Megamind about explosives nods in greeting.</p><p>"Hi," Roxanne gives them her best interview smile, "Who wants to go first?"</p><p>Megamind sits up and pulls her onto his lap and goes back to hiding behind her shoulders.</p><p>"Coward," she says fondly as the men on camera laugh, "Stop using me as a human shield,"</p><p>"Force of habit," he sticks his head up to kiss her cheek then ducks down again, his ears pink.</p><p>"The door's right there,"</p><p>"Nope!" His arms go around her waist, "I don't trust any of them and I definitely don't trust what they're going to tell you."</p><p>A chorus of protests starts up from the screen.</p><p>"Aww Blue!"</p><p>"Would we do that?"</p><p>"Its like you've known us all your life!"</p><p>The Warden is definitely sniggering.</p><p>"Did you know he could fit his whole foot in his mouth until he was almost three?" Mitch says with the glee of someone who has been waiting his whole life to tell these stories.</p><p>Behind her shoulder Megamind flinches, Roxanne reaches behind her and rubs her fingertips soothingly over the top of his head, "The whole foot?" She grins, "Really?"</p><p>"Up to his ankle. Yeah,"</p><p>"Huh. practice for when he got older, proverbially."</p><p>"Mrrrg," Megamind growls, trying to stop purring "No, no stop it" He's still hiding behind her.</p><p>"We used to have to check his mouth every night before lights out because he had a habit of hiding scraps of metal under his tongue as lockpicks," a man with a thick Russian accent identified as Uncle Niko adds.</p><p>"He tried to tell us he needed them as food," Guduza grumbles in a low voice.</p><p>"Yeah we knew he was trying to pull a fast one but when we called his bluff he didn't want to miss out on collecting any scraps so he ate the whole plate."</p><p>"And he didn't get sick?" Roxanne asks surprised.</p><p>"His gizzard is made of some tough stuff." Mitch shrugs. Roxanne twist around to look at her husband, "You're just full of surprises aren't you?" she says warmly.</p><p>"Hey less about Blue more about the honeymoon!"</p><p>"Lady Adelaide said Roxanne shouldn't kiss and tell," Minion tells the room primly.</p><p>"That's why we were asking Blue,"</p><p>"It was lovely, its none of your business and," Roxanne twists to look at Wayne, "If you cry when you get the bill I want the Charger keys for a week."</p><p>Wayne pulls out his phone and taps at it, then frowns, "Eh," he shrugs, "Not as much as my third wedding,"</p><p>Roxanne and Megamind give him furious looks.</p><p>"We should have brought a bigger speedboat," she mutters.</p><p>"We should have brought you more jewellery," He retorts.</p><p>"Jewellery?" A slight older man who Minion helpfully identifies as Uncle Stephan asks sitting up from where he was lounging against the side of a bench.</p><p>Roxanne gestures with her left hand at her ears and Stephan makes a moue of disgust, "Blue what is that thing?"</p><p>"Possibly cursed," Roxanne answers pleasantly, "I promised her sapphires," Megamind defends, "Which would already be in progress if someone," he glares at Wayne who smiles and bobs in the air, "Hadn't kidnapped us from the airport,"</p><p>"Annoying isn't it?" Roxanne asks brightly and the room laughs.</p><p>"So what's this we hear about a good behavior bond?" One of the younger looking people asks, flipping the buttons on his sleeve in and out over and over,  "Does this mean you have to apply for an official visit?"</p><p>"Haunt Seb!" Megamind groans.</p><p>"He's letting me retire," Wayne grins, "A pardon was the least I could do,"</p><p>"Speaking of," Roxanne twists and looks at the floating former hero, "Did you scrub my record too?"</p><p>You could have heard a pin drop.</p><p>"What did you do?" Megamind demands delightedly. Roxanne crosses her arms and huffs, "Well?"</p><p>"No?" Wayne answers, "Should I have?"</p><p>"Yes! Having a charge for assaulting a police officer is something I have to declare every time I need a press pass!"</p><p>You couldn't have heard a pin drop because of the politely impressed golf clap coming from all the jump-suited prisoners on the screen. </p><p>Roxanne rolls her eyes, "In my defense he was hitting on my seventeen year old friend and I didn't know he was a cop at the time"</p><p>"Gods below I married a criminal!" Megamind exclaims.</p><p>Roxanne looks outraged, "You marr- you're a supervillain!"</p><p>"But you married me anyway" Megamind grins smugly.</p><p>Roxanne narrows her eyes and turns back to the screen where the crowd in the prison were watching avidly, "Who has the best baby story for me?"</p><p>Two dozen hands shoot up.</p><p>"Nope." Megamind announces and stands up with Roxanne in his arms, "I hear music, we're dancing"</p><p>"Put me down!" Roxanne kicks and tries to wriggle down, "I need those stories!"</p><p>"Absolutely not!" Megamind grips her tighter and heads for the door, "Say goodbye to the wicked criminals darling wife," Wayne and Minion are suppressing their grins, badly. </p><p>Megamind and Minion's uncles are not.</p><p>"This is oppression of the freedom of the press! How dare you!" Roxanne is still trying to get down and stay in the room, she manages to get one arm free and waves at the screen, "Bye! I look forward to getting all his embarrassing stories out of you!" </p><p>The Warden helpfully holds the door open as Megamind carries her out.</p><p>"Married to a criminal," Megamind tutts as he strides around the corner and sets her down, "Who would have thought I'd fall so far?" They can still hear Minion telling his uncle's about the wedding and Roxanne's dress.</p><p>Roxanne clunks her forehead against his, "You can't talk!"</p><p>"Of course I can! I know six languages remember?"</p><p>His wife bites her lip and giggles, "Do we have to go back to the party?" she asks regretfully.</p><p>"I thought," he sighs and leans into her, he would desperately love to be very far away from almost everyone else just for a minute, "I thought we had to sell the old married couple thing?" </p><p>"I know but," She winds her arms around his shoulders and presses her face into his shoulder, "I really don't want to have to face any of my coworkers in there right now."</p><p>"It is very strange having the people I've robbed wanting to shake my hand," Megamind agrees, stroking one hand down her back. Whatever she needs, he promises himself firmly. Staying at the party is a wonderful terrible excuse to keep kissing her but she's the one who has to face those people every day and he's not selfish enough to demand that they stay just because he's greedy for the taste of her. </p><p>"I guess it would be pretty ordinary old couple to pike early and go home to watch Netflix on the couch?" she suggests hopefully.</p><p>"I can find out where Minion parked the car and drop you at your apartment?" He offers. Knowing his wife, she's probably desperately ready for some alone time to recharge her social batteries.</p><p>Roxanne sighs and presses her nose into the collar of his suit, "Sounds amazing," She probably has no food but there's coffee at her apartment, they could curl up on the couch and watch another Ghibli movie? He hasn't seen The Cat Returns yet.</p><p>"You guys aren't leaving are you?" Wayne floats around the corner "We set the second guesthouse up for you so you didn't have to drive home," He has a bunch of roses dwarfed in one fist, "Also we have a bouquet for you to throw."</p><p>Roxanne bites down on the top of her husband's collar so she doesn't start yelling because of course Wayne would just do that. She is emotionally wrecked and really goddamn tired, also these shoes are starting to pinch.</p><p>"Good," she glares up at the former superhero, "You can make our excuses," She pulls a chilled bottle of champagne from a nearby tray to gesture towards the doors to their left, "Through there right?"</p><p>"Yeah? Past the rose arbor? The cream one."</p><p>"Great." Roxanne wraps her arm around Megamind's and starts pulling him towards the door, "Bye."</p><p>"Are you sure you don't want to throw the bouquet first?" </p><p>Roxanne stops and storms back to rip a couple of the heavy red blooms from the bunch then return to drag Megamind through the double doors.</p><p>"Is that a no on the garter as well?" Wayne calls as the door slams shut behind them.</p><hr/><p>"Do you know where we're going?" Megamind asks as she leads him over the tiled courtyard and out into the jasmine scented evening, the sky black and full of stars above them.</p><p>"Yep," Roxanne kicks off her shoes and grabs his hand, "Follow me."</p><p>The second guesthouse is the furthest from the Mansion proper. Its a small self-contained holiday home with two bedrooms and a full kitchen plus a sheltered dining area under a pergola. Its a lovely little place done up French Provincial style and has a coffee machine that Roxanne has managed to use successfully on at least one occasion.</p><p>Megamind lifts the bottle from the crook of her arm so she can swing her shoes and the flowers from one hand and clutch his fingers with the other. Its a well known picture they're making, tired couple heading home after a night out. For the first time in hours its blessedly silent during the long walk over manicured lawns and past four greenhouses, a rose bower and a small artificial lake to reach their accommodation for the night. </p><p>Roxanne shoves the door open, drops her shoes beside the kitchen bench and buries her face in Megamind's shoulder "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" She hisses. Her husbands arms come around her and rub slowly up and down her back as he sets the champagne beside them. "An apt summary" he responds dryly.</p><p>She lifts her head and stares at him, he stares back. The distant sounds of the party filtering down through the warm night air. Roxanne purses her lips as Megamind's mouth starts to twitch.</p><p>"This is the most utterly ridiculous-"</p><p>"Completely overblown-"</p><p>"Absurdly incoherent-"</p><p>"Impossibly disastrous-"</p><p>"Fucking Wayne!" they chorus and then they're crying with laughter on the kitchen floor.</p><p>"How has he done this to us again!" Roxanne gasps.</p><p>"I don't know!" Megamind wheezes, "I really, really do not know."</p><p>They giggle at one another hysterically across the pale tiles. Roxanne can feel her mascara smearing as she cry laughs so hard her stomach hurts. Megamind has his hand over his mouth, biting down on his fingers until they have to stop before they asphyxiate. </p><p>"God what the fuck is up with the city?" Roxanne sniggers as she pulls herself to sit upright. </p><p>"You're asking me?" He snorts. The bottle of champagne is sitting on the bench above him and Roxanne makes grabby hands at it. Megamind reaches up and passes it to her, knocking the flowers to the floor as he does, "What's with the roses?"</p><p>"Oh," Roxanne blinks as she tears away the foil and wire wrapped around the cork, "Uh...snack?"</p><p>Megamind tears a bite out of one rose with his teeth, "Sweeter," he says thoughtfully after swallowing, he bats the other half at Roxanne's cheek teasingly until she turns her head and snaps down on the petals, "That is-" she stops and presses her tongue on the red between her lips, tearing them away from the bud, "Huh, you're right."</p><p>Megamind grins and teases her with the rose again until she bites another petal, "It's like baiting a Venus flytrap," he reminisces fondly as Roxanne works the cork out of the bottle slowly. </p><p>"I did warn you..." she singsongs.</p><p>"Oh I know. Why do you think we had to start setting the chair in the middle of the floor?" He finishes off the rose as Roxanne eases the cork out with a soft hiss.</p><p>"Someone should tell Metro Moron his champagne's flat," Megamind slides back to sit opposite her, elbows propped up on his knees as he faces her across the galley kitchen.</p><p>"It's not flat, this is how you're supposed to open champagne," Roxanne looks up at the glass rack hanging far far above them and decides that is a stretch too far. She takes a swig and offers the bottle to Megamind, "Want some?"</p><p>He takes it and a thin trickle of bubbles runs down the side of his mouth as he drinks.</p><p>"I can't believe Wayne sprung this on you," Roxanne says, watching a drop of champagne slip down his jaw and investigate the long line of his throat.</p><p>But Megamind is staring at the Ace of Spades logo on the bottle of champagne, "Aces!" He groans covering his face with his free hand.</p><p>"Aces?"</p><p>"Your Metron of Honour said something about retiring and not being able to kidnap my wife while you were getting your dress. I was holding a pair of aces at the time"</p><p>Roxanne stared, "And you said yes?"</p><p>"I wasn't really thinking, I could barely remember my own name at that point," he waves his hands helplessly, "I didn't even remember anything about it all until just now!"</p><p>"You forgot!" How could he just forget something like that?</p><p>"Apparently!"</p><p>"You. Forgot."</p><p>"It happens!"</p><p>"Does it?"</p><p>"Sometimes!...rarely...okay this is maybe the third time but in my defence we had a lot of other things going on at the time."</p><p>"Like what?!"</p><p>He holds up his left hand and gestures frantically at hers, "Oh I don't know, how about marrying you!"</p><p>"Ah." Okay that's pretty reasonable, Roxanne has a few gaps of her own in the whole wedding prep process, she can't really hold that against him. Megamind was still gesticulating wildly, "Besides! I didn't think he was serious!"</p><p>"He'd just kidnapped us to Vegas and arranged our whole wedding!"</p><p>"Exactly! It was Vegas!"</p><p>Roxanne slumped back, "And Wayne evidently doesn't respect Vegas rules for anybody else,"</p><p>"As we now know," He taps his fingers over the bottle and meets her eyes, "Do you think anyone believed us?" he asks nervously.</p><p>"I know I want to get drunk," Roxanne sighs, reaching over the outstretched vee of her legs to take the bottle back. Whether anyone believed them is frankly secondary right now to the little problem of Roxanne's feelings and Roxanne's stupid heart and suddenly discovering you're very inconveniently in love with a supervillain who happens to be your husband. A husband who has yet to give any indication he might be interested in exploring the possibility of maybe considering some kind of eventual non kidnapping based relationship and she can't even rely on his contrary nature to tell the city "Mine! Back off! No takebacks!" because they apparently have the blessing of the entire state capital.</p><p>That last part is just weird.</p><p>"It's going to take more than that," Megamind swipes his thumb over his lip and sucks it clean.</p><p>"I know," Roxanne slouches further down until she's half lying on the floor, this makes it a lot harder to drink from the bottle so she sits up again and crawls into the space between Megamind's legs to sit with her back pressed against his front.</p><p>"Um..." She's very welcome but there's no one here for them to be fooling, she knows that right? A bottle is shoved under his nose, "Less talking more champagne,"</p><p>"You're going to get hooked on my tie again," he warns, taking a drink. Roxanne, who had been hoping for a hug, shuffles around to sit beside him again instead.</p><p>They stay there a while, passing champagne back and forth until the bottle is empty and everything is still a mess, though now with the added benefit of bubbles.</p><p>"So," Roxanne is eyeing him with an unreadable expression, "No more supervillainy huh?"</p><p>"Oh its not that easy," Megamind sighs tiredly, "Its cute that they tried but no one up and quits like that. With a month of planning and calling in several favours and a distinct possibility of faking my death I might have managed it." He stretches and looks at her across the kitchen, "Now, even with whoever the new hero is, there will be any number of small time villains looking to make a name for themselves by taking me out."</p><p>"Even with a pardon?" Roxanne bites her lip worriedly. She had wondered, just for a second...if he wouldn't...he might like to...if they could...</p><p>"Especially with a pardon," he shrugs, his wife still looks concerned. "Really Roxanne don't worry," he gives her his best Supervillain grin, "I am very very good at being very very bad. They won't be able to lay a finger on me."</p><p>"I hope so," she still doesn't look convinced, "If I'm wearing black its going to be for something fun, not your funeral."</p><p>That's oddly touching. If a little morbid.</p><p>"Well then you should promise me when the time comes you'll wear the brightest dress you can," he teases.</p><p>Roxanne looks down, "Please don't joke about that."</p><p>"Why not?" he nudges her until she looks up and he winks, "How else are you going to blend in when it turns out I've faked my death and kidnapped you to a tropical island to share my retirement on my own private beach?"</p><p>Roxanne gives him a look that says you're not as funny as you think you are, but she laughs anyway, "Oh well in that case..." She goes to take another swig but the bottle is empty, "Damn."</p><p>"Want me to go get more?"</p><p>"Nah," she tips her head back to stare at the ceiling. Still firmly shelving her realization from earlier into a box labelled Future Roxanne's Problems, "I just need to not think for a while,"</p><p>"How can I help?" He asks gently.</p><p>Roxanne bites her lip because she knows her preferred method of brain shut off but its too goddamn weird with half the city still carrying on at their reception. There is something though...</p><p>"Want to go jump in the pool?"</p><p>"Isn't that in full view of the party?"</p><p>"Not the big one," Roxanne jerks her head, "There's a smaller one between here and the first guesthouse."</p><p>"Of course there is," Megamind sighs and starts removing his shoes, "I assume you have swimwear?" This is actually a great idea. He is not prepared to think about anything else right now but Roxanne in a bikini is an idea he can definitely get behind.</p><p>Or in front of.</p><p>Or on top of or underneath or from any angle he's not fussed really.</p><p>"Nope," Roxanne is pulling off her jewellery and tugging the jeweled clip from her hair. She leaves the ring on and heads for the back door, "Come on."</p><p>"I am not skinny dipping anywhere we can be found by anyone else here tonight."</p><p>Roxanne stumbles, "Who said anything about that? I'm fulfilling a lifelong dream of jumping into a pool in a ballgown" she grins and wriggles her fingers at him invitingly, "Come on, let's go be stupid rich kids"</p><p>Megamind eyes her for a moment them strips off his jacket, tie and waistcoat and takes her hand, "Fine, lead on Macduff"</p><p>Roxanne leads them to a pool that is about a third of the size of an Olympic swimming pool and eyes the lapping water thoughtfully. The stars above them are reflected in the surface below.</p><p>"Well?" Megamind raises an eyebrow and grins, Roxanne grins back and grips his hand, "On three?"</p><p>"One..."</p><p>"Two..."</p><p>They make a running start and jump together "Three!" </p><p>They land with a splash that sends water rushing over the concrete side of the pool. Drifting downwards until they reach the bottom and Roxanne presses her lips together because laughing under water is a spectacularly bad idea. Megamind on the other hand, doesn't seem to have that issue. Her husband releases her hand and zips around her, kicking off the sides and bottom of the pool until he almost makes a one person whirlpool around her.</p><p>Roxanne swims up for a breath of air and dives again, she wasn't kidding when she said he was built like a swimmer and she now has a firsthand view to back her up. He moves like the water is part of him, flashing almost too quickly for her to see.</p><p>Megamind looks greedily on his wife's form in the water, the slit in her dress freeing her legs to kick and her hair, waving in the water or plastered slick to her skull whether she is above or below.</p><p>She is beautiful, she is always beautiful but in water and moonlight she is radiant beyond compare. And he wants to kiss her, needs to kiss her, has to kiss her. He spirals around her, the glittering threads in her dress catching at the moonlight as she kicks her way to the surface. She gasps as she breaks the surface and her mouth is immediately met and seduced by coaxing lips and tongue and a breathless murmur of her name.</p><p>Megamind clutches the edge of the pool in one hand and holds Roxanne with the other. She wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, the heavy skirt of her dress falling into the water behind her like a fanning tail as she kisses him back.</p><p>His mouth slips from hers to trail slowly down her jaw to her throat. Roxanne arches against him, fingers tugging at the buttons of his shirt to spread his collar wider and slip her hands over the silken texture of his skin. She catches the tip of his ear with her teeth as his head bows over her neck and he jerks up to kiss her again. </p><p>"Looks like you two have the mouth-to-mouth covered" comes an amused voice from above them. They both gasp and Megamind kicks them away from the side of the pool. Roxanne catches a mouthful of water and starts coughing and Megamind yelps as his foot gets tangled in her skirt.</p><p>"Oh shit, sorry guys" Large hands reach down and pluck both of them out of the water, setting them dripping on the pavers beside the pool. Furious green and riotous blue glare up at their rescuer. A put upon sigh announces Minion behind them.</p><p>"How long have you been there?" Roxanne demands as Megamind jerks his shirt closed</p><p>"Only a second," Wayne hovers embarrassed, "I heard the splash and figured I should probably check it wasn't any of the drunk guests,"</p><p>"Well as you can see we are perfectly fine aside from your importune interruption!" Megamind snaps, resisting the urge to shove Roxanne behind him.</p><p>Minion clumps up beside them, "I told him you'd be fine," he grins and starts shooing Wayne back towards the bright lights of the Scott Mansion. "I'll be taking Mister Scott back to the party now Sir, Ma'am, but your bags have already been taken to the guesthouse."</p><p>"Thank you Minion,"</p><p>"Thanks Minion"</p><p>"Bye guys! Sorry!"</p><p>"Oh go stab out your eardrums" Roxanne yells</p><p>"I don't have eardrums!" Wayne calls happily as they start squelching back towards the guesthouse.</p><p>"Then stick your head in a blender!"</p><p>Roxanne wrings half a pool's worth of water out of her skirt on the patio. She looks at Megamind who flushes when he meets her eyes. "I'm going to have a shower," she says finally when the silence drags on too long.</p><p>"Good idea," he mumbles, tugging his wet shirt away from his skin. Roxanne pauses at the doorway, "Want to join me?"</p><p>Megamind's head snaps up, "I ah- I think that's- I probably-" A shower? With Roxanne? Naked in a shower with Roxanne? Naked in a shower with an also naked Roxanne? He can feel his brain liquefying at the thought.</p><p>"N-no" he he stutters finally.  Not with Mister-I-can-hear-everything-in-a-twelve-kilometre-radius practically next door, "Thank you? But no." Tonight has already been too many people and getting caught like that without even noticing Minion approaching means he's feeling a little overwhelmed and under prepared right now no matter how much the idea drags at him. "I shouldn't have- we shouldn't...not here."</p><p>Not here. He's right of course. This isn't Vegas anymore. Whatever happens here is much more real. "Of course." Roxanne shuts the door behind her without another word.</p><p>Roxanne gets out of the shower and blinks at the long black nightgown and robe someone, hopefully Minion, she doesn't think she could handle anyone else in Metro City knowing about her personal shopping spree right now, has laid out for her. Megamind darts into the bathroom before the door even finishes swinging shut and she hears it lock behind her.</p><p>Okay then. She pulls on the gown and robe and makes herself a cup of tea for something to keep her hands busy while she waits letting her hair dry into a spiky mess without a comb or dryer handy.</p><p>She looks up when the door opens again and Megamind stands there in a heavy black dressing gown, velvet rubbed bare at the sleeves, obviously something Minion has brought over from home. He shifts uncomfortably under her gaze,  "There are," he hesitates, searching for the words, "...things...we should discuss."</p><p>"Things?" Roxanne asks, her single sip of tea congealing into a heavy dark pit in her stomach.</p><p>"About tomorrow...going forward." He's going to need to make sure any other villains are aware she is off limits while he re-establishes his credentials as a supervillain. Its a good thing he's already promised her a murder, she might need the protection. But she's a reporter she can't just go dark for a month, the damage to her career would be monstrous...</p><p>"Okay..." Roxanne draws the word out uncertainly. He gives her a look of such helpless longing for a moment she almost hopes...</p><p>"I promise this wont hang over you for long," he says in a rush, "I'll make sure your career doesn't suffer. It might take a few weeks to finalise but things will-" he tucks his hands around his elbows, hiding under his sleeves, "I won't let it be your problem to fix."</p><p>"Are you talking about the plan?" she asks uncertainly. </p><p>"Are you?"</p><p>"Aren't you? I thought we were in this together?"</p><p>"Of course we are!" Megamind hunches down into the high collar of his robe, "But the city knows which means everybody knows and that's going to mean more questions and we need to revisit the plan-"</p><p>"Does it have to be tonight?" Roxanne asks suddenly. Please not tonight. Please let her have one more night to pretend they're still on their honeymoon and she hasn't fucked this up by falling in love with her husband of all people.  That being married isn't a disaster of monumental proportions because the city knows and she is going to have to tapdance very fast to protect them both from the Defender's Council reactions. Oh god, she's going to have to find this new hero and explain that yes he's her husband, yes it was Vegas, no they're not allowed to rough him up or hurt him. In fact let's make sure at least an hour is the minimum between the call out threats and her eventual rescue because dammit she's not ready to let go of him yet.</p><p>"Of course" Megamind jerks his head in a nod, "Yes, you're right, you're tired I'm tired we should- morning yes."<br/>  <br/>Roxanne slumps a little in relief, "Okay," she sighs and looks expectantly at her husband.</p><p>"Let me know which bedroom you prefer." He mumbles, not meeting her eyes.</p><p>"Why?" she asks, as if it isn't obvious.</p><p>"I'll take the other one."</p><p>Roxanne squeezes her hands together around her mug, tea gone cold. "That one," she jerks her head randomly in the direction of the room on the right. Megamind nods and disappears into the identical room on the left. </p><p>Roxanne sighs and puts her mug in the sink. Then she drags herself to bed and stares at the ceiling.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Roxanne and Megamind's wedding cake is not as cool as my wedding cake topper which was Lego and had a raptor with flames.</p><p>Roxanne is a Jet fan because I am enjoying a Jet renaissance</p><p>As always your comments and feedback give me life!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Torture - Liz Longley</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Why does it feel like torture<br/>Not to have your skin on mine?<br/>How I lived before you loved me<br/>And now I'm dying all the time</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally got there! This chapter was torture just like the proverbial song, it just didn't want to behave until some things were shuffled around.</p><p>Have a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgvP51g-3l0</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two hours later Roxanne is still staring at the ceiling, unable to get comfortable let alone sleep. She curls her arms around herself and thinks over the last twelve hours. Megamind keeps calling it a disaster, she realizes, a catastrophe. He might not have minded a holiday on Wayne's black platinum card and he does find her at least somewhat attractive, but that doesn't mean he actually wants to be married to her. Which is a problem because Roxanne finally figured out she very much does want to be married to him. </p><p>Finally she sits up, knees drawn to her chest and clicks on the lamp to stare at the wall just for something different. Another hour after that she sighs and gets up. Outside is still dark, the barest edge of the sky painted the dull grey of predawn light. She opens the door and jumps to see Megamind doing the same thing across the hall.</p><p>Her husband leans against the doorframe in his dressing gown, looking as well rested as she feels, "Couldn't sleep," He mumbles.</p><p>"Me either," She confesses.</p><p>"Do you-" He yawns, "Want coffee?"</p><p>She's already going to need more of it to get through tomorrow, well today really, than is probably safe or legal so why not fuck her day up extra early? "I shouldn't,"</p><p>"Tea then?" He offers, "Is there anything I can get you?"</p><p>What she would really like is a hug. She shrugs and spreads her arms out. Megamind copies the gesture "Many tea?" He guesses.</p><p>"Yeah" she sighs, "Tea."</p><p>They stumble into the kitchen together. Roxanne fills the kettle while Megamind digs an array of teas out of the tea box. The coffee machine is user friendly enough even in their bleary eyed state Roxanne can hit a button and receive something overly caffeinated and extremely sweet.</p><p>They wind up on the patio, cool in the predawn air. Roxanne sits on the edge sunbed, a ridiculous circular thing larger than her bed. She clutches her tea in both hands, staring at the ornamental rock garden beyond the grass. She inhales the scent of green tea then sighs, "So this is fucked."</p><p>"Understatement of the year," Megamind snorts. He's still standing beside the sunbed, swaying slightly with fatigue but makes no move to join her. Roxanne pats the cushion beside her, "Sit down before you fall down,"</p><p>She really wants him near. She still really wants a hug. They agreed hugs were okay right?</p><p>"I er-" he takes a step towards her and hesitates.</p><p>Roxanne flushes, she needs to stop expecting she can just throw herself into his space like they did in Vegas, "No sorry. You just look like you're asleep on your feet..." She hides her face in the steam of her mug, "Do whatever makes you comfortable," She mumbles.</p><p>"Oh um," He looks disconcerted, "I was more concerned about your comfort...now you know about ah..." Megamind gestures at himself with one long dismissive hand.<br/>Roxanne gives him a look that could be interpreted a thousand ways but mostly boils down to <em>Did you miss the part where I was pretty obviously undressing you in the pool and invited you to shower with me and you know what its fine I cannot think about this right now</em>. "If I didn't care before and I'm not going to freak out about that particular issue now." </p><p>She has plenty of other things to freak out about. Like the whole city knowing, or seeing half her coworkers at their surprise reception, or dealing with the fact that she likes him, really <em>really</em> likes him and they've already agreed to get divorced and he's been pardoned but that still doesn't actually fix anything and nope all of that is still a Future Roxanne problem because fuck Future Roxanne.</p><p>He looks startled and now its her turn to shift uncomfortably, "Why? Are they going to detach and start playing cards or something now I know?"</p><p>He glares at her but she can see the smile twitching at the corner of his mouth and knows he got the reference, "They do not detach," he says sternly.</p><p>"Well that would be an inconvenience," Roxanne allows and he laughs tiredly.</p><p>"I did think it was the kind of thing you probably need to mention to a life partner before you marry them."</p><p>"Well why didn't you?"</p><p>"When did I have the time?"</p><p>"We just had three days!"</p><p>He flushes and looks down, "I didn't want you to scream" He says quietly.</p><p>"So now he doesn't want me screaming" Roxanne rolls her eyes but he  moves forward and sits gingerly beside her, as though he's not certain he's allowed and raises an eyebrow at her as if to say <em>Well?</em></p><p>Roxanne wonders about the ethics of just throwing herself at her husband and begging him to make a city wide memory wipe. She toasts him with her mug instead and he lifts his in confused return. </p><p>Words Roxanne. Use your words.</p><p>"Look Megamind," She sighs, "There are ten million reasons why this," She waves towards the city lights in the distance, "Is going to be a fucking nightmare to deal with. But you-" She prods one finger into his shoulder, "And whatever other surprises you're hiding are not one of them."</p><p>His eyes go a little soft at that and he covers her hand against worn velvet, pressing it to his chest, "What do you need from me?" He asks gently.</p><p>"Please just," her shoulders drop and she looks at their hands, pressed over black, pink and freckled and long and blue, "Can I have a hug?"</p><p>He wraps her in his arms and she sighs bonelessly against him, "We'll manage," he murmurs into her hair, "There's always Greenland?"</p><p>Roxanne closes her eyes and leans in, breathing in his scent before sitting back regretfully, "Yeah I know...just..." She lifts one hand and scrubs her eyes, "Oh my god I'm so <em>tired</em>,"</p><p>"Go to sleep," Megamind suggests. "Tried that," she snorts and knocks into his shoulder, the motion sending green tea sloshing onto the patio. He grabs her arm and hauls them further onto the sunbed, "Hey! A little warni-gndmblner mind" she trails off as his fingers stroke through her hair.</p><p>Megamind rescues the mug as it nearly tips from her other hand and rests it on the deck beside them.  He keeps his fingers trailing over her hair and looks down at his wife. She looks exhausted. Clearly sleep is as kind a mistress to her as it has been to him this evening. She curls further into his chest and he sighs, he should try to get her to bed. But he feels as weak as an overcooked noodle and doesn't trust himself not to drop her if he tries to carry her.</p><p>He's also not sure he could let her go if he takes her in his arms again.</p><p>Its cold in the early morning air. She's only in her nightgown and he can see goosebumps rising on her skin. He pulls his robe off and spreads it over her, sitting on the edge of the sunbed so he doesn't overbalance and land on top of her as he tucks her feet up onto the cushions. Roxanne doesn't move as the heavy worn velvet is draped over her, but she does let out a deep sigh.</p><p>Megamind blinks slowly. His eyes feel like they're full of gravel. He'll just sit here for a minute, let the coffee kick in and then maybe he can wake up further in the shower...</p><p>He'll just...lean against a cushion...</p><p>Roxanne curls up and presses her face into soft velvet. That's strange...she doesn't own a velvet blanket...smells nice though...where is her pillow? She shifts in her sleep and curls around the cool side of her pillow, pulling it under her blanket and slipping further into sleep.</p><hr/><p>Roxanne wakes up curled on top of blue skin, feeling somewhere closer to rested. She frowns a little at the cool morning air. This isn't their bed...why did they fall asleep on the balcony? Surely the fountain show should have woken them?</p><p>God she hopes checkout isn't until late, she feels like she could sleep all day. </p><p>She lifts her head a little and there's Megamind, head at an awkward angle, still asleep and looking incredibly tired. She presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth to soothe away the drawn lines. He makes a soft startled sound in response and shifts to kiss her back.</p><p>This is a terrible idea. They're flying out this morning. If she gets used to kissing him like this she's going to be an absolute disaster next time he kidnaps her.</p><p>Why does that thought make her feel sick?</p><p>Roxanne doesn't want to think about that. She wants one really good last kiss to take home with her. So she slides up his body and straddles his thigh, cupping the smooth curve of his head in her hands as she traces the seam of his lips with her tongue and his mouth opens to hers. She kisses him lingeringly, tasting his lips, sliding her tongue against his. Long blue hands rest on her hips, stroking gently over silk until she finishes with one final slow kiss and snuggles down to curl up on his shoulder again.</p><p>Megamind doesn't trust this dream not to morph into some kind of nightmare if he opens his eyes. Real life could never be so sweet. He is warm and tired and when she nestles into his chest he slips back into sleep. </p><hr/><p>Its not until the sun is well and truly up that they wake again. Roxanne's ankles crack as she shifts her feet and she squints at the bright sunlight. Are they still in Vegas? She had the strangest dream...</p><p>Megamind stirs. Warm? Outside? Why outside? Did he fall asleep on the roof again? He has to stop doing that. The Roof Murder always get so smug when he does, it makes the rest of the swarm twitchy when they think he's playing favourites.</p><p>Except no. The scent in the air is a garden, not one he's particularly familiar with but its definitely the lake he can smell in the distance. And there is a weight on his chest that feels like safe rather than threat and there is soft hair tickling his chest and...</p><p>Roxanne blinks and looks up, startled green eyes meet hers, "Um..."</p><p>"Hi?" Megamind responds uncertainly.</p><p>"We're not in Vegas anymore are we?"</p><p>Megamind winces, "No"</p><p>"Then why are we..."</p><p>"I don't...you fell asleep. I was going to get coffee and..."</p><p>Roxanne frowns, "Then why are you here?"</p><p>Dammit he'd meant to move he'd just been so tired and "Ah...you're on top of me?"</p><p>Roxanne looks down, that's her arm around his waist, her knee hooked over his leg, her cheek on his shoulder. Its also his arm around her back holding her there which drops immediately. She jerks up and scrambles back, taking the dressing gown with her "Sorry!"</p><p>Megamind pulls back as well, "No its my fault! I'm sorry" he crosses his arm over his chest, "Uh," he eyes his robe for a moment, obviously uncomfortable about being half dressed in the open air.</p><p>"Right," Roxanne shoves it back at him.</p><p>"No you're cold," He tries to push it back at her.</p><p>"I'll be fine,"</p><p>"I insist,"</p><p>"Oh for-" Roxanne leans over and pulls up a knitted afghan and throws it over both of them. "Its too early for this,"</p><p>Megamind pulls the robe over his shoulders, feeling a little more capable once his chest is no longer in view, he leans up against the back of the sunbed and drapes the blanket over his wife's (still his wife!) shoulders</p><p>"Come here...no I...oh fuck it," Roxanne tucks them both under and leans against the back of the sunbed beside him. </p><p>"This is plenty" he tries to object, pulling up the collar of his dressing down.</p><p>"If I woke up cold you're still going to be cold."  The afghan is on the small side, they need to huddle close to both fit under it.</p><p>"Yes dear," Megamind gives up and curls up under the blanket, he reaches around with one arm and tucks the blanket better around Roxanne's side. She sighs and snuggles in closer, resting her head on his shoulder again. Megamind's hand is stuck between flailing or giving up and resting on her waist. He settles on not flailing and wraps his arm over her shoulders as a less dangerous option.</p><p>Its a very warm afghan, and the sun is no longer directly in their faces and really who can blame them for trying for five more minutes...</p><hr/><p>"Man were you guys out here all night?"</p><p>Oh look who it is. Everybody's favourite multi-divorcee.</p><p>"Not all night," Roxanne opens her eyes and glares, Megamind can glare perfectly well without opening his, its a gift.  "We were just talking"</p><p>Wayne gives them a Look, "Talking."</p><p>"A conversational interlude between two or more parties," Megamind groans, "Like banter but the parties are preferably better matched,"</p><p>The implied insult flies right over Wayne's head and he gives them a mock stern look, "Right. You know I didn't hear much in the way of talking,"</p><p>"Were you listening to us!" His wife shrieks and <em>ow</em> that was right next to his ear. He rubs it and she shoots him an apologetic look, "Sorry,"</p><p>"Not intentionally!" Wayne defends, looking more scared of her than he ever did of any of Megamind's insane plans. "No more than anything else! I just tried to make it all background noise!"</p><p>Megamind groans and gets up, he really doesn't want to be having this discussion half dressed and Roxanne is evidently on the warpath because she leaps up as well. "Well you know what?" She snaps, "Maybe we were trying to show some concern about your delicate sensibilities!" </p><p>"Sorry guys, you really didn't have to-"</p><p>"But you still showed up at the crack of dawn anyway!"</p><p>"Its like eleven guys"</p><p>"Point stands!" Roxanne grabs her husband's hand, "So now we're gonna go have really loud sex!" </p><p>Megamind's head whips around, "We are?"</p><p>She squeezes his hand and he has no idea if that's meant to mean yes or no.</p><p>"I just wanted to see if you guys wanted to have brunch with us?" Wayne hovers awkwardly, inching his way away from Roxanne's furious gaze.</p><p>"Honeymoon. Wayne." Roxanne growls, and okay Megamind might be on board with this plan after all that is <em>very</em> attractive, "Extremely loud, screaming, moaning, multiple orgasm sex." She enunciates clearly.</p><p>The former hero already has his hands over his ears, fleeing up the path, "Okay okay I'm going!"</p><p>"Good! Get out of here!"</p><p>"Its still my house," The distant call drifts back.</p><p>"I don't care!"</p><p>Roxanne marches inside, dragging Megamind by the wrist, spinning and pinning him to the counter, he gets half a second to admire her flushed and furious before she grabs his face and kisses him like she wants to brand herself onto his skin.</p><p>Megamind groans and pulls her against him. She slides her hands down his chest and tugs at the tie of his robe, pushing it open to run her hands over his chest</p><p>"Sorry, we might have to make it look convincing for a minute," she murmurs as she licks a stripe up his neck in a path that sends a shock of pleasure straight through his body.</p><p>Megamind is feeling very convinced already, he slides his hand up her side and his thumb brushes against the curve of her breast, Roxanne moans and decorates his neck with small kisses with just a hint of bite.</p><p><em>Make it look convincing</em> she said, "We don't ha-aa-aah-ave" Her teeth sink in a little harder, "To do this if you don't -hng- want to," He groans, sliding his hands up into her hair so he can greet that favourite place between her ear and her jaw.</p><p>"Do you want to stop?" She's still pinning him to the bench but her hands still and she pulls back a little.</p><p>"Gods no," He whispers and kisses her again. Roxanne makes a noise that is probably illegal and rockets straight up to the third best thing he's ever heard in his life as he strokes his hands over her hips to grip her tightly.</p><p>They're not home yet, he rationalizes to himself. Not home until they're back in their respective houses. This is just...a continuation of the honeymoon. A continuation of everything they've been building towards for the last however long. Its her hands on his skin and his lips on her mouth and the burning aching desire to pretend for another minute, another second, that this is real.</p><p>He spins them and lifts her onto the bench, the slit of her gown falls open over her leg and he's able to trail his fingertips along the smooth flesh of her thigh as she hoods her ankles together behind him.</p><p>Roxanne shivers and tugs his lower lip between her teeth, "Tell me what you want" she breathes.</p><p>"I want-" he gasps, dizzy with the warmth of her hands on his neck, "Gods help me I want all of you,"</p><p>"Okay," she says simply and goes to kiss him again when her eyes skate off to the side and her expression goes flat, "Is that a camera?" she asks dangerously.</p><p>"Oh hey Roxaroonie" Hal's pasty face pops through the door, "Just getting some candid shots you know!"</p><p>
  <em>"WHAT?!"</em>
</p><p>Megamind flinches and ducks as an entire bowl of fruit goes flying to nail the unwelcome guest in the face, the ceramic bowl smashing against the lens of the camera. He pulls his robe off to wrap around Roxanne's shoulders, she shoots him a grateful look and jumps down to stand in front of him, blocking his skin from view.</p><p>"Ow! Hey!" Hal knocks the stalk end of a banana out of his nose and a blueberry out of his ear.</p><p>"Wayne!" Roxanne roars and suddenly the room is crowded with their oversized Metron of Honour, looking between them and Hal in some confusion.</p><p>"We're joining you for breakfast after all." She announces in a clipped tone, "As soon as <em>he</em> is gone" She glares furiously at Hal as Megamind takes her hand, trying to convey she didn't need to defend him, there was a knifeblock within easy reach.</p><p>"What?" Hal's face is a comical mask of false shock, "But Roxie and I are buds!" He clutches his broken camera to his chest, "I'm sure the only reason she didn't tell you to bring me was because she totally knew we'd get too distracted partying...for her to get married," he finishes with a sour twist to his mouth.</p><p>Matching growls were coming from the newlyweds. Wayne looks at them nervously then planted one massive hand on Hal's shoulder, pushing him out the door and back towards the house, "Hey you like breakfast burritos right?" </p><p>"Yeah but-"</p><p>"Buddy," Metro Man's disappointed voice echoes back to the guesthouse, "Its their honeymoon, come on."</p><hr/><p>Roxanne's nails are digging into his hand and she takes a deep breath before she looks at Megamind, "Thank you," she sighs, dropping her shoulders.</p><p>"For what?" The unexpected interruption has more than killed the mood. Its given it last rights, lowered the casket and left graveside flowers each anniversary.</p><p>"For stopping me killing him," she mutters, squeezing his hand.</p><p>"Yes, stopping you killing him," Megamind repeats in a tone that reveals he had no intention of doing so. She huffs a small laugh and looks at him under her lashes, "Hey um..." she trails off awkwardly and Megamind waits as she chews her lip, looking nervous.</p><p>"So that's a yes on brunch?" Wayne's head is back in the doorway, making both of them jump.</p><p>"Will you fuck off!" Megamind growls and Metro Man flees again calling, "I'm just gonna tell them that's a yes!"</p><p>"I'm going to get dressed," Roxanne heads for the bedrooms, dragging Megamind with her, "You can zip me up."</p><p>"Okay," He knows better than to argue with that look on her face.</p><p>She marches them into her room, slams the door behind them and throws herself onto the bed to scream into a pillow for a moment "Augggghhhhhhh!"</p><p>Megamind hesitates for a moment, "Are you okay?"</p><p>Roxanne presses harder into the pillow, "No" she whines, "I'm changing my career goals, I'm going to become a pillow and never leave this bed again,"</p><p>"And have Metro Moron show up every ten seconds?"</p><p>"Good point," she sighs, "I'm going to become a pillow and never leave my <em>own</em> bed again,"</p><p>"What happened to the Pulitzer?"</p><p>"I will be the first soft furnishing to win the most prestigious journalism award in history," She muffles then sighs and sits up,  "More importantly," She scrubs her hands over her face and looks up at him, "How do we get you out of this?"</p><p>"Me?" Megamind blinks, "What's to get out of? We'll confirm the new hero, finalize the divorce and I'll be back to kidnapping you within a month." If he doesn't want her at risk from any other interloper trying to make a name for themselves he's going to need to re-establish himself as the major supervillain in town as quickly as possible. His own safety is frankly a secondary consideration to that.</p><p>"Gonna be that easy for you, huh,"</p><p>"Simple yes, easy no," He sits at the end of the bed and Roxanne remembers she's still wearing his dressing gown. She lets it slide off her shoulders and looks at him, "So talk me through it,"</p><p>"After breakfast," he sighs, accepting the soft fabric, "No point going though it now, neither of us will remember without enough caffeine,"</p><p>Roxanne snorts, "Yeah fair enough." She kicks a pillow onto the floor in a fit of pique, "Do you want first shower?"</p><p>He waves her towards the conjoined bathroom and slumps down to sprawl on top of the sheets, "I am becoming a blanket," he announces, closing his eyes.</p><p>Roxanne strokes her hand over the curve of his head as she climbs off the side of the bed, "You're going to mess up your sleeping pattern,"</p><p>"This whole planet messes up my sleeping pattern," he grumbles, pressing up into her fingers with a whirring purr.</p><p>The door to the bathroom shuts behind her and Megamind hears the fan kick on. He presses his head into the bed and tries not to breathe in her scent. Its more than touch starvation at this point, he doesn't even know how to go back to not seeing her every day without going insane. His hand curls into a fist and he digs it between the bed and his chest until the ring Roxanne chose for him is pressed against his heart. He doesn't have a choice but...how is he meant to let her go? </p><hr/><p>Roxanne stands under the shower and tries not to think too hard about staying married to a supervillain and how it affects her job prospects. </p><p>Being on camera is handy for being recognized but its not precisely her true calling. She wants her Pulitzer of course, but more than anything she has always been driven by a raging sense of fury that the world can and should be better than it is. That's what drew her to investigative reporting in the first place. Being the unofficial Damsel of Metro City put her front and center and meant that she was able to open a lot of doors much earlier in her career than she would otherwise have been able to. So of course she's leveraged that notoriety every which way she can. But what she truly loves is seeing the outcomes of her work. The changes she can directly impact. The anti-homeless spikes being torn out, the recognition of the Sanitization Union right to safe work practices, maternal leave being expanded into full parental leave for all partners for the city. Those are the things that she's proudest of. She's never needed to be in front of the camera for them. </p><p>But it helps. And she loves what she does. Loves reporting on giant lasers and mecha battle suits with ridiculous pun names as much as she loves the moment where she's pulling information together and it click-click-clicks into a cascade of understanding and information and action.</p><p>Being a damsel for Megamind and whatever two-bit hero Wayne has decided on gives her a high enough profile that it continues to be the most significant way she can impact the world. And Megamind respects that. Which is surprising in and of itself and is certainly more than she can say about any other partners she's had over the years. Hell there was the time he kidnapped her two days after her last semi serious relationship ended and wound up letting her yell for the better part of an hour about self entitled bastards who thought they were entitled to control her time (present company excepted of course). Jonathan had been introduced to her via one of Aunt Helen's friends. Roxanne had thought she was getting a sometimes date to keep their families quiet. Jonathan had thought he was getting a little housewife in training once he broke her of that pesky job and damsel thing. They didn't even make it six months and it had not ended well. </p><p>Megamind had sat in his chair while she sat in hers and actually listened while she ranted for forty minutes about how unfair it was that her ex's base level banking job that could be done by an orangutan with a calculator was somehow considered superior to her years of hard work and networking and stories that made a verifiable impact on people's lives.</p><p>At one point he'd given her the barest smile, nothing more than a quirk of his lip and said, "Miss Ritchi I'm astounded to realise I'm actually glad you've not already given into the seductive glamour of supervillainy." And Roxanne had stopped mid sentence about her rage over being expected to menu plan and do groceries and cook when she was the one working odd shifts not to mention pulling more hours anyway, before he continued, "Otherwise I'm fairly certain you'd already rule the world through rage sheer force of will alone."</p><p>It was the most genuine she'd ever seen him up until that point in their respective interactions and she'd blinked at him in silence until he offered to let her fire one of the giant lasers to blow up the last box of stuff he'd left at her apartment, provided she became his Evil Queen of course.</p><p>She'd laughed so hard she nearly started crying and that had been somehow more cathartic than all the ice cream and sad romantic movies and sympathetic noises from her coworkers combined.</p><p>There were very few people who had ever accepted that her love of making a difference couldn't really be divorced from who she was as a person. The phrase, third wheel with my own girlfriend had been thrown around by more than one partner. So how come the supervillain had understood that?</p><p>If only that damn pardon had actually been worth something. But its not enough to keep him safe, to let him consider staying... she needs to keep her focus on keeping her job.</p><p>But hey, they're friends aren't they? And she'll still get to see him every kidnapping once this is all sorted out. That's got to be worth something right?</p><p>God damn it she must have it bad thinking like that. </p><p>But she'll take what she can get so... yeah. If he can't get free with the pardon.</p><p>Damsel it is.</p><hr/><p>"Can I ask you something?" Roxanne says when Megamind emerges from the bathroom in the same charcoal and oxblood combination from their first day in Vegas. She's in a sky blue dress with fiendishly fiddly buttons she keeps twisting between her fingers.</p><p>"Of course," He's covered from collar to wrists, looking deadly with spiked cufflinks and a collar chain she itches to run her fingers over.</p><p>"Do you...do you want to go back to Supervillainy?" Even if he doesn't want to be married to her, her heart still aches for the way he feels like all his beautiful blue alienness gets swallowed up by the trappings of Evil. He deserves so much more, so much better.</p><p>He hesitates for a moment, green eyes impossible to decipher, "I don't...have any other choice," he says finally, his mouth drawn tight, "Not with the way its been announced." Her face falls as he continues, "And neither do you. If you stayed married to a former supervillain you'd lose all your damsel edge and don't argue-" he held up a hand as she opens her mouth, "Roxanne please, I know how much of your career is tied up in that. Professionally you'd be ruined, you'd be blacklisted from every news station, the Council would hound you. I'm not," He looks down, "I'm not going to do that to you."</p><p>Roxanne stares at him, emotional exhaustion and hurt coalescing into a kind of sharp edged anger that feels like knives in her throat, "What kind of self-sacrificing bullshit is that?"</p><p>He can do what he has to, that's fine. She hates it, but its fine. But she doesn't want him sacrificing his happiness for her. </p><p>His head snaps up "The kind that means other people aren't trying to ruin our lives!"</p><p>"How the hell are their actions your fault?" she demands angrily, "I asked what <em>you</em> wanted."</p><p>"What I want has never mattered!" His hand slashes through the air, "So there's no point asking!"</p><p>"It matters to me!" Her voice cracks across the kitchen and he jerks, "You..." She draws in a shaky breath as she drops her gaze to the floor, "You matter to me" She mumbles. </p><p>Megamind stares at her in stunned silence. She looks like she's trying to swallow glass, her shoulders hitch and she glares at him through eyes that she keeps having to blink clear, "You matter," she repeats, "What you <em>want</em> matters. What makes you <em>happy</em> matters. And I-" she tips her head back and blinks a couple more times, "I want you to have what makes you happy."</p><p>Megamind takes two steps and wraps himself around her like a clinging vine, burying his face in her neck. She stumbles a little when he curls his legs around her waist but steadies herself on the kitchen bench.</p><p>"You-" She almost flinches back at the word then gasps and clutches him tighter, "You are impossibly and without doubt the best person I know Roxanne."</p><p>"Oh I am so not," she laughs thickly, holding onto his skinny frame. She's selfish and cynical and as has repeatedly been made clear to her over the years by family and beyond, an utter nightmare to love. But she can out-stubborn a rock when it comes to fighting for what she believes in and she wants him to find happiness so much that it hurts.</p><p>"You are!" He insists into her throat, "You are brilliant and wonderful and the second you win your Pulitzer I'm giving you a giant battle mech and sitting back with a bowl of popcorn to watch you take over the world!" </p><p>The spiked pin on his collar is digging into her cheek where she's pressing her brow to his neck but she doesn't care "Can it be shaped like a giant printing press?" She giggles wetly.</p><p>Megamind's pulls back to stare at her in disbelief and bittersweet delight at her joke, "How did I possibly get so lucky with you?" He asks incredulously.</p><p>Roxanne rubs her nose against his, "You tore down Main Street on a giant robot unicorn and nearly set me on fire,"</p><p>"You didn't run like a reasonable person,"</p><p>"Pfft. Where's the fun in that?" </p><p>Megamind laughs and presses his nose into her clavicle, "Daredevil damsel,"</p><p>"Sensational supervillain," She rubs her fingertips over the back of his skull gently and feels the purr vibrating in his chest, "If you keep doing that I'm going to meld onto your skin so you have to carry me round like this forever," Megamind warns against her shoulder.</p><p>"Ah, so you are an anglerfish," she retorts semi-dryly and he laughs, dropping down to press his head against hers in a motion that feels more intimate than a kiss.</p><p>"Will you at least try to find a way out of it?" she pleads and he sighs deeper than the ocean.</p><p>"I can't." The words drop between them like stones, "I want to," He cups her face in his hands and feels the tears slip down as she closes her eyes, "Gods below how I want to Roxanne but I can't. The risks are...<em>I can't</em>."</p><p>"But I could help?" She curls her hands around his sides, "I can do interviews and run stories and-"</p><p>"You don't do P.R." he interrupts, "You hate it."</p><p>"I would do it for you,"</p><p>"Why? The whole point of this was to make sure you can go back to a job you love. Don't-" his brow furrows against hers as she opens her mouth to argue, "Please don't make me be the bad guy for this?"</p><p>Its not fair. Its not fair to ask it of her like that. But Roxanne thrives when she has an injustice to fight and his career options are simply not worth it.</p><p>Roxanne hiccups and nods helplessly, "If you make a widow out of me I am going to be so mad at you," She sniffles, "If you won't let me help you have to promise me you'll survive." She'd hoped...but god if they're going to kill him she's not going to ask him to risk his life over her stupid heart.</p><p>"Surviving I'm surprisingly good at," He says unsteadily, brushing the tears from her cheeks and licking the salty taste away from his thumb. Roxanne's fingers dig into his rib cage, clutching him tightly, "I promise."</p><p>She holds onto him until she can speak without her voice cracking, "Still friends though right?"</p><p>"Always," He wraps her up tighter, "You're on the Ex-mas card list and everything,"</p><p>"Its been a while since you gave me a card," She jokes and he laughs helplessly into her hair, "Yes well, these ones are much less frequent," </p><p>He can feel her shoulders shaking, "Oh my god you're awful," she mumbles into his neck.</p><p>"Best of the worst," he agrees.</p><p>Roxanne lifts her head and fixes him with a glare, "You're mine," she says fiercely, "Even after you go back to villainy I'm claiming you as my friend and there's nothing you can do about it."</p><p>"I'm yours," His fingers brush her hair away from her face until he can lean his head against hers, skin to skin, "I can think of nothing greater."</p><p>Something in Roxanne's chest eases at that, "Good." She kisses his cheek quickly before she can stop herself, "Now lets go get food before Wayne shows up again."</p><hr/><p>"So how would you prefer to report on my triumphant return to my wicked ways?" Megamind asks teasingly as they walk hand in hand towards the mansion, "We can have you menaced by a malevolent machine? Imperiled by a leviathan laser?"</p><p>"Depends," Roxanne returns with a smile. "Are you going to blow up the buffet now so you can declare yourself the villain?" They are well past brunch hour, closer to lunch or afternoon tea, but all day breakfast is a serious thing so far as Wayne is concerned. So for this at least, Roxanne knows there will be real food. </p><p>"Oh don't be ridiculous," Megamind tips his head back to soak up the sunshine, "Can't do anything until we get the papers. Besides I'm going to do something really despicable to declare my return to villainy,"</p><p>"Like what?"</p><p>"Oh options are limitless," He taps the fingers of his free hand thoughtfully against his chin, "I could...return a library book late?"</p><p>"How utterly despicable," His wife grins.</p><p>"I could park in a no parking zone...Have to leave the car visible for that though,"</p><p>"Appallingly criminal,"</p><p>"Hmm...I could go around the whole city and switch all the signs on all the doors so the Push doors are marked Pull and the Pull doors marked Push,"</p><p>Roxanne stumbles into him laughing, "That one! Definitely that one!"</p><p>"I'm so glad you approve wife,"</p><p>They reach the large courtyard set into the east wing of the Mansion, Minion, Wayne and Lady Scott are hunched over one end of a table, avidly discussing drape and texture while a scattering of others such as the CEO of KMCP and several city officials are moving back and forth between seats and a fully staffed buffet with the kind of lazy overfed indulgence of "Well just one more piece..."</p><p>Roxanne and Megamind look at one another and share a nod. They've got this. It's just brunch. Brunch and maybe a few more last chances to be close to one another. What could go wrong?</p><p>That's when the Mayor looks up and says delightedly, "There he is! Megamind! The new Defender of Metro City!"</p><p><em>What.</em> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well that's one way to solve the whole "Have to go back to supervillainy" problem</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Waking Up Tomorrow - G Flip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You're going to WHAT NOW?!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter was very cruel to me and I don't want to talk about it.</p>
<p>Have a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnyLl-9IC9I</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roxanne sits stiffly in the passenger seat. Not even the treat of being awake and in the Invisible Car with all its lights and buttons and dials and she <em>was</em> right it <em>does</em> have a nitro boost, is enough to draw a reaction out of her. She was stuck somewhere about two hours prior still reeling from the fact that the person sitting beside her, her husband, a criminal mastermind with a lifetime of villainy under his studded belt, <em>Megamind</em>, was the new Defender of Metro City.</p>
<p>Fucking Wayne.</p>
<p>She curls her arms tighter around herself and digs her thumbnails into her elbows. She was aware it was possible to fuck up to a worse level than the situation she currently found herself in. Married to the man she loves, who doesn't love her, having just agreed to spend the next however long pretending to be happily married while the city gets it out of their collective system all while waiting to push through their divorce, but she's damned if she can figure out how.</p>
<p>Megamind, for his part, wasn't doing much better. He kept having to slam on the brakes as he remembered that the car was a) visible, and b) subject to the road rules of the city. </p>
<p>There weren't that many custom spiked vintage Hudsons in the city. They were fairly noticeable as they drove down the streets. He wasn't sure whether people were beeping at them in congratulations or because of his erratic driving.</p>
<p>They pause two blocks away from her apartment, waiting at a red light. A novel experience for Megamind and he casts around desperately for something to say. Roxanne hasn't looked at him since she buckled in beside him, she hasn't looked at anything, lost in a world of thought behind a single crease in her brow.</p>
<p>"So I'll see you next week?" His overly bright voice cracks half way through in the early evening and Roxanne jumps.</p>
<p>"For what?"</p>
<p>"For the kidna- oh," That's right. He wont be doing that any more. "Never mind."</p>
<p>Roxanne nods blindly, she can see her building past the lights. She folds the strap of her bag between her fingers and wishes they were driving anywhere else.</p>
<hr/>
<p>A few hours earlier...</p>
<p>Roxanne looks at Megamind and its clear from his face this is news to him too. She grabs her husband and immediately pulls him into a hug, dragging him a little away from the courtyard and its guests. Wayne is grinning at them like the cat that got the cream and she has a horrible feeling this was all his idea too.  "You're going to fucking what now?" She hisses into  Megamind's ear.</p>
<p>"I may have forgotten more of that conversation than I thought," Megamind mutters, holding onto her like a lifeline, "It doesn't matter, of course I'll turn it down,"</p>
<p>"That's not what I meant genius!" Fuck fuck fuck everyone is staring and she's happy for him, she really is! Except who is he going to fight? How is he going to kidnap her if he's the hero and she's the damsel? She doesn't <em>want</em> to be kidnapped by anybody else. She presses her lips to the corner of his mouth and breaths, "You actually agreed to be the hero?"</p>
<p>"Apparently?" He hides his murmur behind the hand cupping her face and their audience politely pretends they're not having a spectacularly intimate moment in the middle of brunch in the afternoon, "I'm a little worried I forgot something else. Did I buy an orphanage? Promise someone my firstborn child?" He pulls back and shoots her a panicked look, "Did I promise someone <em>our </em>firstborn child?"</p>
<p>Roxanne blinks.</p>
<p>He forgot. Agreeing to give up the role he'd been playing for ten years. Agreeing to give up her as the damsel. Changing every single part of his life in one single decision and he <em>forgot</em>. </p>
<p>Admittedly he forgot about the pardon too but at least they'd never even discussed <em>that!</em></p>
<p>That's cool. She hadn't factored. That's actually reasonable. Its not like she has a say. She's the Metro City (unofficial) Damsel. Not Megamind's. Not that anyone else ever tried after he established himself as the resident Big Bad.</p>
<p>"I just don't understand how you could forget something that big?" She says quietly, her skin feels cold in the afternoon sun. Its stupid but it hurts that he apparently agreed to this without considering her at all.</p>
<p>Not like she hasn't been part of this for the last seven years or anything.  Not like getting kidnapped <strike>isn't</strike> <em>wasn't</em> the best part of her week.</p>
<p>Megamind gives a small semi hysterical laugh, "I suppose it's one way to get me to do my community service at least?"</p>
<p>"What are they expecting you to do?" Roxanne asks, bewildered, "Fight yourself?"</p>
<p>"I assume they mean all the cats out of trees and so on?" He glances up at her and away, blushing, "And...and you of course,"</p>
<p>"Me?"</p>
<p>"You know, He makes a whooshing motion with his free arm and mimics Wayne's voice, "I'm here to punch things with complete disregard for the planning and work that went into building a two story battle suit with coordinating spikes! Cheers, applause, Hero saves the day-" <strike>and gets the girl.</strike></p>
<p>"I mean..." Roxanne hesitates, "I guess?"</p>
<p>"You don't like the idea?" His arm drops. Of course he can't be the hero. What does he know about heroing? People scream <em>because</em> of him, not <em>for </em>him.</p>
<p>Roxanne shuffles awkwardly, "I mean the best part of getting kidnapped was always before the cameras came on."</p>
<p>"Oh," Megamind hunches his shoulders, "That was my favourite part too,"</p>
<p>Roxanne is very stiff, and Megamind is very still. She watches his eyes flicker from the beaming faces of the brunch crew to Wayne to the champagne bottle with its Ace of Spades logo chilling in an icebucket and Roxanne sees the recollection flare brightly in his eyes.</p>
<p>"Aces?" She asks warily and he nods with a groan. </p>
<p>"Anything else?" Fucking hell if Wayne's suggested they start a band or something together she is actually genuinely going to kill him. She's got access to a lot more lasers right now. She can probably at least singe his eyebrows. </p>
<p>Megamind pauses for a moment, obviously thinking, "I probably shouldn't play poker at the Olympus for a while," He says, shaking his head, "Probably a good thing we never went card counting, it would have been very inconvenient to get thrown out of the hotel."</p>
<p>"You say that like they wouldn't have just charged Wayne double." She retorts, swallowing around the lump in her throat and tells herself angrily that its none of her fucking business what he decides to do as long as it makes him happy. </p>
<p>Megamind looks at her nervously, still waiting for someone to start a screaming panic that he can't be a Defender, he's to blue, too alien, too Evil. Gods below he can't be the only one who sees the problem with this?</p>
<p>Who the hell ever heard of the bad guy going good?</p>
<p>He blinks at her rapidly, a sign Roxanne knows means an impending panic attack and she rests her forehead against his, "You'll make a really good hero," she smiles tremulously. She's not going to cry she is <em>not.</em></p>
<p>"Might be exciting to get to rescue you?" He tries for a grin.</p>
<p>Roxanne whirls away with a gasp and presses her hand over her mouth. Its not fair. God she's an awful fucking person. He has an opportunity to start fresh. No record, just a brand new start and the world at his fingertips and she's jealous because she doesn't want to share.</p>
<p>Megamind's face falls, "Roxanne what's wrong?"</p>
<p>She shakes her head, not trusting herself to speak.</p>
<p>"Roxanne?" He sounds worried.</p>
<p>"It's just a surprise," she whispers, turning back and hugging him so she doesn't have to try and keep a smile on her face, "I'm so proud of you,"</p>
<p>His arms come around her and his fingers stroke slowly up and down her spine.</p>
<p>"I don't have to say yes," He sounds bewildered and Roxanne holds him tighter, "No, no of course you should!" She whispers urgently, "This is your chance to get out of Villainy," she pauses, "I mean, if you want," Something occurs to her and she pulls back to stare at him, "Unless, is this going to make it worse? Other villains gunning for you?"<br/>Now its Megamind's turn to stare, "I don't...think so?" He guesses, "Taking out a hero is serious business, no villain wants to go on the run and be in hiding forever, kind of defeats the purpose of making a name for yourself.  Not to mention-" He jerks his head in the direction of the sharks-in-suits, "The lawyers are frankly terrifying,"</p>
<p>Roxanne hugs him again and buries her face in his neck. Megamind doesn't understand why she keeps hugging him like this but he's never going to complain about getting to hold his wife. His arms come around her and he rests them lightly on the small of her back, "Are you okay?"</p>
<p>"Sorry its stupid," Roxanne squeezes her fists together, "I just- I got used to thinking of you as my supervillain,"</p>
<p>"You did?"</p>
<p>She nods, the spike from his collar chain digging into her cheek, "And now you're going to be hero to the whole city." She gives a nervous laugh, "We damsels can be a bit territorial you know."</p>
<p>Here's the thing about damsels. They are there for the city. They are there to be kidnapped and there to be rescued and if worst comes to worst they are the ones the hero is supposed to lose if the villain really goes off the rails, but they are always always on the side of good.</p>
<p>Sometimes though, when you spend a lot of time hanging around with just one side of a nemesised pair that line about whose side you're on gets a bit blurry. Roxanne had spent seven years as the Metro City damsel. It was a shock to realise she actually thought of herself as Megamind's before anyone else. </p>
<p>The new defender in question cups her cheek in his hand, leaning his forehead against hers, and they just breathe for a moment, "Everyone is staring at us," He murmurs.</p>
<p>"Or pretending very hard that they're not," Roxanne nods. The brunch party in question were in fact quite avidly attempting to eavesdrop while looking like they were doing nothing of the sort. </p>
<p>Everyone except Wayne that is, who was rediscovering the joys of not constantly having to worry about keeping white clean and was looking forward to a food coma nap the same way other people looked forward to sales and first dates.</p>
<p>Lady Scott on the other hand, was very intrigued by the subtle pearl necklace (another custom piece)  trailing over Roxanne's neck and unsubtly dug her elbow into her son's side so that he was forced to actually participate in something other than seventeenths and get the newlyweds over here already.</p>
<p>Wayne stuffs an entire waffle in his mouth and floats over to beam at them, "Isn't this great?" He asks with a wide grin, "Only I'm really sorry buddy," He looks at Megamind commiseratingly, "But we're going to have to start you earlier than planned. You know how the Council can be," he gives a supersized shrug, "But hey, aren't you excited?"</p>
<p>"Am I?" Megamind echoes.</p>
<p>"Well you should be! Though can I give you some advice?" Wayne claps a hand on his shoulder and leans in conspiratorially, "Always have a plan for getting out of the three am callouts unless its a real emergency." He informs them in a stage whisper.</p>
<p>"Like what?" Megamind asks, confused.</p>
<p>"I can always glue you to the headboard again?" Roxanne offers without thinking then buries her face in Megamind's neck as Wayne gives her a terribly unsubtle thumbs up. </p>
<p>"Seriously buddy, tell them that its an alien thing that you cant function after midnight or something. Those three am callouts are a bitch."</p>
<p>Three AM? Who the fuck calls on a superhero at three AM?</p>
<p>The Mayor joins them. Now that Wayne has broken the ice, more of the party is drifting over, he claps Megamind on the back with a delighted laugh,"Now we have some of the forms here for your new Defendership," he says,  guiding Megamind stumbling to a chair, "Mister Minion is your power of attorney of course but he insisted you review these as well." He pats Roxanne's arm, as he steers her husband away "You lost me quite a bit of money young lady! I swore you were going to go evil." He chuckles amiably, "Ooh I am looking forward to next year. We're going to be the biggest draw in the country with a supervillain as our new Defender!"</p>
<p>Roxanne watches him go in a stunned daze and grabs Wayne's arm, "Wayne?" She asks slowly, "Care to fill me in? What is earlier than planned?"</p>
<p>Wayne looks at her, confusion on his face, "He didn't tell you? It was in the letter and everything."</p>
<p>Chill old married couple, Roxanne reminds herself, she's not going to blow that in front of all these people, "He might have mentioned something but we had...<em>other priorities</em>," she emphasized heavily and Wayne flushed, "Right...uh well...I'm retiring, Minion and Megamind are pardoned, provided they don't commit any crimes in the city for a year and Megamind is going to be the new hero as part of his community service." He grins down at her, "Man I have gotta tell you I am so looking forward to starting a hobby, I haven't had a break in years!"</p>
<p>What.</p>
<p>"How the fuck did you manage that?!" Roxanne demands.</p>
<p>Wayne shrugs happily, "I've been thinking about retiring for a while, this seemed like a good time. And this way I didn't have to do the whole audition thing,"</p>
<p>Roxanne drags him to the edge of the patio and drags him down until he's face to face with her. He bobs awkwardly at her head height, casting a longing glance back to the buffet which was being restocked with mountains of fluffy scrambled eggs.</p>
<p>"He's a supervillain!" She flails a hand in Megamind's direction where he is currently being circled by a number of shark- er... sharp dressed lawyers.</p>
<p>"Well not anymore?" Wayne blinks and suddenly looks nervous, "Oh...were you going Evil? Shit, sorry Roxie, Megamind already said yes so I thought-"</p>
<p>"No I'm not going Evil!" She snaps, though right now the idea is very fucking tempting, is it possible to freeze a whole city in a time bubble? "And since when do you swear?!"</p>
<p>"Not the fucking hero anymore" Her former rescuer grins beatifically even as Lady Scott's head snaps around, and Roxanne cannot even handle that cognitive dissonance right now.</p>
<p>"What if we'd planned to go on a honeymoon?" She demands, "What would you have done then?"</p>
<p>"Did you?"</p>
<p>"...well we hadn't exactly finalised any plans yet!"</p>
<p>"Look Roxie, I get it," Wayne rests a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, "Being married to a hero is hard, the hours suck and you get no sleep, but you guys will be fine. You can handle it. You can handle the fu-"</p>
<p>"<em>Ahem.</em>" Lady Scott is glaring at her son who winces.</p>
<p>"-ull deal...." Wayne changes tack awkwardly, "I believe in you."</p>
<p>"Right..." Roxanne trails off and lets her gaze slide towards her husband who is blankly signing page after page of a lengthy contract seemingly on autopilot even as his eyes are flickering across the pages almost too fast to see.</p>
<p>"What's wrong Roxie? I thought you'd be happy?"</p>
<p>Happy? She should be ecstatic. This could solve everything. </p>
<p>Except for the part where they never intended to get married in the first place.</p>
<p>And they're still planning to get divorced.</p>
<p>And to announce they're separating now will definitely tarnish his brand new start. Maybe even badly enough that the city might rescind the pardon and she can't do that to him or to Minion.</p>
<p>Not to mention she's in love with him.</p>
<p>And he's not in love with her.</p>
<p>As a matter of fact the only thing it solves is Wayne's desire for free time and gets Megamind out of his career rut.</p>
<p>"Anyway come and grab some breakfast!" Wayne lifts her and flies them back to the buffet, handing her a plate piled with hashbrowns and seats her next to Max, her boss at KMCP.</p>
<p>"Congrats Ritchi," Max grunts around a coffee mug the size of a soup bowl.</p>
<p>Roxanne feels something in her collapse in relief, Max never changes, he's too invested in the prestige of having one of his reporters involved in the whole Great Battle Between Good and Evil and using it to wrangle every cent he can out of the budget to care about a little thing like her getting married.</p>
<p>"We'll set up a meeting next week," Max continues, "About your new timeslot."</p>
<p>"My new timeslot?" Roxanne blinks in confusion. Max nods and pours more coffee into his mug, "Afternoon. Four or five, we'll hash out the details this week. We'll take you off the Call Roster as well."</p>
<p>The Call Roster was emergency response. Some of the biggest stories that were happening as they happened including everything from protests to fires to heroic rescues.<br/>Roxanne pushes her plate away. "Why aren't I going to be on call anymore?"</p>
<p>"While the ex and the new guy are training side by side?" he waves at Megamind with a bacon tipped fork, "Don't make me do damage control on what the tabloids would run with Ritchi, the bosses will crucify me,"</p>
<p>"Max you know Wayne and I never really dated," She reaches for the coffee instead. Please let caffeine make this make sense.</p>
<p>"I know," Max wipes his mouth, his greased back hair oily in the afternoon light, "But you know what Channel 8 is like."</p>
<p>"Wayne literally gave me away at the wedding." Roxanne holds up the empty coffee carafe and one of the staff rushes forward with a replacement.</p>
<p>"Did he?" Max sounds delighted, "Well that changes things, if we run that along with a couple of interviews, some two on one stuff with Elaine ith you and the blue guy-"</p>
<p>"You know on second thoughts I think you're right," Roxanne interrupts, "Keeping the focus on the new hero is definitely the way to go." A few days, she reminds herself, let the city calm down and get used to calling for Megamind instead of Metro Man and then they can go back to normal, it might be nice to have a few days where she can just scream to herself and spend all day in fuzzy PJs eating icecream without having to worry about scrambling to look presentable for whatever building just collapsed. </p>
<p>Megamind catches her eye from the table and raises an eyebrow, having missed the conversation but noticed being hailed by maple glazed pork. Roxanne shakes her head slightly, this one is hers to deal with. Her husband nods and returns to the massive pile of forms that keep getting laid out and replaced in front of him. Roxanne pours him a mug of coffee, fills half of it with sugar and a dash of caramel sauce and pushes it across the table at him, Megamind takes it without looking up, the pen in his hand scribbling initials and signatures as he reads through each page, though a slightly panicked smile flickers as he tastes the caramel.</p>
<p>"Now the newlyweds angle," Max spears a hashbrown from Roxanne's plate, "That we can really run with..."</p>
<p>Roxanne tunes out at that point to apply herself liberally to every hashbrown on her plate. She cant agree to anything while her mouth is full and its also conveniently stopping her from murdering her boss with a butter knife as he extols on interviews and elopements and top ten most romantic kidnappings..."And maybe a home tour of the Lair?"</p>
<p>"Absolutely not!" Megamind and Roxanne snap in unison across the table. </p>
<p>Minion looks disappointed. Lady Scott pats his suit soothingly</p>
<p>"Well we're gonna need something," her boss shrugs, "We'll talk it out over the meeting."</p>
<p>Roxanne pours herself more coffee, a very familiar feeling of panic rising up in her chest. How the fuck are they meant to handle this?</p>
<hr/>
<p>Megamind signs the final form, wincing at the cramp in his hand. Minion has been over all of them with a fine toothed saw and Megamind knows his best fish would never let anything slip by him. But even so his brain is spinning from legalese and subcontract and addendums. He throws down the pen with a flourish and slinks out of his seat to rest his head on Roxanne's shoulder, "Ollo,"</p>
<p>"Hi," She offers him a crepe stuffed with chocolate and cream and he swallows it in two bites.</p>
<p>The Mayor is collecting the forms and beaming as the lawyers pack them into a sleek black case, "Let's hear it for Megamind! The new Defender of Metro City!"</p>
<p>There is a polite cheer that Megamind reacts to by attempting to swallow his own bodyweight in coffee.</p>
<p>"And of course his lovely blushing bride, who I'm sure is looking forward to no longer being tied to a giant laser," This cheer is slightly quieter because Max and Wayne are both sniggering. Megamind glares at them, Roxanne makes a very rude gesture at Wayne behind a giant bowl of fruit salad.</p>
<p>"This is a momentous day," The Mayor continues pompously, "Would you like to say a few words?"</p>
<p>Megamind is still glaring at his well, former nemesis now he supposes and Roxanne's boss, That is not funny. Yes he was the bad guy and of course none of <em>his </em>inventions were ever going to hurt her but she was still getting, you know, <em>kidnapped</em> and <em>tied to a giant robot</em> they could have a little respect.</p>
<p>"As a matter of fact I would," He says flatly. "Roxanne Ritchi," He takes her hand and presses a kiss to her palm and the rest of the table quiets, "Is the bravest and most incredible person in this whole city," He stares down Max who raises his hands in awkward surrender. Roxanne gives him a startled look that softens into a smile and a gentle shake of her head. He really doesn't need to defend her. She's copped worse from the rest of her coworkers. </p>
<p>Megamind is suddenly determined, how dare these people not appreciate his spectacular amazing wife? He sits up straighter and  Lady Scott makes a discreet gesture at the staff to supply everyone with champagne as he continues in a louder tone, "She has been the woman of my dreams from the first time I saw her. She is intelligent, determined, impossibly beautiful and the absolute pinnacle of journalistic integrity." He puts his arm around her chair and pulls her close, "And I love her with all my hearts!"</p>
<p>Everyone "Aws"</p>
<p>Roxanne is staring at him in shock, then her eyebrows raise and he grins, "I'm just kidding I only have one heart,"</p>
<p>The brunch attendees laugh, including Roxanne. But Megamind is on a roll now, he's got one last chance to lay his heart out and he's determined to take it and get it off his chest before they go back to normal, or the new normal, whatever that may be.</p>
<p>"And its all hers." He presses her palm to his cheek, "There has never been another woman in the world quite like her. To make her laugh has been the highlight of my career as a supervillain and I am honoured, overjoyed, and the luckiest sentient being on this planet to call myself her husband."</p>
<p>Roxanne cant speak around the lump in her throat.</p>
<p>Where the hell did this come from? She's seen him banter on the fly and he can run a mile a minute explaining how his inventions work. But this sincerity? The genuine look of affection in his eyes? Its nothing like the rambling confusion in Vegas or the uncertain conversations they've shared. Its as practiced and polished a speech as she's ever heard. She presses her lips together and gives him a hopeless look. Was this what he was doing last night? Rehearsing speeches to throw everyone off and sell the plan? It has to have been. Otherwise where the hell was this in Vegas? Or last night? Or this morning? Or any point between now and when he first kidnapped her? No wonder he was so tired this morning, he probably stayed up half the night practicing for this exact situation. He couldn't have given her some warning though? Her stomach is roiling from the unexpected words and she's trying very hard to keep her expression from collapsing because there's no way in hell he means any of this.</p>
<p>Really he must be a better liar than she gave him credit for. But he's always had impeccable showmanship her husband. Of course he'd have a monologue for a fake declaration of love.</p>
<p>"She's captured me more thoroughly than any prison, and I will adore her for the rest of my life! To my wife! The most incredible woman in Metrocity!"</p>
<p>"To Roxanne!" the group echoes.</p>
<p>Megamind gives her a ridiculous grin then turns to glare at Wayne, "That's how you give a speech you overgrown blowhard," He says, a precision scalpel in each word. Wayne gives them a thumbs up and a mouthed, "Fuck yeah" Ducking behind his hand so Lady Scott doesn't see his new vocabulary. </p>
<p>Roxanne squeezes her hand into a fist until the gold ring digs into her fingers and she can breath around her panic. He didn't mean it. Of course he didn't, how could he? He never said a thing about having any kind of feelings for her when they've been alone. Only in front of other people. Only as part of the plan. Her heart wants to fall out of her chest and shatter on the floor.</p>
<p>Megamind on the other hand feels light as an atom. He said it. Its out. She doesn't feel the same of course but its out. Its off his chest. He told her he loves her and he can spend the rest of his life treasuring this one weekend and probably failing forever at getting over her. </p>
<p>Hmm...</p>
<p>He might not have thought this through. He looks at his wife and freezes. Roxanne has her hand over her mouth to hide her trembling lips, she blinks to try and clear the tears in her eyes.</p>
<p>Megamind sees one tear fall and catches it with his lips, "You don't have to cry" he murmurs, "That should be enough to get you out of saying anything." Roxanne's breath hitches and the party all starts glass tapping again so she throws her arms around his neck to kiss him because how can she not?</p>
<p>Megamind tastes the salt from her tears and his heart cracks because she's crying and he's hurt her. He should never have said those things. She deserves to hear them from someone she chose to marry.  He's made it worse for her now. How selfish of him to say all that.</p>
<p>"Don't worry," he whispers, "I won't embarrass you like this in public again."</p>
<p>Roxanne flinches and her fingers curl into his collar. For a moment she could almost have believed him. But then again when was the last time anyone loved her so easily?</p>
<p>She stands suddenly and everyone pauses, half expecting another speech, but she turns and heads inside to find a bathroom, mumbling an awkward, "Mascara's not waterproof" at Lady Adelaide who winks and directs her down the hall to the right.</p>
<p>Roxanne slams the door shut behind her and runs cold water over her wrists as she bites her lip. Stupid heart, shut up, he didn't mean it. If he meant it he would have said so to her, not to her boss and the mayor and their hosts. She splashes water over her face and pulls her professional veneer on like a pair of wet jeans, slowly and with a great deal of mumbled swearing. She strides out of the bathroom gnawing anxiously at her knuckle, entirely uncertain how she's going to address this when the person she wants to see least blocked her path to the patio, "Hey Roxaroonie!"</p>
<p>Oh look its the peeping cameraman.</p>
<p>Roxanne gives him her worst I-haven't-had-enough-coffee-and-I-will-rip-your-spine-out-your-nostrils glare but Hal didn't notice, the remains of his shattered camera still swinging from his neck as he have her a wide grin.</p>
<p>"Its gonna be so great just you and me in the van all the time!" Her creepy coworker bounces on his toes, "No more getting kidnapped! We'll see each other more than you and the other guy probably! I'll be like your work husband!"</p>
<p>Excuse the fuck what now?</p>
<p>"Why wouldn't I get kidnapped Hal?" Roxanne snaps.</p>
<p>"Because you're married to the hero?" Hal's head tilts "It's like one of those rules or something? From that handbook?" </p>
<p>Roxanne stills.</p>
<p>Shit.</p>
<p>The worst person you know just made an excellent point.</p>
<p>Roxanne Ritchi is really, really bad at being a damsel. She's never played by the rules from the moment she nearly got herself set on fire reporting live on a giant robot being driven by a rampaging lunatic with a manic grin and eyes she wants to drown in.</p>
<p>But there are some rules that not even the amount of money she could get Wayne to throw at them or how many giant lasers she may or may not now have access to, she is still bound by.</p>
<p>No one talks about it. For a while it hadn't even been a thing. But the Defenders Council got uppity a few years back when they realised there was real money to be made on the Damsels as well as the Heroes and what better way to create demand than to have a regular turnover with a new edition every few years. So they'd resurrected the Handbook.</p>
<p>The Fucking Damsel Handbook. which read like it was written in the fifties by a constipated etiquette teacher with a fetish for reading Home Owner's Association Minutes.</p>
<p>The Fucking Damsel Handbook with its shining golden shit of a rule of "No damsel, on becoming married to a Hero, may retain her role due to the possibility of risk to any pending offspring."</p>
<p>Because that's definitely something that people who turn something that's half stunt-work half firefighting while bound like Houdini without the escape part into careers are not capable of dealing with like a fucking adult. </p>
<p>Roxanne had seen some of the best and most engaging damsels get shunted to one side as soon as they were married to the hero, or occasionally a sidekick. Not like those women (and a few men and a couple that were neither or both) weren't professionals, skilled and seasoned and had a decent working relationship with the villains <em>which is how you stop them blowing up the city in the first place!</em></p>
<p>Hell even the ones who got together and made a concerted effort to declare the ruling void and null (no one told the heroes to stop heroing when they get married) got shot down when it was decided the wording from the sidekicks agreement didn't extend to cover "noncombatants".<br/>No wonder the Defenders Council hadn't just shown up and hauled her away already. They were probably salivating at the chance to install an official damsel with licensing deals and a toy line ready to go. </p>
<p>Well the hell with that. Roxanne "Unofficial Damsel" Ritchi earned her place and she's not giving it up for some external blow in who wouldn't know a battle suit from a beryllium laser.</p>
<p>Besides, its not like Megamind meant a single word of his speech. Who'd have thought she'd actually start looking forward to the divorce forms.</p>
<p>Hal laughs brayingly, dragging her out of her thoughts, "Man that book had some crazy stuff" He actually <em>leers</em> at her, "That whole thing about finding a "discreet attendant?" Who would have thought they were so much less uptight in the good old days."</p>
<p>He did not just-</p>
<p>Roxanne's eyes blaze. "Hal." She snaps and holds up her left hand, pointing at her ring, "Married. Off limits. Not interested."</p>
<p>Hal recoils a little from her glare, "But he's not even human!"</p>
<p>"I am astonishingly well aware of that!"</p>
<p>She steps forward and yanks the camera from Hal's neck. The cord snaps as she rips out the SD card and drops both to the floor, "And if I <em>ever,</em>" she growls, grinding her heel over first the SD card and the camera in turn as Hal yelps and stares in dismay, "Catch you recording any kind of footage of myself or my husband again that is not work related or without our absolute permission I will end you like I just ended your camera. Is that understood?"</p>
<p>Hal gazes miserably at the shattered plastic and glass on the marble tiles and scowls, "Whatever Roxy, you didn't need to be such a bitch about it." He shoves past her away from the direction of the patio and Roxanne doesn't bother to tell him he's going the wrong way.</p>
<p>Hopefully he winds up in the hedge maze and gets lost.</p>
<p>Roxanne stomps on the SD card one more time for good measure and pulls herself together to head back to the brunch party.</p>
<p>She enters and catches Megamind's eye from where he's talking with one of the lawyers and Minion. He frowns when he sees her and leaves the conversation without a word,</p>
<p>"Are you alright?" he asks, wrapping her hand over his and she shakes her head.</p>
<p>"Something wrong?" He asks, concerned. Roxanne swallows every single problem down and gives him a fixed smile. Oh no. She is not fucking this up for him. He'd drop heroing in a hot second if he thought it would impact her career. She can handle this as soon as the forms arrive. </p>
<p>"No," She mutters, "But my head is killing me. I want to go home" She wants to go back to Vegas. Wants to go back to her own house. Wants to wake up in the chair with the bag on her head where everything makes sense and she knows where she fits in the world again. </p>
<p>Megamind nods slowly, "Okay. I'm fed up with all this anyway," he gestures around the patio where Wayne is regaling Lord Scott and the Mayor with wedding details.</p>
<p>Two of the staff go to collect their things from the guesthouse and Megamind extracts the keys to the Invisible Car from Minion.</p>
<p>Roxanne buckles into the car and waits for Megamind to mention the fact that he wont be kidnapping her anymore.</p>
<p>Or rescuing her.</p>
<p>Or having anything to do with her professionally.</p>
<p>If Hal of all people knows about the Fucking Handbook (it was now officially capitalised in her head) then there was no way Megamind doesn't know.</p>
<p>She's never been so upset about a conflict of interest in her life. </p>
<p>Of course, he's the hero now, the damsel is supposed to be in love with the hero. But a hero who drops heroing because his temporary wife has a conflict of interest with her worklife is not going to go down well with the city. Hell they might even rescind the pardon. No no no she is not going to wreck this for him she is NOT. Four weeks to get him established, a quiet separation and then he can start rescuing her after she re-announces her damselhood. Easy peasy. </p>
<p>Lemon squeezy</p>
<p>Hearts in broken pieces-y.</p>
<p>Fuck this is why she failed Poetry 101.</p>
<p>But Megamind says nothing, just drives them back towards the city, occasionally remembering that things like speed limits, do in fact now apply to him. Privately stewing in his own mire of misery that he opened his chest and offered his heart on a silver platter and the first thing his wife did was run from the room in tears.</p>
<p>
  <em>She did kiss you first.</em>
</p>
<p>People were tapping glasses she was supposed to.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh. Right.</em>
</p>
<p>Good going genius. Way to impress the woman of your dreams.</p>
<p>There is a small crowd of movers and a van directly in front of her apartment, Megamind cuts a quick block and switches the invisibility back on between one street and the next and pulls up beside a fire hydrant. One last evil act. </p>
<p>They park outside her apartment and Megamind doesn't look at her, eyes flicking at the traffic and around the street where a moving van is backing up slowly.</p>
<p>"Do you want to get coffee?" Roxanne blurts, one hand on the door, not looking at him. Maybe they can start again with coffee. Have an actual date. They're already married. The damage is done.</p>
<p>She's out of the game now. You can't stay a damsel if you're married to the hero and now the whole city knows which means the only time she's going to see him again is if she manages to get an interview. And that means either chasing him around the city in the van with fucking Hal or after he's just rescued someone else. And of course they promised to keep this low key so they cant even use being deliriously in love newlyweds as an excuse.</p>
<p>Not gonna cry, not gonna cry.</p>
<p>"I don't know if I could stand to drink coffee right now Roxanne," How is he meant to go back to just coffee when the taste reminds him of his wife?</p>
<p>"No I meant..." she trails off. Of course, he's sick of her. He's got a brand new fresh start waiting and she's old baggage dragging along behind him. God they're going to have to figure out how to make her a damsel again too. Assuming he's willing to put up with her for that. "I'm sorry."</p>
<p>God she just wants to die.</p>
<p>"For what?" His hands are clenched on the wheel. Don't reach for her, don't touch her. You promised. You had your three days, you got four even, and its over.</p>
<p>"We should have taken care of this earlier." Its her fault. If she hadn't been greedy and suggest they stay married they could have gotten divorced on Friday. Why didn't they sort this out earlier? Past Roxanne is a bitch and not to be trusted.</p>
<p>"I...yes,"</p>
<p>"I'll let you know when I get the papers then." she says.</p>
<p>Megamind nods, of course, that's what she meant by coffee. Sign the papers and go back to being villain and damsel. Except he's already agreed to be the new superhero of Metro so he's going to have to rescue her anyway and isn't that just another vicious twist of the knife. </p>
<p>Roxanne swallows back tears and nods awkwardly, then gets out of the car and goes inside. </p>
<p>There are removalists parked beside the building. He's going to have to either move or turn the invisibility off. </p>
<p>He moves.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Long Loud Hours - Urthboy and Bertie Blackman</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I got no one else to turn to<br/>And I really don't wanna burn you<br/>But you're all I have, will you set me free?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Who doesn't want to hear a song about the true story of a librarian stealing a helicopter and busting a guy out of jail?<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gWPyYcD1pc</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By some miracle Roxanne sees none of her neighbors in the lift or along the corridor into her apartment. She unlocks her door, pushes it open and stares.</p><p>Boxes.</p><p>Boxes everywhere.</p><p>Her dining table is missing and her bookshelf bare. Her fridge is gone and so is her couch. The kitchen cabinets hung open, rings of dust around where her platters and containers usually sit. </p><p>What the fuck?</p><p>There is a knock at her door. She scrambles to open it hoping hoping...</p><p>Marla Anderson, the Mayor's personal assistant is standing there. Roxanne feels her stomach plummet seventeen stories to the ground.</p><p>"Good evening Roxanne," Marla steps inside, glancing around her apartment, Roxanne lets her walk in, her feet frozen to the floor, "Now I understand the congratulations are in order but I'm afraid with your new status as wife of Metro City's Defender your damsel benefits are no longer in effect."</p><p>"They aren't?" Roxanne says blankly.</p><p>"I'm afraid not." Marla smiles and looks at Roxanne's balcony with a proprietary air, "You were unofficial so most of it wont affect you but the city does require that we repossess your apartment."</p><p>"Hang on what? Why are you taking my apartment?"</p><p>"Its all on your lease," Marla hands her a copy of a form as a team of burly removalists follow her inside to continue packing up her furniture. Roxanne stares at the form in her hand. Its a copy of her lease, the relevant passage highlighted. Standard damsel wording; In the event of the damsel marrying the hero of the city, the damsel is no longer considered an active member of The Game and will relinquish ownership of any and all benefits including Damsel Insurance and subsidized accommodation.</p><p>That does include this apartment</p><p>Roxanne is pushed to one side by a pair of men who give her broad grins and mutters of "Congratulations" as they move her bookshelf into the hallway. She creases the paper between her fingers to stop herself screaming. "Are they moving everything today?" Her voice is light and brittle in her ears.</p><p>Marla looks away from her contemplation of the kitchen, obviously deciding whether she'll be replacing the curtains, "Oh no, this was the last trip for today. Unless you want to authorize the cost of them staying past five?"</p><p>"No." Roxanne croaks, "No they've done enough for today."</p><p>Fine. This is just...fine. The movers wont work past five she'll just stay here tonight and figure something else out tomorrow because she really needs to sit in her shower and wallow in her emotions for a while. Roxanne pushes past Marla and heads for her bedroom.</p><p>Her bed is gone.</p><p>"Oh yes, that was one of the first things to go," Marla offers helpfully, "I have the card for the storage unit here," she presses a card and a unit key into Roxanne's hand. "We've already arranged to have the storage costs debited from your remaining rent for the month."</p><p>Roxanne very nearly loses her temper and her bond trying not to punch a wall. Instead she stalks into the bathroom and starts scooping up her toiletries. She pulls out the jeans and shirt she'd left in there for after work...shit was it only four days ago? And throws them on, bundling her shampoo and cleanser into the blue dress, then rolling everything into a ball before storming back out.</p><p>Her chest of drawers is already gone but her hanging clothes are still in their closet. Roxanne pulls out her largest suitcase and starts stuffing everything that will fit in. Its not a lot. Her gym gear, the fancy dresses she has for the occasional Scott Family Event and a few sets of work clothes. She thinks a little hysterically about the suitcase of ridiculously expensive and very nice clothing courtesy of Wayne in what used to be her living room and yanks the fancy dresses back out to shove the basket of clean washing still sitting in her laundry instead. Marla continues pacing out her apartment. Apparently property of the city means property of the mayor's assistant. What Marla is going to do when a new villain shows up and the apartment has to be evacuated for the new (oh fucking shit) damsel for her (god fucking dammit) husband to rescue, who the fuck knows.</p><p>Roxanne slams back into the bathroom, bites the fleshy part of her palm as hard as she can for a moment and screams silently. Then she storms back out to find Marla running her hands over the kitchen bench. </p><p>"I trust the cleaning fees will be covered by the city given I haven't been provided with notice of eviction?" she bites out acidly.</p><p>Marla looks like she's about to argue but you don't spend seven years around a supervillain, including the last four days as the wife of one without learning how to make a smile look like a promise of violence.</p><p>"Of course we will" She answers, flustered and Roxanne's teeth disappear behind her lips.</p><p>"Wonderful. You can call me a cab while I'm on my way down." She clenches the storage key in her hand until the metal bites into her fingers and carries both her bags to the elevator.  </p><p>At least her laptop is still at work. But she really cant see any of her coworkers right now given half of them were at the party so where can she go?</p><p>There's really only one option. </p>
<hr/><p>"Minion!" Megamind's yell echoes through the Lair as he hears the telltale slap of gorilla feet returning from Scott Mansion.</p><p>"Yes Sir?" Minion looks around for his new Mistress but there is no sign of her. He assumes she must be in the Hive with the Murder.</p><p>"I cant find the ring," Megamind has a thick sheaf of paper emblazoned with the Olympus Hotel logo and is flipping through it aggravatedly. He's not about to pay any of it back, absolutely not. But he accidentally wound up with three pairs of Roxanne's shoes and her camera drone that he's going to have to get back to her (he could charge the bike and be there in twenty six minutes, that wouldn't be creepy at all). Not to mention the rest of their spending spree is currently dehydrated in the boot of the car, faint blue lines glowing around the edge of the tailgate.</p><p>"It's on your finger Sir," Minion responds, confused.</p><p>"Oh the invoice you future fish finger!"</p><p>"Miss Ritchi brought the ring herself, Sir"</p><p>"She did?" His head shoots up, then falls back to the list. If she paid for it...its hers...he's going to have to give it back, his hand curls into a fist.</p><p>"Yes she was quite picky, she almost missed getting her hair done." Minion is beaming, he has an appointment set up tomorrow with Lady Scott and some of her cronies to discuss silk imports and scout some locations for his couture house. He's looking forward to it very much but right now he's even more excited that he has Sir and Miss Ritchi, does she mind that he calls her Ma'am? He hopes not. Anyway he has two bipeds at home to care for and he's been menu planning for days. "Does Ma'am know what she feels like for dinner?" </p><p>Megamind sighs and lets the invoice scatter over his desk with a sullen shove, "Miss Ritchi has gone home,"</p><p>Minion blinks, gone home? Not come home? "Why?"</p><p>"We were never meant to get married on Thursday Minion," They were never meant to get married at all. "She has her own apartment." Megamind's arms close around his chest and he glares at the floor.</p><p>"But Sir!" Well this is annoying, if he'd known they were having dinner at her house he would have planned something a little more portable, "Sir you are finally within reasonable parameters for a healthy tactile relationship." He frowns down at Megamind sitting dully in his chair, "You know my suit doesn't really prevent touch starvation."</p><p>"I am well aware Minion!" Megamind snaps, "We will be meeting...later," Once she has the forms and they can get the divorce finalized, "She just...wanted to go home for a while,"</p><p>Minion frowns, but perhaps that's reasonable. Miss Ritchi probably needs to make sure she didn't leave the lights on and fetch her work laptop before she comes over. Though he doesn't understand why Sir didn't just wait and give her a lift. "Alright," he says slowly, "I'll get started on dinner then,"</p><p>Megamind waves a tired hand and slumps down further, waiting until he's alone to put his face in his hands and try not to scream.</p>
<hr/><p>Roxanne jumps into the cab waiting outside and directs the driver to  head for the industrial district. She's been kidnapped enough times she has a rough idea where the Lair is, she just needs to find it. She jumps out in what feels like roughly the right area and her attempt at paying the fare is waved off as a "wedding present for the bride" which ahaha <em>fuck her life</em>.</p><p>She waves off the cabbie and starts walking, looping a pair of slightly damaged pumps over the top of her suitcase and listening for <em>bowgs</em>, trying not to feel like the world's biggest loser for throwing herself on the mercy of her former supervillain, current husband who wouldn't even look at her when she said goodbye.</p><p>What is she doing? What is she thinking? Just hoping she can find a supervillain's secret lair because she's too much of a coward to tell the city they're not married-married and just get a hotel room or something. </p><p>It takes almost an hour of wandering but the Secrit Entrance doormat feels like a sign.</p>
<hr/><p>"Hey,"</p><p>A hesitant voice drags Megamind's concentration away from his bare hand where its resting on his work bench. He's been contemplating just cutting his finger off rather than removing the ring. He's fairly certain it would hurt less. He tried hiding it under the glove, but the leather wont fit. The pressure keeps reminding him its there. That its not his. That he's not allowed to keep it.</p><p>He looks up and sees-</p><p>Roxanne.</p><p>His wife.</p><p>Roxanne with a suitcase and that awful gaudy ring bright against where her knuckles are white from clutching her bag strap.</p><p>"Ollo" he says blankly because why is Roxanne here? Why is she here with a bag and its not the one she left Vegas with and in different clothes and what is going on?</p><p>"So uh," she takes a deep breath, "Turns out I'm not allowed to keep my apartment if I'm not the damsel anymore."</p><p>Megamind feels his brain stutter, "Why aren't you the damsel?"</p><p>"Because I'm married to the hero?" she says awkwardly, "Its kind of against the rules?"</p><p>"There are rules?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>So she's his wife and he wont be rescuing her. Megamind can't decide if that's better or worse.</p><p>"Why are you here?"</p><p>And Roxanne is feeling fucking awful okay because he doesn't look happy to see her, he didn't even even seem to be aware that she's not the damsel anymore. Or he just doesn't care. She's just Roxanne now and maybe that makes her less interesting or the challenge is all gone or he's just sick of her after four days or she completely fucked things bursting into tears over a fake declaration of love but he's back in his leathers and looking dangerously still so she's feeling a little emotionally fragile when she snaps "Look can I stay with you or not?"</p><p>"Can you...stay?" Megamind repeats blankly because she's <em>here</em>. She found the Lair, found him, <strike>she came back to him.</strike></p><p>"I don't-" she grips her bag tighter, "I don't really want to deal with all of " she jerks her head in the direction of the city, "Out there right now. And I really don't want to try and get a hotel room when everyone in the city knows we're married and would be asking where you are before I start apartment hunting."</p><p>He just blinks at her and her shoulders sag as she looks down. Stupid idea coming here, <em>stupid stupid stupid.</em></p><p>"Yes! Yes of course! Please stay!" Megamind finally wakes up enough to jump out of the chair and hop towards her over a semi constructed laser, "Yes stay as long as you like!" He reaches for her then drops his hand awkwardly. <em>Stay forever please stay forever.</em></p><p>Roxanne's face breaks into a relieved smile because she was this close to tears if he said no. "Okay great, thank you" she tugs on the handle of her bag, "Got somewhere I can stash this?"</p><p>"Absolutely!" There is that store room beside the lounge he can clear out to stay in so she can have his room except that's where the only bathroom is but oh well he can just drag in the couch and-</p><p>"Oh Ma'am I thought those were your bags outside," Minion's voice breaks in and they both jump and look at him, "I'll have them put in Sir's room right away,"</p><p>Roxanne jumps then laughs a little, "Thanks Minion," Because of course Minion doesn't know which means she's still his wife here too and fuck she just needs somewhere  to curl up and have a good cry before they try to get their lives back in order. </p><p>Then Megamind's arm comes around her shoulders and pulls her in and he lets her thunk her head on his shoulder and she knows its for Minion's benefit but fuck it feels good to lean on him for a moment. </p><p>Megamind has never been more grateful for Minion than at this very moment as he wraps his arms around his wife and runs his fingers through her hair. She sighs and leans bonelessly against him, then tilts her head to give him the worlds most awkward smile which Megamind returns nervously. Minion is still there so this is clearly the perfect opportunity to practice hello kisses, he tilts his head to brush his lips hers. Roxanne gasps and presses into the kiss.</p><p>Its like a damn breaking and suddenly he has to have her closer, has to feel her skin. He slides his hands up to cradle her head and begs her with lips and tongue to <em>stay stay please stay.</em></p><p>Minion makes a strategic withdrawal when Roxanne pulls her bag off her shoulder so she can wrap both arms around his neck.</p><p><em>Bowg! Bowg! Bowg!</em> There is a thump and crash and two brain-bots come careening into the room, each with a slightly damaged plain black heel in their jaws.</p><p>Megamind and Roxanne jump apart and duck as one of the bots pulls a hairpin turn and tries to pull the other shoe from its sibling's teeth.</p><p>"Are those yours?" Megamind scowls suddenly, "Search! Destroy! Drop those right now!"</p><p>Glowing eyestalks look at one another, then back at Megamind and Search and Destroy start slowly backing up, jaws crunching down on pleather stilettos.</p><p>"Don't run away! We talked about Miss Ritchi's shoes! Drop them or Daddy will be very cross with you!"</p><p>"Wait!" Roxanne holds her hands up and the bots fly over to hide behind her. She snags one of the shoes from Destroy who tugs back on it wriggling its claws delightedly, Tug-o-War! Tug-o-War is fun! "No I'm not- I don't want it back Des, I just want to-" Roxanne peers at the heel then lets go, "No its fine they can have those,"</p><p>"No." Megamind has his arms folded and taps his foot impatiently, "They know the rules, no shoes." He snaps his fingers and points at the floor, "How did you two even get those?"</p><p>Roxanne raises her hand hesitantly, "Uh...that's kind of on me?"</p><p>Megamind gives her a puzzled look and the bots take the opportunity to escape to the beams in the ceiling with their prizes.</p><p>"I had to find the Lair somehow?" she says, "I don't exactly have your number," </p><p>Megamind deflates, "Oh, right," He rubs a hand awkwardly over the back of his head, "I don't exactly have a phone,"</p><p>"Oh," Well that explains why he never offered her his details, "We should probably do something about that,"</p><p>He scoffs slightly, "What kind of carrier would offer a contract to a supervill-huh..." He trails off and looks excited suddenly, "I could get a phone! I've never had one that wasn't a burner before!"</p><p>Is that cute or is that devastating? Roxanne gives him a half smile, "You could get one for Minion too?"</p><p>"What are we getting me?" Minion clumps back in and sighs when he sees Search and Destroy, "Oh dear,"</p><p>"Minion! We can get phones!" Megamind bounds over excitedly. Minion gives him a look, "We have phones Sir,"</p><p>"Not burners, actual phones! For repeated use! And not just setting off explosives!"</p><p>It is concerning how adorable Megamind looks while talking about blowing stuff up.</p><p>"Oh!" Minion looks delighted, "Yes that would be very handy Sir," He waves one flat steel hand behind him, "Are you ready for dinner?"</p><p>Roxanne looks at Megamind who shuffles awkwardly, "Minion has been looking forward to taking care of more than just me," He says half apologetically and offers his arm.</p><p>She takes it and summons a smile, "Dinner sounds great,"</p>
<hr/><p>When the plates are cleared and two of the home murder are on dishwashing duty the silence gets awkward again. Roxanne twists her ring around her finger and glances at her husband under her lashes.</p><p>"Do you want a tour?" Megamind asks. Minion has disappeared and he wants to be a horrible terrible person and track him down so he has an excuse to kiss his wife again.</p><p>"Honestly?" Roxanne bites her lip against temptation, "I would love to but right now I'm so tired you'd probably have to carry me or I'll fall into the alligator pit."</p><p>"Understandable." He nods, the sudden mental image of carrying her bridal style through the Lair taking up an excess of brainspace, "Some parts of the Lair are under reconstruction so its probably better not to go exploring alone right now." He stands and holds out his hand, "Come on, I'll show you where you can sleep."</p><p>Megamind's room is simultaneously extremely him and not at the same time. </p><p>The bed is ultramodern with a black leather headboard and silky dark grey sheets. But its also covered in a mound of the coziest looking purple blankets Roxanne has ever seen in her life. It also happens to be jammed in a corner against two walls because there are books <em>everywhere</em>.</p><p>There are hundreds of novels, science journals and sketchbooks, jammed two deep in the shelves and stacked neatly around the floor. The one side table beside the bed holds piles of paper and pens. The papers are a mishmash of sketches and blueprints and notes. One door opposite the bed leads of to a utilitarian bathroom that wouldn't look out of place at a roadside motel, and another to a closet even larger than the one from Vegas. Which makes sense now Roxanne investigates the number of spiked gauntlets and mantles that would obviously catch on one another if jammed together. He has an entire rotating rack just for capes that she may be a little jealous of.</p><p>Megamind watches her explore, sliding books off shelves and setting her bag down on top of the chest of drawers against one wall with the kind of restrained inquisitiveness that tells him she'd be tearing through everything in delight if these were any other circumstances.</p><p>Roxanne here, in his bedroom. Looking curiously at his books and not at him and its better than a fantasy and worse than a dream all at once. How many times has he imagined her slipping away during some evil plot and turning the Lair upside down only to find her here, curled up asleep in his bed. And he would wake her, sometimes gently, sometimes not, but every time her eyes would change from surprise to warmth and she would pull him down on top of her. She would sink her teeth into his shoulder and slide her hand between them and show him how to make her come. Or she would put her head on his chest and say something about how no one would know if they just lay here together and took a nap for a little while.</p><p>In hindsight be probably should have figured out he was in love with her a lot sooner.</p><p>"Did they really repossess your apartment while we were-" In Vegas, married,  "Away?" Megamind asks, watching her poke around his room. Thank the Evil Gods Minion cleaned. He's fairly certain he hasn't seen the floor in here for six months. His poor sleeping habits mean he has a tendency to just grab a project and work on it until he's warm and awake enough to actually get up.</p><p>"Yeah,"  Roxanne looks like she wants to sit but hesitates, looking at the bed. "Though I think it was more the city council wants to not have to pay my rent and Marla wanted an upgrade,"</p><p>"Well that's just rude," Megamind scoffs.</p><p>"I know right?!" Roxanne throws her hands up, "I think they were actually planning to bill me for the cleaning too!"</p><p>"Shocking. Minion would have done it for free,"</p><p>She snorts a laugh and shoves her hands awkwardly in her pockets, scuffing her toes on a rag rug that looks like its made from old prison uniforms, "Thanks for letting me crash," she mumbles feeling suddenly like an intruder.</p><p>"What's yours is mine remember?" Megamind shrugs, "I'll go get some more blankets"</p><p>"Why?" Roxanne glances at the bed, "You have a hundred on there already?"</p><p>"Seven, and these are so I can sleep on the floor."</p><p>"I'll sleep on the floor, its your house."</p><p>"Yes and you're a guest, of course I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor,"</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"Ma'am I've hung your clothes in the wardrobe and laid out two outfits for tomorrow for you" Minion pushes the door open without knocking, cutting off the dispute. Megamind doesn't react but Roxanne jumps.</p><p>"And I've arranged for the bots to organize the space in the next room as a separate wardrobe," The fish continues, "Though I'm honestly not sure all your shoes will fit and-"</p><p>"Minion," Roxanne interrupts hesitantly, "Could you please knock?"</p><p>He blinks at her, "I can, why?"</p><p>Roxanne and Megamind share a look, then blush and avoid one anothers gazes.</p><p>"We uh..."</p><p>"Sometimes we might..."</p><p>"May not be ready to-"</p><p>"Not be fit for company,"</p><p>Minion looks between them, confused, "Okay..." He says slowly, "Is this a Code: Alone Time thing?"</p><p>"Its a Code: Stop being a nosy goblin shark thing," Megamind grumps, shooing the fish towards the door.</p><p>Minion gives them a <em>sure it is</em> flick of his fins and backs out of the room, "Clothes are on the valet stand," He calls and they hear his feet slap away, his muttered, "Bipeds, honestly." Unheard by the married couple.</p><p>They both look at the bed. Somehow its growing smaller every time they look at it while taking up all the space in the room at once.</p><p>Megamind huffs a sharp breath through his nose, "I don't...mind." he avoids her eyes, "Sharing that is." he fiddles with his gloves, still tucked into his belt, "It was...nice, not to sleep alone."</p><p>It really was. Roxanne is the first to admit she had chased more than one bed partner across the mattress over the years with her sleeping octopus routine, "If you're sure?"</p><p>"As long as you promise not to kick me again," he jokes.</p><p>"Keep me pacified with hair scritches and you got a deal." she gives him a crooked half smile.</p><p>Roxanne disappears to brush her teeth and comes back to find Megamind wears button up pjs with hazard symbols at home.</p><p>
  <em>Aww</em>
</p><p>Was that a disappointed aww or an adorable aww?</p><p>
  <em>Both?</em>
</p><p>Yeah both is good</p><p>Its so much more awkward sliding into bed in the Lair. Not only are they back in the city, still keeping what they'd started in Vegas, but this is Megamind's bed in Megamind's room and some moments Roxanne thinks she's going to disappear entirely into this facade because she hasn't had a moment to herself that hasn't involved a bathroom in four days. It was easy in Vegas. There are rules there they both knew and could respect. This feels much more vulnerable. Megamind picks up a notebook and starts scribbling something while Roxanne opens up her work email on her phone and nope that is a lot of messages and she is not prepared to deal with this right now, she opens up a puzzle game instead and stares at it blindly until she cant take it any longer.</p><p>"Hey," She says quietly from where she's pressed her face into a pillow,"</p><p>"Mm?" Megamind has no idea what he's drawn. It started as a blueprint for a dual rider hoverbike that turned into equations for reconfiguring the giant laser into a fireworks cannon to a memory accurate rendition of Roxanne's generic wedding bouquet. </p><p>"Not to invade your space or anything..." Because she hasn't invaded enough of it already. Megamind gives her a look from the other side of his bed and Roxanne nearly loses her nerve.</p><p>"What is it?"</p><p>"I think I might be freaking out?" There had been two hundred and fifty seven priority emails in her inbox. Some of them from names so big she would have been singing to have them reach out to her directly if it were under any other circumstances than these. So much for worrying not being the damsel would tank her career. There was an entire city that thought they were the greatest love story since Romeo and Juliet (actually the city thought they were Benedick and Beatrice) and she really wasn't dealing well with any of it right now. </p><p>Megamind puts down his notepad and offers her a cautious hand, "Do you need me to get you anything?"</p><p>"Can I have a hug?" She muffles the words into the pillow she's pressing her face into. There is a sigh and a shifting as he slides further down into the bed. His hand brushes her shoulder hesitantly, "Do you want to sit up?"</p><p>"...no," For a moment it feels like she cant breathe and not just because she's trying to smother herself in a pillow that smells like fresh linen and sunlight and him, "Can we just? Vegas Rules? Off the record? Here?" </p><p>She can hear the frown in his voice, "You mean in bed?"</p><p>"...yeah." God she needs a time out, just for a few minutes. "Is that okay?" </p><p>"Of course. If it would make you feel better,"</p><p>"It really would," She lifts up from the pillow and slithers over until she can wrap her arms around him as tightly as possible and bury her face in his shoulder. He curls one arm around her gently and runs his hand through her hair. Roxanne tries desperately not to shake with the panic she can feel crawling up her throat. Megamind hums a little low in his throat and she wriggles down further to press her ear to his chest and listen to the flutter-thump, flutter-thump of his heart. He goes to lift his hand away but she makes a tiny noise "Keep going?"</p><p>"For how long?"</p><p>"Just for a little while?"</p><p>Megamind feels something like magnesium fire flare in his chest. He doesn't know if its good or bad, but it burns all the same, "Do you want me to leave the lamp on?"</p><p>"No," Her eyes are shut tight and Megamind waves the lights off, the room dips into cool darkness and tiny dots of blue light start to glow from the invisible mural painted on the ceiling. Greatly daring, he rests his head over hers and feels her breathe out a shaky sigh.</p><p>"It will be alright Roxanne," he murmurs into her hair, "We'll figure it out."</p><p>She squeezes him one more time then shuffles back across the bed, determined that she's not going to be the reason for a thump and a bruised tailbone again.</p><p>Sleep almost comes easy after that, until she wakes to the feeling of fingers trailing through her hair. It's a deliciously drowsy sensation but she cracks her eyes open anyway to see Megamind looking down at her, eyes luminous in the darkness of the room.</p><p>His fingers freeze. "Sorry," He mutters awkwardly. </p><p>"Why?" Sleepy Roxanne had no issues with having her hair played with. Best thing about being married.</p><p>"I woke you, I'll go."</p><p>She makes a sound of disappointment, reaching her arm out to curl over his ribcage she pushes him flat onto his back and wriggles up to lay her head on his chest. She gropes for his hand and laid it over her hair again, "Please?" she mumbles sleepily. If he woke her he should make her fall asleep again right?</p><p>His fingers twitched in her hair and then started their stroking motion again.</p>
<hr/><p>The next morning Roxanne wakes first and spends five minutes having a private panic attack because she's just figured out she quite likes her husband who doesn't love her but she's barged into his home and sleeping in his bed and still hasn't learned how to share a bed without trying to sleep caterpillar on top of him and they <em>still</em> haven't figured out how to tell the city that they're not really husband and wife.</p><p>Except they are.</p><p>Their wedding certificate was in the paper and everything.</p><p>Fuck off logic this is a private pity party.</p><p>Okay first things first she does actually need to go to the office. If nothing else work should still be the same right?</p><p>Decision made Roxanne regretfully wriggles out of her husband's arms, peels off the blankets and goes to stand. Her foot comes down on something sharp and she jumps back with a yelp, landing on top of Megamind who wakes with a shout, snatching his de-gun off the bedside table and aiming it frantically, "What? What?" He looks down at Roxanne lying half on top of him, hand curled around her foot.</p><p>"Do you have something against my feet?" she demands.</p><p>"What? No! Why?"</p><p>"Because I just stood on your motherfu-" she trails off into curses as she grips the ball of her foot.</p><p>"On my what?"</p><p>"On your mantle! Great big stupid spiky thing on the floor!"</p><p>"Oh," He drops the gun back down and flushes, "Sorry,"</p><p>"Ow! I'd rather step on a piece of Lego."</p><p>"Are you bleeding? Let me see," He gently pries her fingers away from her foot and presses against the indentations, Roxanne hisses.</p><p>"I'm sorry," He murmurs quietly, "It doesn't look like you cut yourself" His hands are gentle on her skin, "Why did you try and get out the bottom of the bed?"</p><p>"I was trying not to knock over the stack of books,"</p><p>"Ah," He gives her a mischievous look, "Of all the times I've tied you up and threatened you and this is how you finally get injured in the Lair."</p><p>Roxanne feels one side of her mouth tilt upwards, "Clearly I can't be left unrestrained here,"</p><p>He's giving her a soft awkward look and she knows it wasn't his fault so she leans over and kisses his cheek. He jerks a bit under that, "What-"</p><p>"Good morning kiss," Roxanne says blushing, "I um...practice?"</p><p>"Oh," he hesitates then darts forward and presses his own kiss against her cheek, "Good morning,"</p><p>Roxanne flexes her toes, trying to ignore the flare of warmth in her stomach, "Sorry I woke you,"</p><p>He shrugs, discretely rubbing at the bruise she's so kindly gifted his chest "Its fine, sleep is overrated," </p><p>"Says the one who gets to set his own hours,"</p><p>"It does have its advantages," He looks at her, sleep-rumpled and sitting on his bed and wonders if she'd planned to say goodbye at all, "You're leaving?"</p><p>"I need to go to work." Roxanne sighs, "Make sure they haven't repossessed my desk either," She looks at him half awake and still so fucking kissable and clenches her hand around her foot, "What will you do today?"</p><p>"I'll ah..." he trails off and blinks, "I don't know?" Sit and mope around and try to figure out if he can talk Minion into disguising himself as a supervillain so he has a way to rescue and still actually see her? "Usually I'd be clearing out for the next plot but I really have no idea."</p><p>"Sleep in?" Roxanne suggests, "Might be your last chance for a while,"</p><p>He gives the idea significant consideration, then nods seriously and throws the blanket over them both.</p><p>"Hey!" Roxanne bats at it, but Megamind pulls her to him and curls around her, "Five more minutes" He says into her shoulder and she snorts, "My alarm goes off at seven,"</p><p>"Eight more minutes and thirty four seconds then," He mumbles. Eight more minutes to hold her, please.  Roxanne relents with a stretch and a sigh, "I don't even know how to get to work from here,"</p><p>"Minion will drop you,"</p><p>"Not you?" </p><p>She can feel his grin against her back, "I've been ordered to sleep in," She gropes for his hand and pulls his arm around her waist, determined to get what small snuggles she can, "I'll try not to kick you this time,"</p><p>When Roxanne's alarm does go off she silences it immediately and slides more carefully out of bed this time. Megamind feigns sleep as she gets ready and hears the absence of sound that is her hesitation at the door. Then there is a soft sound and a blow of air "See you later," as she closes the door behind her.</p><p>Megamind opens his eyes and he gazes sightlessly at the wall, wondering if he hadn't faked slumber she'd have actually kissed him goodbye.</p><p>See you later...is she coming back?</p>
<hr/><p>Work is its own special kind of hell.</p><p>Everyone from the anchors to the cleaners stops by Roxanne's desk to congratulate her and give her some "good natured" ribbing about eloping and about what she and Megamind were really up to all that time before when she was being kidnapped. Her attempted explanations that they just talked were met with either condescending looks or gasps of "How romantic!"</p><p>And the <em>cards.</em></p><p>Her intray was already overflowing with a giant congratulations card plus a few other smaller cards from the different crews around the station when she got in. More and more trickle in throughout the day. Gifts from the people of the city and from businesses hoping to cash in on the notoriety by inviting them to a free dinner at their restaurant or tickets to a show or a years subscription to the Metro City Orchestra performances (Roxanne might have saved that one). Eventually she had to call Reception to ask Kate and Harvey to just collect everything on her behalf and she'd pick it up at the end of the day. Hopefully Megamind finds this insane pile of cardboard funny. Someone has to.</p><p>She tries to make an escape to get coffee from her preferred cafe on the corner and realizes her mistake almost immediately given she gets accosted by no fewer than seventeen people over the distance of three shops. All of whom want to offer their congratulations, or see the ring, or get a selfie with her and look disappointed when they realize Megamind isn't there to join in. </p><p>Everything is made worse by the fact that Roxanne had just grabbed the first outfit Minion had laid out for her that morning which meant she was in vaguely 1920s inspired navy shift dress with a white sash around the dropped waist and and matching scarf at her neck.</p><p>The selfies make their way on line and Social Media explodes</p><p>
  <strong>Scarf? Scarf? Excuse me Ms Ritchi it is not scarf weather. How many hickeys did your husband give you?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He's making up for lost time. Why do you think he always wore those big collars?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I fucking called it.</strong>
</p><p>Roxanne runs back to the office.</p><p>Coffeeless and feeling just a little sorry for herself between bouts of being desperately overwhelmed Roxanne let the diamonds on her ring dig into her forehead as she thunked her head down onto her hands. She'd meant to start looking at apartment listings but she hasn't had more than twelve seconds to herself all day.</p><p>Megamind said she could stay right? Hopefully he wont mind she's there for another night.<br/>
<br/>
She groans as she pushes another silver card further into her in tray. It leaves a line of sparkling shimmer on her desk as it goes. She's setting all of this on fire as soon as possible. Would it make the bots sick to eat this much glitter?</p><p>Finally the workday is over and Roxanne is faced with the next fun task. Getting everything home.</p><p>Wrangling two tea chest sized boxes onto and off of the bus is not a fun process. Especially because Roxanne's still coping congratulations and requests to see the ring from the other passengers and the bus driver.</p><p>Four brain-bots are waiting for her at the bus stop though, and she gladly relinquishes her burdens to her little escort team to walk the remaining distance to the Lair where Minion insists she rely on him for a lift home tomorrow and informs her that Megamind has disappeared with Wayne for some kind of hero thing so its just her and fish for dinner. Roxanne spends the whole meal letting his chatter about dress shop locations and Sir's polymer fabric wash over her until a grumpy looking Megamind stalks in under the weight of a complicated jetpack that keeps hissing and spitting oil over his skin.</p><p>He stops dead when he sees Roxanne sitting at kitchen table looking over real estate listings with Minion. She has a forkful of a frankly incredible carbonara half way to her mouth as she stares back at him. Megamind drops the jetpack with a clank and his hands land on either side of her chair. He's a nanosecond away from kissing her when Minion's cough interrupts  them, "Motor oil Sir," he says censoriously, eyeing Roxanne's dress.</p><p>Megamind's head drops  and Roxanne very considerately does not throw her forkful of pasta at Minion. She teases it at Megamind instead and he bites it gratefully, then makes a face as he licks cream sauce and engine grease from his lips, "Stick to pepper," he advises with a shake of his head, "I'll go wash up." </p><p>Megamind disappears directly into the lab with the jetpack after dinner to have his own minor panic attack about Roxanne here at home in the Lair. He hasn't been able to retain a thing all day, the uncertainty of whether or not she was coming back eating up every synapse.</p><p>Roxanne continues to avoid looking at all those cards by feeding the bots a box of paperclips she smuggled in until Minion invites her to join him for a Miss Marple Marathon.</p><p>Its weirdly nice hanging out with Minion. She spends some time going through her emails, deleting the nosiest tabloid approaches and responding to a few people who she has big network cultivation plans for.</p><p>Minion makes appropriately shocked noises when she reads him out some of the graspier ones as he works on the enormous list of Thank You cards she and Megamind now owe people because apparently he's also a social secretary now. She wishes him the best with it. Some of those hand knitted baby clothes (why is that a thing people are giving them? Why?) are intricate and adorable and Roxanne is torn between panic and feeding them to Search and Destroy so she doesn't have to acknowledge their existence.  </p><p>At one point she gets up for a glass of water and when she gets back to the TV room her husband has reappeared and is lying along the couch, glaring at the television and announcing loudly, "Of course it can't be the niece! She was in Portsmouth!" His eyes cut to Roxanne and he waves at the television, "Back me up! I think its the brother!"</p><p>Roxanne shrugs, she hasn't been paying that much attention, "Budge up,"</p><p>"No," Megamind folds his arms petulantly, "Not until you pick a killer," Apparently this is a point of some contention between him and Minion.</p><p>Sighing loudly, Roxanne points without looking at the screen, "That guy,"</p><p>"That gu- That guy?! That's the Inspector! You cant just choose a random person!"</p><p>"I picked," She rolls her eyes, a smile creeping in, "Now move already,"</p><p>"Couches are for people that participate in figuring out the killer," Megamind slouches further to put his feet on the armrest.</p><p>Roxanne considers that, then turns around and sits on the middle cushion, squashing his chest into the couch. Megamind squawks and flails up, wrapping his arms around her and trying to push her back off as he laughs. Roxanne grins and reaches  down to digs her fingers into his ribs. He retaliates by tickling behind her knees and they both roll off the couch with a thump, giggling like lunatics.</p><p>"Honestly," Minion mutters as he notes down a Mrs Lara Polkadot and her gift of a lovely set of engraved salad servers. </p><p>Roxanne wriggles free and leaps for her former seat, stretching out with a triumphant sound. Megamind climbs along the top of the couch to insert himself between the couch back and his wife until he's settled against the arm rest, Roxanne's head laid on his chest, and their legs a tangled mess.</p><p>"There is a whole other end of the couch," She says dryly, making no attempt to move.</p><p>"The view is better from this angle," he retorts and wraps his arms around her, "Also I am stealing all your warmth."</p><p>"Ah now I know why you really married me," She jokes and feels him still behind her, "Yes well," he mutters, "Not all of us are endothermic," He pulls her in a little tighter and Roxanne curls her arms over his hands and wonders if its worth ruining this fun moment to discuss things like how long she's allowed to stay and rent and whether or not they should tell Minion everything. </p><p>"Jokes on you," She says instead, snuggling back into him, "I like having a cold pillow,"</p><p>He relaxes by increments, and he doesn't let go of her until its late and Roxanne is yawning widely enough one of the brain-bots tries to stick their claw in her mouth to investigate this mysterious reappearing cave and Minion orders them to bed. </p><p>That night Megamind foregoes his pajama shirt, "You're warm," he says awkwardly as he waits for her to take the side beside the wall.</p><p>Roxanne has been missing that view, "It's fine,"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Special shout out to the rest of the Megamind Fandom on Tumblr, especially Mothgender and Displacerghost for encouraging me and the incredible Owlinabasket for making fanart before the first chapter was even written!<br/>https://owlinabasket.tumblr.com/day/2020/10/21</p><p>If you want to make any suggestions or join in on the fic by committee process you can track me down at buginateacup.tumblr.com because I can and do let that direct my writing process for this fic</p></blockquote></div></div>
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